Forgiving God's People

Series: Renewing Our Relationship with God

Sermon: Forgiving God’s People

Scripture: Matthew 18:21-35

You'll notice when you read the teachings of Jesus that he places a great deal of emphasis on our need to forgive others. Having a forgiving heart is essential to living the Christian life. In fact, Jesus even goes so far as to say that if you're not willing to forgive others, you can't experience the fullness of God's forgiveness in your life. One of the things we’ve learned already in this series is that as God loves us and accepts us, we must love and accept others. The same is true with forgiveness. To renew our relationship with God we must forgive others.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:14-15)

In Matthew 18 we learn a lot about forgiveness—how much we've been forgiven and how much we need to forgive others. In this passage we learn that being forgiven and forgiving others can’t be separated.

And in this passage we learn what it means to forgive those who have sinned against us—we learn what true forgiveness is. Now, the big idea of this lesson in forgiveness is this: we are to forgive as we have been forgiven.

If I were to ask you to think of someone whom you've had to forgive recently, or someone whom you need to forgive, it probably wouldn't take very long for you to come up with a name. In fact, are you married? Do you have a job? Do you have neighbors? Do you go to church? Do you ever eat out? Do you have in-laws? There are many opportunities where we need to practice forgiveness.

So the question is: how do you do it? How do you forgive others as God wants you to forgive? There are two examples you often see, neither of which is right.

The first extreme example is "I'll forgive but I won't forget, and I'll make certain you never forget either; I'll remind you of what you've done every day for the rest of your life, and when I bring it up you better act like you still feel guilty about it or I'll withdraw my forgiveness." That’s really not forgiveness, is it? The principle is that we're to forgive as we've been forgiven, and that is not how God forgives us.

On the other end of the extreme are those who think forgiving others means giving someone permission to walk all over you again, and allowing yourself to be victimized. As we see in today's story, that isn't the case.

So, how are we supposed to forgive others? What does it mean to forgive as we have been forgiven? There are four things Jesus says to keep in mind. And let me warn you, these are tough to do. First of all...

1. Forget about keeping count.

(v. 21-22) Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." [or "seventy times seven."]

Peter was being generous wasn’t he? He thought forgiving a brother seven times would put him in the category of a saint.

Jesus said, however, "Not seven times but seventy-seven times," or "seventy times seven"—his point is that we are not to keep track of the number of times we forgive someone. Each and every time they offend us, we are to offer them forgiveness. We are to forgive them as many times as they offend us, as many times as they ask our forgiveness. How many times is that? As many times as it takes.

Early in his marriage, a man offended his mother-in-law. He truly regretted it and went to her with an apology and asked her forgiveness. Since she had been a Sunday school teacher most of her life, her response took him by surprise. She said, "No. I will not forgive you." It’s hard to believe anyone—especially a Christian—would be so unwilling to forgive. (Usually, we at least say that we'll forgive, and then continue to hold a grudge.)

The man was asked, "What in the world did you say when she said that she wouldn't forgive you?"

He laughed and said, "I told her, 'OK, then, don't forgive me. It's no skin off my nose.'" He then said, "Eventually she got over it when she saw she couldn't manipulate me."

When it comes to forgiving others, we're sometimes guilty of playing games and using the situation to get leverage on the other person so that we can use it to our advantage later. That's not forgiveness. God doesn't do that to us; we cannot do it to others.

Some of you here today are afraid that God won't forgive you anymore because you've struggled with one particular sin for too long, and you think he has given up on you. You think, There's no way he'll forgive me again; I've failed too many times. But that's a lie from Satan. There IS a way he'll forgive you again. Come to him in repentance and ask his forgiveness—he'll give you all you need.

I've heard people say, "If you're truly sorry for a sin you won't do it anymore."

It's not that simple. When someone says that to me, I ask them, "Does that mean that you no longer sin? Or does it mean that you now only commit sins that you're not sorry about?"

Some of us struggle with sins for years—and sometimes it seems like we'll never get victory. I'm not talking about leaping into sin and loving it; I'm talking about lapsing into sin and loathing it. And we struggle with the same sin again and again, and we repent again and again, and we continue to struggle. Don't ever believe the lie that God withholds his forgiveness. Jesus made it clear to Peter that we are to forgive others an unlimited number of times. God doesn't expect us to do more than he's willing to do himself. We're to forgive others an unlimited number of times because he forgives us an unlimited number of times.

