The Price Of Giving Up
Scripture: 1 Samuel 1-4
You’d think that a man would know the time to “pack it in”. There is a time for everything under the sun, writes Solomon the wise – there is a time to quit. I have visions in my mind of boxers past their prime, refusing to accept the diminishing affects of aging and entering into the ring one more time, finally to be ushered out of their sport with a brutal beating, and this is how we remember them, battered and broken, shadows of their former selves.
It takes dignity and courage to quit at the proper time, to let go and to turn things over to others, to realize that while they may be different, our successors will bring a “success” of their own and they will achieve where we failed. Many times the foundation of their success will be the lessons learned from the failures of others.
The same is true in the church. There comes a time when we must trust what we have built to other hands, knowing that the Lord of the church, past, present and future holds it all firmly in His hands. He has promised that open persecution will never prevail against the church, the gates of hell itself. I’m sure that in His hands the church is safe. It has persevered through our mistakes in the past and in the present and be assured it will persevere in the future. The church will outlive and outdistance fads, trends, tests, scandal and trials. These have nee abundant in the past, in the present and in the future.
It’s true at home in the painful and blessed realm of parenting. This is that never ending period of our lives where we cannot “quit” being mothers and fathers but we have to change through the seasons of life as our children learn and grow and become independent from us and “leave” us for their own future and goals, etc. It hurts like crazy – I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
There are some dear folks however who receive the lessons of life, refusing to accept change and want to bring time to a halt. They tend to have an extremely adverse affect on people around them. Sometimes it is open conflict, sometimes passive estrangement – but it’s never good, anyway that you slice it. Eli was one of these people, out of sync with life and who knows what else. We know enough from the words of 1 Samuel, chapters 1-4 to see that he was an unhappy man, a tortured father, a passionless priest, a disconnected soul.
Normally people quit just after they retire. That’s the proper way! We formally announce our resignation and then we turn away and refuse to look back. Eli did it the other way around, he quit a long time before he retired. That’s in essence what was his problem. It is the problem that many people face today, today specifically we speak to fathers. Dad’s who have already “quit” but have a ways to go before retirement. That’s a terrible position to be in.
I want to look at 4 characteristics of Eli’s life this morning that may make him a “time translate-able” figure. He could be someone very familiar to us today. He could be the man that you see in the mirror every morning. The man who “sighs” himself into his daily monotony. The man who watches one day pile on top of another with nothing to live for passionately.
Remember that in parenting, our responsibility is to do what is right in God’s eyes and to take our job seriously. It is your responsibility as fathers to nurture the seed of faith within the heart of your children. We all will do that differently and we all will see different results. My children will gain their initial perception from my life, my work habits, my worship habits, my ability to communicate with them and my willingness to do the hard thing at times. It is for our faithfulness to the process that God will hold us accountable – not the results. Each of our children will one day choose themselves to serve God or to ignore him. We cannot guarantee that they will choose as we would wish.
Both Eli and Samuel had disappointing results with their children. Yet, Jehovah punished one for his ineffective parenting and blessed the other. We need to teach our people that it is the faithful process of parenting, not the end results, that God evaluates.
n Eunice Vanderlaan, Leadership, Vol. 13, no. 4.
1. Eli was a spiritually dull Dad, marginally connected to God.
q He mistook her prayer for drunkenness (1:12-14)
1 Samuel 1:12 As she kept on praying to the LORD, Eli observed her mouth. 13 Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk 14 and said to her, “How long will you keep on getting drunk? Get rid of your wine.” [1]
q He was slow to recognize God speaking to Samuel (3:1)
1 Samuel 3:1 The boy Samuel ministered before the LORD under Eli. In those days the word of the LORD was rare; there were not many visions. [2]
q He was under a cloud of judgment (3:11-15)
1 Samuel 3:11 And the LORD said to Samuel: “See, I am about to do something in Israel that will make the ears of everyone who hears of it tingle. 12 At that time I will carry out against Eli everything I spoke against his family—from beginning to end. 13 For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible, and he failed to restrain them. 14 Therefore, I swore to the house of Eli, ‘The guilt of Eli’s house will never be atoned for by sacrifice or offering.’” 15 Samuel lay down until morning and then opened the doors of the house of the LORD. He was afraid to tell Eli the vision, [3]
Let me ask you today Dads how your spiritual insight is. Would you recognize the blessing of God or would you have the tendency to misinterpret it? Do you tend to form an opinion quickly from a distance without taking the time to gain more information and insight? One of the mark s of the self-reliant man is his over-confidence in himself, his own perspectives and outlooks and he leaves little room for differing positions and opinions.
