The Hated Brother - Genesis 37

We live in a world that is desperate for true heroes. We long for people we can model our lives after. We live at a time when public officials are more politicians than statesmen; pro athletes are more businessmen than role models and everywhere we turn we seem to be confronted with corruption in the people we might admire. That's why the story of Joseph is so worthy of our time.

In the fifty chapters of Genesis with all it's pivotal stories and events, fully one fourth of the book is reserved for the story of this one man. Many have called Joseph a "type" or a person who is like Christ in the way that he lived his life. Joseph is a man of integrity and character. He trusted God's providence (or plan) even when it must have seemed that God had made a mistake or had forgotten him. He remained faithful even in situations of great temptation.

The story begins with a acknowledgment of family problems. Joseph (probably due to no fault of his own) is the obvious favorite son of Jacob. In fact Jacob made the situation worse by giving Joseph a rich ornamental coat. This coat most likely extended to his ankles and to his wrists. Most tunics were sleeveless and stopped at the knees; they were worn by working men. A long sleeved, tailored garment was worn by one that did not have to work. So, when Joseph showed up wearing his coat it was obvious that Jacob had made him the "manager" over the brothers.

This surely explains why we read in verse 2 that Joseph brought a "bad report" to his father. It wasn't so much that Joseph was a tattle tale . . . he was honest about what was going on. But that didn't help his relationship with his brothers.

Next we read that Joseph in his long fancy robe start having dreams. Joseph shared these dreams with his brothers and parents. (Honestly, we probably would have done the same thing.) Each of the dreams obviously pointed to Joseph as one who was going to rise above his brothers and parents. This did not make anyone happy. "So, do you intend to reign over us?" [Of course this is the wrong question. The issue was not what Joseph intended but what God intended.]

Can you feel the animosity beginning to build? It came to a head one day when the brothers were out tending the flocks (and Joseph was at home), Jacob sent Joseph to check on his brothers. The reason he did so should not be hard to understand. The brothers were tending their flocks near Shechem. If you remember the Genesis stories you will remember that Shechem is the town where the Israelites massacred all the men of the town. Jacob may have been concerned about the reaction of the people in Shechem and in the surrounding towns.

When Joseph gets to Shechem he finds out that his brothers had moved on the Dothan. It is quite possible that the move was made necessary by the animosity the brothers were facing from surrounding communities.

When the brothers see Joseph coming they decide this is the perfect time to take care of their "hot shot" brother. At first they decide to kill him. Reuben, out of a desire to preserve the life of his brother, suggests that they throw him in an empty cistern. Why be guilty of murder? So they take Joseph's robe and threw him into the cistern. Later in Genesis we are told that Joseph pleaded for his life.

Notice what the boys do next . . . they sit down for a meal. Can you imagine them sitting there while Joseph cried out for mercy? Can you imagine the vile things that must have been said by the brothers to Joseph? Can you imagine being able to eat?

Apparently Reuben was gone when the Ishmaelite traders came their way. Judah suggests that they sell Joseph. This way they not only get rid of their brother, they can make a little spending money in addition. The group agrees. Joseph is sold and the cover-up begins. The brothers cut the despised coat and dip it in blood. They present it to Jacob who is overcome with grief. Naturally, he blames himself for Joseph's death.

For the most part it is easy to dismiss this account as simply one more odd account found in the book of Genesis. However, there are some very important lessons we can draw from this account.

A LESSON ABOUT FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS

This chapter reminds us of the danger of playing favorites in a household. We read about the obvious favoritism. And we saw that Jacob gave Joseph an ornamental coat and made him the "boss". But that's not all. In John 4:5 we read that Jesus went through Samaria. "So he came to a town in Samaria called Sychar, near the plot of ground Jacob had given to his son Joseph." From Genesis 33:19 we read that the only ground that we know Jacob ever owned was near this place. So, it would seem that Jacob showed Joseph that he was the favorite by giving him the only property he owned in Canaan.

Favoritism in a home is deadly. Jacob of all people should have understood this. His father loved his brother more than him. In fact, if you remember, Jacob had to pretend to be Esau in order to get his fathers blessing. If any parent was sensitive to this issue, it should have been Jacob.

Every child longs for love from their parents. Even when children are grown they still want the approval and affirmation of their parents. I wonder how many of you would love to be able to hear your parents say, "You know, I am so proud of you". Many adults grow up feeling that they cannot measure up. I suspect that the sons of Leah, Billhah and Zilpah spent their lives looking for the approval and love of their father.

Some children feel inferior because they are step children. Others feel less valuable because they are not as academically oriented as a brother or sister. Some feel unloved because they are not outgoing. Some feel cast aside because they cannot measure up to what their parents want them to be (which is often everything the parents were not.) Instead of feeling like a treasure to their parent(s) they feel like a disappointment. You can feel this way if you are an only child or if you are one of many.