Forget about keeping count; if you need forgiveness from God, ask for it—regardless of how many times you've asked in the past. Forget about keeping count; if someone asks for forgiveness, give it—regardless of how many times they've asked in the past. We're to forgive as we've been forgiven, so forget about keeping count. Here's the second guideline...

2. Cancel the debt.

When we forgive others we have the power to cancel their debt—to let them completely off the hook—and we need to do that whenever we can.

Jesus tells the parable of a man who owed his king a huge sum of money—millions of dollars—and since he was not able to pay, the king ordered that everything the man owned be sold—including his wife and children, and himself into slavery—so that he could repay the debt. The man fell on his knees before the king and begged for more time to pay the debt. And...

(v. 27) "The servant's master took pity on him, cancelled the debt, and let him go."

Just like that, with just a word, millions of dollars of debt was wiped away. This man had gotten in over his head and he owed far more than he was able to pay back, but the king understood something about forgiveness, and so he cancelled the debt and let him go.

There are times when you forgive others that you simply have to cancel the debt and let them go. When someone does something wrong, they should do whatever they can to make it right. But sometimes people sin to such an extent that they can never make it right. If they come to you seeking forgiveness, and you have the power to cancel their debt, then cancel their debt. Let them off the hook. Forgive them completely.

The Bible says when God forgives us he...

...hurls our iniquities into the depths of the sea. (Micah 7:19)

The Bible also says about God's forgiveness...

I have swept your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. (Isaiah 44:22)

You have put all my sins behind your back. (Isaiah 38:17)

When God forgives us, he forgives us completely. As far as he is concerned, our sin is gone forever. The debt has been cancelled. This is the way we need to forgive others: we need to cancel their debt and let them off the hook.

Sometimes we're reluctant to do that because we want leverage over them. We want to make them squirm. We want them to suffer as we have suffered. That's not forgiveness. That's not the way God treats us; it's not the way we should treat others.

How do you forgive someone who has done irreparable harm to you? How do you forgive an unfaithful spouse, for example?

Honestly, there really is no way the spouse can make it right—and there isn’t when it comes to adultery—then you need to cancel the debt. Let them off the hook. Wipe the slate clean. Give them a brand new start.

Somebody says, "Are you serious? Are you saying I should let him off the hook so he can come in and wreak havoc in our lives again?"

No. That's not what I'm saying. With forgiveness comes accountability, and he needs to make an effort to prove he means business. But if he owes you more than he can ever repay, forgive the debt and let him start over.

This brings us to the third guideline for forgiving others. In addition to canceling the debt you need to...

3. Remember your debt that’s been cancelled.

In this parable, the king forgave the servant's debt, and then listen to what the servant did.

(v. 28-34) "When the servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. [A small amount of money compared to what this man owed the king.] He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.' But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.

When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened. Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I cancelled all that debt of your because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' In his anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed."

What's the lesson here? Never borrow money? Well, that’s probably a good practice if you can do it.

The lesson here is that we often think of our debt as being small in comparison to the debt that someone owes us. Have you counted the size of your debt lately? I’m not talking about credit cards, I’m talking about the size of the debts that have stacked up in your account towards God?

Remember the offenses for which you’ve been forgiven. Are you now unwilling to forgive someone else for an offense? Are you wanting to “make them pay” for what they did to you?

Remember Jesus’ words from Matthew 6: “if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

With only a couple of exceptions, I have never had much trouble forgiving others, Every time I'm tempted to hold a grudge, my heart is changed when I remember that my debt towards God is so much greater than this person's debt toward me. And yet, God forgave me. I didn't deserve it, but he forgave me anyway. I fail again and again in the same areas of my life, and yet he continues to forgive me again and again. There is no way I could ever need to forgive anyone else more than God has forgiven me. When I consider God's mercy in my life, I am compelled to show mercy to others.

The wicked servant in this parable was punished because he was willing to receive mercy but wasn't willing to give it. Jesus said,

(v. 35) "This is how my heavenly father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."

Stand

God takes forgiveness very seriously. He expects us to forgive others completely, because that is how he forgives us. He takes forgiveness so seriously that he was willing to send Jesus into the world to die on the cross for our sins, to pay the debt for our sins—a debt that we could never pay ourselves. It's not because we're worthy, it's because he's merciful. He doesn't keep count of our offenses. He cancels the debt completely. He reminds us of the debt only to help us show mercy and forgiveness to each other.

Do you need to forgive someone? Forgive them as God has forgiven you. Forget about keeping count. Cancel the debt. Most of all, temember what God has done for you.