Your ability to see spiritual matters accurately is directly proportional to your current experience with God. The greater the connection there, the more like Him our responses will be. If we are strongly connected to God we realize that He works in differing ways with different people even in ways that might make us uncomfortable.
One of the things that I have learned is that it is wise to restrain myself from judging spiritual authenticity in others, in ministries, in things, based on my past negative experience. People do that routinely. There are those who suggest that due to the spiritual poverty of Eli’s time, there were people who showed up at church in a drunken state. If so then Hannah was quickly judged by common experience or past negative experience.
We miss a lot in this world when our sight is so limited and we raise a suspicious cynical generation behind us.
Apathy is not a problem but a symptom. The problem is not so much that people don’t care anymore but the reasons that they come to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter. Cynicism is the language of an apathetic person. It is a cowardly way to face life – to believe that bad experience gives me the right to judge all men accordingly. As I have moved from church to church I have encountered dear folk who treated me as though I had done something of which I had no knowledge, only to find out that they thought I was someone else – some negative character in their past.
2. Eli was a vocationally uninspired Dad, marginally committed to his work.
q Both a “judge” and a priest (1:9) Difficult to maintain focus when our hearts run in too many directions.
1 Samuel 1:9 Once when they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh, Hannah stood up. Now Eli the priest was sitting on a chair by the doorpost of the LORD’s temple.[4]
q He had delegated and abdicated his priestly responsibilities to his sons. (2:27-29)
1 Samuel 2:27 Now a man of God came to Eli and said to him, “This is what the LORD says: ‘Did I not clearly reveal myself to your father’s house when they were in Egypt under Pharaoh? 28 I chose your father out of all the tribes of Israel to be my priest, to go up to my altar, to burn incense, and to wear an ephod in my presence. I also gave your father’s house all the offerings made with fire by the Israelites. 29 Why do you scorn my sacrifice and offering that I prescribed for my dwelling? Why do you honor your sons more than me by fattening yourselves on the choice parts of every offering made by my people Israel?[5]
q He had routinely modified the temple protocol because of his diminished physical capacity or his personal lack of passion for his duties as priest. It was normal for the Lamp to go out. (3:3)
1 Samuel 3:3 The lamp of God had not yet gone out, and Samuel was lying down in the temple of the LORD, where the ark of God was.[6]
The priesthood was the “family business” for Eli and his sons. They may have grown up watching their father’s calling disintegrate into a job. A calling is always better than a job for a person’s work is their witness theoretically. At any rate, a man who functions without passion cannot inspire others to excellence. He sets the tone. I believe that a man’s attitude about his work is an influential attitude at home.
What’s the problem with so many people who find themselves doing something that they don’t like?
q They make vocational choices that are primarily based on finances.
q They fail to properly estimate the “routine” because they are drawn to the more “adventurous” aspects of their work.
q They cannot get along well with others. This is not optional for the person who wants to be used by God. Yes, people can be difficult by times, but the person whose aim is to influence another will find a way to touch another person’s heart. One sure fire way to render yourself powerless with others is to become their critic. Really, all that you’re doing when you adopt this stance is to mirror what you don’t like in the other person. Christians are called to provide the unnatural response, to turn the other cheek, to go the extra mile, to lend without the expectation of repayment . . .
q They can’t get away from themselves. Wherever you go, there you’ll be.
q They have no sense of calling in their work. We believe that we are all called to do something – this is what makes our work a spiritual matter. A man who merely tolerates his work cannot be a witness at work.
There is no work better than another to please God; to pour water, to wash dishes, to be a cobbler, or an apostle, all is one; to wash dishes and to preach is all one, as touching as the deed, to please God.
