How to Become a Great Dad - Ephesians 5:22-6:9

Ephesians 5:22-6:9 - A Father's Love Doug Partin - The Christian Church - June 20, 2020 In our study of Ephesians, we arrived, last week, at Paul's directive that in our relationships, we are to submit to one another in the fear of Christ. The fear being a "reverence of" and "respect for" who He is and what He was done for us, and a "hope and trust" that He will keep His promises. The term Paul used, translated "submit", as we learned last week, meant to arrange you life under an authority, and Paul indicated that the primary authority for the believers in ancient Ephesus, and for us as well, was Christ. The "arrangement" or "order" they were to enact was one that equipped and prepared them to be ready and willing to extend His love to one another. However, as we will find in this part of our study, how we go about expressing that love to each other will differ depending upon our relationship with each other. In particular, Paul revealed just how different Christ's love is to be expressed from a wife to her husband, a husband to his wife, a child to its parents, parents (and in particular fathers) to their children, and a slave to thier master and a master to thier slaves. Since it is Father's Day, what Paul had to say about these relationships might help us appreciate what it takes to be a great Dad. You'll find a lot of expressions of appreciation for Dads on the internet today. You'll find suggestions on how to celebrate, often involving a cookout. And I, for one, am already missing our church's annual cookout at East Park. And that makes me miss Bob Murphy, the pastor here when I was an intern who hosted a Father's day chili cook off, Ans showed a film of sports highlights from the previous year. That was before the days of YiuTube. What Paul had to share at the end of this chapter will sound quite a bit different than what you might find in a "Happy Father's Day" card. Being a great Dad begins by being the kind of husband whose wife responds to him as she would the Lord. In other words, her response is to be a natural expression, not one that is demanded. Her response is described with the four-letter English word "submit" in verse 24; and, if you are wondering, that it is the same word that Paul used back in verse 21 when Paul spoke about submitting to one another. What Paul said raises a lot of questions today. And many are those who contend that he was a male chauvinist, and his directions should be ignored. I won't fully answer these questions and objections today, it is not my intent to do so; but hopefully, I will answer enough of them for you to explore what he said as a possible way for you to live your life. Let's begin by agreeing that Paul said that a wife's expression of her submission to Christ, was to express His love to her husband by arranging her life under her husband's leadership; in everything, just as the church arranges itself, in everything, under the leadership of Christ. What Paul said is not to be twisted into a rule that wives have to do whatever their husbands demand any more than you have to do what our Lord demands. Jesus doesn't force anyone to follow Him. He calls, He invites, and we have to decide that we will follow Him. And our doing so is an expression of our love for Him. We decided to submit our lives to Christ because of what He has done for us. We have come to trust our Lord, learning that following Him really is the best. Of course, there are those times when we question whether His ways really are the best for us, and so we don't always obey. But we learn from those times, that we should have trusted Him more. Think about that time when Peter obeyed Jesus' directive to step out of the boat. There was a raging storm, and Jesus was walking on the water, towards the disciples struggling at the oars. They were frightened. They thought that he was a ghost. Then Jesus assured them that it was Himself. Peter saw what Jesus was doing, and he wanted to do it too. He asked Jesus, and was granted permission. Peter was okay with that first step onto the water, but then, looking at the waves and the wind, he had second thoughts. What Jesus was doing, and what Peter was now doing, was, well impossible. And that is when Peter started to sink. But, at least, Peter took that first step. He would fail more than once. His faith would be less than it should, but Peter would grow through those failures to trust Jesus more, and more, and he would learn to obey. Not because he had too. Not because it was demanded of him, but because he loved Jesus and wanted to follow Him. If a wife is ever going to express her love for her husband by arranging her life under his direction, then she will have to trust that her husband will love her and treat her as Christ loved and treated the Church. Paul reminded these husbands in ancient Ephesus that Jesus had set the example for them by giving Himself up as a sacrifice for the church. Not many men want to hear about the high demands of a husband in Christian marriage, so, instead of following Jesus' example, they try to twist Paul's words, and demand that their wives submit. And that's when submission becomes a four-letter