Untitled Sermon

4.5 Redemptive Love

4.5 A Loyal Love

This section explores what biblical love looks like.

4.5 B Repentance

4.5 C Forgiveness

4.5 D Reconciliation

Hardened Hearts

Those who don’t believe God has rescued them from their own failures, don’t forgive others for their own failures. Hard hearts are neither forgiven, nor are they forgiving.

recurring thought patterns and past trauma

Repentance, Forgiveness and Reconciliation

This is the fundamental structure of our relationship with God and thus the divine model for our relationship with one another. Healthy relationships will form around these constant transactions of mutual change and forgiveness. This is the purest expression of genuine love. As we accept God’s forgiveness each day we grow in our capacity to forgive others. God’s love is always at work in us, transforming our sins into repentance, empowering us to forgive others.

Verses To Consider

Psalm 103:8–12 ...sins removed like the East is to the West

Isaiah 43:24–25 ...he will not remember our sins

Isaiah 59:2 ...sins are barriers in our relationships, forgiveness removes the distance

John 15:1–17 ...love is obedient to his commands, love sacrifices

Matthew 7:1–5 ...emphasizing your own contribution first

Matthew 18:21-35 ...the duty to forgive

Mark 11:25 ...seek reconciliation instead of prayer

Luke 5:27–32 ...sinners and repentance

Luke 6:27–36 ...no credit for loving those who love you

Luke 23:34 ...seeking reconciliation

Acts 2:37–39 ...repentance and conviction

Romans 12:14–21 ...forsaking revenge and embracing those who have hurt you

2 Corinthians 2:5–11 ...forgive and comfort

Ephesians 4:25–32 ...compassion and kindness means forgiving one another

1 John 1:8–10 ...we are liars if we say we do not sin, if we confess, he will forgive

Parables To Consider

Luke 15:17–24 ...the prodigal son

Luke 18:9–14 ...the Pharisee and the Tax Collector

Matthew 18:21–35 ...the unforgiving Slave

Stories To Consider

Luke 7:36–48 ...the Sinful woman

Forgiveness Is Not

justice or punishment

condoning, excusing

escaping consequences

feeling no pain

extraction of memories

reconciliation

Forgiveness Is

given because God gave it to us

forbearance and compassionate

replacing revenge with a desire to reconcile

a choice to set another person free

a painful process, costly to give and difficult to abide by

not bringing the old issue up again

reason over emotions because sometimes we don’t feel like it

mercy not judgment

inner dialogue that transforms painful experiences

the willingness to reconcile based in repentance

patience to work through the change process by forgiving again and again

a willingness to rebuild the trust that was betrayed

it is OK to forgive but not trust

An Apology Is

to God first, to the offended parties second

an apology is about a bad action, not a worthless person

apologies should be confessed at once, not prompted

not blaming others

feeling empathy for the persons wronged

sincere admission of regret

does not make excuses nor minimizes the offense

clearly defines the faulty behavior and exactly where they went wrong

humbly asks if they have missed acknowledging parts of their faulty behavior

admitting sadness and feeling shame over your mistreatment of others and how it affected them

admitting guilt specifically, accepting the consequences

making restitution and fighting to change the hurtful behavior

verbalizes intention and lays out a plan of action for change

asks for help in appropriate restitution and action plans

being vulnerable to rejection because forgiveness is not a right, it is a gift

asking for forgiveness and a willingness to wait for it

asking again and again

willingness to reconcile

Apologies and Fault

Apologies are not always prompted by acts of wrong doing, sometimes we apologize for not meeting the needs of others. Often times meeting the needs of others does not push us into sin, just into discomfort and sacrifice. Change is not always about wrong doing, sometimes it is about doing things that costs us in an effort to in rich others. This is about going along, to get along! For example if my friend wants to go fishing, but I want to play basketball, I my choose to go fishing in an effort to build up the relationship on their terms. I may never play basketball with this friend, but that is OK, because I will have opportunity to play with many other friends. Giving up your prerogative is a sacrificial act that puts the needs of others ahead of your own.

Many issues in a relationship are over differences in preference, not moral issues. We must be careful not to make different perceptions into matters of right and wrong. We must be willing to live with disagreements. Embracing diverse opinions expands our knowledge of what is possible and may serve to change our opinions from time to time.

