Living with Your Adversaries - Genesis 31

©Copyright August 4, 2019 by Rev. Bruce Goettsche

There are many things that separate families: addiction, abuse, criminal activity, divorce, and perhaps one of the most devastating is: family estates. When it comes to what we feel we are "entitled to," sometimes lines become walls, and the wounds inflicted are very difficult to overcome.

We are in a section of Genesis right now where we are seeing this division played out on two different fronts. There were inheritance issues that separated Jacob and Esau, and now there are issues of who owes who what, with Laban the uncle of Jacob. This week we look at the issue with Laban.

Laban had cheated Jacob many times. He promised him his daughter Rachel for seven years of service and then on the wedding night substituted Rachel's sister, Leah. To get Rachel took seven more years of service! After the 14 years of service Jacob was ready to leave and Laban offered to pay him. Jacob suggested he be paid in animals . . . only the black and spotted animals (the rarest). Laban had prospered greatly while Jacob was working for him, so he agreed. However, Laban sent some of his men to hurry out to the field to remove all the black and spotted animals and move them far away, ripping Jacob off once again.

God was watching out for Jacob however, He told Jacob to do several things during mating seasons which resulted in whatever kind of animals Laban changed his wages to. This began to frustrate Laban and his sons (who were seeing what they believed should be their inheritance being taken from them.) God appeared to Jacob and told him to head back to the land of Promise (what would one day be called "Israel").

4So Jacob called Rachel and Leah out to the field where he was watching his flock. 5He said to them, “I have noticed that your father’s attitude toward me has changed. But the God of my father has been with me. 6You know how hard I have worked for your father, 7but he has cheated me, changing my wages ten times. But God has not allowed him to do me any harm. 8For if he said, ‘The speckled animals will be your wages,’ the whole flock began to produce speckled young. And when he changed his mind and said, ‘The striped animals will be your wages,’ then the whole flock produced striped young. 9In this way, God has taken your father’s animals and given them to me.

10“One time during the mating season, I had a dream and saw that the male goats mating with the females were streaked, speckled, and spotted. 11Then in my dream, the angel of God said to me, ‘Jacob!’ And I replied, ‘Yes, here I am.’

12“The angel said, ‘Look up, and you will see that only the streaked, speckled, and spotted males are mating with the females of your flock. For I have seen how Laban has treated you. 13I am the God who appeared to you at Bethel, the place where you anointed the pillar of stone and made your vow to me. Now get ready and leave this country and return to the land of your birth.’” (Genesis 31:4-13)

I believe we can discern some principles in this text for dealing with the antagonists in our life.

In Frustrating Times - Do What the Lord Says

We are beginning to see signs of growth in Jacob. In chapter 30 we read some of the strange things Jacob did while the animals were mating. He had them mate in front of various kinds of branches that had the bark peeled back make white streaks. These animals gave birth to young that we streaked, spotted, and speckled.

At first read it sounds like he was some kind of genius. Some wonder if these same techniques would work today. (I doubt it). We learn in Genesis 31 that these were things God told him to do. This is progress for Jacob. Even though what God told him to do sounded crazy, he did it, and God blessed Him because of it.

This is not irrelevant to us. God has asked us to do some crazy things.

Turn the other cheek

Forgive

Consider others better than ourselves

Submit to governing authorities

Serve Christ before EVERYTHING else

Be still; Wait on the Lord

Tithe

Rejoice in suffering for His name

Admit and confess our sins

Rejoice always

Here is the truth: If we hear and obey, we will be blessed by God. This blessing is something deeper than financial reward and happy circumstances. We will be blessed because we will be walking with the Lord and find the key to what we were created to be.

We are learning about many of the martyrs of today in Sunday School. These people are displaced from their homes and kept from getting food and jobs because they are following Christ. Yet, these people go forward joyfully. God provides for their needs, sometimes in the most basic of ways. Sometimes He gives them strength to stand when they are beaten or forced to watch their children treated horribly. They hold firm to the truth that there is life beyond the grave and a Lord who is worth serving no matter what the cost might be. They continue to do what the Lord says . . . no matter the consequence. They have found the greatest blessing.

