Commitment: (session 3)
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Commitment: (session 3)
“Making a commitment to each other enables us to plan our future together; it allows us to try things out, to get things wrong, to forgive, to have confidence to raise concerns and issues, and to make ourselves vulnerable- commitment is “the essence of marriage” it is the very heart of marriage.”
2 Consequences of commitment in marriage:
Friendship
Marriage meets our longing for connection, for intimacy.
Marriage isn’t the only way to counter lonliness, but it is the closest possible human relationship.
It was instituted by God.
There was only one thing in god’s creation that God said wasn’t good.
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper as his complement.”
Stacy as Josh’s wife you are created by god to be his helper, and Josh you need to understand that some of the time the nagging you feel from your bride is not her dissatifaction but her trying to enhance and help.
LET HER
2. Family Life
The idea is for children to grow up seeing intimate, committed long term relationship between their parents.
One of the best ways parents can love thier children is by loving each other.
A strong marriage can break a cycle of failed relationships.
“There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. There are bound to be arguments or disagreements but what matters is coming back again and again forgiving and loving each other. It’s important that children learn that it’s ok to have different opinions.”
CONVERSATION #1:
The benefits of marriage
Discuss between the two of you:
What, in your view, is the role of marriage in society?
What excites you, frightens you, about marriage?
This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.
Creating an equal partnership
Creating an equal partnership
Every couple has to work out:
Who does what?
Who decides what?
Who takes the lead on those things that need to be done?
We may hold assumptions from our parents (our main role models) marriage.
Talk about your expectations.
submitting to one another
in the fear of Christ.
Submitting to each other
Submitting to each other
NT model:
This is a new way of living together
it requires mutual giving to each other
Undermines male dominance
“Christian teaching has led to the marriage relationship coming to be seen as an equal partnership of mutual giving”
Submitting doesn’t mean being passive
opposite of demanding or controlling
seeking to put each other first
putting each others needs before our own
Discover which responsibilities you are each best at
use your differences to serve each other
in some areas, take the lead and initiate
in others, support your partner.
Loving like this is very active and involves making sacrifices for the sake of the other.
“Submitting to one another is the key to a loving marriage”
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her
DIVIDING RESPONSIBILITIES : WHO DOES WHAT?
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?
Housework
cleaning the bathroom
taking out the trash
cooking
paying bills
organizing vacations
ironing
driving
DIY
earning money
gardening
insurance
shopping
The Marriage Covenant
The Marriage Covenant
The covenant we make when we get married is a decision to give ourselves completely to each other in love, and is then a decision we reinforce day-by-day.
“The marriage covenant holds a couple together when they go through tough times, as every couple will.”
The marriage vows bring deep security and provide us with a safe space.
within which we are able to be open and vulnerable with each other
they give us the confidence to allow our partner to know us as we are. (including revealing those parts we keep well hidden)
The vows focus not on what our partner can do for us, but what we can do for them
Try asking your partner each day “HOW CAN I MAKE YOUR DAY BETTER?”
(VOWS:NEXT MEETING with CORY)
Faithful love and truth will join together;
righteousness and peace will embrace.
Dealing with finances
Dealing with finances
Marriage involves sharing everything.
Every couple needs to set aside time to discuss finances.
Recognize your different attitudes to money.
are you more of a saver or spender?
Make a budget together:
Calculate your income
forecast expenses
discuss the balance of spending/saving/giving
If your in debt or youre aware that your spending is out of control, seek help.
Some questions to consider:
does money fascinate me or bore me?
does it make me feel anxious or confident?
excited or guilty?
out of control?
“The aim in marriage is to develop a dynamic partnership in which we double the experience and wisdom, we bring to managing our finances and work on them together as a team.”
Managing relationships with the wider family.
Managing relationships with the wider family.
Leaving
when we got married our relationship with our parents must be different to the way it was as we were growing up.
our marriage takes priority
our first loyalty is now to be to our husband and wife
We musn’t underestimate what a massive change this is, particular if there is ongoing emotional dependence by one of us on a parent or the other way around.
OUR MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP BECOMES OUR NEW CENTER OF GRAVITY
the first place we look for comfort, security, affection
a new decision-making structure
“Make your own decisions and support each other, however small the issue may seem.”
2. Respecting our parents
Prioritizing our marriage doesn’t mean we stop loving or respecting our parents.
We put in boundaries, where neccesary as kindly and sensitively as we can.
Show gratitude to your parents for all they do and have done for you.
Stay in touch with them
take the initiative
Decide together on level of contact with your parents and parents in law
“our aim in marriage is to build mutually supportive relationships with our parents and our parents in law, rather than sidelining them or being controlled by them.”