word. And that sort of domination, which is very worldly approach, always ends in disaster. It is the high calling of becoming a Christian husband that Paul said would turn these ancient men into great Dads. That's not to say that Christian husbands always imitate Jesus as they should. When a husband fails to be like Christ toward his wife, she will have a difficult time trusting that he really does have her best interest at heart. And she will struggle in her desire to submit to him. But when those husbands, repent, and seek forgiveness, they are given the chance to carry on. And as they do, their wives' trust in them is restored. It is no easy thing to do, but a great Dad makes it his business to know his wife's needs and do all that he can to meet those needs; even sacrificing himself to provide what she needs. And Paul wasn't just talking about providing material things. Some husbands think that they are fulfilling the demand of providing by getting a good job and taking care of the bills; but Jesus does more than provide for our physical needs. He also provides for the more important matters of life, like providing the forgiveness of our sins that brings renewal to our lives. And providing the encouragement and support needed for us to get through tough times. And providing the steadfast faithfulness that can be depended upon, even when we are not faithful. A great Dad always has their arms stretched open wide to receive, to embrace, and to love. And, while this is not always a popular aspect of following Christ's example, a great Dad, if he does, will even be willing to let his wife choose for herself, whether she wants to stay and follow him or not. I can't imagine a wife leaving a husband who strives to imitate Jesus, but there are a lot of people who turn away from Him. And some of those will turn back to him. But not all. And He is always faithful, always waiting for them. Like Peter walking on the water, following Jesus takes us into the realm of the impossible. I am tempted to diverge into the story of how God put Hosea into a relationship in which he had to display God's love in that sort of situation, but we'll stay on course, and leave that for another time. Paul reminded these husbands in ancient Ephesus that Christ did not treat the church as it deserved, but went well beyond what deserved, giving it, that is, giving us, what we could never deserve. He did for us, what we could never have done for ourselves. Just imagine a wife's response to her husband if he were to act that way toward her. Paul painted a beautiful word picture when we recalled how Christ sanctified and cleansed the church with His word, so the church could be presented to himself as his beautiful, holy, and blameless bride. And then saying that this is how a husband is to prepare his own beautiful bride. The church's beauty is not because it's building looks great, nor is it because the church is so perfect, but it is because Christ is so redeeming. And a great Dad treats his wife as Christ treats the church. Just in case these ancient Dads missed the point, Paul pushed this idea of a husband expressing intentional love by saying that the husband was to love his wife as he loved himself. Most of us don't want to admit it, but we can be selfish at times, but rather than thinking of this self-love as a bad thing, Paul turned it upside down and said that what a husband would do for himself is exactly the sort of thing that he ought to be doing for his wife. Just as we are to love our neighbors as ourselves, we need to apply the golden rule at home. So, if you would provide the best band for yourself when shopping, then a great Dad will provide the best brand for his wife. And he will provide what she wants, just as he would provide for his own desires. There is a whole movement in the church, and has been for some time, about learning each other's love language. If you feel loved when you get a hug, then you need a hug, not a kind word. And if you feel loved when you get a gift, you need a gift, and not an act of service. It takes a while, but we do figure out each other's love language. The book I'm referring to says that there are five love languages, but there are probably more. Paul closed this portion of his letter by saying that a husband would never "hate" his wife. The term for hate is the opposite of what love meant. He would never, not provide what she needs. After all, who hates themselves? If we are hungry, we don't abstain from eating; and we don't just get something that will sustain us, say some broccoli; we get something we like to eat, if it is available. We get something we prefer to eat, not something we don't like. Paul pushed this point even further by reminding these husbands that they are one with their wives. Quoting that well know example of Eve being made for Adam, and how that union was the foundation for a man leaving his parents, and a wife leaving her parents, and the two becoming one. So, when a husband provides for his wife, he is providing for himself. They are one and the same thing. As we move on in this chapter, Paul says that a Great Husband can't be a Great Dad without having a great relationship with