Selfish People Eventually Alienate the People Around Them

When Jacob knew Laban's attitude toward him had changed, he knew it was time to leave. He summoned Rachel and Leah and told them he didn't think they were safe under their father's roof anymore. He told them God said it was time for them to leave and head back to the land promised to Jacob.

14Rachel and Leah responded, “That’s fine with us! We won’t inherit any of our father’s wealth anyway. 15He has reduced our rights to those of foreign women. And after he sold us, he wasted the money you paid him for us. 16All the wealth God has given you from our father legally belongs to us and our children. So go ahead and do whatever God has told you."

Leah and Rachel felt no loyalty to their dad, Laban. They felt used and ripped off by their dad. Any loyalty they had was destroyed by his selfishness and manipulation. They waited until Laban was gone (because they had no idea what he might do to keep them from leaving), and then they slipped away at night.

This is what happens with people who are perpetual antagonists. They tend to talk about, slander, get mad at, blame, and walk away from most of the relationships in their lives. As a result, people eventually see the distortions (or lies) they telli. People who once rallied to their side will eventually drift away because of their selfish

We don't know why Rachel stole the household gods. Was it because she felt she was owed something from her dad? Did she think the idol might serve to finance their trip? Did she think it was a good luck charm? It is impossible to know.

When Laban heard Jacob and his family left, he hurried home. He was furious. That is always the way it is. People who use other people are upset if other people don't do what they want them to do. They will fly into a rage and it can get really ugly fast! It is apparent that Laban was not used to someone acting independently.

Jacob and company had a three-day head start. However, with young children, and lots of animals, they were not moving quickly. Even with a three-day head start they caught up to Jacob and company in 7 days. Fortunately for Jacob, God had appeared to Laban the night before. He had a dream from God warning him to leave Jacob alone. . . or else.

When Laban did catch up with Jacob you almost feel sorry for him. He sounds almost like a nice guy. he doesn't understand why Jacob left without saying good-bye and without giving him a chance to say good-bye to his grandchildren. He said, (and we are pretty sure he is lying), that he would have had a big Bon Voyage party to send them on their way. The trouble with his words, is we know selfish and abusive people know how to say the right words to get what they want. They always have an angle. And, the situation is always someone else's fault.

Laban had lost his employee, his daughters, his grandchildren and now even his gods. It seems the more he schemed and tried to manipulate others, the more alone he became. People will put up with a little foolishness from others. They will take into account the fact that people have good days and bad days. However, if you continue to be self-absorbed and use those around you, those people will eventually drift away.

If You Live with Integrity You Will Stand Firm in a Crisis

Jacob knew nothing of the gods stolen by Rachel and made a grand stand of saying so. He told Laban he was free to search all their belongings an if someone was found with the gods they would be killed. Of course, Jacob had no idea what Rachel had done. Fortunately, she was a good liar and escaped detection.

Jacob stayed in the household of Laban for 20 years. He had been cheated again and again. However, while he was there, he lived with integrity

38“For twenty years I have been with you, caring for your flocks. In all that time your sheep and goats never miscarried. In all those years I never used a single ram of yours for food. 39If any were attacked and killed by wild animals, I never showed you the carcass and asked you to reduce the count of your flock. No, I took the loss myself! You made me pay for every stolen animal, whether it was taken in broad daylight or in the dark of night.

40“I worked for you through the scorching heat of the day and through cold and sleepless nights. 41Yes, for twenty years I slaved in your house! I worked for fourteen years earning your two daughters, and then six more years for your flock. And you changed my wages ten times! 42In fact, if the God of my father had not been on my side—the God of Abraham and the fearsome God of Isaac—you would have sent me away empty-handed. But God has seen your abuse and my hard work. That is why he appeared to you last night and rebuked you!” (31:38-42)

Integrity is when you do what you said you were going to do regardless of what others say or do. Jacob did his job faithfully even though Laban kept changing the rules. He could have slacked off. He could have stolen animals. He didn’t do that. He did his job. Integrity is becoming less common today. We seem to have more Laban’s than we do Jacob’s in the world.

Psalm 15 talks about integrity,

Who may worship in your sanctuary, Lord?

Who may enter your presence on your holy hill?

2Those who lead blameless lives and do what is right,

speaking the truth from sincere hearts.

