Spirit filled husbands
Spirit-filled Families: Husbands Who Love Their Wives for the Glory of Christ – Ephesians 5:25-33
Glynn Wolfe died at the age of 88 in Los Angeles. He died alone. No one came to claim his body. The city paid to bury him in an unmarked grave. I suppose this is not unusual in a big city. But in Glynn’s case, it is ironic. You see Mr. Wolfe, a former Baptist minister, holds the record for the most number of marriages. He was married 29 times. The shortest marriage was 19 days and the longest was 7 years. 23 of the marriages ended in divorce. His last wife, Linda Essex Wolfe only spent one week with him before moving back to her home in Indiana.
Glynn Wolfe may have been the best in the world at getting married. At the same time, he was apparently the worst in the world at being a husband. Like many people today, there is far too much energy and emphasis on the wedding and far too little energy and emphasis on the marriage.
Last week we began looking at the section of Ephesians which deals with relationships in the home. We saw how wives demonstrate their Spirit-filled lives by following the leadership of their husbands. Today, we turn our attention to what God says to husbands. Husbands are to demonstrate their Spirit-filled lives by loving their wives for the glory of Christ.
Husbands: The Leadership of Love
We noted last week how God has placed husbands in the position of leadership in their homes. The Greek word kephale (head) in 5:23 describes this God-ordained position as headship. In addition, the word hypotasso (submit) in 5:24 describes the response of the wife to the headship of her husband. So, husbands are to lead and wives are to follow and support their leadership.
Now, with this structure in mind, you might expect v. 25 to say, “husbands lead your wives…” But it doesn’t. It says “husbands love your wives…” This is a bit of a surprise. Though the position of the husband is clearly described as headship or leadership, the text does not command husbands to lead but to love. Why? Well, obviously there is an expectation of leadership communicated by the concepts of headship and submission. But I think the point of the command to love tells us what kind of leadership husbands are to give. It is loving leadership. It is a leadership defined by and expressed in love.
Christ: The Model of Loving Leadership
This command of loving leadership is immediately connected to the example of Christ. Remember that the relationship of Christ and the Church is the controlling analogy of marital relationships. We saw this reflected in the words to wives. They are to submit to the husband as the church submits to Christ. The analogy continues in the words to husbands. They are to love as Christ loves the church. This is stated explicitly in v. 25 and in v. 29.
So, husbands are commanded to give loving leadership to their wives just as Christ does to the church. That forces us to ask the question, “What does the love of Christ for the church look like? What are the characteristics of Christ’s love for the church?”
This is where we want to spend the rest of our time today. The text answers that question for us. There are three primary qualities of the love of Christ for the church which are to characterize the love of husbands for their wives. This love is characterized by servanthood, sacrifice, sanctification, and support .
I. Loving Servanthood (v. 25).
Loving servanthood means that husbands must take the initiative to serve the needs of their wives.
A. Note the words “and gave himself up for her.”
1. Jesus gave himself up for the church. The cross was
not a “drive-by” shooting which surprised Jesus as a
random victim. It was his willing choice to give his
life for his bride, the church.
2. Jesus stated this clearly in Mark 10:45. He didn’t
come to be served but to serve and give his life.
B. Christ modeled servant leadership and encouraged his
followers to exercise it.
1. Mark 10:42-44 indicates that the leadership Jesus
requires from us is servant leadership.
2. Two key words in these verses are diakonos
(servant) and doulos (slave). Both words refer
to humble service rendered for the benefit of another.
ILL/APP: Jesus turned the prevailing leadership theory on its head. Those in authority are to be the greatest servants. Jesus demonstrated this by washing the feet of his disciples. Men, how are we doing? How are you serving your wife? What initiative are you taking to love her? Can your kids and grandkids see the evidence of you serving her? Trade in your TV remote for a towel and a basin and wash the feet of your wife.
You may not have to jump in front of a bus to serve her. It could be something as small as jumping between her and the kids for a few hours. It might be unloading the dishwasher instead of unloading your anger. Be proactive. Take the initiative in serving your wife. If you want to lead like Jesus, love your wife with a serving love.
II. Loving Sacrifice (v. 25).
A. Jesus gave his life for the church.
1. Servanthood focuses on the initiative. Sacrifice
focuses on the cost. Of course, giving himself means
that Jesus died for the church.
2. The verb gave refers to surrendering oneself to death.
Jesus spared no cost and stopped at nothing to love
his church.
Does that mean you have to die for you wife? Yes, if necessary. But it also means that you have to be willing to sacrifice your life for her. In other words, you are willing to pay whatever price necessary to love her.
ILL: Chris Spielman was on top of his game and on top of the world for an athlete. He was an All-American linebacker in college and Lombardi award winner. He was a first-round draft pick in 1988. He was a four-time pro-bowler with the Detroit Lions and then set a team record for tackles in the 1996 season with the Buffalo Bills.