Sometimes others owe you an apology, yet you must apologize to them. This occurs when those who hurt you have a harden heart and would rather give up the relationship then admit wrong doing. We can always apologize for the distance in the relationship and ask how it can be repaired, even if you don’t think it is your fault. More than likely we can begin the restoration process by removing the log from our own eye and admitting our contribution to the conflicted relationship.

When Not To Apologize

Never apologize in an effort to avoid a conversation. Apologies are about issues and relationships. They should not be used to preserve the status quo or to hide from a difficult conversation. Long conversations about uncomfortable issues are part of the relationship building process. Avoiding them creates obstacles to growth. These superficial apologies lead to resentment, much the same way as blame does.

We also need to weigh the sincerity of the apology and the real progress made towards change. Sometimes it is better to postpone forgiveness until a genuine effort has been made. We must be careful not to conceal revenge and misjudge a genuine apology. Accountability is part of an offenders willingness to repent. As we seek to grow the love, every step taken in a restoration process must be met with encouragement. A heavy handed approach will discourage weak people. Remember love promotes growth, judgment delays growth.

The Language of Apology

(Supply stories and scripts here.)

Ask how your apology rated one through ten. Any answer less than ten prompts the question, “what must I do to bring it up to ten?” The answer reveals what must be done.

A Correction is

admits there own struggle with sin

a rebuke that provokes repentance

admits the good in others and encourages

structured around reconciliation

avoids generalizations and speaks specifically

Complaints or Requests

Requests and appeals should always proceed complaints and anger. Encouragement is the norm, complaints the exceptions. When a relationship lacks a supportive structure there is no basis upon which to make requests or complaints.

The Conscience

Our internal morality is ebbs and flows from the moment of anger on through a peaceful resolution.

External or Internal Focus

The willingness to forgive is empty without making a sincere effort at reconciliation. Forgiveness that refuses restoration, is not forgiveness but the amplification of the motive to free ones thought structure of resentment. Godly forgiveness moves us towards the offender, ever cognizant of our own sins. True forgiveness begins in knowing how much we have been forgiven by God.

Giving Forgiveness and Receiving Forgiveness

When we forgive others, we love them. When others don’t forgive us, they don’t love us. That is how God forgives, he sends the rain and the sun upon those who hate him. His forgiveness fails in their hearts as they harden it against his redeeming love. Forgiveness is a debt each owes. If your adversary fails to forgive, that will be to their account. Your duty remains regardless of how others act.

Forgiveness

Real love begins in forgiveness. We come to know God when we forgive others by thinking God has forgiven us. This is salvation, glorious grace working through faith.

Forgiveness is so deep and profound, so essential to our salvation, it must be full and compete without any two step procedure. Reconciliation will take care of all that can happen when forgiveness softens a heart. That is why when we forgive others our salvation is secured since God already has forgiven us

1 Corinthians 13:5 ...love does not keep a record of wounds.

Colossians 3:13 ...enduring and forgiving one another.

Loyal Love Redeems

It is not sin that separates our relationships, it is hardness of heart, the unwillingness to seek restoration and make the sacrifices reconciliation calls for, namely the admission of your own sinful tendencies.

Ephesians 1:7 ...redemption is the forgiveness of sins.

Colossians 1:14 ...redemption is the forgiveness of sins.

1 Peter 4:8 ...keep your love persistent.

Love Has Scares

The broken Christian caught by surprise in Satan’s scheme is a brother to be rescued not an enemy to be abused.

Redemptive love begins with the Gospel, it begins with grace not repentance. Change is a process that yields results, change does not follow results, change proceeds results. Good deeds are produced out of a good relationship with Christ. If we really want to see change in those we love, we must focus on the heart and its passions, not on destructive behavioral habits. Our tendency is to tell people to, "knock it off" or "just say no", but the flesh is weak, it can not lead the mind, only the mind can lead the flesh. Helping others change means we spend more time on motivation, encouragement, consolation, empathy and real day to day friendship, then we do on boundaries and consequences. Sacrificial, self-less love moves hearts, rules and limits harden hearts.

How to Respond to Injustice

1 Peter 2:18–23

Love and Control

Naturally we try to control or change those around us with boundaries and consequences, rules and punishments. This is coercion dressed up as love. Change paradigms that leave us thinking mostly about others, are structures of white washed tombs. They are powerless to change. They lead us to believe happiness is possible only when those around us conform to our boundaries and rules. This leaves the ministry of change driven by consequences and punishments. When we try to control things with encouragement and forgiveness, grace and mercy, we enter into faith. This is love without hypocrisy, naked and humble to the core, clothed only in righteousness freely received. It is untainted by boundaries honored and rules kept. It is freely given. This may never change those around us, but it will transform us and that is the point of suffering.

