Communication

Marriage is a commitment that says, I’m prepared not only to spend the rest of my life with you, but to spend the rest of my life finding out about you. There’s always going to be more of you to discover.

It’s only when we get married that we realize that some of our deeply held assumptions about life are not universally shared.

You do not think the same no matter how you feel right now, and I know both of you have had long term relationships and or marriages, so I know you know this but remember there is going to come a time when you realize that there are some things you are not gong to agree on. That cannot be an excuse to wanna end the marriage.

What do you expect from this marriage?

What is one thing that you know that you disagree on right now?

Communication involves talking and listening effectively.

We are all different inthe way we communicate and this is affected by:

Our personality

Our backround

Our personality

Extrovert- they tend towards processing their thoughts externally, in other words they tend to think out loud.

Introvert- They tend to to organize their thoughts in their heads first before they speak.

Analytical- They work things out methodically and may take a long time to make decisions.

Intuitive- They often act on hunches and may jump to conclusions.

Which one are you?

Being able to talk openly and honestly about our differences is vital if were going to have a strong marriage

Tell your partner how you think their personality affects the way they communicate

2. Our Family Backround

Some families are quiet, others are much louder

Some families are more volitile, others are calmer

Some families take turns to talk, others frequently interrupt

Some families air out their differences immediately; others may delay or avoid talking about their different opinions at all.

If you were to describe how your family deals with issues within the home would you says they were

Direct/Indirect

Vague/Specific

Relaxed/Stressful

Non-confrontational/confrontational

Closed/Open

Loud/Quiet

Humorous/serious

Interrupting/taking turns

HINDRANCES TO GOOD COMMUNICATION

Failing to make time

Set aside time for meaningful conversation on a regular basis.

-plan this time (it doesn’t just happen)

Guard this time from distractions and interruptions, such as phones and other screens

Recognize when to drop everything and listen

What things could prevent you from having time to talk together daily?

2. Failing to talk about your feelings.

Some people have to learn how to talk about their feelings as they may have had no role model growing up

They may find talking about their feelings difficult bc of feeling inadequate vulnerable, or fear that the other person may get mad.

You have to trust your spouse with your feelings

Listen to each other without judging or criticizing.

How do you express to each other when your feeling stressed, anxious, irritated, or under pressure?

Are you imitating what your parents did?

Ask your spouse how hard or easy it is for them to talk about their inner thoughts attitudes and emotions

Find out if they are encouraged to talk about their feelings during their upbringing.

3. Failing to listen to each other

Listening is of huge importance for building a foundation of understanding and intimacy in marriage

Not being listened to is highly damaging to a relationship.

When someone listens to us, we feel:

understood

valued

Supported

Loved

Overcome bad listening habots such as:

- Disengaging

going off on a tangent

giving advice

Reassuring

interrupting

Do you recognize any of these bad listening habits that you have?

HOW TO LISTEN

It takes patience to learn how to listen effectively.

Listening effectively means:

allowing your spouse to finish what they want to say

putting aside our own agenda and seeking to see the world through their eyes

making the effort to understand them, when they think or feel different than we do.

Activity:

Tell your partner something that you are worried about

Then ask what concerns them the most about what they have just told you

Then ask “is there anything I can do about what you have just told me?”

Is there anything esle you’d like to say?

Communication is everything and without it the marriage will not last long.

(Fighting fair)