Teach Your Children Well - h
Scripture: Deuteronomy 6:1-9
FOR ALL THE PARENTS OF THE WORLD
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said was: "Don't".
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We got forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve...we got forbidden fruit!"
"No way!"
"Yes way!"
"Don't eat that fruit!" said God.
"Why?"
"Because I am your Father and I said so!" said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants. A few minutes later God saw his kids having an apple break and was angry.
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" the First Parent asked.
"Uh huh, " Adam replied.
"Then why did you?"
"I dunno" Eve answered.
"She started it!" Adam said.
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"DID NOT!!"
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus, the pattern was set and it has never changed.
So take heart and do not be discouraged! If God had trouble handling His kids, what makes you think it should be a piece of cake for you?
Tip for the day: If you find yourself trying to cope with a tension headache, do what the aspirin bottle tells you: Take two and keep away from children.
1. Make an Impression
"If you try to make an impression on someone, chances are that's the impression you'll make."
If I am to make a lasting impression on my children, what are the key elements?
q Personally Internalized - "they must be on your hearts. . . " When people develop an outward attachment to the “form” of religion but fail to internalize it, it is a repulsive thing.
Matt. 15:8 "`These people honour me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. 9 They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men.'" {Isaiah 29:13}
q Intrinsically Motivated - taught from the perspective of the greatest commandment. Nothing makes sense when it is not motivated by love. Nothing else in !the world call forth inner resource like the motivator of love. Fear cannot. The law cannot. Monetary reward cannot.
q Consistently Demonstrated. We might just as well quit talking about things that we are not prepared to incarnate.
2. Initiate Discussion
How do I talk to my children about spiritual matters?
q Discussion - all viewpoints are legitimate. Sometimes kids will test the safety of the discussion by throwing out some emotionally charged statement just to see what reaction they get. Discussion means "I talk-you talk." not "I lecture-you listen." It doesn’t mean, “I talk – you talk- we fight.”
Elements of Good Conversation
1. Eliminate land mines. If kids are worrying about your reaction to certain topics they will be guarded and unnatural in your conversation with them. I find myself like that with people. If I have to watch out for what I might say because of negative reactions then I cannot converse freely. As a matter of fact I look forward to the conversation being over and rarely go out of my way to talk to that person.
2. Don’t interrupt – let people finish their thoughts and their sentences. Don’t talk over top of them. One person should speak at a time.
3. Don’t argue over points of disagreement. Argument or debate ruins the kinds of conversation that reveals a person’s innermost thoughts. God has not called us to correct everyone. He has called us to love everyone, to live before them in such a way that the will seek out a relationship with Christ and then He can guide them faultlessly.
4. Ask questions about them. Show genuine interest in the things that they are interested in. The more interested you are in other people’s lives, the more interested they will be in yours. It’s really no more than a corollary to the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
5. Allow a person to represent themselves fully without judgment and you will have opportunity to dialogue freely with them over the deepest issues in their lives.
q We are least guarded at home. Why? Because home ought to be a safe place.
I remember a little fellow, frightened by lightning and thunder, who called out one dark night, "Daddy, come. I'm scared."
"Son," the father said, "God loves you and he'll take care of you."
"I know God loves me," the boy replied. "But right now I want somebody who has skin on."
If I were starting my family again, that is what I would want to be above all else -- God's love with skin on.
n John Drescher, If I Were Starting My Family Again
A person will only open up if they feel safe. Otherwise they will remain guarded and their responses measured. The people who know us best live in our homes. We think that we know our kids. . . . they know us as well. Our parental constitutions should be sufficiently shockproof to withstand the questioning, the revelations, the emotional tirades and declarations of our children. The home is the place where we have the greatest potential of influencing our children and consistently fail to take advantage of it.
YOUR TEENS NEED YOU TO NOTICE THEM
Too often we barely focus on the person standing in front of us, much less on a teenager who hides in her/his room or one whose busy schedule keeps him/her out of the house. How do teens get attention? Hair and clothing choices may be one way. Loud music says I'm here! Angry words, slamming doors, even the dreaded silent treatment all scream for attention.
When teens' needs for notice are not met, they will - by behavior or attitude - get your attention - often negatively rather than positively.
What parents can - and should - do is to give them the positive attention they need in order to elicit positive behaviors and attitudes in their children.
What teenagers need:
1. Focused attention.
If only he'd say -- just once, "All right, Timmy, let's do it together, right now."
But it's always, "Wait a little. Can't you see I'm busy? Just a minute, Timmy. Tomorrow."
Tomorrow I'll be big.
I'm only little now. Now is when I need you, Daddy. Not tomorrow. Or even in a minute. Now.
May I have some of your time, please? Please, sir? Perhaps I should schedule an appointment. You always keep appointments. Or maybe I could go away a while until I'd be a real stranger. Then when I'd come back you wouldn't keep me waiting.
Wonder if that would work? But why go to all the trouble? I'll try the other way -- just once more.
Daddy, will you -- will you play with me? Now.
Tomorrow I'll be big.
