Together Again - Genesis 33

©Copyright August 18, 2019 by Rev. Bruce Goettsche

I know people like some reunions. It is always fun to have a class reunion after 50 years to see who aged the best (and who didn’t). It is fun to have family reunions so you can try to remember who all the cousins are. We enjoy when TV families reunite for a special or a movie cast gets back together. It is fun to reunite . . . unless the relationship has been difficult.

One of the most difficult things to do in the world is reunite with someone who has become distant from you. There may be a wound that must be dealt with. A pain which must be absorbed. A misunderstanding that needs to be clarified. The Bible tells us to go to someone who hurt us, and it also tells us we are to go to those we have hurt and be reconciled.

We have all kind of reasons for not forgiving and reconciling with those we believe have hurt us,

I’m waiting for them to ask for forgiveness

They don't seem like they are sorry

What if they do it again?

I don't want them to think what they have done is OK

Jesus doesn't allow for loopholes. We are told simply to forgive. Unfortunately, it is not all that simple.

This morning we will see the long-standing feud between Jacob and Esau come to an end. Jacob was told to head back home after 20 years. He sent a messenger to Esau to tell him he was coming home. When the messengers returned and said Esau was coming to him and he was bringing 400 men Jacob believed the feud was on.

Jacob divided his group up. He sent animals, then the servants, then the midwife of Leah, the midwife of Rachel, Leah and her children and finally Rachel and Joseph. Jacob stayed behind. It seems like the height of cowardice on first read.

In the evening, Jacob wrestled with what was likely an angel. He put up a good fight. However, as we saw last week, it appears the angel was not using all the power he had (like a parent wrestling with a little child). In the morning the angel just touched Jacob's hip and it disabled him. Jacob held on, pleading for a blessing. He learned where truth strength is found.

The whole experience changed Jacob. He seemed to be surer of his relationship with God. How do we know this? Listen,

Then Jacob looked up and saw Esau coming with his 400 men. So he divided the children among Leah, Rachel, and his two servant wives. 2He put the servant wives and their children at the front, Leah and her children next, and Rachel and Joseph last. 3Then Jacob went on ahead.

The sense of cowardice seems to be gone. Jacob now faces his brother BEFORE the rest of the family follows.

Reconciliation

The first thing Jacob did was adopt a posture of humility. Instead of trying to gain control of his brother (as he had the last time they were together), he bowed low before him. Before any family can be reconciled, it usually takes someone to make the first move of humility and contriteness. In this case Jacob and Esau each moved toward each other.

This is often the case between warring parties. If one party will make a positive move, the other party will often cautiously move as well. If our relationship was significant enough to hurt each other and cause a rift, then there should be some desire to restore the relationship. Sometimes that first step is a simple "Hello" that is more than perfunctory or polite. It is a word that can also be an invitation to a renewed relationship. It might just be a handshake or even a heartfelt, "I'm sorry for where we have drifted in our relationship."

Scholars debate whether Jacob was merely trying to "save his hide" or whether this was a genuine act of apology and a desire to make things right with his brother. Personally, I don't see any reason we shouldn't see a continuing change in Jacob. His perspective was different. He had been taken advantage of by Laban. He was much more sympathetic. I believe Jacob showed his sorrow by these animals he gave as a gift to Esau. Dr. Boice wrote,

Accepting a gift from one’s enemy was improper in that culture. So, if Esau accepted a gift from Jacob, it was an acknowledgment that the feud was over and that he would stand by and support rather than attack his brother. [1]

The Gift of Forgiveness

What we see next is a beautiful picture of what God wants to happen between those who have drifted apart. This is especially true of those who are part of His family.

As he approached his brother, he bowed to the ground seven times before him. 4Then Esau ran to meet him and embraced him, threw his arms around his neck, and kissed him. And they both wept.

Five verbs in verse 4 indicate the radical change that has taken place. I suspect Jacob did not expect the response he received from his brother. It was eager, warm, and filled with a desire for reconciliation.

What happened? How did Esau turn from a brother intent on killing Jacob to a brother who wished to restore their family?

The passage of time?

Maturity?

Contentment in his own life?

Perhaps it is a mistake to ask such questions. Maybe we should simply step back and marvel at the work of God. At its root, forgiveness is a divine act. Philip Yancey writes,

One factor that motivates me to forgive is that as a Christian I am commanded to, as the child of a Father who forgives. And I can identify three pragmatic reasons.

