Taking Care of Each Other - 1 Timothy 5:1-16

1 Timothy 5:1-16

©Copyright March 1, 2020 by Rev. Bruce Goettsche

It is well documented that the elderly population is growing rapidly. Those who were called "baby boomers" (1946-1964) are all reaching the age of retirement. Many have predicted that Social Security will not be able to handle the disparity between the number of workers paying into the system and those who are retired and drawing out of the system.

We see something else happening, older people are increasingly being seen as marginal. The high value placed on youth has resulted in some seeing the older population as out-of-date and irrelevant. Even in some churches the focus is completely on reaching out to the younger people. There is a church in Minnesota that earlier this year asked the older members to attend another church for two years while they rebooted their church to reach younger people! The message was clear: you are in the way of our church growing! Can you imagine any of those people returning after two years?

This text in 1 Timothy 5 sounds somewhat strange to our ears. In a day when there are life insurance policies, investment portfolios, women in the workforce, and Social Security, many of the problems addressed by Paul in this passage have diminished greatly. Widows are generally not left out in the cold (at least financially). Widows (and sometimes widowers) do often need help in other areas (home and car repair, companionship, medical expenses, a feeling of usefulness).

As we read this passage, we will be looking for principles that transcend the situation and are valuable in our own time. That is where our focus will be.

The first principle is in the first two verses:

Never speak harshly to an older man, but appeal to him respectfully as you would to your own father. Talk to younger men as you would to your own brothers. 2 Treat older women as you would your mother, and treat younger women with all purity as you would your own sisters.

The Church Should be Characterized by Inter-Generational Respect

The ancient world had great respect for those who had risen to old age.

Cicero writes: “It is, then, the duty of a young man to show deference to his elders, and to attach himself to the best and most approved of them, so as to receive the benefit of their counsel and influence. For the inexperience of youth requires the practical wisdom of age to strengthen and direct it. (Cicero: De Officiis, 1:34). Aristotle wrote: “To all older persons too one should give honour appropriate to their age, by rising to receive them and finding seats for them and so on” (Aristotle: Nicomachean Ethics, 9:2)

We have lost much of that respect today. There was a time if an older person came into a crowded room, younger people would rise and give up their seat. People used to listen attentively to the stories their elders told. Now, it is every man for themselves and those same stories will often be met with an eyeroll. Too often the ideas of older people are dismissed as being out of touch. The wisdom gained by years of experience is completely dismissed. We would all be better off if we actually listened to those who had more experience than we do. Experience generally trumps education.

In fairness, this can also go the other way: anything younger people want to do is seen as foolish and the traditional is guarded against anything that might have a modern feel to it. This too is a lack of respect.

The principle Paul gives is that we should relate to people in the church as family. The Bible says clearly that we are all brothers and sisters in Christ. Paul builds on that here saying

young men should relate to older men like they were their fathers

older men should relate to younger men as if they were their sons

we should relate to older women like we would relate to our mothers

and we should treat young women as if they were our daughters or sisters

This doesn't mean we will always understand each other or agree with each other, but we must at all times respect each other and give honor to one another.

Practically, what would this look like in the church?

Leadership should be made up several generations

Our worship and programming should address the needs and preferences of the various generations (meaning we must be OK with things that appeal to others).

We value the experience and the history of the older members of the church rather than ignoring them as irrelevant as well as look for ways to build a bridge to the younger people in our community. This means making it a point to listen to appreciate these groups. We must appreciate the experience of the older members and the innovative ideas of the younger members of our body.

We have another principle in the next verses,

3 Take care of any widow who has no one else to care for her. 4 But if she has children or grandchildren, their first responsibility is to show godliness at home and repay their parents by taking care of them. This is something that pleases God.

5 Now a true widow, a woman who is truly alone in this world, has placed her hope in God. She prays night and day, asking God for his help. 6 But the widow who lives only for pleasure is spiritually dead even while she lives. 7 Give these instructions to the church so that no one will be open to criticism.

8 But those who won’t care for their relatives, especially those in their own household, have denied the true faith. Such people are worse than unbelievers.

We should help those who struggle in our church family

The church is called a family. As a family we need to care for each other. But, Paul gives us some parameters in these verses:

1. The church is not to be a replacement for a person’s own family.

2. The church is not to reward laziness or to feed a sense of entitlement.

3. The church is not required to support the entire society, they are to help those who are part of the family of God.

Let’s take these one at a time. The church is not a replacement for a person’s own family. Paul is clear: we have a responsibility to care for family members in need. Our parents sacrificed and gave freely so we could be where we are today. We must not abandon our family when they need us.

Sometimes families are overwhelmed with the needs of family members. In such cases they are not wrong to ask for help. It is not wrong to put an aging family member into a nursing home if they need extra care. To put them in a nursing home because you don’t want to have to deal with them is another issue.

Paul is clear: a person who is not willing to care for their relatives . . . is worse than an unbeliever. One of the characteristics of love is a willingness to get involved practically with the needs of others, even if it means being inconvenienced.

The church is not to reward laziness or feed a sense of entitlement. Everyone who has ever worked with people in need, have had people ask for help who are carrying the latest iPhone, covered in tattoos (which are not inexpensive), and driving a fairly new vehicle. This may be one of the reasons they are not able to pay their bills! They are spending their money foolishly.

Paul said,

Now a true widow, a woman who is truly alone in this world, has placed her hope in God. She prays night and day, asking God for his help. 6 But the widow who lives only for pleasure is spiritually dead even while she lives.

The true person in need is one who is trusting God for their daily provisions. They don’t have money for extra things.

We should not be looking for reasons NOT to help alleviate needs. James said, “Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress.” If we are going to be a truly caring family, we must help those in the family who are weakest and in need.

