Nichole Harman - 4/18/18

We gather today to mourn the loss, but also to celebrate the life of Nichole Harman. Because Nikki’s death comes as such a shock to us, we are left grasping for answers in a time when it seems like there are none. But in the Bible we find hope, even in the midst of difficult times.

We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed….For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever. So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever. (2 Corinthians 4:8-9, 17-18, NLT)

So today rather than focusing on the questions to which we don’t have answers, we fix our eyes on the Lord, trusting that He is still in control, even when we don’t understand why things happen the way they do. So will you pray with me now?

Our Heavenly Father, we come to you today with a whole lot more questions than we have answers. We realize that in this life we may never receive answers to some of those questions, but that doesn’t mean that life is meaningless. Help us today to trust you even though we don’t understand. Help us to celebrate Nikki’s life and to remember the impact she had on the lives of those around her. Comfort us as we grieve, Lord. For we ask this in Jesus’ name. Amen

Nichole Renee Harman was born January 31st, 1973 in Iowa City, IA, the daughter of the late Craig Harman and Rhonda Thompson Foley. She grew up in Dallas City, IL, graduating from Dallas City High School in 1991. She made many friends during her school years that ended up being close friends for the rest of her life.

In her adult years, she and Derrick Pfeifer had a son together, Logan Pfeifer, who was her light. She was so proud of her son and everything he accomplished. She worked at Big Muddy’s for 16 years as the “Hostess with the Mostest”. She was a loyal and dedicated worker and became a familiar face there. For the last several years she had been employed at the Winegard Company, where she worked in the Tech Support office. She had gained a reputation there as a dedicated worker who excelled at her job and helped those around her to excel too. She loved to work hard.

Nikki loved to stay busy when she wasn’t working. She wasn’t one to sit around at home and do nothing. She loved to watch NASCAR, the Hawkeyes, and the Cardinals. She loved to travel, attend concerts, and spend time with others. Her and her friends from high school became known as the 4 Musketeers, and they loved to take girls trips to various places. They liked to joke that their group had become famous (or maybe infamous) for their adventures together through the years. She kept in touch with friends and family throughout her whole life.

Nikki died on April 13th, 2018, and is survived by her mother, Rhonda Foley, of Lomax, IL, her son, Logan Pfeifer of Burlington, IA, one brother, Colin (Roseanna) Harman of Wichita, KS, one niece, Kayana Harman, one nephew, Brady Harman, her step-mother, Doris Harman of Dallas City, IL, her grandmother, Joyce Thompson of Lomax, and several cousins, aunts, uncles, and many friends who had become like family as well.

She was preceded in death by her father, Craig Harman, her step-father, Steve Foley, her sister, Tracy, and her grandparents.

[SONG]

To be honest, I didn’t really know Nikki Harman, but based on what I’ve learned about her in the last few days, I think I would have really liked her. Nikki was someone who didn’t know a stranger, and seemed to be genuinely at ease with most anyone she came into contact with. This is probably why she was so good as a hostess and a great asset in Tech Support at Winegard. She had the ability to put people at ease and to genuinely care for them and try to help them…even when they were yelling at her. No matter what, Nikki didn’t seem to get too worked up. If there was something she didn’t like, you would just hear her say, “That’s the worst!”

Even after years of working at Big Muddy’s, I am told that Nikki was still not much of a cook. Logan told us, however, that she did have a few specialties. She cooked a really good lasagna. She could make eggplant parmesan. And she was also very skilled at cooking all manner of foods in the microwave.

Many of her co-workers from Big Muddy’s described her as being like a mother to them. Nikki helped them get started in life and served as a sounding board for them. So many of these co-workers felt like they were part of Nikki’s family even though their paths may have only crossed for a short time.

Most everyone who knew Nikki came to love her heart and her attitude. She was fiercely loyal and willing to do anything for anyone. Her door was open to everyone, at any time. She loved to be a help to her friends—which included most everyone she knew.

Nikki was someone who seemed to always have a smile on her face and her smile was contagious, because it was genuine. She seemed to genuinely enjoy life, no matter what she was doing. She did everything with gusto.

She was immensely proud of her family. Though it was sometimes difficult for others to figure out exactly how she was related to people, none of that mattered to her—if you were family, she loved you. She loved all of her nieces and nephews and cousins. She was always excited to see them and was definitely the “fun aunt” (or older cousin). Teresa and Michelle have many memories of growing up with Nikki. She was often tasked with babysitting them, though that usually consisted of letting the girls do whatever they wanted while she did something else. Needless to say the girls loved it when Nikki would watch them. In later years, she became more like a sister to them, and they shared everything with each other.

Isabella loved it when Nikki came over, and was always looking forward to the next time she’d see her. She talked about needing her time with her “Snickers.” Bobby always called her Little Nick or Buttercup, and looked forward to his adventures with her too. She was so proud of all of the kids, and was especially proud that everyone saw that Kayana was essentially a younger version of her. In her cubicle she had tons of photos of her family, because she was just so proud of them.