2. Pay attention when your teen is talking. Turn off the TV and give them your undivided attention.
3. Watch body language and facial expressions for clues about your teen's feelings.
4. In a discussion, if the situation is not life-threatening, agree to disagree. Remember, your teen may be trying out different beliefs and attitudes to see what fits, how others react, and how the words sound coming from her/his mouth.
5. Say I'm available, then be available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. If it's not convenient to talk, give your teen a time frame (I'll be through in 10 minutes. I want to talk to you.) One dad told his secretary to interrupt any meeting when his teen called.
6. Enter the world of your teen. Look at events from the teen's point of view.
7. Go to school-sponsored events. Chaperone a church youth trip (with your teen's permission). Offer to bring food to a fellowship.
8. Take a group of younger teens out for pizza and let them sit at another table.
9. Listen to their conversation while you are driving.
10. Watch the TV programs and movies your teen watches and discuss these.
11. Listen to and discuss the songs your teen prefers. Don't condemn the music. Try to understand why he/she likes the song. Ask your teen how it makes her/him feel or what message she/he hears.
12. Work on homework together. Show your teen study shortcuts you learned. Get her/him to explain the subject to you so you can help.
13. Do something special with your teenager.
14. Spend time alone with each teen in your family. Plan a regular (weekly, monthly, bimonthly) date if possible.
15. Brainstorm a list of activities to do with your teen. Together select several and write these on the family calendar.
16. Let your teen teach you something (how to use the computer, how to play chess, how to program the VCR).
17. Explore new places with your teen (a used clothing store, a bike trail).
18. Indicate that you think about your teenager during the day. I thought about what you said... I saw something today that reminded me of you. A friend at work expressed the same opinion you had about...
19. Occasionally invite the teen into your world (for lunch or on an interesting business trip).
20. Eat dinner as a family. At least three days a week make it a priority to sit down together for food and conversation.
21. Always greet your teen in the morning, when returning home, or when the teenager walks into a room.
From Why Your Kids Do What They Do by Rodney Gage, copyright (c) 1999.
q Look for the right time. "when you sit at home. . ." Timing is so important when we want to communicate effectively.
3. Integrate Faith and Life
Show them how it works. How to "walk it out". When you walk - the scripture says. It's easy to sit at home and talk about spiritual issues. Something different is required when you take your show on the road.
q Be natural. It works everyday or not at all. It should work when:
Ø you think you are being taken advantage of,
Ø when you believe that you are being overcharged
Ø or overlooked
Ø or overbooked
Ø or your failure is being overblown,
Ø when you’re overburdened
Ø or it’s overcast,
Ø or you’re in overdraft,
Ø or overwhelmed,
Ø when you’re overweight
Ø or you’re overworked
Ø And if it doesn’t work then your faith is overrated.
You can tell when someone is uncomfortable with their faith. The very fact that they are uncomfortable makes others uncomfortable as well. How do you become comfortable with it?
Ø You don’t let your fear keep you from trying. If you want to learn to communicate your faith to others you need to try regularly. The more that you try the more comfortable you will become.
Ø Learn to speak of spiritual truths in terms that are not churchy. Often the terminology alone is a roadblock to people. The term “born again” was a very relevant term to Nicodemus and that was the reason that Jesus used it. It is not necessarily the sole description of salvation.
Ø Remember that God has equipped every person in this world with the inner desire to know Him and they have a God given capacity to receive spiritual concepts. They want them because more than anything else, they help people to make sense of life. Remember also that the truth offends some people – mostly because they are fighting an inner battle against it and there will be times when you will get adverse reactions.
Ø We live in a world where the gospels of man and materialism are proclaimed constantly. The truth of God’s Word and His will for our lives needs to be proclaimed as well.
Ø Take time to listen to people before you pontificate. If you do not have time to hear people, they will not have time to hear you.
Ø Know the Bible well enough to avoid making it express your personal convictions or to make it say things that it doesn’t say. When you do this, it is expressly as wrong as making it say less than it does.
q Be the same with all people. There are universal rules of kindness and courtesy that should be of more concern to Christians than anyone else in this world.
I think that children can be extremely soured to see their parents always at their best when they are with others and always at their worst when they come home. You know – your family deserves your best and they will measure what they receive against what you give others. Too many young people are turned off by a publicly spiritual personna portrayed by their parents and a moping bitter, impatient identity at home. If you can rise to the occasion to present yourself well to others then you can rise to the more important task of presenting yourself well at home.
The elderly countess was very happy with her own chauffeur. He was courteous, prompt and efficient. The only complaint she had concerned his personal appearance. One day she said to him diplomatically, "Randall, how frequently do you think one should shave in order to look neat and proper?"
"Well, madam," said Randall, also trying to be diplomatic, "with a light beard like yours, I'd say every three or four days would be enough."
Knowledge, ability, experience are of little avail in reaching high success if courtesy be lacking. Courtesy is the one passport that will be accepted without question in every land, in every office, in every home, in every heart in the world. For nothing commends itself so well as kindness; and courtesy is kindness.
