The Family

Ephesians 6:1-4 Relationships: The Family Part 2 Introduction: We've been going through a series on relationships here on Sunday mornings and we come this morning to the subject of the family. Almost everyone agrees that the Family is important, vital even, to society. The question is what family are we talking about? The ideal family? Dad, Mom, 2.5 kids?? How do we define family? One Problem in appealing to the "ideal family" is that there is really no such thing as the family "golden age." Russell Moore in His book Onward, writes, "The kingdom mystery behind the family is why there is no "golden age" of "family values," this side of Eden. The Fall led to a disruption not only of the peace between God and humanity, but between the man and the woman in marriage. And almost immediately after the Fall, the fracturing of the family began, from violence between brothers, to polygamy, to sexual immorality, to sexual violence, and almost every other imaginable deviation from the Genesis mandate. No Generation is exempt from this tension.." - Russell Moore The Christian is one who understands this basic truth: That God sent his Son into the world to save us by grace and adopt us into his family, so now because of that grace, in joy and gratitude, we want to resemble our Father, we want the family resemblance, we want to look like our Savior, we want to please our Father." The Family is just one way in which we as Christians put the Gospel on display. As I said last week we need to understand is that the "House" the home, the whole family structure is something that is given us by God and unless we recognize this fact of God's design and intention for it.. "we labor in vain, and will eat the bread of anxious toil"... All our attempts at "family" at building a true home for our children will ultimately fail, they will fall short, unless God is at the center, unless God is recognized as both architect and builder. Why is that? Because the family is modeled after God himself. (Trinitarian harmony -Father, Son and Spirit, Oneness and Harmony, Love, honor and glory, deferring to one another - pictured in mankind before sin..) "We learn, within the home, what it is to be loved, and what it means to be trained for greater responsibilities later on. (Heb 12:5-11). This is why the command to honor father and mother is part of the foundational set of words from God about how to live rightly before him. That's why trusting obedience to parents and faithful rearing of children, is tied to inheritance of the land of promise (Ephesians 6:1-4) And this is why those who will not care for their own households are spoken of in scripture as "worse than an unbeliever" and those who have denied the faith (1 Tim 5:8) The household is not just a relationship but an economy, an economy where we learn something of what it means to be children of God. Disharmony between parents and children is not simply a cultural problem; it implicitly pictures a false gospel of a Father who does not hear his son, a son who does not honor his father, a church that is not Mother to those of the faith." - Russell Moore 1. Children 1. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother" (this is the first commandment with a promise), "that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land." 2. Paul main focus for children is how they behave in reference to their parents. Paul says that their attitude is to be one of obedience, this is what is consistently taught throughout the bible. 3. As we saw last week the the child relationship is based upon Jesus Christ the ultimate son, who only did what pleased the Father. Children are to walk in the steps of Jesus, certain of their parents love, and determined to obey. 4. Paul seems to give three reasons for children's obedience to their parents. 1. It is right or righteous. - "Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right". 1. Child obedience is part of the "natural law". It doesn't depend on special revelation but it is part of the natural law that God has written on all human hearts. It is not confined to Christian ethics: it is a standard of behavior in every society. In ancient times taught by pagan moralist, greek and Roman. Stoic philosophers saw a son's obedience as self-evident, plainly required by reason and part of 'the nature of things'. 2. Historically speaking virtually all cultures have regarded the recognition of parental authority as indispensable to a stable society. 3. In 2 Timothy and Romans Paul includes 'disobedient to parents' as a mark both of a declining society which God has given over to it's own godlessness and of 'the last days' which began with the coming of Christ. 4. If obedience of children is part of the natural law written on human hearts, it also belongs to the revealed revelation of God - His Law. 2. It is Biblical. - obedience of children is biblical. Honor your father and mother (Exodus 20:12) 1. There are ten primary laws that God gave to the children of Israel, which were written on two tablets of stone. We usually see the first four in reference to God and the other six in reference to our neighbor (this is the traditional protestant method). The Jews saw it split right down the middle, the first five in reference to God and the last five in reference to our neighbor. That being said, Honor your father and mother is a commandment in direct reference to our worship to God. 2. In our childhood the parent is representative of the authority and the love of God. We are to "honor them", that is, to recognize their God given authority, and give them not only our obedience, but our love and respect as well. 3. It is because parental authority is divinely delegated authority that respectful obedience to parents was invested with such great importance in the life of God's covenant people. 