Nowhere was that more true than with Logan. She was always happy to tell everyone about how proud of him she was. She’d tell them how hard he was working, she loved to tout his accomplishments to anyone who would listen, and she believed in him and supported him in everything he did. She loved having him and his friends over at the house, even though she often described his friends simply as “The 10,000 Shoes,” because of the pile of shoes that would inevitably be by the front door. She loved having his friends there though. Growing up, she made sure Logan always looked his best, and he was always dressed in the best clothes. Though she often worried about him (she worried about EVERYONE!), she also said that she trusted him completely, because she knew he was really a good kid.

She was also so proud of her baby brother. Though Colin was only 3 years younger than her, she had always treated him like her annoying little brother (though I think Colin somewhat relished playing that role!) But even though she liked to give him a hard time, she thought the world of him. She was so proud of him when he graduated from Basic Training, and even more when he retired from the Air Force. After their dad died, the two of them became even closer. She could talk to Colin about anything and knew that he would tell her what she needed to hear, even if it wasn’t what she wanted to hear. She trusted his judgment and knew that he loved her no matter what.

Nikki was one of those people who actually did the hard work to maintain friendships over the long haul. When other people would say to friends, “We should get together sometime,” Nikki would actually make plans and make sure those relationships stayed healthy and vibrant. She made that effort with her family, but also with her friends. Juliana counted Nikki as one of her closest friends, and most everyone she met felt comfortable with her.

Nikki, Angie, Heather, Felicia continued to be friends from their school days up until now. No matter how far apart their lives took them, they still managed to keep in touch and they often planned girls trips together where they would have adventures. They even went and got professional photos done of the 4 of them, complete with matching outfits! When Bob Walker came back to the area, she reconnected with him as well. They loved hanging out and going on little adventures together over the last 3 years. She counted him as being like a brother to her, and she just loved spending time with him.

Nikki was not only proud of the people around her, but she was also proud of the things she had accomplished and had managed to get for herself. She was so proud of her new house and was so excited to finish the work on it. She was not one to ask for help, but she was so appreciative when she received it. Apparently rather than asking for help, sometimes she would just tell you to help. She told Karl Robert that he was going to do the drywall in the new house, and he was happy to be able to do something for Nikki.

For some strange reason she was proud of her old car as well. She just loved it, and everyone she worked with knew it. She wasn’t proud of the car because it was fancy…or even in the greatest condition. She just loved it because it fit her and she had become comfortable in it. She was so grateful to Karl for helping her keep the car running for so many years. She was shocked when she came out of work one night discovered her beloved car had been stolen. Even though she left it unlocked with the keys in it, she couldn’t believe anyone would have wanted to steal that car. When the police recovered it in Iowa City, she said, “We’re going there to get it!” So she and Leana made the trip to bring it home. The car didn’t do so well on the highway, so they had to drive about 45 the whole way, but she was thrilled to be reunited with it once again.

It might be tempting to conclude that Nikki’s demeanor was an act—that she was smiling and happy to people because it was her job or because she was trying to put people at ease, but it wasn’t an act at all. The reason people felt at ease with Nikki wasn’t because she was putting on a show for them, but because she genuinely cared for them. Everyone said that she gave the best hugs, because they were real. She would just melt into your arms because she really did love the people in her life.

Through everything they experienced through the years, she became best friends with her mom. They shared everything, and their relationship had become more like sisters than a mother and daughter. The thing is, almost everyone described their relationship with Nikki that way. Nikki was the kind of person who could make you feel like family—and even if you weren’t a blood relative, she loved you like you were. As Nikki’s life on this earth has ended, her impact will continue to be felt in the lives of those who loved her. Her life and her attitude touched so many—which is why so many will miss her now that she’s gone.

[REMARKS FROM RHONDA]

[SONG]

Any time someone is taken from us at a young age, we find ourselves asking a lot of questions. Why did this happen? Why now? Why Nikki? Where was God in all of this? If God is real, why would he allow this to happen?

There is nothing wrong with these questions. They are a natural response to a situation we don’t understand. I wish I could stand here today and explain to you all of the answers to these questions, but I can’t. The truth is, I don’t know the answers either.

But even though I can’t answer some of these questions for you, I hope you can find comfort in a story from the Bible. It is the story of Job.

Job was a good man. He honored God, he tried to do what is right, he loved his family, he worked hard, and he was honest in his business dealings. By all accounts, Job should have been given all sorts of blessings by God. And Job had been tremendously blessed. He had many children, lots of land, loyal workers, and great wealth. But one day, God allowed all of that to be taken from Job. His children were killed, so were his workers, and his wealth vanished all in the same day. Shortly thereafter, Job started to experience painful boils all over his body. Job was miserable.

But Job continued to trust in God. His friends kept telling him he was to blame for all of these things, but Job continued to trust that God had a reason for everything that was happening, even though he couldn’t imagine what it could be. But eventually, Job did start questioning God, asking Him why this was all happening, demanding that God explain himself to him.