Suffering

Nothing changes us like giving up ground we think we could hold by fighting back. When we relinquish control, the use of power to win what we want, we enter into the holy place, where sanctification begins.

Change is Us, Not Them

Now change can take place in our own hearts as love those who hate us. This profoundly changes everything!

Paul instructed us not to go to court because loosing in this life is better than winning.

Change through Sacrifice

Sin is rooted in the desire to become like God. The willful pursuit of those things God has reserved for himself. Contentment is great gain, but it is a treasure the lusty mind will never be satisfied with. When we struggle to change things, we inevitably loose sight of our self’s. We become outward focused. Contentment comes from within.

In the garden we may have gained morality, the knowledge of good and evil, but we never received the love to administer it, and so we corrupted the likeness of God by demanding it in others while we ourselves failed miserably. In garden we learned how to look outward, into sins all around, that is what the knowledge of good and evil taught us: That our brother is a sinner. When Christ came we learned, we are that man! We are the very one we seek to consequence with our boundaries and punish with our rules. When we lay down this morality and pick up the morality of the cross, things change.

We reject reconciliation because we demand the removal of the offense, we are the blackened kettle demanding the charred pot to cleanse itself. People change when we redeem them, when we die for them. Welcome to Christianity, to the only religion that bids you come, come die with me. This death occurs when we love those who hate us.

Romans 5:6 ...when we were helpless, Christ died for us.

2 Corinthians 12:9 ...when we are weak, we are strong.

Romans 15:1 ...the strong ought to bear the weaknesses of the weak.

Romans 15:7 ...accept one another just as Christ has accepted you.

2 Corinthians 11:30 ...boast about things related to weakness.

Romans 12:21 ...overcome evil with good.

2 Corinthians 6:3 ...give no one an occasion for offense.

Love Over Comes Evil

Instinctively humans return hurt for hurt. The power of Christianity is that it seeks to return love for hurt. Most people hurt others because they have been hurt themselves. When we punish them with a raised voice or withdrawal, the conflict deepens. The reason we punish rather than redeem is because of our broken sense of self-righteousness. We are slow to see our own faults, but are quick to see it in others. When others disappoint us we judge that they missed the mark, rather than evaluating the mark it self to see weather or not it is a matter of godliness or just personal preference. All to often we elevate our preferences to the status of righteousness, when our choice is really the projection of our opinion. Moralizing our differences is a sure way towards sustained conflict and separation.

Punishment invades the emotional space or feelings of another, decisively labeling them as outcast. Redemptive love enters another's emotional space by joining them in their struggle and by the willingness to walk with them in their weakness.

Proverbs 10:12 ...love covers over all offenses.

patiently endures, puts up with and waits upon God

seeks intentionally gentle, restorative words

does not demand equity and is content with what it has

humbly puts others needs ahead of its own

never thinks their needs are more important than the needs of others

is considerate of customs and does not needlessly offend

does not pursue self, but others

is self-controlled, not reactive, unmeasured and explosive

is not tit for tat record keeping, demanding equity

is sadden when equity is lost

is joyful when the truth is told

bares up under unjust suffering by blessing when cursed

trust in what God will do, not what humans will do

expects God to save them from every thing

courageously sacrifices the present, confident of the future

never fails, it overcomes evil

faithful and hopeful

Love

Love is the bread and butter of peacemakers. Love is our accusations and our defenses. Our partner or friend must see our sincere effort to confess our own short comings and our desire for what benefits all. They must be able to see our sacrifice on their behalf.

Forgiveness

God calls for forgiveness on two critical levels, the first asks us to entrust our pain to him on the basis of the pain he entrusted to us, the second is to persuade those who have struck us that through forgiveness of sin we can enter into the kingdom of heaven.

Extending mercy to those who do not deserve it perfectly demonstrates God's love for us.

Is a fundamental component of love. Most respond to popular sins with permanent exclusion and a unwillingness to forgive.