1. Leviticus 19:3 "Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father..... I am the Lord your God." 2. This is why such an extreme penalty (death) was inflicted upon anyone who cursed his parents or on the rebellious son who refused to obey 3. It is beneficial. - (this is the first commandment with promise) That it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth. 1. What this means is, as we honor God and the authority that he has placed over us (our parents), it is a benefit to us. prosperity and success comes not as we rebel against authority but as we humbly obey. Scripture says, that God has put the authorities that be in place, and that they are for our benefit. What we see is social stability is brought to any community in which children honor their parents. 2. We've talked about this principle many times, that as we obey God's word there are "natural" blessings that flow to our lives from it. such as: peace, joy, safety and protection, long life.. 3. Before we move on, two practical questions need to be considered. 1. Is this command unconditional? No, this is not an unconditional command. Parents are not to be obeyed when their commands are contrary to God's commands. (Matthew 10:34-39, Acts 5:29) 2. To whom does it apply? This command applies to all who are under the age of adulthood which in our country is 18. Yet even after the age of adulthood, although a parent is not necessarily to be obeyed they are still to be honored. Honor to parents is a lifelong principle. 3. I would say though that we have another issue in all this as well. In times past it was very common for social security to take care of aging parents; but in our times and in the near future we might see even greater need to practically honor parents by providing for them in their old age, and in "end of life" situations. Remember it was Jesus himself who condemned the religious leaders for leaving off the duty to provide for ones family especially one's parents in need. (Mark 7:1-13) 2. The Role of Parents - 1. As we saw last week the whole parent role in the family is based upon God our heavenly Father. God the Father is the ultimate Parent, and parents are called to reflect his never stopping, never giving up, un-breaking, always and forever love. That determination to bring our children to full maturity, that they might inherit blessing and glory. 1. Here's what the scripture says, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master)." In the Old Testament God's desire was that the parents teach their children who God is and what he has done. 2. "Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." -Deuteronomy 6:4-9 2. While children are to obey both parents, fathers bear special responsibility for disciplining their children and are specifically singled out by Paul in the present passage. Although mothers may actually spend more time with them, the father is given the primary responsibility for disciplining his children. 3. Wrong Discipline 1. Paul first gives us a negative example of this nurturing and leadership - "Do not provoke your children to anger." 2. Just because parents have the authority to discipline it does not make all discipline just. Because we are sinners and often do not base our judgment upon righteous judgment we abuse our authority as fathers. Paul is writing to see that this does not happen. 3. When disciplining, parents are to avoid any attitudes, words, or actions that have the effect of provoking anger in their children, including "excessively severe discipline", unreasonable harsh demands, abuse of authority, unfairness, constant nagging and condemnation, subjecting a child to humiliation, and any form of insensitivity to a child's needs 4. We must remember fathers and mothers that we are bearing the Image of our heavenly Father to our children, that God has entrusted this sacred stewardship to us. 5. We must see to it in our disciplining that our children do not become discouraged. Nothing is more heartbreaking than a child who has "lost heart" because of poor parenting. 6. The opposite of wrong discipline is not the absence of discipline, but right discipline, true discipline. As we saw last week with God the Father he neither neglects to discipline us or disciplines us out of wrath but all of his discipline is done with compassion, and for our good. 4. Right Discipline - "Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." 1. The term "bring them up" is actually the same word Paul uses earlier in Ephesians about husbands "nourishing" their wives. Parents are called to cultivate their children's curiosity, and wonder about God and the things of God... Our homes are to be a place of cultivation, of the mind, of the heart, of the body - all around care for our children.. 5. Discipline 1. It is so important to remember in our parenting that we are sinners and prone towards evil and self-centeredness ourselves. This does not negate our responsibility to disciple and discipline but it should increase our awareness of our need of humility and repentance in our parenting, especially when administering discipline. 2. Our discipline must come from love. As we saw last week from Psalm 103. God does not neglect to discipline his children, but his discipline is never out of wrath or frustration but it is always driven by his compassion and love and is for our good and our growth. 