Walk in Integrity Fathers

Proverbs 20:7 ESV

The righteous who walks in his integrity— blessed are his children after him!

Proverbs are not promises. Unlike

Ephesians 1:13–14 ESV

In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.

which is a promise.

Proverbs are probabilities. Meaning that if you follow them, this will likely happen.

Father’s are too often discounted in our society. I read an article a few years ago in a magazine that fathers are actually dangerous to the development of children.

This seemed one sided to me so I did some research. Could it be true that fathers damage their kids more than they benefit them like this article seemed to indicate?

I want to preface the rest of this message with this disclaimer. “Bad fathers are a detriment to themselves and their children” There is no excuse for being abusive or demeaning to your spouse or children.

That being said, “it turns out that father’s are not detrimental to the kids”

Dads love their children “more dangerously.”

That’s because they play “rougher” and are more likely to encourage risk-taking. They provide kids with a broader diversity of social experiences. They also introduce them to a wider variety of methods of dealing with life. They tend to stress rules, justice, fairness, and duty in discipline. In this way, they teach children the objectivity and consequences of right and wrong. They give kids insight into the world of men. They prepare them for the challenges of life and demonstrate by example the meaning of respect between the sexes. In connection with this last point, research indicates that a married father is substantially less likely to abuse his wife or children than men in any other category.

Fathers encourage competition, engendering independence. Mothers promote equity, creating a sense of security. Dads emphasize conceptual communication, which helps kids expand their vocabulary and intellectual capacities. Moms major in sympathy, care, and help, thus demonstrating the importance of relationships. Dads tend to see their child in relation to the rest of the world. Moms tend to see the rest of the world in relation to their child. Neither style of parenting is adequate in and of itself. Taken together, they balance each other out and equip the up-and-coming generation with a healthy, well-rounded approach to life.

Where’s the evidence for these assertions? Obviously, we can’t go into great detail here. This is a vast field of study. But we can offer a few examples of some of the relevant research:

82% of studies on father involvement and child well-being published since 1980 found “significant associations between positive father involvement and offspring well-being…”Paul R. Amato and Fernando Rivera, “Paternal Involvement and Children’s Behavior Problems,” Journal of Marriage and the Family 61 (1999): 375-384.

In an analysis of over 100 studies on parent-child relationships, it was found that having a loving and nurturing father was as important for a child’s happiness, well-being, and social and academic success as having a loving and nurturing mother. Some studies even indicated father-love was a stronger contributor to some important positive child well-being outcomes.Ronald P. Rohner and A. Veneziano, “The Importance of Father Love: History and Contemporary Evidence,” Review of General Psychology 5.4 (2001): 382-405.

According to child psychiatrist Kyle Pruett, a father’s more active play style and comparatively slower response to a toddler or infant experiencing frustration serve to promote problem-solving competencies and independence in the child.Kyle D. Pruett, Fatherneed: Why Father Care is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child, (New York: The Free Press, 2000), p. 41-42.

In the words of Dr. Pruett, “positive father care is associated with more pro-social and positive moral behavior in boys and girls.”Pruett, 2000, p. 52. This is borne out by research from the University of Pennsylvania which indicates that children who feel a closeness and warmth with their father are twice as likely to enter college, 75 percent less likely to have a child in their teen years, 80 percent less likely to be incarcerated and half as likely to show various signs of depression.Frank Furstenberg and Kathleen Harris, “When and Why Fathers Matter: Impacts of Father Involvement on Children of Adolescent Mothers,” in Young Unwed Fathers: Changing Roles and Emerging Policies, R. Lerman and T. Ooms, eds. (Philadelphia: Temple University Press, 1993).

In a 26-year-long study, researchers found that the number one factor in developing empathy in children was father involvement. Fathers spending regular time alone with their children translated into children who became compassionate adults.Richard Koestner, et al., “The Family Origins of Empathic Concern: A Twenty-Six Year Longitudinal Study,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 58 (1990): 709-717.

We’ve only scratched the surface, of course, but you can see where the evidence is taking us. The best studies demonstrate beyond a shadow of a doubt that fathers play an important and irreplaceable role in healthy child development. This means that your hunches are right and the messages we’re receiving from the media, the culture, and government policy are wrong.

Like this proverb states, if a father walks in integrity, his children are blessed.

How does this play out? For Instance

President Bush launched his “Fatherhood” initiative back in 2011 with these words.

The President is determined to make committed, responsible fatherhood a national priority …

The presence of two committed, involved parents contributes directly to better school performance, reduced substance abuse, less crime and delinquency, fewer emotional and other behavioral problems, less risk of abuse or neglect, and lower risk of teen suicide.

The research is clear: fathers factor significantly in the lives of their children. There is simply no substitute for the love, involvement, and commitment of a responsible father.

In 1994 a study done by a Swiss group found a direct corollation between a father’s faith and that of their children.

In short, the study reveals: “It is the religious practice of the father of the family that, above all, determines the future attendance at or absence from church of the children” (Emphasis mine).

The study reports:

1. If both father and mother attend regularly, 33 percent of their children will end up as regular churchgoers, and 41 percent will end up attending irregularly. Only a quarter of their children will end up not practicing at all.

2. If the father is irregular and mother regular, only 3 percent of the children will subsequently become regulars themselves, while a further 59 percent will become irregulars. Thirty-eight percent will be lost.

3. If the father is non-practicing and mother regular, only 2 percent of children will become regular worshippers, and 37 percent will attend irregularly. Over 60 percent of their children will be lost completely to the church!

What happens if the father is regular but the mother irregular or non-practicing?

Amazingly, the percentage of children becoming regular goes up from 33 percent to 38 percent with the irregular mother and up to 44 percent with the non-practicing.

In short,

If a father does not go to church-no matter how faithful his wife’s devotions-only one child in 50 will become a regular worshipper. If a father does go regularly, regardless of the practice of the mother, between two-thirds and three-quarters of their children will become churchgoers (regular and irregular).

This suggests that loyalty to the father’s commitment grows in response to the mother’s laxity or indifference to religion.

Or to put it another way

Proverbs 20:7 ESV

The righteous who walks in his integrity— blessed are his children after him!

So how do we do this Father’s?

Fathers are to love their wives as Christ loves the church.

Ephesians 5:25 ESV

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

modeling the love of the Father in their most important earthly relationship.

Fathers are to care for their children as our Father in heaven cares for us.

1 Timothy 5:8 ESV

But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Fathers play a primary role in teaching their children the truth about reality.

Ephesians 6:4 ESV

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

It is time for fathers to return to honorable manhood and reconsider their priorities and realign them with God’s commands, decrees, and laws, teaching these things to your children

Deuteronomy 6:7 ESV

You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

Walk in integrity before your kids.