In 1998, Spielman stopped playing football. Why? To be with his wife who was fighting breast cancer. Just as his career was reaching its height, he walked away from football to cook meals, take care of the kids, and take care of his wife.
A reporter asked him if he would consider returning late in the season. He said, "I'd play in a heartbeat, but what kind of man would I be if I backed out on my word to her? I wouldn't be a man at all."
APP: Jesus demonstrated the depth of his love by the depth of his sacrifice. He did not consider his life too great a price to give for His bride. Our wives know what we are really willing to sacrifice for. Some of us have allowed our careers to take priority over our wives. Others have allowed possessions to crowd her out. Perhaps it is something as small as a hobby which has consumed our time and energies to the point where she feels unimportant. Being willing to die for your wife is demonstrated in the smaller sacrifices we make to love her. If you want to lead like Jesus, love your wife with a sacrificial love.
III. Loving Sanctification (vv. 26-27).
A. Jesus gave his life for the church to make her holy.
1. To sanctify her.
2. To present her to himself blameless and holy.
B. Husbands are to love their wives in such a way as to
promote her holiness.
1. We cannot sanctify our wives. Only Christ can
do that.
2. Yet, we must love our wives in ways that promote
holiness in their lives.
What I mean is that husbands are to exert leadership in their homes that promotes and encourages their wives toward spiritual growth and holiness. For instance, we need to take the lead in setting standards for our homes. It is frustrating to a wife when we are passive in this area. We need to set the spiritual temperature of our homes by leading out in prayer and family devotions. We need to encourage our wives to utilize their spiritual gifts in serving Christ. We need to pray for our wives. We need to listen to them and give loving feedback, counsel, and encouragement when they are going through difficulties.
ILL: I’ll never forget the story of Mark Twain and his wife Olivia. He began courting Olivia Langdon who came from a devout Christian family. He was not a Christian and professed no faith in Christ. Yet, because of his love for her, he showed interest in her and asked for her help. He was presumably converted. After their marriage, Twain began to ridicule Olivia’s faith and devotion. Eventually her devotion cooled and ultimately she forsook her religion and a deep sorrow set into her life. Twain loved her and didn’t want to see her so hurt. He said to her, “Livy, if it comforts you to lean on your faith, do so.” She said, “I cannot, I do not have any faith left.”
APP: Dear brother, make sure you are leading your wife in ways that encourage her faith and holiness. Do not allow icy words or a cold example to freeze the fire of her devotion to Christ. You should want nothing more than to see your wife formed into the image of Christ. You should do all in your power to encourage this progress in holiness. If you want to lead like Jesus, love your wife with a sanctifying love.
IV. Loving Support (vv. 28-30).
A. Jesus loves the church which is his body.
1. A husband is called to love his wife as he loves his
own body.
2. This connects again to the analogy of Christ and the
Church. He loves the church which is his body.
B. Husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies.
1. No one hates his body. That is no one in their right
mind intentionally harms or abuses their own body.
2. Rather, they nurture and cherish their bodies. These
words refer to nourishing and valuing and caring for
our bodies. These terms refer to providing for the
physical necessities and support of our bodies.
3. In the same way, husbands are to provide for the
Necessities and support of their wives. This includes
protection and provision, both spiritual and physical.
4. The reason is that husbands and wives are one flesh.
APP: In practical terms, this means that husbands are to work and provide the physical necessities of life for their wives. They are to protect them from harm and danger of any kind. They are to see to the support of their wives just as they would for themselves.
This means placing the needs and necessities of our wives at top priority.
I’ll Love Her If …
Brothers, let’s be honest today. Sometimes we tend to think to ourselves, “I’ll love her if she will _________.” In other words, we condition our demonstration of love on her behavior or response to us.
When we start to think that way, we need to remind ourselves of how Christ loved us.
How can we describe ourselves when Christ loved us? Lovable? Good? Desirable? Worthy? Cooperative? Responsive?
No. Instead we were hostile, uncooperative, undesirable, unresponsive, sinful, and completely unlovable. So, if we are going to love like Christ, we cannot condition our love upon the attitude and responses of our wives. We must love them…period. We must love them when they don’t respond the way we want them to. When they don’t reciprocate our love, we must love them. This is Christ-like love.
CONCLUSION: Martin Luther said, “The Christian is supposed to love his neighbor, and since his wife is his nearest neighbor, she should be his deepest love.” Dear brothers, our wives must be our deepest loves. We must love them as Jesus loves the church. That means with a serving love, a sacrificial love, a sanctifying love, and a supportive love. Why? Because we love Jesus supremely and we want to glorify Him by the way we love our wives.