The Christian Family

Intro

One of the teachings of the bible that is under attack the most is the way in which a family is to be ran. Is your family based on current culture and its philosophical, and psychological model of a properly ran and structured home? Or do you have yours set according to God’s word. This is one of the most abused and misunderstood teachings as well. In our study you will find that a lot of this is due to the man of the family failing in his duties to his family. When this happens, when he disobeys what God has commanded him to do as the father and husband there is a ripple effect that be passes down for generations and you will see how. We will be in Ephesians chapter five verse 21 through chapter 6 verse four.

The Instruction to the Christian Family is Broken Down in 5 Sections.

Wife’s duties to the Husband.

The Husbands duty to the wife

This is broken down first with the instructions to the duties between the wife and husband. First the wife regarding her duties to her husband in verses twenty-two through twenty-four. Then the husband’s duties to the wife in verses twenty-five through thirty-three. This is where we will start today and move onto the rest the next time.

So, let us begin by reading the passage which says,

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

This is very crucial instructions to the success of a Christian home, but the most abused and wrongly applied as well. This passage is what in some ways dictates the success of rearing children as I’ll explain later. So let us start off with the duties or instructions given to the wife. Which says,

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

As I read that the word that rang out the loudest to the women was most likely submit. Therefore I say the most crucial but often the most abused and wrongly applied. Men the reason that most of the time women do not accept the submission to their husband is because how often this verse is taken and abused mainly due to the fact that of husbands neglecting to apply the rest of the passage. This is one of the main reasons why women have problems with this particular passage specifically the word submit. Mainly because it often denotes in the mind a feeling of forced servitude instead of loving obedience and adoration for our Savior and Lord. Another issue is that this is often taken literally on the part of the husband, and used as a means of control.

One of the biggest hits to the Christian family dynamic has to be the feminist movement as well. Now before you change the station ladies, hear me out. Up until the feminist movement took place the Christian model of the home remained intact. There was an understood distinction from the Greco Roman Patriarchal society to that of what Paul taught here in Ephesians. In Paul’s day women were more like property than anything. If the husband was unhappy or wanted to get another wife the first could be killed. The idea of love for their wife was not an important or thought concept in his time. This is also how most patriarchal societies are. Paul was giving a commandment from God that was so different it would be revolutionary in that time. Today it is because women have become rebellious not wanting to accept and honor God’s framework for the family. They want equality, but don’t understand they already have it. God made man and woman equal on the spiritual front but not on the physical. I know I know that’s sexest. But if you’re a true Christian seeking to follow God’s commandments and want to live in accordance to what He intends for you to live it’s not. You have to ask yourself, do I want to be obedient to Christ or not. Yeah but he does this, and not that, etc… The men are addressed in the next part. Oh on another subject if any of you have the women’s bible get rid of it. The women’s bible I’m talking about was written with a feminist slant that was written because of hatred of the biblical framework of the family. In verses 23 through 24 it gives the reason for the wive’s submission to the husband using the relationship between Christ and the church. Stating that the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. Let us put this into perspective, the church is always referred to as the Bride of Christ. Of which Christ is the head of the church, which is His bride. Paul is saying that in the way the relationship between the church (bride of Christ) and Christ (Groomsman) is to be the model for the Christian home as well. So as we (the Church) submit to Christ (groomsman) the wife is called to do to the husband.

Since the 1950’s there has been a steady climb of single parent or no parents living situations. In that same time leading up to now there has been a steady decline in the bible being the main guidance for the family as well. There was also a decline in church attendance and graduation rates also. One thing a lot of them had in common was the absence of the husband/father in the home.

Men we have the most important role in the family. It starts with loving our wives as an example for all that is in the family. I said earlier that this passage is the most crucial to the success of the home. I will give the first reason here and the other later. You determine how your children’s understanding of love in a relationship is this goes for both the husband and wife. The way you are by your wife can tell your son, it is okay to hit and boss around women. The way you are by your wife can tell your daughter I have to be careful what I say because if I upset him, he has the right to hit me etc.… Now this an extreme case as an example but the point is all the same. It is also one reason why you see this happen so often is because they saw this as a kid or had no father at all.

