Spirit filled wives

Spirit-Filled Families: Wives Who Submit to Their Husbands for the Glory of Christ

Ephesians 5:22-24

Would it surprise you to know that one of the clearest indicators of whether you are filled with the Spirit has to do with the quality of your family life? Husbands demonstrate that they are spirit-filled in the way they relate to their wives. Wives demonstrate that they are spirit-filled in the way they relate to their husbands. The same is true with parents and children. I think you could argue that the atmosphere of our families really tells a great deal more about how much the Spirit controls our lives than what happens at church. It is easy to give the impression of being spiritual at church. Right? Let’s be honest. We all know that our words and actions are not truly tested in the “laboratory conditions” of church. Rather, they are road tested when we leave the controlled environment of the church house and get behind the closed doors of our house.

As we consider the structure of this section Ephesians, we see that the indicators of a spirit-filled life are really continued in 5:22-6:9. The reason I say this is that grammatically, the command to submit to one another in 5:21 governs the rest of the section down to 6:9. What we find in 5:22-6:9 are explicit examples of the kind of submission called for in response to being filled with the Spirit. So, we can argue that what Paul has to say about family relationships are indicators of whether we are demonstrating the results of being Spirit-filled.

Submitting to One Another?

Before we look specifically at vv. 22-24, I think it is important to address v. 21. As I pointed out, this verse supplies the verb for our text. You will note that the words “be subject” are in italics in v. 22. That is because there is no verb in v. 22. It is picked up from v. 21 and the translators simply supplied these words to indicate that fact.

There are those who have suggested that the submission called for in v. 21 is a general submission that is mutual between all Christians. In other words, it is mutual submission of all Christians to all other Christians. I submit to you, you submit to me by being cooperative and loving. This understanding of submission carries over into 5:22-33 in the discussion of husbands and wives. Those who interpret v. 21 in this way suggest that the idea of mutual submission demonstrates that there is no leadership or authority role for the husband and therefore no recognition of that authority or submission for the wife. As one author puts it, “By definition, mutual submission rules out hierarchical differences” (Bilezekian, Beyond Gender Roles, p. 154). In other words, according to this view, there is no authority structure in marriages in which a husband leads and a wife submits.

I believe this is an erroneous interpretation of the concept of submission. Let me give you a few reasons why.

• The verb hypotasso (submit) always implies a relationship of submission to an authority. Theologian Wayne Grudem has done an exhaustive study of this verb in both biblical and non-biblical sources. He states, In every example we can find, when person A is said to "be subject to" person B, person B has a unique authority which person A does not have. In other words, hypotassō always implies a one-directional submission to someone in authority. (An Open Letter to Egalitarians, 2003)
• The context of the passage does not bear out this sort of mutual submission idea. Husbands are not told to submit to their wives. Parents are not told to submit to their children. Masters are not told to submit to their slaves. Rather, the submission called for is always specific and implies a pattern of God-ordained authority.
• There are several passages in the NT which address the issue of wives submitting to their husbands (Eph. 5:22-24; Col. 3:18; Titus 2:5; 1 Peter 3:1-6). Yet, there are no passages where husbands are directed to submit to their wives. If Paul wanted to teach mutual submission, we would expect such a directive.

So, when Paul speaks about submitting to one another in v. 21, he does not mean everyone to everyone else in the same sense. Rather, the application of that submission is spelled out in detail in the rest of the section 5:22-6:9. There is a clearly defined structure of authority in the family which God calls us to recognize and follow for His glory.

Now, with that framework in mind, let’s look more closely about how wives demonstrate a spirit-filled life in relation to their husbands.

Let’s boil it down to one simple statement. Here it is:

Spirit-filled wives submit to the leadership of their husbands for the glory of Christ.

Let’s break that statement down into three key ideas.

I. Spirit-filled wives submit to their husbands.

A. What submission is.

            1. As stated above, hypotasso is a verb that means to submit to

                an authority, in this case, the husband.

            2. Peter O’Brien states it this way, “At the heart of this     

submission is the notion of ‘order’. God has established        

certain leadership and authority roles within the family, and   

submission is a humble recognition of that divine ordering.”

            3. I really like the way John Piper defines submission. “The

                Divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband’s

                leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts.”

            4. It is a willing, voluntary submission to the God-ordained

                role of the husband.

B. What submission is not.

            1. It is not servile, unthinking, seen and not heard subjection.

            2. It is not an excuse for an autocratic or arrogant attitude on

                the part of a husband.