-- William Tyndale (C. 1494-1536)
I think most of us are looking for a calling, not a job. Most of us, like the assembly line worker, have jobs that are too small for our spirit. Jobs are not big enough for people.
-- Studs Terkel, Marriage Partnership, Vol. 11, no. 2.
23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, 24 since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.[7] (Colossians 3)
If a man does only what is required of him, he is a slave. If a man does more than is required of him, he is a free man.
-- Chinese Proverb
3. Eli was a relationally irresponsible Dad, marginally concerned for his people
q He knew what his sons were doing to people. (3:13) He was warned by a prophet.
1 Samuel 3:13 For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible, and he failed to restrain them. [8]
q He failed to stop the abuse (3:13)
1 Samuel 3:13 For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible, and he failed to restrain them.
q He chose to have his people abused (3:13)
As a “judge” and a priest, he was to be concerned for the welfare of his people and he failed to make them a priority. He chose to facilitate the abuse that his sons were guilty of by failing to "restrain" them.
It is a common mistake that men make, to believe that they don’t need close friendships with other men. Male friendships, optimally formed can be a great safeguard against evil and destructive tendencies and choices.
Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron,
so one man sharpens another. [9]
People that I lower my defenses to can see me like no others. They speak into my life with freedom and they have my ear because I know that they are concerned with my welfare. They have invested in my life and so have earned the right to communicate the “hard” truth that I need to hear at times. The same truth communicated by someone who has made no investment in my life is an offense and can never have the same productive impact.
I think that one of the mistakes that parents routinely make is to take the word of their children over others, to assume that other people have a problem – first. My dad used to tell me at school that if I had a problem with the teacher and he discovered that I misrepresented that teacher’s actions and indeed was guilty of that for which I was punished, he would reinforce the teacher’s punishment at home. He did not automatically assume that the authority figure had some axe to grind and was acting in some way to cause our family difficulty.
Ill. In a former church . . . antiphonal organ speakers . . .
4. Eli was a parentally detached Dad, marginally communicating with his children.
q His sons were on their own without any direct oversight
q Their abuse was second hand information (2:22)
1 Samuel 2:22 Now Eli, who was very old, heard about everything his sons were doing to all Israel and how they slept with the women who served at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting.[10]
q His sons would not listen to him. (2:25)
1 Samuel 2:25 If a man sins against another man, God may mediate for him; but if a man sins against the LORD, who will intercede for him?” His sons, however, did not listen to their father’s rebuke,[11]
It’s a shame that some parents have a way of “detaching” themselves from the lives of their children. We don’t want to interfere but we don’t want to positionally step away from them. I think that more than any other time our children need our reassurance. It’s not our unsolicited advice that they need or want, they just need for their parents to let them know that they are going to make it. I’m not real good at what I am advocating to you today. I find both these tendencies in my self – either the tendency to pull away and detach or the tendency to pontificate. My father in law remains a shining example for me – always current on what is happening in my own life and yet refusing to offer advice unless I deliberately sought it.
Summary: While it is the process of parenting that we will give account for, there are certain fatherly lessons that we can learn from Eli.
They are:
q The importance of remaining vitally connected to God. Ultimately this connection will make us most effective in every other endeavor of our lives.
q The importance of living out a “calling” before our children. If our kids can see us vocationally worshipping God then they will be impacted vocationally and spiritually and have less of a tendency to look for a job rather than a calling.
q The importance of modeling good interpersonal relationship skills before our children, avoiding the assumption that the other person is always at fault or that there is no validity in their position in conflict.
q The crucial need to remain forever current in the lives of our children so that they are assured of our love and prayers and support.
----
[1]The New International Version, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House) 1984.
[2]The New International Version, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House) 1984.
[3]The New International Version, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House) 1984.
[4]The New International Version, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House) 1984.
[5]The New International Version, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House) 1984.
[6]The New International Version, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House) 1984.
[7]The New International Version, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House) 1984.
[8]The New International Version, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House) 1984.
[9]The New International Version, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House) 1984.
[10]The New International Version, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House) 1984.
[11]The New International Version, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House) 1984.