their children. Paul did not say that children were to "submit" to their parents, but he did say that they were to obey their parents. He used the word "Hup-akouete" (to hear under). If you recall from some of our earlier studies, hearing and obeying were connected in their minds. If you didn't obey, it meant that you didn't "hear." But these children were to obey as a response to their parent's love, just as we respond to our heavenly Father's love. You might, I hope, be picking up on Paul's theme in this chapter about how important it is to imitate God in every relationship. And if a child is going to respond that way, then the Parent's have to act toward their children as God acts toward, us, His children. Paul said that a great Dad (and Mom) will not ask their children to do things that provoke them to anger. That doesn't mean that great parents let their children do whatever they want, especially if they are throwing a fit. Instead, Paul seems to indicate by his word choice that a great Dad has been involved in his children's lives from the beginning. Taking the time to train them and instruct them, and set an example for them, as they grow up, so they are willing and able to do as they are directed. A great Dad doesn't just show up at the end of the day to be the enforcer. "You better do what I say or you'll be in trouble when Dad gets home," but is there all along, showing how things are to be done. I thought that it was interesting that the term translated "instruct" literally means "to place in the mind." And how do you place something in a child's mind? You have to be intentional, honest, and patient. You have to let them know why we, who are followers of Jesus, do the things that we do. And why we avoid the things that we avoid. You have to set a pattern in their lives. Show an example. And explain how to love as Christ loves. One of the greatest frustrations that I've heard expressed by people, and it is usually expressed by an employee, is that they were given a task to do, but they were never trained or instructed how to do it; and so, when they didn't do it as their boss desired, they got in trouble. This leadership model doesn't work well in the home either. A Great Dad follows Jesus' leadership model. A great Dad is training their children all along the way. When Joshua declared, "As for me and my house, we shall serve the Lord." He didn't have to force his family to follow his lead, he had already trained and instructed his family in such a way that they were in step with him. And before we move on from this section, I want you to notice that a great Dad has the help of a great Mom, and they are raising their children together. It is a team effort. That doesn't mean that a single person can't be a great Mom or a great Dad, only that it is easier when there are two working together. As we move on to the last relationship Paul addressed, we leave the family behind. We may be uncomfortable talking about slavery, especially under today's climate, but Paul had to address it, because it was a relationship that persisted in his society. And while we might prefer to have heard words of abolution, that's not what we find in this letter. Paul said that a slave was to respond to their master much like a wife was to respond to her husband. But Paul called on them to do so as if Christ Himself made the request of what they were asked to do instead of an earthly master. And like the husband, the masters were to treat these slaves the same way they treated their wives. Paul reminded them that they would be held accountable for how they treated their slaves. They were not to treat them as non-Christians; that is, they were to let go of threatening behavior. After all, Paul told them, both slave and master had the same Lord; and God will not show partiality when either of them stand before Him. I am glad that slavery was abolished. And that in other letters Paul advocated that a Christian master set free his runaway slave. But I lament that there are still people who think of others as being less than human. As if they are not fully evolved. And you can thank Darwin for that idea. However, there are still people who "enslave" others so they can turn a profit, especially by those who traffic humans in the sex industry. I think that the real answer is not more legislation, but more people imitating Christ in their relationships. I am not a fan of those parts of the Bible which speak of people receiving what they sow; but the Bible often speaks of this spiritual truth. I'm just glad that there is grace; that we, because of God's great love, don't get what we deserve when we put our trust in Jesus. You might have noticed, as we've gone through this study today, that a Dad becomes great when they are willing to be become the servant of all. Jesus was the example of being that kind of person. One who loves all and serves all. When men are willing to take the responsibilities associated with loving as our Heavenly Father loves; they will become great Dads. If you are not there yet, keep following Jesus, and one day, you will be there. Lord, Help our Father's live more like you as they express their love to their wives and children. !