First, forgiveness alone can halt the cycle of blame and pain, breaking the chain of ungrace. Without it we remain bound to the people we cannot forgive, held in their vise grip. Second, forgiveness loosens the stranglehold of guilt in the perpetrator. It allows the possibility of transformation in the guilty party, even if a just punishment is still required for the wrong. And third, forgiveness creates a remarkable linkage, placing the forgiver on the same side as the party who did the wrong. Through it we realize we are not as different from the wrongdoer as we would like to think.

Forgiveness—undeserved, unearned—can cut the cords and let the oppressive burden of guilt roll away. The New Testament shows a resurrected Jesus leading Peter by the hand through a three-fold ritual of forgiveness. Peter need not go through life with the guilty, hangdog look of one who has betrayed the Son of God. Oh, no. On the backs of such transformed sinners Christ would build his church.[2]

Did you hear the first reason for forgiving? Without forgiveness we "remain bound to the people we cannot forgive." In other words, we are giving power to the one who hurt us. We will continue to churn, to dread seeing them, to be constantly looking over our shoulder, all the while they may not be thinking about us at all! Forgiveness is putting the hurt into God’s capable hands. If you don't "let go" of the hurt, you are left to continue carrying that hurt and you cannot heal.

In other words, even if the other person is unwilling to reconcile with us . . . if we can let go of the hurt through forgiveness, we are set free from the cancer that will otherwise eat away inside of us.

If you resist forgiveness, it is probably because you believe the other person should not be "let off so easily." We want them to pay! But here is what we need to understand, forgiveness does not mean the other person is getting away with anything. God will settle all accounts in the end. His justice will be perfect. When we forgive, we put our hurt into the hands of Jesus. We give the matter over to Him.

Jesus says the biggest reason we have for forgiving others is the great debt God has forgiven us. When all is said and done, the primary reason to forgive is this: God says to do it. By forgiving, we reflect the heart of God. In other words, we show the world the nature of the Christian life. We are never more like Jesus than when we forgive.

For this to happen we must adopt a different attitude. We must, like Jacob, remember that what we have has all been given to us as a gift from God. We are made His children by a forgiveness that is far superior to anything we will be asked to extend. The problem is: we don't believe this. We act as if what we have been forgiven by God is less offensive than what others have done (or are doing) to us. This shows we have a faulty understanding of the horror of sin. The fact that sin is commonplace does not make it less toxic or disgusting.

Would you want to stand before the Lord of Heaven and argue that you did not forgive because the offense against you was more significant than your offense against Him????

In the case before us, there is forgiveness and reconciliation. Jacob and Esau seem to pick up as brothers. It is a glorious thing when families are reunited. Forgiveness can build bridges over chasms we thought could never be bridged.

Does Jacob Negate Everything by Lying Again?

What happened next many find troubling.

12“Well,” Esau said, “let’s be going. I will lead the way.”

13But Jacob replied, “You can see, my lord, that some of the children are very young, and the flocks and herds have their young, too. If they are driven too hard, even for one day, all the animals could die. 14Please, my lord, go ahead of your servant. We will follow slowly, at a pace that is comfortable for the livestock and the children. I will meet you at Seir.”

15“All right,” Esau said, “but at least let me assign some of my men to guide and protect you.”

Jacob responded, “That’s not necessary. It’s enough that you’ve received me warmly, my lord!”

16So Esau turned around and started back to Seir that same day. 17Jacob, on the other hand, traveled on to Succoth. There he built himself a house and made shelters for his livestock. That is why the place was named Succoth (which means “shelters”).

18Later, having traveled all the way from Paddan-aram, Jacob arrived safely at the town of Shechem, in the land of Canaan. There he set up camp outside the town. 19Jacob bought the plot of land where he camped from the family of Hamor, the father of Shechem, for 100 pieces of silver. 20And there he built an altar and named it El-Elohe-Israel.

As we read this passage it sounds like Jacob was lying to his brother. We hear this as if Esau was saying, "I'll meet you at the Hampton Inn down the street." That seems to be the view of most commentators. But I don’t accept their argument. Seir was Esau's home. It is in the land of Edom (or southwest of Israel). It was a long journey away! I think what really happened was like meeting with a friend on Main Street and telling them you will meet up with them at their home in Chicago! No one would expect you to be there real soon. Everyone would understand you didn’t mean tomorrow.

