1030am Sunday 9-6-2020

That was beautiful. Thank you very much for a steam. I invite you if you are not currently doing so to please stand as you were able every read the Holy Gospel According to the gospel of Matthew the 18th chapter Beaver Bible and let you grab it for long if you got a Bible app, whatever works for you. I'm going to be in Matthew chapter 18 verses 15 to 20.

the words of Jesus

If another member of the church stands against you. Go and point out that fault when the two of you are alone. It's a number listens to you. You have regained to that one. but if you are not listen to take one or two others along with you so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of the two or three Witnesses. If the member refuses to listen to them tell it to the church and the Thunder refuses to listen even to the church. Let such a one.

Let such a one be to you as a gentile or and the tax collector truly. I tell you whatever you bind on Earth will be bound in heaven. Whatever you loose on Earth will be loosed in Heaven Again. Truly. I tell you if two of you agree on Earth about anything you ask. It will be done for you by my Father in heaven for where two or three are gathered in my name. I am there among them the gospel of Our Lord. Please be seated.

I invite you to pray with me.

Change the broken lives be healed. In This Moment Christ be revealed and the name of the father and the son and the holy spirit. Amen

Well, good morning today. We jump ahead actually at a chapter 2 from where we left off last week and we we skip over a bunch of things where we left off last weekend in Matthew 16. Are we scheduled the Transfiguration? We skip over some shepherding in the jury. We should give her a lot but we skip over to I think a really good section of the of the Gospel in this one is is is equally practical and spiritual at the same time and it's really really critical in in all of my years as the pastor and as a human being and you probably have felt this way to being a person of yourself that our greatest Challenge and struggle anxiety spheres turmoil failures, From relationships not working relationships not working as they are intended to do. So so Matthew 18 falls in the section where Jesus is is teaching his disciples how to understand the kingdom of God. They're on their way South down down the valley into the city of Jerusalem where Jesus told his disciples are we talked about last week? I'm going to go there. I'm going to be executed talk about a failure relationships. And then I'm going to be raised right and on the way down. Jesus is kind of doing a lot of pastoral care with his disciples helping them to get okay with this coming conflict and end the resolution that will come by God's grace and glory in his resurrection. He's helping them understand kind of the the final teachings about the upside down kingdom that he's coming to to bring Peter is expecting the Messiah to be this Warrior. Who overthrows this oppressive government and overthrow the Seas occupiers and kills a bunch of people and then establishes a worldly rain and Kingdom on earth that is is only different in as much as this Kingdom worship Yahweh and not the other gods of the Emperor or I'll or Cyrus or anybody else and Jesus is helping Peter and his disciples and anybody who will listen understand the nature of this upside down kingdom cuz the Messiah is not going to be a warrior king Messiah is going to be a suffering servant and in Jesus helping Peter understand this and this kind of road trip down south to Jerusalem to that ultimate conflict and confrontation. Is where Jesus gets to really dig in to what this upside down Kingdom looks like me teaches about a great number of things. If you watch the bible study this past Wednesday, it is on her Facebook page. We invite you to go watch it. We talked about the the concept of marital relationships and divorce and and what was going on there and the upside down nature that Jesus brings to the conversation with the Pharisees. But today Jesus is talking about conflict and end the way in which the kingdom of God influences and changes the entire Dynamic of the way human conflict is meant to be The king of darkness is upside down kingdom in this upside down kingdom you gain Honor by serving? In this upside down kingdom you give Grace instead of holding a grudge in this upside down kingdom you give your wealth away your time with your talent your treasure instead of hoarding it. Instead of getting revenge in this Kingdom you forgive that is the kingdom that Jesus is instructing his disciples. And therefore you and I as followers of Jesus today. He's instructing them on how to do that. All of these kingdom reversals are intended to help create and restore a new Humanity following Jesus. Alyssa Rodriguez born in our Western institutional culture of church. This is the challenge following. Jesus isn't about being a better Christian. But that's not the image that Jesus has for his followers following. Jesus is about being a better human. Jesus is there it is as noted by Paul as being the firstborn of a new Humanity. And Jesus as this new human is creating a new people among him. That's what his 12 disciples are he's trying to correct their lenses rewire their genetic mental mental coding for how to process information. How do you handle situations? In this case? It's conflict. How do you as a human being handle conflict? We know we know you and I know right look around the world. How did human beings handle conflict today? Not well. I mean go on social media. Look at the news look at global politics. Look at War. Look at manipulation. Look at that all that ways that human beings on a global scale not to speak anything of the more interpersonal level that we do relationship on and that's where Jesus is really focusing on that one-on-one because global conflict right as kind of the Pinnacle Geo geopolitical you no internet international relations in Conflict starts with what But the one on one level Network Jesus rounds the conversation today. The one of the elements of this upside down kingdom for Jesus is teaching his disciples about What conflict is and specifically how to deal with it Faithfully in light of the Kingdom that Jesus is bringing. so if you have ever Real clear if you ever had a conflict with another human being Jesus is talking to you. He's talking to you. He's talking to me. He's talking to you. He's talking to David is talking to Dorothy can talk and all of us. Jesus is talking to you. So real quick, I just want to read the section again, just so we're real clear about it. But Jesus is teaching the text is longer, but I'm going to read the section that really pertains to you and I