Forgiveness is two dimensional. There is the initial step of will, the spiritual process of experiencing guilt and shame. This is the moment of opportunity, the crux of the exam, we must pass this stage successfully and make a gracious decision that unleashes the love of God into the relationship. We must find the kind word, and put on the clothing of guilt and shame that has been cast upon us, not as an abused victim, but as a Christ who heals others through our own wounds. We are never the Christ, but in the spiritual, our old nature has passed away and now Christ lives in us. This Christ in us, who can heal every wound, is still hid in a body of death. Our faith can empower Christ to change our thinking in the moment of opportunity, and suddenly we our ministers of Christ reconciling the world in him. This is the powerful sermon few hear. This is faith that saves, not only those who listen, but ourselves as well.

The family of God is not treated the same as those outside. There is no unity to be experienced, restored, or maintained. Forgiveness is is the healthy counterpart of anger. Every angry thought must be viewed from the perspective of forgiveness and reconciliation.

Is a fundamental component of love. Most respond to popular sins with permanent exclusion and a unwillingness to forgive.

Remember Love...

Love is Always Enough

A hard heart will relentlessly seek equity and spare no anger, blame, accusation, defense, or indifference to control its what is after all only fair play, only what is right. This is what makes Christians so impossible, they are absolutely convinced they are right and enforcing this conviction on all those around them becomes their spiritual duty. This is hypocrisy, the kettle calling the pot black.

Mercy

Mercy is about being kind to ungrateful bad people.

Luke 6:36 ...be merciful just like God.

James 2:13 ...mercy is better than judgment.

Hiding Sins

It is not wise to battle every sin, some are best completely forgiven at once.

Proverbs 10:12 ...love covers offenses.

Proverbs 12:16 ...hiding an insult is smart and faithful.

Proverbs 17:9 ...hiding evil seeks love.

Proverbs 17:14 ...stop the contention before a fight breaks out.

Proverbs 19:11 ...patience overlooks an offense.

Matthew 5:39 ...do not oppose bad people.

1 Peter 2:23 ...when suffering he did not threaten.

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4.5 Redemptive Love

4.5 B Restoration

Brothers, even if a person is caught in some trespass,

you who are spiritual restore such a person in a spirit of humility...

Carry the burdens of one another, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

Galatians 6:1–2

Blame or Accountability

Accountability speaks about responsibility, blame speaks about punishment. Accountability is about understanding the framework of failure, blame is about shame and anger. Accountability looks to the future, seeks creative solutions, and connects the difficult mosaic of foibles that led up to the brake down. Blame looks to the past, seeks to judge, and isolates individuals in shame for their brake down. Accountability joins the fray as just another participant, blame towers over others with covert ostracization. Accountability draws people into a community of forgiveness, blame pushes people into hypocrisy. Accountability is a maturing relational skill, blame is reactive and takes little intentional forethought.

Accountability

fosters trust

builds confidence

explores and tells the narrative from inquiry

asks questions and clarifies

identifies all the factors in an error

focus on responsibilities and duty

promotes honesty and openness

creates cooperative development

unity

opportunity to learn and grow

communicated with compassion

sees a problem in it’s milieu

looks for a break down in the system

identifies its own contribution

Blame

lacks trust

builds fear

assumes and creates own narrative

accuses and punishes

focuses error on a single person

focus on punishment and shame

promotes deception and hiding

creates defensive reactions

divisive

a bad day of half truths and fighting

communicated with frustration

sees a bad person without regard to other contributing factors

looks for a person to blame

deflects being part of the problem

Accountability Practices

clarify needs and goals clearly

provide adjustment and feedback

conflict is an opportunity for growth

A Mutual Responsibility

Social justice means pursuing the broken hearted, binding them up, and helping them back into an effective church experience.

Seeking The Lost

Matthew 18:10–14 ...leave the ninety nine and go look for the lost.

Serving and Paying

The heart and soul of Christianity is found in serving. When we take care of others we are ministering or serving them. The fundamental service we perform is paying the way for others. Christian's grow as they join Christ in paying for the sins of others. This is done as we suffer on the behalf of others by working diligently to live at peace with them. This means responding with a conciliatory word, rather than reacting with a defensive word. It means apologizing often and really doing your best to follow through with change.

Distance as an Indicator

As relationships mature, feelings of closeness or distance, determine the value of the relationship. The further away we feel, the less likely we are to maintain the bonds of friendship. The closer we feel, the more effort we put into the relationship. We are very sensitive people. Emotionally we live on a sliding scale, constantly moving closer or further from one another. Disagreements and offenses leave us feeling uneasy and we began to pull back emotionally. This distance begins to weaken our feelings of unity and empty’s our desire to put much work into the failing relationship.

