Singled Out for Good

1 Corinthians 7:6-7; 17-31 Relationships: Singled Out for Good Introduction: To most Western Christians it seems self evident that marriage is the normal state. Therefore, when a post adolescent single is found within the Church, many well-meaning believers view it as their Christian duty to locate a compatible mate for that individual. Usually the result of this kind of thinking is that when this person remains single into their late twenties and early thirties, either by choice or circumstances many people try to diagnose the problem (sexual orientation, physical attractiveness, intellectual ability, social ineptitude, unduly high standards..and so on) that has trapped this single person in the unnatural and undesirable condition of being unmarried. The thought that singleness is actually good, blessed by God and could be a permanent state of one's life doesn't seem to have occurred to some Christians. Some say that among Christians the only fear greater than God sending us to foreign missions, is the call to a life of celibacy. Although most will eventually marry, statistics show that a growing number will never do so, and that many who do marry will find themselves single again either by divorce, or the death of a spouse.. For these reasons, and in light of the fact that many of the biblical characters (including Jesus), and persons of the Christian faith have been single - not to mention the Biblical teaching that singleness is gracious gift of God - The contemporary Church is in urgent need of reassessing its stance on the issue of singleness. 1. The Goodness of Singleness 1. Traditional societies tend to make an idol out of marriage because they make an idol out of the family and tribe. Therefore singles are often treated as less than. 1. Contemporary societies tend to make an idol of independence because they make an idol out of individual choice and happiness. The traditional motive for marriage has been social duty, stability, and status, the contemporary motive for marriage is personal fulfillment. Both of these are partially right - but each tend to become ultimates if the gospel has not changed your mind and heart. 2. Christianity upholds single adulthood as a viable way of life. Prior to Christianity, nearly all religions and cultures made family and childbearing a foundational cultural value. There was no honor without family honor, and there was no lasting significance or legacy without heirs. By contrast, the early church did not pressure people to marry, as we see in Paul's letters. Moreover, it supported widows so they did not have to remarry. Should they be widowed, Christian women also enjoyed very substantial advantages. Pagan widows faced great social pressure to remarry; Augustus even had widows fined if they failed to remarry within two years. . . . 3. "In contrast, among Christians, widowhood was highly respected and remarriage was, if anything, mildly discouraged. . . . The church stood ready to sustain poor widows, allowing them a choice as to whether or not to remarry." -Rodney Stark 4. This striking countercultural view of singleness was a further sign of hope in the future kingdom of God. 2. Paul wrote to the Corinthians, "Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short" (1 Cor. 7:27-28). 1. This passage is very confusing on its surface. This "low" view of marriage seems at odds with the exalted picture of marriage in Ephesians 5:21-33 and seems to have been conditioned by a conviction that Jesus was coming back any day. But immediately following these verses, Paul wrote: "From now on, those who have wives should live as if they had none; those who mourn as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy as if it was not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away" (1 Cor. 7:29-31). 2. Here we see that behind this "the time is short" phrase is a very sophisticated view of history. Paul, like Jesus, taught the overlap of the ages. The kingdom of God-God's power to renew the whole of creation-has broken into the old world through Christ's first coming. The kingdom is here in a substantial but partial way (Rom.13:11-14). On the one hand, it means that the social and material concerns of this world still exist. But on the other hand, the gospel brings us an internal peace and a hope in the future that transforms all our earthly relationships (Rom. 14:17). 1. What does this mean? This means we must not over invest ourselves in anything besides the kingdom. Though we have possessions, we should live as if they weren't really ours, for our real wealth is in God. Paul applies this principle to marriage and singleness. We are to be neither overly consumed about getting or being married nor overly disappointed about not being so-because Christ is the only spouse who can truly fulfill us and God's family the only family that will truly embrace and satisfy us. The Christian gospel and hope of the future kingdom dethrone the idolatry of marriage. 2. Putting marriage in it's place: A High View of Marriage Equals a High View of Singleness 1. Paradoxically, the lofty view of marriage in Ephesians 5:21-33 provides support for the goodness of being single. Ephesians 5 tells us that marriage is not ultimately about sex or social stability or personal fulfillment; rather, marriage was created to be a human reflection of the ultimate love relationship with the Lord. 1. "This exalted view of marriage, however, shows us that marriage is only penultimate (second best). It points to the true marriage that our souls need and the true family our hearts want. No marriage can ultimately give us what we most desire and truly need." - Tim Keller 2. According to Ephesians 5, even Christians married to Christians will do a terrible job of conducting their marriage if they lack a love relationship with Christ. If we don't have that, married people will put too much pressure on their marriage to fulfill them, and that will always create pathology in their life. 3. Similarly, if singles don't have the same fulfilling love relationship with Jesus, they will put that pressure on their dream of marriage, which will create pathology in their life as well. But if singles rest in and rejoice in their marriage to Christ, they will be able to handle single life without devastating loneliness. Singles must realize that the very same idolatry of marriage that is distorting their single life would (or will) distort their married life. 4. Practical Implications for the Church: 1. The gospel-based community practices a view of singleness that is contrary to the idolatry of marriage often seen in traditional culture. A gospel-based community acknowledges the truth of 1 Corinthians 7, thereby freeing singles from the shame of being unmarried. It speaks realistically and not sentimentally about marriage. It treats single members as equal partners in the leadership of the church. 3. I still feel like I'm missing out 1. I know that some of you still feel, even after all that's been said, like you are being over looked like you are in a holding pattern. 