To impugn Jacob here for lying to his brother right after they had apparently reconciled, is to draw conclusions the text does not give us. It is like reading intent into a text message. It is very possible we are assuming a motive that is not actually present. Any time you only hear part of the story, it is possible you may draw the wrong conclusion.

Why do we assume Jacob was up to his old tricks, deceiving his brother just like he had done in the past? Here are some things to keep in mind: First, Jacob was told in 31:3 to go back to the land of his father and grandfather (Abraham and Isaac). In verse 13 of that chapter God told him to go back to the land of his birth. This is what Jacob does. He didn't make a right turn to ditch Esau, he made a right turn to do what the Lord told Him to do. There would be time to spend time with his brother but first, Jacob set out to obey the Lord.

Second, after you have just been received kindly by your estranged brother, why would you choose to do something that would make you look again like a liar and schemer? This would negate everything you had accomplished and risk facing the wrath of Esau again.

Third, at the end of Genesis 35, we read these words,

27So Jacob returned to his father, Isaac, in Mamre, which is near Kiriath-arba (now called Hebron), where Abraham and Isaac had both lived as foreigners. 28Isaac lived for 180 years. 29Then he breathed his last and died at a ripe old age, joining his ancestors in death. And his sons, Esau and Jacob, buried him. (35:27-28)

We know Jacob and Esau met up again (at the ripe old age of 120 see 25:26) to bury their dad, Isaac. We don't know what happened in those intervening years. They may have visited each other regularly. Maybe they spent the holidays together!

I know it seems like I am making a big deal out of a minor detail. However, I do want to caution us against what we are too often guilty of: assuming a worst case scenario. We must always listen to what the Bible actually says and be careful about adding details the Bible does not give us. We get ourselves in trouble when we make assumptions about what our spouses, friends, and family mean by what they say. My concern is we can just as easily drift into error when we do the same thing with the Bible.

Conclusions

What do we do with this text? This passage talks about the power of forgiveness. We must not read anything into it that might make it easy for us to dismiss the incredible power of reconciliation. As I said, we like to dodge the command to forgive. Unfortunately, we do so to our own misery and to the detriment of our witness to the love of Christ.

I have been captivated by the stories I have been reading of persecuted Christians. These who are being tortured and not responding in kind. They choose to show kindness and grace to the guards. They choose to forgive rather than become bitter. They want to show Christ even to those who treat them poorly. I long for my heart and yours to lean in that same direction.

Where do we go from here? it is likely all of us have someone we need to forgive and perhaps not want to forgive. The Bible points us to three things we must do. First, forgive in your own heart. Come before the Lord and entrust the matter to Him. Let Him be the Judge. If corrective action needs to be taken, let Him administer that action. Entrust Him to convict others of their sin. We need to repent of hatred, bitterness, and resentment. We must leave the hurt with Him and ask Him to fill us with His love and compassion, even toward those who hurt us.

I am not saying this is easy. I am not even saying this is what I do or have done. I am saying I believe this is how we get to where God wants us to be. It is how we get free of the hurt.

Second, make right what you did wrong. Instead of pointing our finger at what others have done, this is one time when we need to take a hard look at where we have failed to respond as a child of God. When we have spoken in anger, slandered someone to others, relished in someone's misery, or nursed hatred. We must confess these things to the Lord and then, when possible, ask forgiveness from those we have treated badly.

Third, take a step toward reconciliation. We are not going to be fully reconciled with everyone. However, we can be civil and perhaps even cordial. I don't know if Jacob and Esau ever became good friends. They were very different. They had different interests and may have had different values. But, they were still brothers. They cared about each other, even if it was mostly from a distance.

You may never be what you used to be but you can be free of the bitterness, the anger, the resentment. You can get rid of the poison of hatred by giving the person and the situation to the Lord. You can then be civil and maybe even kind even to those who hurt you. It is not easy but it is what God tells us to do if we truly want to bring people to Christ.

There are many powerful stories about the transforming power of forgiveness. They are always amazing stories because they are so contrary to the way things are normally done. This much is sure: the most joy-filled people are those who have learned how to forgive. And I suspect that such people may be among the first to hear the Lord say, "Well Done!"

[1] James Montgomery Boice, Genesis: An Expositional Commentary (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 1998), 825.

[2] Philip Yancey, Grace Notes: Daily Readings with Philip Yancey (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2009).