Redemption

Love at its core is redemptive. Punishment increases evil, only love overcomes it. Real grief is knowing you failed where you could have succeeded. Punishing sorrow springs from regret, the conviction that your good turned out to be the evil you hate. All too often we get lost. Pain blurs reality, especially the hardest of all realities to see, that is our heart, not theirs. Pain gives way to forgiveness or vengeance, humans are simple that way. Vengeance is natural, it is what happens when pain turns into blame. Forgiveness is supernatural, it is what happens when we see ourselves instead of those around us. The power to see oneself clearly is a gift from above. Too see deeply into ones own heart is an experience in terrible distress because what is there can not be be vomited out by our will. The evil that resides there is beyond our intentions, unreachable by any power we have. It is exactly this discovery that brings down the heavy door of shame upon our hearts. This door is so heavy no one can open it. So for those bold enough to search their hearts, their reward is shame. Shame triggers either vengeance or mercy. And mercy is hard to come by since we can not find it anywhere, least of all within us. Mercy is not in others, it does not ooze out of our institutions, and the church stumbles like wise. Mercy is found only in the story read to all nations, to every soul that breathes. It is the singular story of a God who becomes man and mercifully dies on their behalf. In this story mercy appears and humans can read. We bump into this story everyday and reject it because vengeance is sweeter to the heart. Vengeance sees the sin in others. Mercy sees the sin in us. Vengeance seals us for the day of wrath, mercy seals us for the day of glory. This seems right, rightfully so.

The gospel comes home in our day to day conflicts, not in evangelistic crusades. We may meet Christ in a benign event when emotions are high and compliance is rewarded with social approval, but the gospel takes root as we practice the ministry of reconciliation.

Every conflict revolves around fair play. God gave us language and intelligence to work out our differences in an equitable way. But we fail to reach the table for discussion because we are already devastated and indignant.

We are in a hard place. We are driven by the spirit of the flesh to hate, not love. We must crawl, punch, and fight our way to Christ and there, and only there find a kind word. We must not kid ourselves about this matter of sin. Our kindness is not on trial when dinning with friends, even sinners enjoy the company of one another. Our test comes when an enemy is determined to strip the flesh from our bones, that is when we choose to embark on a journey of faith, or to rely on who we are, deadly men. Speaking grace into the face of death dredges up the depths of the Spirit residing in us. It is a dangerous and courageous act to believe a soft words break bones. Bones of sin, both yours and theirs. Evil resists evil, but is destroyed by love.

So while we were helpless, sold long ago into the bondage of our fleshly nature, Christ came for us. God loved because he hated evil. The only way we can believe is by doing this ourselves. When we bless when cursed, we enter into a holy place and in priest like fashion are able to redeem all we touch. And God has chosen to reveal himself to others through you.

Restoration

This is the heart of all correction, to encourage reconciliation as a component of the mending process.

Our goal is to offer hope. To show how God uses conflict to help us change for the good.

Punishment and judgment has no place in this process. Those who repent are not restored in a probationary sense and treated as a pariah. We admit our sin and allow the Word to live in our hearts when we forgive deeply and sincerely. Forgiveness means never bringing the matter up again, nor using their past fault against them in the future. We do not put scarlet letters on one another. We must intentionally allow room for the Lord's vengeance, punishment and judgment belong to him. Mercy and forgiveness belongs to us.

Our natural response to offense is to harden ourselves against it. The human reaction is to segregate ourselves from what hurt us. At this point evil is present, either in what we assumed hurt us or in ourselves. Love is the only weapon we have against the tendency to separate. This is the power of grace, the demonstration of faith in obedient love. When we fail to forgive and restore, we choose to harden our hearts. We also challenge the wisdom of God who cautioned us to be very careful when we condemn another, for it is likely we do the same things.

A lack of empathy and compassion yields...

...judgmentmental condemnation, instead of restorative justice.

Which in turn acts out against those in our power by showing indifference and inhospitality on their behalf.

This leaves the little ones exposed since those who have power over them neglect to help.

Pharisee's are symbolic for the natural man, thus Christ teaches us to surpass them in righteousness.

Restoration, How to fix it.

Every broken relationship pursued, every relationship restored, is an echo of God's pursuit and reconciliation of us.