At the end of the book of Job, God finally shows up to answer Job’s questions. But he doesn’t answer them the way Job would have hoped. Instead, God asks Job a series of penetrating questions, reminding Job that He cannot possibly fathom God’s purposes. After this line of questioning, Job backs down. He realizes that He has no right to demand answers from God—and that God is under no obligation to explain the reasons for his actions. In truth, even if God had explained his reasons, Job probably wouldn’t have understood.

To be quite honest, I’ve always found Job’s story to be frustrating because God never does give Job the answers he seeks. But instead God reminds Job of His character. He reminds Him that the answers he seeks are found in the character of God. He reminds him that He has a plan that is far bigger than our ability to fathom. And so in the times we don’t understand why things are happening the way they are, we must cling to what we do understand, which is God’s character.

In times like these we have a saying we like to repeat in our church—three things we do understand about God. If these things are true, they enable us to endure whatever comes because we trust in God.

God loves me.

God is in control.

God never makes a mistake.

I wish I could tell you why God allowed Nikki to be the accident this week. I wish I had answers to that question, but I don’t. What I do know, however, is the character of God. I know that He loves us and doesn’t want to make us miserable. I know that even when things seem senseless and out of control they are not. And I know that somehow God has a plan to bring good out of even this situation, though I don’t know what that is just yet.

But there is one other bit of hope I can offer you today—one other truth that we cling to. And that is that this life is not all there is.

Just a couple of weeks ago we celebrated Easter. Easter is probably the most important holiday that Christians celebrate, and the reason for that is that it is the cornerstone of the Christian faith. At Easter, Christians celebrate the fact that Jesus was killed, but that He also rose from the dead. He came back to life and tells us that because of that, we too can live again with Him.

In other words, death is not the end of the story for us or for Nikki Harman. The Bible tells us that it is possible to live even though you die. Here is what Jesus said to his disciples:

I am the resurrection and the life. Anyone who believes in me will live, even after dying. Everyone who lives in me and believes in me will never ever die. Do you believe this? (John 11:25-26, NLT)

Jesus says that for the person who trusts in Him and lives their life following Him, death is not the end of the story. We live now in order to live again. This is our hope today.

I know that Nikki didn’t attend church often, in part due to the schedule she kept because of her job. I know she believed in God and understood the message of the Bible. Where she truly stood in regards to her faith is something only she and God knows, but I can tell you this. If she trusted in Jesus Christ to forgive her of her sins and failures and if she sought to follow Him with her life, then today Nikki is more alive than she ever has been. And if that’s the case, I can only imagine the smile on her face now.

This is why we can continue to have hope, even in the midst of dark times. We can trust what Jesus says. We believe there is life beyond the grave because Jesus demonstrated His power over death at Easter. And we can also be reminded that if we will trust in Jesus then we too will live even though we die.

One thing we should remember as we gather today is that life is fragile. We don’t know when our last day might be. That means we shouldn’t put off until tomorrow the things that we should do today. We are not guaranteed tomorrow, so we need to do the important things now.

Chief among those important things is to answer the question Jesus asked his disciples: “Do you believe this?” This question is not merely hypothetical, it is immensely practical. The question of what happens after we die is something most of us would rather not think about, but as we stand before the casket of someone we love, we realize it is a question of ultimate importance. So please, do not waste this opportunity today to examine that question for yourself—there is too much at stake.

But as we reflect on the life of Nichole Harman, I think there are many lessons we can each take away. We learn:

If you love someone, it is important to show it. A gentle smile, a warm hug, or sweet words of encouragement make a bigger impact than you can imagine.

Being kind to people (even when they don’t deserve it) is a much better policy than being mean back—and others will take notice of your kindness.

You should always be willing to help out a friend, no matter how it might inconvenience you in the moment. True friends are always there for one another.

Family is a treasure that is too important to take for granted—so make the time to care for your family (whether they are related by blood or not).

When you find a good friend (or 3), do whatever it takes to keep that friendship alive, because good friends are hard to come by.

Don’t be afraid of hard work—ultimately it will pay off.

Don’t put off until tomorrow what needs to be done today. We don’t know what tomorrow holds, so make time for the things that are most important.

A person who is genuine in their love and care for those around them will be loved by many, and remembered fondly by all whose lives they touch.

We will miss Nikki Harman. We will miss her smile, her hugs, her kind words, and her infectious personality. But we should not only remember who she was, we must remember the lessons we learn from her life. That is one of the most fitting tributes any of us can offer.

Will you pray with me?

Our Heavenly Father, we join our hearts today, grieving at the loss of such a wonderful and loving woman. Our minds strain to make sense of everything, but we know we can’t fully understand why things have happened as they have. But Lord we pray today that you would bring comfort to us all as we grieve. Remind us of the lessons we can learn from Nikki’s life and comfort us with the truth that this life is not the end of the story—there is still more to come. Help this family and these friends as they grieve, we ask in Jesus’ name. Amen.