Relationships:

Relationships: Love, Trust, Respect and Understanding

1 Peter 4:8 KJV 1900

And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.

1 Pet 4:8

1 Thessalonians 5:11 KJV 1900

Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.

1 Thes 5:11

What Is a Healthy Relationship?

We were created for relationships. They are not optional. Jesus said, “By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35, NKJV). Children are in relationships with parents and siblings, students with teachers and classmates, and employees with bosses and coworkers. As we age, we discover the undeniable truth that everything important in life revolves around relationships. In his book Necessary Endings, Dr. Henry Cloud says spiritual sickness occurs when life experiences cause people to falsely conclude that they are responsible for meeting their own needs. The Bible clearly states, “My God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory” (Philippians 4:19). The truth is that we are most productive and fruitful when we are dependent on God. Most of life’s problems come from either the brokenness or fallenness of mankind: we don’t do what we should do, or we do what we shouldn't do. Problems exist because we are trying to live life misaligned from how God designed us to live.    Ecclesiastes 3 states, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens … a time to plant and a time to uproot … a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing” (verses 1–2, 5, NIV). This passage speaks of investing and divesting. The Bible says these investments and divestments must be purposeful and intentional. God wired us with the ability to invest and divest, but because of the Fall we are broken. Some of us have difficulty investing in relationships because we have learned to protect ourselves through emotional detachment and avoidance. Others may have problems divesting themselves from negative relationships, or “uprooting” and “refraining from embracing.” How do we know if we should continue investing in a difficult relationship or situation? If we have hope, we can invest more time in that relationship or situation. Hope comes from the objective belief that spending more time on something will yield a better result. And how does compassion fit in? We sometimes confuse compassion with enabling. We compassionately set boundaries, communicate expectations, and outline consequences. If we simply tolerate unwelcome behavior and remain silent, we unintentionally enable the behavior to continue. What is a healthy relationship? To put it simply, healthy relationships mutually edify both parties and glorify God. In H. Norman Wright’s book Relationships That Work: (And Those That Don’t), he described the four pillars of relationships: love, trust, respect, and understanding. These four pillars exist in every type of healthy relationship, and they can only remain strong when there is frequent, open communication. Paul encouraged this kind of communication when he wrote, “Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another” (Romans 12:10, NKJV). Remember, we don’t get to choose if we will participate in relationships, but we do determine how we will handle them. Will you help or hinder the relationships in your life? Author and speaker Dr. Gary Smalley summed it up best: "Life is relationships; the rest is just details."

Chad Flowers

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“Aloneness is by and large a modern concept. Until recent times, being alone meant danger and even death. In the past, humans literally needed one another for physical security. Perhaps it is the diminished need in our day for fortress walls behind which people can huddle for safety that inspires the modern effort to find fulfillment in the solitary.” - Jerry Jones

As human beings we are called to be among people…solidarity has crept in because if we’re honest with ourselves, we either stay to busy, don’t like people, or find enjoyment from things without people in general.

I understand that some enjoy big crowds of people and some do not, but the need for relationships is essential regardless of introvert or extrovert.

Introvert = energy drawn from time to think about things and process them. They must have time away from people because people often drain them. Prefer smaller groups of people

Extrovert = energy drawn from people! Need relationships and lots of them. Typically, loud and desire to be heard.

Regardless of where you fall on the spectrum of introversion and extroversion, you still need relationships. If you deny the need for relationships, you deny the ability for people to see whom dwells within you.

John 13:35 KJV 1900

By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

- John 13:35

The “This,” Love

What is Jesus referring to by the demonstrative, “this.”

We must go back by one verse in order to find out.

John 13:34 KJV 1900

A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

John 13:34

Loving others like Jesus loves you:

Showing mercy and grace, just forgive.

Forgive & Love Again: Healing Wounded Relationships 2. When Your Heart Screams No

Why does Jesus Christ expect us as His followers to get beyond “normal” emotions in order to love even those who harm us? Because He has given us a totally new nature with which to relate to others. He has given us the capacity to live, love, and forgive as He did.

Colossians 3:13 KJV 1900

Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

Col 3:13

Matthew 6:14–15 KJV 1900

For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Matt 6:14-15

We can’t love one another if we hold things against them. Does this mean that we will always agree with everything, absolutely not.

My Brother-in-law and I don’t always agree with each other, but this doesn’t keep us from loving one another. Love sees past hurt and moves past the past.

Expound

Love enables us to love past the hurt. Love enables us to move past ‘getting even.’

We as Holy Ghost filled believers have the ability to tap into living waters of love through Jesus Christ.

Trust

In reference to Norman Wright’s book, Relationships that work, he talks specifically about trust within a marital relationship. While we must have trust for our spouse within the marriage, trust is essential to have with other relationships.

God

Proverbs 3:5 KJV 1900

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; And lean not unto thine own understanding.

Prov 3:5

Family

Church

Respect

Matthew 7:12 KJV 1900

Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.

Matt 7:12

If you want others to treat you like a lesser person, treat everybody in the like manner. Respect is very important when it comes to relationships.

Many of you will say, “Well Brother Berry. Respect is earned.”

Yes, it is, but if you never give anyone else respect. How do you expect them to give you respect? You can’t.

We must respect:

- God

- Family

Exodus 20:12 KJV 1900

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.

This was in reference to Deut 6:4-7 - requires that the family is doing their part.

King James Version Chapter 6

7 And kthou shalt †teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

Deut 6:7

- Church

Philippians 2:3 KJV 1900

Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.

Phil 2:3

Can we just be honest, this is hard pill to swallow!

Don’t do things in spite of people…remain humble!

Leadership

King James Version Chapter 13

2 Whosoever therefore resisteth bthe power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves dddamnation. 3 For rulers are not a terror to egood works, but to the evil. Wilt thou then not be afraid of the power? do that which is good, and fthou shalt have praise of the same: 4 For he is gthe minister of God to thee for good. But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid; for he beareth not the sword in vain: for he is gthe minister of God, a revenger to execute wrath upon him that doeth evil.

Rom 13:2-5

Understanding

God

Comes from reading his word

Theodicy - the ways of God. Additionally, deals with how God could allow bad things to happen to good people

Job, Proverbs, Eccl

Wisdom Literature - combats retribution principle - expound

Family

Parents with kids

Kids with parents

Have understanding - empathy and sympathy - EXPLAIN THE DIFFERENCE

Church

Have understanding for people who are in need

Compassion - Jesus too was stirred with compassion for those who had need

The 5000 fed in Mt 14:14 - Jesus stirred with compassion for the people

Use wisdom, but don’t be greedy with God’s blessings

“We don’t give to receive. Is truly giving if you only give to receive something back?

Conclusion

Wrap it all up.