So, men we are called to love as Christ loves the church, how do we achieve this. Let us start in Philippians chapter two verses three through eight. This passage Paul is teaching on humility with Christ as our example. He was urging the people of Philippi to live in this manner treating each other this way. The humbleness laid out here in Philippians applies to how the husband loves his wife. It says.

3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,[a] 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped,[b] 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant,[c] being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

Verse three says do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

Selfish ambition in a marriage often is a recipe for a train wreck full of emotional brokenness, distrust, bitterness, and resentment as well. The way this often looks in a marriage is where one’s desires and interests are made more important than the other. In the confines of the love we are to shower our wives with, we should love them to the point that we hold their desires more significant than ourselves, that their happiness is counted more important than that of ourselves. In essence we are to exalt our wives with both respect and overall concern.

4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Verse four builds onto the concept by adding that while we look to our own interest that we are to look to the interest of others as well. The husband’s love for his wife should be the same. The husband should while looking to his own interests should never discount or reject his wives but exhort them to achieve or take part in as long as it is in line with scripture. As well as take part in their interests. Making it a point to take part in their interests will make the bond between you and your spouse stronger.

Verses five through seven can only be applicable to Christ himself. In verse eight it speaks of how Christ was humble and obedient even until the point of death. In verse seven it shows how Christ added unto himself a human nature to his divine and in his humbleness he came to serve not to be served affirmed by Mark 10:45 which says,

45 For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Is this to mean a sense of servitude and willing sacrifice for your wife? Yes but not in a sense but a definite absolute. The model of love given to the husband/father is Christ and His love for the church. That’s what verses 25-27 is talking about.

If you look at these three verses about the Christian family they show a sense of balance but as we move forward you will see that the responsibilities of the husband is vast and vitally important. In part 2 we are going to cover verses 28-30 which goes deeper into the love of a husband for his wife.

The Christian Family Part 2:

We left off with Christ being the model for which the husband is to love his wife. Let us pick back up in verses 28-30 starting with verse 28 which states,

28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

If you go back to verse 23 Paul said that the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body. Paul is tying together the model of the Christian father/husband to the relationship of the Church (the bride) and Christ (the groomsman) further. When putting together 23 and 28 the implications become clearer of what Paul is saying. The church is often referred to as the body of Christ, and Christ as the head of it. By saying that the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His Body. He is implicating that the two are not separate but one. The head cannot be separate from the body and vice versa, so if the head doesn’t love the body it doesn’t love himself. Since Christ does love the church, His Body, we as husbands are to love our wife which is the body as Christ loves us the church His body.

In verse 29 it builds on this teaching by the Apostle Paul by adding,

29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,

What man or person in general hates himself? Now I know there are some instances caused by deep rooted scares emotionally and otherwise, but generally speaking what man hates himself. I mean sure there is always something about ourselves that we wish were better, our looks, health, to be stronger etc. Even then we still seek to nourish and cherish our bodies ourselves because we love ourselves. Not in a vain or conceited way as to give way to sin, but in a way for growth and wellbeing. We care for our bodies and even though it may not be the strongest, healthiest, or as handsome as we might like we nurture and cherish it like it’s the best man has ever seen, because it is our body. So the man may wish the wife to better, more agreeable, more whatever fill in the blank the fact is she is still his wife and by the nature and above all else by the ordinance of God apart of himself. If we as husbands neglect, demean, and abuse our wives we violate and break the laws of our Holy Father. In the Greek the word for nourish is nourish to train up by nurture as a mother does for a child, denoting a soft and tender manor. Cherish in the Greek here is to warm as a mother does for her infant on her chest. All these still denote a soft tender care and touch. This is the same as a husband would be towards himself and therefore should be towards his wife as well.

As we move to verse 30, it as well as through 32 works all in one thought one point. Let us start with verse 30 verse 30 says, “because we are members of his body.

We are members of his body, that is out of his mystical body. Paul is using this to tie together the overall point that is weaved throughout about the oneness of the church in Christ as well as Husband and Wife. I say this because we are members out of his body as well. That is all the grace and glory which the church has are from Christ, this being an analogy to Genesis where woman was created out of man. So as woman (the body in marriage) is given life by being out of man (The head of the wife, (body) as well as the family) Christ is the head of the church which his is body. This is why in verse 31 Paul cites what God spoke in Genesis 2:24. For this cause shall a man, leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.