Reconciliation Skills

Conflicts may be resolved through our natural desire for revenge, or negotiated respectfully. Humans are simple that way. They either are growing closer or further. This growth depends upon their conflict resolution skills. The more conflict successfully resolved, the more shared values and the more unity.

Reconciliation: The Conversation

Any conversation must begin with ones own sin if full view. Do not waste time on analyzing your mate or friend. Their issues pale in comparison to your own. Refuse to indict, instruct, or judge your friend. Be constructive, not destructive. Ask for help understanding, admit you are sad and confused. Ask if you can share what is going on inside of you. At this time you are protecting the treasures of your friends heart. Focus on your own feelings and emotions.

Begin by admitting a potential misunderstanding and seek clarification.

Refuse moral judgment, accusations of wrong doing, and judicial interrogation. Most differences lay buried in layers of offenses built up over time. Pealing back these layers requires thoughtful respect and tender hearted mercies. The context at hand most likely has little to do with the behavior observed. This is not about facts, this is about respecting and treading lightly. After all change requires humility, the hardest act a human can produce. Friends learn about the deep waters of the heart by showing their humility and desire to help.

Sense this is your spouse of your close friend began with affirmation, let them know how much you appreciate them, be specific. Express your commitment to the relationship and your hope of deepening the bonds of unity you already share. Be sincerely grateful the Lord has brought this person into your life.

It is o.k. to admit you have no rightful ground to ask for change. This is about transparency and the willingness to let another look deep into the fears and hopes of your heart. This is intimacy that requires honesty and a desire to let others help you navigate your feelings.

Do not be a Pollyanna! This is the deepest level of human need and Satan is opposed to our unity of mind. Love does not tire, it does not give up. This step may take weeks or months and may very well meet with rejection.

Be comfortable with rejection. Every heart does not open. Prepare for the worse and hope for the best.

Avoid requesting change, no matter how justified you feel. Heart work requires a lengthy deposit of love and respect into the heart of the one you are wooing. Request must be seeded upon well prepared soil. Live in such a way no one has anything bad to say about you.

Retaliatory or Conciliatory

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4.5 Redemptive Love

4.5 C Correction

‘You shall not hate your brother in your heart; you shall surely rebuke your fellow citizen, so that you do not incur sin along with him. You shall not seek vengeance, and you shall not harbor a grudge against your fellow citizens; and you shall love your neighbor like yourself; I am Yahweh.

Leviticus 19:17–18

Defining Hate: A Mean Heart

Moral correction or reproof has a negative connotation in our culture today. Americans value individual morality and allows each to define his or her own convictions regarding right and wrong. If this custom violated, Americans will turn to hate to reinforce the cultural status quo.

Destructive hate and destructive anger are indistinguishable. If one prefers they could speak of hate as an enduring trait, and anger as a transient trait. But this is arbitrary, both can came and go, or be long lasting. Both can be constructive or destructive. They are words used to describe the lack of love. Hate and anger is the absence of love and goodwill.

In the Scriptures haters are evil people who hurt others with speech and actions.

Haters...

Genesis 37:4 ...will not speak kindly.

Numbers 35:20 ...are physically abusive.

Acts 18:6 ...speak against and are unwilling to cooperate.

Deuteronomy 32:41 ...judge and repay.

Leviticus 26:17 ...seek to rule over you.

...bear grudges and do not forgive.

2 Samuel 13:22 ...avoid communicating.

Proverbs 10:12 ...stir up strife.

Proverbs 10:18 ...conceal their hate with slander.

Psalm 109:5 ...they return evil for good.

Proverbs 6:19 ...engage in gossip and lies.

Easy Reconciliation

As we seek to submit one to another, we encounter opposition that is not displaced by our first attempt to give in, in fact our friend my be blind to their own actions. At this time we need to let them know what they have said or did is hurting the relationship, but only after we have sincerely asked God to help us submit to them. At this time our friend is tested, challenged to stop and examine their own behavior. You may be lucky, they might apologize at once, and the relationship will be strengthened through the addition of another conflict overcome through mutual submission.

Hard Reconciliation

However, we may experience an angry withdrawal or an expansion of disparaging words from our friend. This is the time for advanced maturity to navigate the deepest waters of the human experience: the emotion of hate. The only thing more profound than hate is love. These are the two cosmic forces that pull at the soul of man. They are synonomous with good and evil.

Getting Help

Seeking godly advice is required for complicated afflictions and conflicts. They provide skillful teaching, accountability, and encouragement.