            3. It is not forcefully imposed by a husband. It is voluntarily

                given by a wife.

C. Submission described.

            1. To your own husbands. A woman is called to submit to her

                own husband, not all husbands. It is a clearly defined role in

                connection with marriage.

            2. In everything. That is in every area of life. There is no arena

                of life in which she does not seek to follow his leadership.

                This of course does not mean following into sin.

            3. As to the Lord. In other words, the wife’s act of submission

                to her husband is, in reality, part of her submission to Christ.

 II. God has placed the husband in the role of leader.

A. The husband is the head of the wife.

            1. Note the word “for” in v. 23. It is a word indicating the

                reason why wives are to submit to their husbands.

            2. It is because God has placed the husband in the role of

                head in his home.

                        a. kephale (head) is a word that refers to someone who

                            has authority.

                        b. Note the use of kephale in Ephesians 1:22. This use

                            clearly denotes headship in terms of authority.

                        c. Wayne Grudem studied 2300 examples of this term

                            in greek literature and all examples showed authority.

            3. Piper defines headship like this: the divine calling of a

                Husband to take primary responsibility for Christ-like,

                Servant leadership, protection, and provision in the home.

B. As Christ is head of the church.

            1. This helps to define the role of headship.

                        a. It is not unloving, demanding, self-centered headship.

                        b. It is loving, nurturing, servant headship. We will see

                            this described in further detail in the next message.

            2. Husbands are to lead their wives as Jesus leads His church.

III. Wives (and husbands) fulfill their role for the glory of Christ.

A. Marriage is intended to be a reflection of Christ’s relationship

     with His church.

            1. Two phrases in our text indicate this connection.

                        a. As Christ is head of the church (v. 23).

                        b. As the church is subject to Christ (v. 24).

            2. So, both the role of wife and husband are connected to the

                relationship between Jesus and the church.

            3. 5:31-32 make this even more clear. The mystery of the one

                flesh relationship between husband and wife points to the

                relationship between Christ and the church.

            4. Thus, roles in the marriage take on a much deeper meaning.

B. The point of fulfilling our roles in marriage is the glory of Christ.

            1. Our marriages are to reflect the glorious relationship which

                exists between Jesus and His church.

            2. This means that we seek to obey the God-given roles in

                marriage not just as a “how-to-have-a-happy-home” thing. It

                is to help the world see the greatness of Jesus.

Why This Concept Is Resisted

Now, what I have just described to you is not popular even in some evangelical circles. It is resisted as archaic, chauvinistic, and unbiblical. I have already made my biblical argument as to why I think it correct.

Let me suggest two reasons why wives and husbands struggle with this idea:

• Distortions of the biblical truths of headship and submission. We have all seen these concepts fleshed out in horrible ways in the name of truth. Mean-spirited and autocratic husbands. Cowering and passive wives. We need to be careful not to allow unbiblical distortions to rob these concepts of their biblical beauty and authority.
• The erroneous suggestion that these concepts remove the equality of men and women. Some have said that these ideas make women inferior to men and destroy their equality. This is a misunderstanding. I can demonstrate it in one argument. There are statements in Scripture which indicate that Jesus the Son is functionally subordinate to the Father (for instance 1 Cor. 15:28 which says Christ will turn the kingdom over to the Father). Does this mean that the Father and the Son are not equal? In no way. There is equality of being. There is subordination in function. Men and women are totally equal in being. They do however have different roles and functions established by God for the home.

Read Your Own Mail

In applying these truths to husbands and wives, Ken Sande says we need to read our own mail. In other words, we need to pay close attention to the parts of this passage addressed to us and seek to live them out for the glory of Christ.

The temptation in a sermon like this is for wives to be sitting there counting all the ways their husbands don’t lead like Jesus. In similar fashion, the husbands are sitting there thinking about all the ways their wives don’t submit like the church. This is a great place to put the words of Jesus into practice. Don’t try to take the speck of sawdust of your spouses eye until you get the redwood out of your own eye.

Here is where you need to begin. Wives, begin by saying, “God, for the glory of your Son Jesus Christ, mold me into a wife who follows my husband and supports his leadership.”

Husbands, begin by saying, “God, for the glory of your Son Jesus Christ, mold me into a husband who accepts the headship in my home to lead and nurture my wife.”

May we embrace our God-given roles in the home and seek to live out a Spirit-filled example of godly marriages for the glory of Christ.