Later in the text Paul refers to the danger of putting younger widows on the list of people to be helped.

The younger widows should not be on the list, because their physical desires will overpower their devotion to Christ and they will want to remarry. 12 Then they would be guilty of breaking their previous pledge. 13 And if they are on the list, they will learn to be lazy and will spend their time gossiping from house to house, meddling in other people’s business and talking about things they shouldn’t. 14 So I advise these younger widows to marry again, have children, and take care of their own homes. Then the enemy will not be able to say anything against them. 15 For I am afraid that some of them have already gone astray and now follow Satan.

These are some of the words that leads some people to believe Paul was a womanhater. I don’t think that is the case at all. Paul is making the case that sometimes you help someone the most by not helping them. Sometimes you can encourage helplessness by helping someone. You foster laziness by simply giving people what they could earn on their own.

Of course, there are times when everyone struggles. Helping someone out of a tough situation once, is a loving thing to do. Paul is talking about people who need ongoing support. We should be careful we are truly helping people by supporting them long-term.

The people of God are to help those in the family of God. Paul had a description of those who should be helped.

A widow who is put on the list for support must be a woman who is at least sixty years old and was faithful to her husband. 10 She must be well respected by everyone because of the good she has done. Has she brought up her children well? Has she been kind to strangers and served other believers humbly? Has she helped those who are in trouble? Has she always been ready to do good?

In other words, the church was to help widows who had lived out their Christian faith. It is easy for us to feel guilty because there are needy people in the world. We want to help as many truly needy people as possible. However, our first priority is to help those in the household of God who are in need.

Those Helped Should Continue to Serve the Lord

Some Biblical interpreters believed there was an “order of widows.” The church helped them and they, in turn devoted themselves to prayer and visiting others.

I like the principle here: We should not be passive “takers” in the body of Christ. We should all be looking for a place to serve. Just because you are a person in need does not mean you should just sit back and wait for others to serve you. You also should be looking for a way to serve.

There are many ways to serve in the church that do not involve money. The biggest thing you can do is pray. This is not a short daily prayer you might pray during your Bible Study. This is devoting yourself to pray extensively for the church and the ministries of the church. You can pray for the Pastors, for people who do not know the Lord to come to Him in faith, you can pray for God to meet the needs of the church financially. The most powerful ministry in the church is the person who is relentless in their prayers for the church.

People who may be facing hard times can still go and visit people. They can help with Awana, teach Sunday School, serve as a greeter, take a turn in the Nursery, write encouragement notes, be involved with our H.O.P.E. group. Having needs does not mean you must sit on the bench when it comes to serving the Lord. This only fosters the laziness we were warned about earlier. Serving energizes. It restores hope. It instills value. It gives us perspective that will help us in life.

In fact, I think one of the hardest parts of getting older is feeling that you no longer have anything to contribute to the Body of Christ. Frankly, that is pure nonsense. The fact that you can no longer serve the way you used to serve does not mean you must stop serving altogether. Look around! There are many places you can serve. And, as I said, a powerful prayer ministry is vital to the growth and health of the church.

Some Applications

One of the biggest problems we have today is we, as a society, are pretty self-centered. In other words, we have a hard time seeing beyond ourselves. Our problems consume us and as a result we do not see the needs of people around us. Sometimes we don’t see the need that is right in front of us!

If we are going to be a healthy family, we have to learn to see the other members of the family. We need to look for ways we can help our family members rather than waiting around to see how they are going to help us.

We live in a world filled with lonely people. You may not have money to give to others, but you may have time. Time to make a phone call, jot a note, or even make a visit. You have time to say hello, have a conversation, and care. This is a ministry that doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it is a HUGE deal.

We are missing out on benefitting from our greatest natural resource: the wisdom of those who have lived many years. You would be enriched to sit down with an older person and ask, “What is one of the most important things you have learned over your years?” Or ask, “In what ways have you seen America change in your lifetime and do you think they have been good changes?” There is a harvest of rich resources right in front of us but we are too impatient and too cocky to take the time to mine them.

Let me give you some specific ideas,

The next time you see a man or a woman with a military hat on, stop and ask them where they served and when. If you have the time, ask them about his time of service. Don’t forget to thank them.

The next time you see a young mother who is struggling with her kids, say something like, “I don’t know where you find the energy to do what you do.” Or you might say, “Your children are lucky to have such a good mom.” They might make a comment, they might not. But in that simple statement you affirmed a tired and exasperated mom.

The next time you see a young child, get down low, look them in the eye, and ask them how they are doing. You can learn a great deal from kids.

If you see an older couple eating lunch together and looking at each other with loving eyes, stop and comment that “you two seem very much in love.” They may comment by telling you how long they have been married. And if it has been a long time, ask them what piece of advice they would give a young couple just starting out. But even if they don’t respond, you will have enriched their day because you saw them and affirmed something positive in them.

When you see a young person using technology you don’t understand, ask them to show you how it works. (It is OK to ask them to slow down). Most people are happy to teach others. For young people it makes them feel valued.

Put money in your budget each pay period and set it aside as “difference money.” This will be money you save up that you can use to make a difference in someone’s life. It’s a wonderful thing to not only WANT to help, but also to be able to help.

Be on the lookout for lonely people and just be their friend. It might be a person who just buried their mate, or someone who is caring for a terminally ill family member, or it might be someone who just moved to town and doesn’t have any friends. If you ask God to show you the lonely people, He will.

You see, this passage is about more than simply rules for widows and old people. It is about caring for other people. It is about learning to love in very practical ways. It is about learning to follow Christ and to see the value in others that He sees. In fact, we could even say this passage is about what it means to be human.