Is it possible that your children are starving to know that they are valued and loved? Do they feel they can't "measure up". I think we would be shocked at how many people in this sanctuary question the depth of their parents love for them. I think we would be saddened by how many in this sanctuary feel they have been a disappointment to their parents. This is a real problem.

To you who feel this way may I remind you: God loves you. He says ANYONE who comes to Him He will not cast away. You might feel that He can't possibly love you . . . but you have His promise. He formed you when you were in your mother's womb. When He looks at you, God sees a work of art. God created You to serve Him in unique and significant ways. You may not serve like others. You may not "go with the flow". But God made you the way you are for a purpose. He is cheering you on . . . even if it seems that no one else is.

And let me make some suggestions to parents. In order to convey our love to our children,

We must look for the praiseworthy attributes of our children and then spotlight and celebrate those traits. In other words, talk about and be proud of who God made them to be and what they do well.

We must affirm a love that is unconditional and not based on whether or not our child "produces"

We must be alert to those sensitive areas in our children and be careful not to attack them in those areas when we are angry with them.

We must strive to be consistent from one child to the next.

We must present adverse consequences of misbehavior ahead of time and then follow through if tested. (Sometimes the best way to say I care is to discipline . . .to not discipline is to be seen as not caring.)

I hope this passage encourages you to build a relationship with a child, grandchild, niece or nephew that may feel unloved.

write them a note telling them what you appreciate and cherish about them . . . be specific

give them a call and tell them you were thinking about them

make time to ask them about their life . . . look them right in the eye while they are talking to you!

spend a day together doing something together

let them hear you pray for them

One of the best things we can do for our children is to let them know that we love them.

A LESSON ABOUT THE DESTRUCTIVE POWER OF RESENTMENT

We see a number of emotions in this story. We see envy, jealousy and resentment all boiling into a hatred that leads brothers to turn on one of their own. Notice what these emotions are capable of producing in us: it leads to thoughts of murder. It leads to brothers turning against each other. It leads to kidnapping, slavery and a callousness that is frightening. It leads to sons bringing incredible heartache to their father. It leads to a lifetime of guilt and regret in the brothers.

If Envy, jealousy and resentment are given a foothold in our lives they can destroy a marriage; can ruin a career; can alienate you and lead to incredible loneliness; and it can suck the joy from your life. The problem is that these emotions sneak up on us. We see them rearing their ugly heads at various times,

when someone talks about their accomplishment in an area where your want to excel

when someone tells you about an inheritance they received

when others show you their new car, boat, computer (whatever it is you've been wishing you had)

when someone else gets in the game instead of your

when you hear what another person in your job has received from their employer

when someone gets an award that you felt you deserved

when you hear others talk about the vacation you can't afford to take

when you see people you know writing best selling books

when you hear other Pastor's brag about their attendance and programming

when others are asked to speak instead of you

Envy, jealousy and resentment come upon us when we feel we are not getting our "fair share." It comes because we feel cheated or taken advantage of.

An ancient story from the fourth century tells of inexperienced demons finding great difficulty in tempting a godly hermit. They lured him with every manner of temptation, but he could not be enticed. Frustrated, the imps returned to Satan and recited their plight. He responded that they had been far too hard on the monk. "Send him a message," he said, "that his brother has just been made bishop of Antioch. Bring him good news." Mystified by the devil's advice, the demons nevertheless returned and dutifully reported the wonderful news to the hermit. And, in that very instant, he fell--into deep, wicked jealousy. [Hughes, Liberating Ministry from the Success Syndrome p.100]We've said it many times: it is easier to weep with those who weep than it is to rejoice with those who rejoice. Why? Because when someone else succeeds we seem to feel that it is at our expense. That somehow they are taking something from us!

Jesus tells a parable about three people in Matthew 25. One was given five talents (or roughly $5000.00) another two talents and the other one talent. The understanding was simple: "I am loaning you this money to manage for me." The man was gone a long time. The first two men invested what they had and doubled their investment. The third buried his money so he would not lose it. Jesus commended the first two as good servants. The last one was condemned and lost what he had.

This parable does several things. First, it recognizes that God does not treat everyone the same way. God exalts some and not others. Some have great natural ability and others have to work hard to achieve what comes easy for others. Some people are attractive and personable, others are average. Some come from families that provide many advantages, some come from homes where there are few advantages and lots of obstacles. We wish that we all started equal. But we don't.

God is sovereign and he gives to each what he deems best. Paul tells us that he God has equipped each of us with different gifts and abilities and that God "gives them to each one, just as he determines." So, when we grumble we are really grumbling about God's wisdom and providence.

