Living as Married People

The Picture of Submission

1 Peter 3:1–2 NIV

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

Peter once again points us to this continual theme that he has been building on throughout chapter 2, the theme of submission. Peter has called us to live our lives for the Lord’s sake and not our own. This kind of living is seen in our submission to the authorities, the ones that we agree with and the ones that we oppose, the ones who are just and the unjust alike. Peter shows this submission as a following in the footsteps of Christ, who for the sake of the Lord submitted to the unjust Jewsih and Roman authorities for the sake of His Father’s plan.

Submission is not a sign of weakness but rather a surrendering to the ultimate authority. Our submission is not a statement of agreement but a recognition of true authority. It is a statement of faith in who God is and resolute belief that God’s plan is for His glory and our good, even if right now that is hard to see.

It is in this same way that Peter writes this next phrase, Wives submit yourselves to your husbands. Peter is very intentional about his wording here and his words hold great weight when seen within the whole of the picture that he is creating.

Peter uses the word hypotasso speaking about submission. This is a word of recognition of authority. God has placed the responsibility of the relationship upon the shoulders of the husband. In response to this work of God, Peter calls the wife to be subject to her husband. This is not a statement of hierarchy of the male persona nor is it a statement against the worth, value or capability of the woman. This is a statement of recognition and submission to the Lord and His plan.

Peter has been carefully laying this argument in place in recogntion of the equality of submission. Jesus was called to submit to his parents even though he was greater than they were. Jesus was called to submit to the Jewish and Roman authorities even though they were unjust. Jesus was called to submit to the Father even though he is deserving of the same honor, worship and glory as the Father. The call to submit has nothing to do with the honor, importance or dignity of the individual but rather has everything to do with our faith and trust in the Lord.

It is easy to submit to a husband who treats you as Christ treats you. It is more difficult to submit to a husband that is not led by the Lord and yet this is the precise scenario that Peter is addressing. Submit that in your submission, they might be won over through your actions.

Marriage is designed to be a beautiful reflection of our relationship with God. Just as there are three in perfect relationship in the Trinity, there are three that are required to be in unison in a helathy marriage, Man, woman and God. And yet Peter points to the redeeming power of God that as we surrender to His plan, He can even redeem a broken marriage.

Seeing Through God’s Eyes

1 Peter 3:3–6 NIV

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

It seems odd to place this section on adornments right after this difficult statement on submission. It may seem to some of us that Peter is just picking on the ladies, but I believe that Peter intentionally placed this passage here because it addresses the point of submission. I can tell you as a product of generations of women’s liberation I, as a man, struggle with the idea of wives submitting to husbands. I feel far more comfortable with word choices like partners, teammates, co-parents. But remember the point of this passage is our reationship with God. This passage is not about reflecting our marriages after the Lord, but rather it is that because of my relationship, faith and trust in God, my marriage should be lived out a specific way.

Here Peter is stating, do not fool yourselves by getting dressed up, putting on a good front, and living the moment up falsely. This is nothing more than deception. If the inner is not set on the Lord and desiring to live for His sake, all the adornment, false fronts, and false words are nothing more than deception.

The most beautiful and redeeming quality is to trust and obey the Lord. Nothing else can hold a candle to that basic truth.

Peter intentionally uses Sarah as his example. Sarah would be the mother of the promise. Her obedience though did not come easy. Her husband made some pretty bone-headed decisions. He did not always trust God, but Sarah still submitted to him. The desire is to follow as Sarah did, doing right and not giving in to fear.

The Responsibility of the Husbands

1 Peter 3:7 NIV

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Peter may speak more briefly to the husbands here, but his forcefulness does not diminish. Peter calls hubands to respond to their wives in the same manner that the wives were called to respond, for the sake of the Lord.

Peter does not call for submission, but rather considerate use of authority. Peter recognizes that the authority of man is not a reflection of man’s capability but rather of God’s gifting. In response to this, Peter calls husbands to be considerate of their wives. In fact the term used here, kata gnosin, means to live per the knowledge that we have. Husbands are to live with their wives with full consideration of the knowledge that God above has given you the responsibility of caring for His daughter in such a way that is for His sake.

Treat your wives with honor and respect as one who is a weaker partner. This term weaker partner literally means the vessel without stregnth. I believe that Peter is responding to husbands in the same manner that he did wives. Just as the wives submission did not have to coincide with the husbands devotion to God, the husband’s honoring of the wife does not have to correspond with the wife’s devotion or contribution to the relationship. Husbands, you are called to love, honor and respect your wives because God has given you responibility for your relationship. You will answer for how you honored your wife.

So husbands, do not look down on your wives but rather exalt them as co-heirs of life. When husbands and wives are living for the sake of the Lord, they will be devoted to God and inturn to one another. This is the way that the Lord designed our marriages to reflect Him in this world.

Start by praying for one another.