George D. Powers
I think that if we are not naturally expressive or have a retiring personality we could at least learn to be nice. That means to restrain yourself from speaking unkindly to others. I do not believe that being frank or open or honest gives us license to be unkind – ever. We will be much more influential if we treat people properly
q Don’t take offense easily. I cringe at the thought of the negative impact that oversensitive people have relative to the kingdom of God. I think that everyday holds a little hurt for everyone. I think that everyday people will make remarks that are too quickly spoken and to carelessly thought through. Unless we can find a way to shake life off we will forever be in turmoil. To know how to let things go is a crucial skill for the person who would “walk the talk.”
THE SIZE OF YOUR HEART
It isn't the size of your house as such
That matters so much at all.
It's the gentle hand and its loving touch,
That make it great or small.
The friends who come and the hour they go,
Who out of your house depart,
Will judge it not by the style you show,
But rather by the size of your heart.
It isn't the size of your head so much,
It isn't the wealth you found.
That will make you happy -- it's how you touch
The lives that are all around.
For making money is not hard --
To live life well is an art:
How people love you, how they regard,
Is all in the size of your heart.
Anonymous
4. Inspire and Inquire
I know the Bible is inspired because it inspires me.
-- D.L. Moody,
What we do at the beginning and the end of the day is prime opportunity
q Reflection & Evaluation - "when you lie down" - my non-Christian mother used to faithfully hear my prayers. I hated the part of the prayer that said, "if I should die before I wake".
What do you think of when you lay your head on the pillow each night. I think that peace is the ideal. For a man to be able to breathe easy, to be free from conflict with others that he holds the keys to resolve. To be able to look back honestly at the day behind us and to be able to learn objectively from it. I have never lived a day in my life when I wouldn’t have done certain things differently
The end of the day is the time of reflection when you look back and ask yourself some key questions. I think that it is wholesome and helpful to be able to look back and celebrate victories with our kids and to be able to admit our errors. It is a gift or a blessing from God to be able to leave the day behind us. To not carry the cumulative weight of yesterdays into the new day. I believe that we receive confidence and hope from past victory and a clean fresh start from ownership and resolution of our failures and mistakes.
q Committment & Challenge - each & every day is a gift from God. There should be a daily goal that we pursue.
2 Cor. 5:9 "So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. 10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.
Would it be your goal to please the Lord this week? Do you remember the sense of joy that you received when you were small at the pleasure of your parents. They delighted in you and you were at your best when they expressed that delight in you.
5. Identify Yourself
Our lives ought to be clearly identified with Christ in a way that makes others curious about our faith.
Deut. 6:8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
q Let there be no doubt about your beliefs. When people really come to a personal relationship with Christ there is no doubt about it. Tie them on your hands and your foreheads. Let them guide your thoughts and your actions.
q Visibly identify yourself with the gospel. Symbols - (fish, cross, WWJD, dove)
Bring Down a Son
1. Provide him with plenty of free spending money.
2. Permit him to choose his own companions without restraint or direction.
3. Give him a latchkey and allow him to return home at any hour of the night.
4. Make no inquiry as to where and with whom he spends his leisure hours.
5. Give him to understand that manners make a good substitute for morals.
6. Let him expect pay for every act of helpfulness.
7. Let him spend his church-time hours on the street instead of in church.
8. Be careful never to let him hear you pray.
Bring Up a Son
1. Make home the brightest and most attractive place on earth.
2. Make him responsible for the performance of a limited number of daily duties.
3. Never punish him in anger.
4. Do not ridicule his conceits, but rather talk frankly on matters in which he is interested.
5. Let him invite his friends to your home and table.
6. Be careful to impress upon his mind that making character is more important than making money.
7. Live uprightly before him at all times; then you will be able to talk to him with power.
8. Be much in prayer for his spiritual salvation and growth, pray with him daily as well as praying for him in private.
Make Me A Better Parent
Dear Heavenly Father,
Make me a better parent.
Teach me to understand my children,
to listen patiently to what they have to say
and to answer all their questions kindly.
Keep me from interrupting them,
talking back to them, and contradicting them.
Make me as courteous to them as I would have them
be to me. Give me the courage to confess my sins
against my children and to ask of them forgiveness
when I know that I have done them wrong.
May not I vainly hurt the feelings of my children.
Forbid that I should laugh at their mistakes
or resort to shame and ridicule as punishment.
Let me not tempt my child to lie and steal.
So guide me hour by hour that I may demonstrate
by all I say and do that honesty produces happiness.
Reduce, I pray, the meanness in me.
May I cease to nag; and when I am out of sorts,
help me, O Lord, to hold my tongue.
Blind me to the little errors of my children,
and help me to see the good things that they do.
Give me a ready word to honest praise.
Help me to grow up with my children,
to treat them as those of their own age,
but let me not expect of them
the judgments and conventions of adults.
Allow me not to rob them of the opportunity
to wait upon themselves, to think,
to choose and to make decisions.
Forbid that I should ever punish them for my
selfish satisfaction.
May I grant them all their wishes that are
reasonable and have the courage always to withhold
a privilege which I know will do them harm.
Make me so fair and just, so considerate
and companionable to my children that
they will have a genuine esteem for me.
Fit me to be loved and imitated by my children....Amen
Author unknown[