Shooting The Wounded

Respect All People

Those on the outside

When Restoration Fails

Never give up.

Love

The greatest plateau of the human experience is found in the humility of confessing ones own short comings and admitting you can not reach any level of moral righteousness. This admission is the act of faith that brings God's love into our lives and sets us free from the consequences of the law of sin.

Every time we extend humility towards hostility we are expressing both our need of forgiveness and our willingness to forgive.

Any plea for unity begins in an uncompromising dependence upon core beliefs and essential teachings. Once these are compiled, a tough line in the sand must be drawn. These immoveable essentials of the Church, the body of Christ, are by nature tolerant, compassionate and sympathetic. Every incontrovertible doctrine stands only as much as the very least of us are honored. A plea for unity in the Church is not a plea for syncretism nor a facade of ecumenism. Rather it is the defense of the weak and faithful peacemaking.

Church Discipline

The old stereotypes associated with church discipline and for discipline in general must be understood in God's wider plan of redemption. Discipline is an experience God uses in our lives to build up our faith and restore us to good deeds. God doesn't not shun the wayward but sends patient sunshine and rain upon them,always seeking their redemption.

Matthew 18:15–20 ...if your brother sins against you.

Marriage and Church Discipline

Church discipline and restoration are part of a healthy churches growth curve. When leaders began to grapple with this difficult step of development they inevitably run head on into one of the most devastating practices of the modern church, christian divorce. In fact no other discipline matter draws more attention than that of separation and divorce. A strong marriage enrichment culture goes hand in hand with loving discipline and restoration.

Disputes And Judges

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4.5 Redemptive Love

4.5 D An Eye For A Eye

Knowledge or Love

The power of giving up our rights for the building up of another is an intentional act of redemption. The same faith that teaches us to respond to injustice also teaches us to forego justice to minister to a weak brother.

Forgiveness

God calls for forgiveness on two critical levels, the first asks us to entrust our pain to him on the basis of the pain he entrusted to us, the second is to persuade those who have struck us that through forgiveness of sin we can enter into the kingdom of heaven.

Extending mercy to those who do not deserve it perfectly demonstrates God's love for us.

Is a fundamental component of love. Most respond to popular sins with permanent exclusion and a unwillingness to forgive.

Forgiveness is two dimensional. There is the initial step of will, the spiritual process of experiencing guilt and shame. This is the moment of opportunity, the crux of the exam, we must pass this stage successfully and make a gracious decision that unleashes the love of God into the relationship. We must find the kind word, and put on the clothing of guilt and shame that has been cast upon us, not as an abused victim, but as a Christ who heals others through our own wounds. We are never the Christ, but in the spiritual, our old nature has passed away and now Christ lives in us. This Christ in us, who can heal every wound, is still hid in a body of death. Our faith can empower Christ to change our thinking in the moment of opportunity, and suddenly we our ministers of Christ reconciling the world in him. This is the powerful sermon few hear. This is faith that saves, not only those who listen, but ourselves as well.

The family of God is not treated the same as those outside. There is no unity to be experienced, restored, or maintained. Forgiveness is is the healthy counterpart of anger. Every angry thought must be viewed from the perspective of forgiveness and reconciliation.

Is a fundamental component of love. Most respond to popular sins with permanent exclusion and a unwillingness to forgive.

Imitate God

The essential character, nature, explanation, or analysis of God must come around to the cross. We have to stop with the excuses, stop allowing Satan to out wit us, and pick up our cross. We all have relationships that need forgiveness, these are burdens to carry and crosses to bear. No greater love is found than when one suffers on behalf of another. Forgiveness is discovered in the terrible pain of loosing what is rightfully ours for the sake of others. But it is in this loosing that we gain the resurrection and our wrongs are righted by the eternal judge.

Excuses:

Punishing Boundaries

I forgive them, but can't be near them.

Punishment

Grace Psychology

Psalm 79:8 David asking God to forget his sin

Psalm 130.3-4 Yahweh does not keep track of our sin

Psalm 130:7 his love is loyal because he redeems

Jeremiah 3:12–14 come home and acknowledge your guilt...

Isaiah 43:25 God forgets our sin

Isaiah 65:17 in the new creation old things will not come to mind

Jonah 3:5, 7–10 Nineveh believed and repented...

1 Co 2.4 Paul is broken hearted over his lover who has gone astray

Beyond an Eye for an Eye

There is no right to reciprocate on a mutual basis.