The Ministry of Marriage
Notes
Transcript
But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
Marriage is a ministry. Learn how making this one change in your mentality can improve your marriage immediately.
Half of marriages end in divorce. Many of those who stay together languish in mediocrity and unhappiness. Your marriage doesn’t have to end and you don’t have to remain unhappy. So much marital unhappiness occurs because of unbiblical expectations for marriage. Change your expectations and you immediately change your experience.
For example, a wife is so frustrated by her husband that she can barely stand to look at him. If they have one more argument, she feels like she will explode.
Another woman, whose husband has passed away wishes she could argue with her husband again.
One couple is unhappy in marriage. They live in a comfortable home with beautiful children. The bills paid, but their commitment to each other has waned.
Another man lives in poverty with his wife and children. They have nothing but are content and happy.
Let’s start at the beginning. Why do you want to get married? Why did you pledge your soul and earthly years in a holy wedding vow?
Some people get married for weak reasons. Others get married for strong reasons.
The reason you get married will influence whether you stay married. Your expectations for married life determine whether or not you will be happily married.
An unbiblical motive will produce a weak commitment to the marriage. Your “why” will keep you going when times are tough or will give you an “out” when life hurts.
Motives determine priorities. For example, if you get married to be happy, you will use prioritize happiness above all else. Since you expect your spouse to make you happy, you will blame them when you are not. Ultimately, your commitment to marriage will weaken. When it fails to make you happy (and it will), you will look for the door.
Weak Motives for Marriage
Weak Motives for Marriage
There are three common reasons for marriage that set you up for failure.
Gratification
Gratification
This category of weak motive for marriage is based on pleasure.
Happiness
There is nothing on earth like the joy of a happy marriage. On the other hand, there is no pain like a marriage that isn’t working. Don’t get married to be happy. Allow happiness to be a wonderful by-product of marriage.
2. Beauty
Good looks attract a couple initially. This is how God designed us. Why would you want to marry someone you didn’t want to look at?
Youth is beautiful. Because of the penalty of sin, youthful beauty deteriorates over time. If you don’t love your spouse’s soul, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.
Tell me, O thou whom my soul loveth,
Where thou feedest, where thou makest thy flock to rest at noon:
For why should I be as one that turneth aside by the flocks of thy companions?
3. Things in common.
Enjoying common activities encourages people to partner up. Only a fool would want to marry someone with whom they have nothing in common. Yet, tastes can change over time. Don’t bet your future on commonality.
4. Differences
Opposites attract. A woman with a demanding father, may want a husband who is more laid back. A man with a cold mother may want a talkative wife. However, the opposites that attract people can eventually become a wedge to separate them. The woman mentioned here may get disgusted that her husband doesn’t make faster decisions. The man above may complain later that his wife never stops talking.
Establish your marriage on something far stronger than personality.
5. The marriage bed.
Some get married for the pleasure of sexual relations. The Bible says that marriage is an acceptable way to conquer the temptations of the flesh.
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
It is better to marry than to burn in lust.
But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
God made the marriage bed to be a wonderful privilege for those committed in marriage. However, it is a terrible reason to get married. Do not expect to have every need met and every desire fulfilled. You will need to exercise temperance in marriage. Start practicing it now.
A marriage built on the bedroom is destined for failure.
Obligation
Obligation
This category of weak motivations to marry is tied to a sense of obligation.
Some feel they must get married because they have been dating for so long. Others sense pressure from friends and family to tie the knot.
Some believe that they must marry. While marriage is the God’s plan for most people, some people are made to serve God outside of the marriage covenant.
For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.
Some get married because of sexual sin. The Old Testament approved this practice.
If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.
Others get married because of pregnancy. The couple feels obligated to marry because of the unplanned child. If you are ready to marry for the right reasons and the person is worth of marriage, a wedding is the correct course of action. However, if the person you commited the sin with is not worthy of marriage, two wrongs don’t make a right. There is no societal pressure today to help someone caught in sexual sin live up to the challenge of marriage and parenting.
Some choose to marry in order to “help” the spouse. It could be a man rescuing a girl from a terrible situation or a woman who thinks she can change her man. Either way, trying to rehabilitate your spouse is a terrible reason to get married.
Provision
Provision
Some desire to get married to gain security.
Many people crave marriage in order to get their own needs met. They hope to be served. This is the fastest way to disappointment.
If you want company, get some friends.
If you want a clean house, hire a maid.
If you want someone to cook, hire a chef.
If you want protection, get an alarm system. hire security.