Second, we see that the issue is not how MUCH we have, but what we DO with what we have been given. Envy, jealousy and resentment come because we are looking at others instead of concentrating on being faithful ourselves.

Samuel Eliot Morison the American essayist, said, life is like a card game. God deals the deck. He gives some a very good hand, some a very bad hand, but everyone is required to play by the rules. A man can squander a good hand, of course. And a man can sometimes play a poor hand very well and make more of it than one would have thought possible. But if a great hand is played very well, it is unbeatable.

Joseph had a great hand and played it well. You may feel that you have an average hand. Or perhaps you feel that you have been dealt a poor hand. Perhaps you have been physically mistreated. Perhaps you have been falsely accused. Maybe your health is bad. Maybe you feel your talents and gifts are few. Maybe everything you touch seems to turn to dust. Maybe you seem to go from one heartache to another. Whatever kind of hand you have it is still up to to play it to the best of our ability.

I know from some of the card games I have played that the most satisfying victories are those that have come out of hands that others would have given up on. It is when you "bid on nothing" and do still succeed that the game is the most challenging and fun. I wonder if the same can be said of life.

When all is said and done, God is not going to ask us how we compared with those around us. He is not going to evaluate us on the basis of awards received, possessions obtained, or the applause we gained. What God will look at is something simple: Did you live faithfully? Did you use what God gave you as effectively as you could? Did you make the most of your opportunities?

When we find bitterness, resentment and envy beginning to grow in us we need to take steps to weed it out before it destroys us and those around us. We can diffuse these emotions by focusing on three things

the wisdom of God's providence (he knows what He is doing)

the generosity of God's grace (we have been given far more than we could ever deserve)

the nature of His judgment (God will look at our faithfulness not our press clippings)

A LESSON ABOUT THE MAGNIFICENT NATURE OF GOD'S GRACE

This one is not easy to see. In fact, you have to know the rest of the story before you can see this application. As a result of being sold into slavery, Joseph eventually (after much heartache and disappointment) is eventually in a position to save his own family because he becomes a high ranking official in Egypt. After Jacob dies and the brothers are concerned about revenge from Joseph. Joseph assured them by saying,

Genesis 50:20 "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."In hindsight Joseph saw that even the worst of man may very well be the avenue used to bring us to the best of God. The very barbaric act that delivered Joseph to the Ishmaelite traders was the very thing God used to save the very brothers who sold him! The very son that recommended that Jacob be sold (Judah) became the one through whom the Messiah would come!

Now don't misunderstand. I'm not saying that God made the brothers do what they did. They chose to do what they did because of the wickedness that was in them. If they hadn't sinned in this way, God would have accomplished His purpose in another way. They are accountable for their actions. But . . . God, in His mercy, grace, and incredible power and resourcefulness turned what was evil into something good. And what God did for Joseph, He will do for you.

I generally don't see what God is doing in my life. So I am not going to speculate about what He is doing in yours. But I do know this: if we trust Him . . . even in the dark times . . . God will prove Himself faithful. Somehow and in some way God will use even the horrible things of life to prepare us for the wonder of Heaven and the advancement of His Kingdom on earth. I don't know how. And if I did not know God as He is revealed in the Bible, in some cases, I would think it was impossible. But the promise is sure . . . "in ALL things God is working for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

Notice one more thing before we conclude. Notice the difference between a person who walks with God and a person who does not. The brothers of Joseph did not walk with God . . . at least not at this point in their life. For them, the superficial was all there was. All that mattered to them was who got the most the quickest. They were so attached to the world that they lost all sense of compassion. They became so calloused that they lost their hearts. They drifted farther and farther from the Lord. Life lost its joy.

On the other hand you have Joseph. He was a man who endured every crisis, remained faithful through every obstacle, and held on even when he felt confused and abandoned. Joseph was used by God in a remarkable way.

Which course are you on? Are you following the ways of the brothers or will you follow the example of Joseph? Are you depending on schemes and manipulation to get ahead or are you willing to trust God? Are you letting envy, resentment and jealousy eat you up and keep you awake? Do you see that these things are poisoning every relationship and are leading you down a course of destruction? Will you grumble about the cards you have been dealt or will you play them to the best of your ability? Will you spend your life resenting what God has given to others or will you faithfully use what He has given to you? And what about your family? Have you taken the time to discover and affirm the uniqueness in each of your children? Are you taking time to affirm and demonstrate your love to each of your kids? Are you drawing your family together or driving them apart by the way you respond to them?

I know this is a different story, from a different time and a much different culture. But you have to admit, it does raise some really good questions.