2. A woman named Paige Benton wrote an excellent article on singleness. -Singled out by God for Good. If you are single, go read this article. 3. She writes, "John Calvin's secret to sanctification is the interaction of the knowledge of God and knowledge of self. Singles, like all other sinners, typically dismiss the first element of the formula, and therein lies the root of all identity crises. It is not that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but that life has no tragedy like our God ignored. Every problem is a theological problem, and the habitual discontent of us singles is no exception. 4. If everyone around me is married, all my family, siblings, friends, church family -Is God being any less good to me than he is to them? The answer is a resounding NO. God will not be less good to me because God cannot be less good to me. It is a cosmic impossibility for God to shortchange any of his children. God can no more live in me apart from the perfect fullness of his goodness and grace than I can live in Nashville and not be white. If he fluctuated one quark in his goodness, he would cease to be God. Warped theology is at the heart of attempts to "explain" singleness: 1. "As soon as you're satisfied with God alone, he'll bring someone special into your life"-as though God's blessings are ever earned by our contentment. 2. "You're too picky"-as though God is frustrated by our fickle whims and needs broader parameters in which to work. 3. "As a single you can commit yourself wholeheartedly to the Lord's work"- as though God requires emotional martyrs to do his work, of which marriage must be no part. 4. "Before you can marry someone wonderful, the Lord has to make you someone wonderful"- as though God grants marriage as a second blessing to the satisfactorily sanctified. 5. Accepting singleness, whether temporary or permanent, does not hinge on speculation about answers God has not given to our list of whys, but rather on celebration of the life he has given. I am not single because I am too spiritually unstable to possibly deserve a husband, nor because I am too spiritually mature to possibly need one. I am single because God is so abundantly good to me, because this is his best for me. It is a cosmic impossibility that anything could be better for me right now than being single, The psalmists confirm that I should not want, I shall not want, because no good thing will God withhold from me." - Paige Benton 1. I love that she makes mention of Psalm 84 2. "For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness.11 For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.12 O Lord of hosts, blessed is the one who trusts in you! the life God has given us." -Psalm 84:10-12 3. See the temptation of all of us is to think that God is somehow keeping us from what will really satisfy us. But this is an absolute lie. God proved through the giving of his son up to death that he will not does not withhold good from you. God loves us and he will not withhold anything that is good for us (we need to speak this truth to ourselves and to one another) - but God as our Father, and our maker, is the one who decides and truly knows what is best, what is good for us. Do we believe that? 1. Tim Keller reminds us, "God's wise, redemptive love in your life is perfectly compatible with terrible suffering in your life - just look at Jesus". 4. Do we believe that the withholding of "good things" from our lives is actually God being good to us even though they might be painful and lonely? I think answering that question will show the degree to which we have made an idol out of something or someone. 5. If marriage is going to conform you more into the image of Christ than God will bring that to you. If singleness is going to conform you more into the image of Christ than God will bring that to you. Whatever causes us to lean more on the Lord for dependance, those are good things, and God promises those for his people. God has done you good, is doing you good and will do you good. The Psalmist says, how blessed, happy or at peace is the one who trust in this. 4. Embracing the Life God has given You 1. "..Let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches. 18 Was anyone at the time of his call already circumcised? Let him not seek to remove the marks of circumcision. Was anyone at the time of his call uncircumcised? Let him not seek circumcision. 19 For neither circumcision counts for anything nor uncircumcision, but keeping the commandments of God. 20 Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called." 1. Can I say first that Jesus is the perfect example of this. He embraced the Life the Father assigned to him - 1. It is important to remember that "all Christians are indebted to someone else who stayed single for the gospel: Jesus himself. Living in a patriarchal society, remained celibate, and we wrongly downplay his humanity if we think that Jesus was tempted to settle down with a wife, sex, and children. Why didn't he? He remained single for us - those things were incompatible with God's salvation plan for him to live, die, and rise again in our place." -Ed Shaw 2. What does it mean to lead the life that the Lord has assigned? 1. First, recognize that wherever you are in your life whether work, school, relationship status. It isn't an accident or a stepping stone. God knew that you would be here at this time and is in control of your circumstance. Trust in his sovereign wisdom and goodness. 2. Secondly, it means to embrace that. What I mean is to not say and think - when this busy season of my life is over then I'll serve God, then I'll seek God. Or when I get married then I'll really be useful to God; when I'm Thirty or Fifty, then I'll be able or useful. There is a human tendency to discount where we are current state in life. God has called you to be right where you are. Today is the day to seek the Lord, today is the day to serve one another. Today is the day to proclaim the gospel through your life and your words.. What matters for us is obeying the Lord right here, right now. 3. Jesus always says it best -"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?[g] 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' (or who shall I marry, or who should I not marry, what if I'm single forever...)32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Conclusion: "Most of us go through life praying a little, planning a little, jockeying for position, hoping but never being quite certain of anything, and always secretly afraid that we will miss the way. This is a tragic waste of truth and never gives rest to the heart. There is a better way. It is to repudiate our own wisdom and take instead the infinite wisdom of God. Our insistence upon seeing ahead is natural enough, but it is a real hindrance to our spiritual progress. God has charged himself with full responsibility for our eternal happiness and stands ready to take over the management of our lives the moment we turn in faith to him. Here is his promise: "And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them." A. W. Tozer