If you want someone to pay your bills, go on welfare.
If you want children, adopt.
Marriage is not primarily about security or service. There are much stronger reasons to get married.
Bible Motives for Marriage
Bible Motives for Marriage
Why do you want to get married?
Now that we have debunked the common reasons for marriage you may wonder if there are any reasons left!
Build your marriage on things that never change. Consider these Bible reasons to get married.
The Will of God
The Will of God
You should only get married if it is the clear will of God.
Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called. Art thou called being a servant? care not for it: but if thou mayest be made free, use it rather. For he that is called in the Lord, being a servant, is the Lord’s freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Christ’s servant. Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men.
In the middle of this chapter on dating and marriage, our Lord deals with the subject of contentment and the will of God. Why?
Because if you don’t learn to be content, you will never be happy in marriage. There will always be greener pastures and luring opportunities. God says to abide in your calling. That is true in life and in marriage.
Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.
If it’s God’s will for you to marry, don’t worry about the future. He will work it out.
Marry the one who is God’s will for you. Don’t settle for anyone else. Don’t fall for a counterfeit.
Love your spouse. Be satisfied with the will of God. Don’t go windows hopping for something else.
The will of God never changes. If your motivation for marriage is that you believe it is the will of God, you can hang on to that for the rest of your life. If you can’t bet the rest of your days that you should marry the person, don’t.
If you are married, you don’t have to wonder if it is God’s will for you to stay married. Whoever you married became the will of God. Now live each day in His will and trust Him to work out the kinks.
And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
The Desire to Minister
The Desire to Minister
A single person should give themselves wholly to God. Every ounce of their effort and service should be to God almighty. You will not be fully prepared for marriage if you are not maturing in the Lord while single.
Prepare yourself to be a good Christian. Focus on Christian service. Become a good person. Prepare to fulfill your marital duties.
God expects a husband and wife to care for one another. Our Creator expects you to take some of your devotion that belonged to him and give it to your spouse.
But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
Married life is a life of service.
A man must work a job and then come home to serve his family. Men, don’t come home and check out. Your work is not done when you walk in the door. Be a present and loving husband. Talk to your wife. Help around the house. Show your love. Be an engaged father fulfilling your biblical duties. Train and correct the children. Teach them how to serve God by word and example.
A woman must serve her husband by caring for his needs. Respect him. Love him emotionally and physically. Prepare meals. Clean the house. Do the shopping. Enter his world. Encourage his heart.
Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
This verse is often misunderstood. It does not speak of authority. The lines of authority are clearly drawn in verses 22-24.
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Verse 22 highlights God’s expectation for the married couple to put their spouse’s needs before their own.
It is akin to Philippians 2:1-5.
If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies, Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:
Marriage is a ministry. You serve God by serving your spouse.
A man should get married because he wants to be the one to care for the woman he hopes to marry. He wants to provide for her and protect her. He wants to work hard, bring home the bacon, and pay the bills. He wants to care for her when she is sick, encourage her when she is down, and spend the rest of his life with her.
A woman should get married because she wants to be the one to car for the man she hopes to marry. She wants to make his meals, clean up after him, and wash his clothes. She wants to carry his children. She wants to smell his stinky feet and cheer him up when he is grumpy.
Don’t marry the person you can live with. Marry the person you can’t live without. Marry them because you want to serve them the rest of their life.
The Illustration of Glory
The Illustration of Glory
The chapter on dating and marriage is proceeded by a chapter on holiness and the glory of God.
Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.
The ultimate motive to get married is to bring glory to God.
Marriage is a living example of God’s truth.
The way a wife submits to her husband displays our willingness to follow Christ.
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
The way a man treats his wife pictures the love Christ has for the Church.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
Is your relationship a true example of God’s truth? Does your testimony help people see the glory of God?
A Christian couple that chooses to divorce robs the world of an example of God’s saving power. Let the world see Christ in you!
Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.
If we are to glorify God in mundane things like eating and drinking, how much more should we glorify Him in our marriage.
Choose to make the glory of God the greatest motivation in your marriage.
CONCLUSION
CONCLUSION
If you got married for a weak reason, choose to change your motivation today.
If you are preparing for marriage, make sure that you have a Bible reason to get married and stay married.
If you get married to minister to the needs of your spouse, you will never be disappointed. If your main goal in marriage is to bring glory to God, you will never be denied.
Marriage is a ministry. Change your thinking today and you will change your experience.
Trust God with your marriage and allow His glory to shine through you.