1. E. H. Gifford, said, "Human love here offers a true analogy: the more a father loves his son, the more he hates in him the drunkard, the liar, the traitor." - Anger isn't the opposite of love. Hate is, and the final form of hate is indifference." We as flawed human beings desperately need this kind of love and discipline. 3. The Bible states that we are to train our children. As society we often talk about the innocence of children and to some degree this is true.. but in actuality, at the core, all people are innately sinful and selfish. A child left to itself is not simply amoral or a blank canvas but is unhindered, undisciplined selfishness. I had this conversation the other day with Judah. He recognizes that being a bully is wrong when he sees it happen on the playground or wherever. I asked him how he thought someone became a bully? (He wasn't quite sure) I explained to him we become a bully when we give into our own selfish desires to take from someone else what we want for ourselves, or the desire to make ourselves look better, smarter, stronger than someone else - and there is no one to stop us. I explained that my discipline is stopping him from becoming something that he doesn't really want to be, but something or someone he would become if unhindered. The Bible says, that..."Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him." 4. But we should remember that all discipline will ultimately fail without a heart change. Children like all people, ought to be considered spiritual individuals who are uniquely created by God and yet are fallen sinners, so that the task of parenting is not merely that of behavioral conditioning but spiritual nurture and training. The use of one particular method in the exercise of external discipline or parental drills has some value but is also limited. As parents we must seek to deal with the root issue, which is sin and the need for regeneration and the continuing work of the Holy Spirit in our lives. 5. I think the key to discipline is the remembrance of discipleship. We are not simply disciplining our children for the sake of righteousness, but for their training, their growth, and their instruction. We want righteousness, justice, love, mercy, compassion, the fruit of the Spirit, to be apart of their character. We are training them to one day be men and women who wil,l from learned wisdom, making wise decisions, and by their own desire follow Jesus, doing great things for the Kingdom of God. 6. Instruction of the Lord. 1. Our task is first and foremost to teach our children the truths about God, about ourselves as God's creatures, about our sinful nature, about the broken world, about God's salvation, and final restoration of all things. 2. We are to disciple our children in God's truth as especially seen in the Gospel. I honestly believe one of our greatest tasks as parents is to teach and to model for our children God's never stopping, never giving up, un-breaking, always and forever love. When we teach our children God's truth from a gospel point of view the characters in scripture are not heroes who we are to imitate necessarily, but are examples of people who did Good and bad things, who often got things wrong and greatly disobeyed God - but ultimately it is the story of God's determination to do good to his people, to save us from our sins and to restore his good creation.... we cannot emphasis these truths enough because the greatest lie that our hearts tell us and our children's hearts tell them is that God doesn't love us, God is angry at us, God doesn't want us to be happy, God is keeping us from what will really make us happy. 3. What does this look like practically? Family devotions, scripture memorization, family prayer, Catechism, tell them stories, relate things back to God's story as especially seen in Jesus. Point out to them and show them how all stories are derived from the greatest story: about the true hero, the greatest battle ever fought, the greatest love story of all, the true happy ending. 4. According to the book of Proverbs parents are also responsible to teach their children these positive attributes: 1. Diligence, justice, kindness, generosity, self-control in speech, righteousness, truthfulness and honesty, discretion in choosing friends, Caution and prudence, gentleness, contentment, integrity of character, humility, graciousness, forthrightness, restraint, faithfulness in friendship, purity, vigorous pursuit of what is good and right, skillfulness in work, and patience. 2. Also a few negatives they are to teach: refrain from a pleasure seeking lifestyle, from engaging in partying and gluttonous eating and drinking, also not to be arrogant or vain. 3. Obviously the main goal of Christian Parents is to teach their Children the gospel, and see that they have a full understanding of the things of God. Conclusion: "Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep." -Psalm 127:1-2 God is more committed to you, to your children, to his Church, to his mission, to his Kingdom than you are; trust in that, rest in that. The core of a gospel centered parent is faith in God. All we do flows from this. It's all too easy to view our parenting as work we must properly carry out and to see our children's character, abilities, appearance, success in school, faithfulness to Jesus - and so much else - as verdicts on our performance. But the truth is that God builds the house. Nothing we do as parents is more important than that we be humbled; that we turn our trust away from ourselves and to the Lord who blesses his families. Then with God's help we become able to resist worry, fear, anger, control, blame, and every other parent-sin that keep us up at night.