and to godliness...add mutual affection

In friendship (philia) the partners seek mutual solace; in sexual love (erōs) mutual satisfaction. In both cases these feelings are aroused because of what the loved one is. With agapē it is the reverse. God’s agapē is evoked not by what we are, but by what he is. It has its origin in the agent, not in the object. It is not that we are lovable, but that he is love.

sidebar - semantic domains

best to do your word studies from the original language.

The Bible for Everyone: Family Affection

Kermit’s word study highlights the Septuagint use in the OT as it relates to marriage.

Word Biblical Commentary, Volume 50: Jude, 2 Peter Comment

7. φιλαδελφίαν, “brotherly affection,” occurs in Christian ethical lists elsewhere only in 1 Pet 3:8 (φιλαδελφοί); Act. Verc. 2; Acts John 29 (cf. also ἀδελφότης: “brotherhood,” Herm. Man. 8:10). In non-Christian usage this word denoted family affection between physical brothers and sisters, but the early Church used it for fellow-believers, brothers and sisters in the faith (Rom 12:10; 1 Thess 4:9; Heb 13:1; 1 Pet 1:22). It is therefore a specifically Christian feature of the list in 2 Peter.

2 Peter 1:5–8 NIV

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Mutual Love is seen in the “one another” passages of the NT Letters.

1. Love one another by Forgiving Faults

Sooner or later everyone will fail you in some way. It might be a small thing or it might be a big thing.

So how do we deal with one another when they don’t meet our expectations?

The Bible indicates that we forgive them.

As I’ve studied the peacemaking principles of Christ in the Sermon on the Mount, I’ve come to the conclusion that forgiveness begins the reconciliation rather than concludes it. We need to get to the point of seeking to forgive before it is asked…not after.

Let’s look at a couple of verses to bring this out.

Romans 15:7 NIV

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

When did Christ accept you? After you asked him for forgiveness?

In actuality, Christ paid the penalty for our sins long before we ever committed them. Going back further, his plan to save us happened long before the creation of the world.

Ephesians 4:32 NIV

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

forgiveness is the core Christian Character. We who have been forgiven much are the ones who forgive others.

Matthew 18 shares the plan for dealing with a wayward brother or sister. Go to them privately. If that doesn’t work, take another person or two with you. If that doesn’t work, then get church leadership involved.

When we short-circuit this and share with others before we’ve spoken in private first, we break God’s heart and destroy a brother or sister. You’ve poisoned the well against them without ever having given them the opportunity to clear it up or change their behavior.

Matthew 18 then goes on with a parable of a servant - he was forgiven for failing to repay 10,000 bags of gold. The master forgave this huge debt. On the way out the door, he saw someone who owed him 100 silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. That man used the exact same phrase - be patient with me and I will pay it back. The wicked servant who owed a debt he could not pay, threw the other servant into prison.

2. Love one another by Building Up Strengths

One way to stop looking for faults in others is to look for their strengths - and build them up.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 NIV

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

Hebrews 3:13 NIV

But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.

Encouragement could be as simple as seeing someone doing something well and complimenting them.

Or it could be as much as dedicating some time to listening and helping them along in their life.

I’ve watched the people from the suburbs bringing food to South Minneapolis. It’s easy to spot, they usually post it on social media. That’s a helpful scene. But there are others who are helping too. They are choosing to live in racially diverse neighborhoods with the hope of being a presence and a source of hope.

James 5:16 NIV

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

When you live in an atmosphere where we forgive rather than judge, slander, and gossip about our christian family, it’s a lot easier to confess your sins. But let me tell you a not-so-secret principle: when we confess we find healing.

If you want to be built up, you’ll need to start with where you are. Confess to a trusted friend that you struggle and ask them to help you. You’ll be amazed at how you will sense freedom very quickly and then the healing will begin.

The problem in christian circles is that we don’t do well with this. And we struggle under the weight of sin that oppresses us and holds us down.

But let me encourage you - do this with a trusted friend rather than anyone and everyone. In an absence of grace, it goes bad.

3. Love one another by Teaching and Learning

Romans 15:14 NIV

I myself am convinced, my brothers and sisters, that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with knowledge and competent to instruct one another.

Colossians 3:16 NIV

Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.

To really grow, we need to hear and follow instruction. It must come from gentle leaders who understand how people grow.

As a professor of adults I’ve learned something about the difference between pedagogy and andragogy.

Pedagogy is instructions to children. And frankly, most of us try to change others by pedagogy.

Adults learn differently.

Andragogy Theory, Malcolm Knowles

Malcolm Shepard Knowles (1968 theory of Andragogy) puts forth 5 principles for adult learning.

Self-Concept - more developed than children. It allows them to take part in directing their own learning.

Past Learning Experience - they have a vast array of experiences that inform their current learning.

Readiness to Learn - they see the value in growth and education.

Practical Reasons to Learn - they are looking for problem-centered approaches to learning. It must be relevant to them.

Driven by Internal Motivation - children are motivated by punishment or rewards. Adults are internally motivated.

when Nathan confronted David for his sin against Uriah and Bathsheba, he taught David like he was an adult:

A certain shepherd had one sheep that was more like a pet than mere livestock. But his shepherd neighbor had thousands of sheep. When it came time for a feast, that rich neighbor stole the pet sheep, slaughtered it and served it to his guests.

Self-Directed question: what should be done to this thief?

Past-Learning Experience: Nathan appealed to David’s former role as a shepherd

Readiness to Learn: a role-play prepared David for the real lesson

Practical Reasons to learn: Nathan looked to David for his own approach to the problem in a relevant way.

Driven by Internal Motivation: Nathan was in a tough spot and needed David to respond out of internal motivation rather than threats. Frankly, when you correct a king, you’re already on thin ice.

Does this sound hard? The answer is yes. But it is so worth it.

I heard someone say this last week that they weren’t trusted by their spouse. One person said that they would do something. And the other person keeps nagging them every six months about it.

When we build one another up in adult to adult conversations and learn from one another, we grow. When we treat others as children using childhood teaching techniques we fail to grow.

Maybe that’s one of the reasons your marriage or your closest relationships are not working well. What if you did something different? What if you took the time to get to know their inner motivations and allowed them a part in their own change. You know what? It just might work.

Conclusion

The Lord is asking some really tough things of us. We’re not used to working this hard on relationships.

We’re heading into communion and a time of reflection:

I’ve mentioned before that there is a double-meaning to the word “body” When Jesus says to remember the body, he’s referring of course to his own body that would be broken and bled. But he’s also asking us to look around.

Sad to say, but because of our sins, we participated in the breaking and bleeding of Jesus. It is as if we were there with the crowd saying “Crucify, crucify!!”

And as we look around the room and into our relationships within the body of Christ, we too often crucify others for their sins while ignoring our own.

Today, let’s be different.

Do some inventory:

Is there someone to forgive?

Is there something to confess?

Is there something you need to learn?

Is there someone to teach differently?

Related Media

Related Sermons