3Those who refuse to gossip

or harm their neighbors

or speak evil of their friends.

4Those who despise flagrant sinners,

and honor the faithful followers of the Lord,

and keep their promises even when it hurts.

5Those who lend money without charging interest,

and who cannot be bribed to lie about the innocent.

Such people will stand firm forever.

The person of integrity will be able to stand under scrutiny. Integrity for the Christian is living with the heart of Jesus. It is practical. It involves the everyday choices of our lives.

It is hard to not respond in kind when someone is trying to slander or take advantage of you. However, fighting meanness and hostility with meanness and hostility doesn't solve anything, it just multiplies meanness and hostility! We live in an angry world. Many people seem to default to violence when they are frustrated. When we adopt the same tactics, we only deepen the problem. God wants us to show the world a better way.

Integrity and consistency are the powerful weapons we have been given. If we are consistent, we will stand out in the world and the world will listen . . . even if they would rather not.

Sometimes the Best Way to Handle Antagonists is Separation

Laban and Jacob decided to make a treaty or a covenant. The treaty established that all obligations had been fulfilled and neither party would come back for damages after this date. They erected a monument that established a boundary they agreed not to cross. (Laban is basically relinquishing his relationship with his daughters and grandkids). This monument effectively set the border between Israel and Syria.

It was Laban who said,

“May the Lord keep watch between us to make sure that we keep this covenant when we are out of each other’s sight. 50If you mistreat my daughters or if you marry other wives, God will see it even if no one else does. He is a witness to this covenant between us.

Some of you may know it better from the King James versions: "May the Lord watch between me and thee while we are absent one from the other."

When I was growing up there was a period where someone thought this would be a good thing to say at the conclusion of each worship service. Apparently, no one had read or understood this 'prayer'. What it really is saying is: "I don't trust you and you don't trust me. May God keep His eye on you." That’s not exactly the mindset we are trying to establish in the church.

The Bible tells us to do good to those who try to use us. We are to respond to hostile people with kindness. However, there are times we are to simply walk away. Jesus told his disciples to leave a town that rejected them and simply shake the dust off their feet. In the book of Titus Paul gives this practical advice:

Do not get involved in foolish discussions about spiritual pedigrees or in quarrels and fights about obedience to Jewish laws. They things are useless and a waste of time. If people are causing divisions among you, give a first and second warning. After that, have nothing more to do with them. For people like that have turned away from the truth, and their own sins condemn them. (Titus 3:9-11)

Unfortunately, there are some professing Christians who like to have things stirred up. They are less concerned with facts than they are being in the middle of things. These are people who are always stirring up conflict. Paul says we must choose to stop wasting our time on them and stop beating our head against the wall. Personally, I have found this to be really good advice.

Jacob and Laban were not friends, nor did they appear to have any hope of ever being friends. It was best to just stay away from each other. Why keep putting yourself in a situation that is going to turn you into an angry person? Why not devote your energies somewhere you can do some good?

Conclusion

From this text we see some simple but valuable principles for dealing with antagonists.

Step One: Keep Doing What God tells you to do.

Step Two: Antagonists will Eventually Alienate Those Around Them

Step Three: Live with Integrity; don't lower your standards to that of your antagonists.

Step Four: Be ready to walk away, if necessary, to keep peace and your sanity.

Followers of Christ are called to lead the world rather than mimic the world. We are tasked with being as wise as serpents but as harmless as doves. One of the reasons we are told to love rather than argue; to walk away rather than continuing to mess with troublemakers, is because arguing doesn't work. It builds walls rather than opens doors.

I doubt any of us came to Christ because someone argued us to faith. I doubt you believed because someone put their finger in your face and told you what you were doing was offensive to God. Instead, I'm guessing you turned to the Lord because someone cared about you. They loved you even though you may have been traveling the wrong direction. They told you about God's grace and mercy and you dared to believe them.

Jacob was a long way from the standard set down by Jesus, but he does give us a glimpse of a better way to handle antagonists than we sometimes do. So, this is a time when we can learn some positive things from Jacob. And let's face it, as we look around at the world, our current tactics are not working. Maybe it is time to try it the Lord's way.