beginning of verse 15 if another member of the church stands against you go and point out the Fault when the two of you are alone. The number listens to you, you have regained that one. But if you if you are not listen to take one or two others along with you so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three Witnesses. If the member refuses to listen to them tell it to the church and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a gentile or tax collector. It's really why I want to spend most of our time between verses 15 through 17. So Step 1, what does Jesus say to do when there's a problem when you have a conflict that pain what is it? It's you go to the person. You just you go to them if they have if they have sinned against you and your mind if something about their relationship has been fractured. That's funny cuz it's it's a it's a it's a distortion of what the relationship should be. How did how did humans how do we as human beings live? Not like that in your mind right not like that. That's not how many things live. So I'm going to go and I'm going to discuss the matter with this person. Now that Jesus doesn't say going gossip don't go and have a prayer meeting about this situation or this person's actions in nov should pray for that person over should do this or that that that's not what Jesus says to do doesn't say it'll write a letter. Which is it says to do it doesn't take the character doesn't go to them with who by yourself just doing them. And this is really immaterial of the relationship you think you have with that person. Jesus doesn't say go to that person if the relationship between usually solid. Did this is not an emotional practical right practical mechanics of Being Human in the way that the kingdom describes and details you go to that person to get like that person. You may not pretty good like that person, but you go to them because that's what Jesus says to do anything else other than that is said it's it's it's broken. It's it's not following the words of Christ not when you do that when you go to them by yourself in this Step 1 Phase 1 of contract resolution, there's some possible outcomes of that have that interaction, right? First of all, this is predicated on that. The person will even meet with you at step one. If they want then everything about to say for step one gets cast aside and you need to go to step 2 and 3 but willing to meet with you. Here's what you do here the possible outcomes.

And they ask your forgiveness. And then they commit to be committing themselves and promising to try to do better right to make a sincere attempt to reconcile. What makeup that's one possible outcome would be if they refuse to let you lay out for them all the things. Hopefully it's not a whitelist you've kept for years and you've just now you're just tile it on hopefully, it's one thing. That's Kia's. Well when it happened to deal with it in the moment, you don't let it build cuz that's not healthy. Jesus makes it clear when someone sends you go to them about that issue in the moment within a reasonable time line, and maybe they don't acknowledge it. That thing that you bring them based I don't they just they don't see it the way you do or maybe they think you're being foolish in and you're just overly sensitive. That's also possible. another option in the possibility Number three they reveal that they have not actually sent against you. And then what actually needs adjustment is your perspective? But that the person that you have a grievance with you're not actually grieve with them. Maybe you were upset with somebody else but you're just projecting your grievance on them, or maybe the thing that you think you're really upset about angry about is not actually something that you need to be upset about or maybe it's something that you are distorting your role and their relationship with right. Now you have to watch hear from manipulation because we all know that there are people in the world and maybe in your own life who are able to take your grievance and twist it and we have to be cautious in mindful of that. So that's just kind of a little asterisks. They're just beware of that. Finally the fourth outcome of going to this person in bringing your grievances. Maybe they'll something that happened in their life recently which then changes by the lens and the light through what you see their behavior, right? Maybe they're acting it away suddenly in a in a situation where I mean where to find out like right. I'm sure our relationships are stupid. Maybe the reason for this the different behavior is Depression or anxiety or job insecurity or concern for something that you have no idea about maybe it's something completely outside of your orbit of thought. And so they reveal something to you that oh, well, I did not feel like that that that paint hopefully that paints for me a different picture of you behavior and that's not to let them off the hook, but it does provide I think changes the conversation await from condemnation perhaps hopefully not condemnation ever to compassion and you still hold them accountable, but you do it in such a way where Grace rules the day Grace has the last word. And so those are kind of the four outcomes not legit. They don't have done with yet. They help you see that your grievance is not actually a grievance and or they reveal something to you about something they be going through that you're not aware of the changes your Calculus for the conflict itself. So those are the four as I can. I'm sure there's more there's always person areas, but those are the four key ones that I can see. Now I had just a little Side Story here a colleague of mine on this issue of Grievances and especially with recognizing that sometimes our grievances aren't actually grievances. But sometimes we need to change our perspective on the grievance a colleague of mine. He's at Pastor another congregation. He had a person or come to him one day and they were really really upset with him and they did the right thing. They pulled him aside. It was fantastic and they told him Pastor. I'm really upset with you and I don't feel like you care about us. And the Pastor said oh, oh, oh, I'm so sorry. Okay. Well, what what what gives you the impression that I don't care? At the top of the person's list was well where you bought your house is 20 minutes from the church, and I don't think that's appropriate. and the pastor thankfully responded with okay. I understand and they they help unpack for the person that that is a completely illegitimate conflict. Right big they don't you don't get to detect 8 where the pastor lives. I'm sorry. They don't provide a parsonage. So the pastor is allowed to live where the pastor chooses but but it helped the depression or help them understand and interpret after all compassionate way that that this was not something that they had a right to be upset about and it was actually outside of their purview of concern and so they managed to resolve it but the pastor help this person understand. But their grievance was not legitimate that but this actually isn't what you're upset about. I hear your concern for one to be more connected but the whole house issue that's not what you're upset about. So that's an example right of this kind of getting your eyes from your perspective clarified. So so if the relationship is not resolved in Step 1, what does Jesus say to do well step to you you go get other members of the community two or three Jesus says, And you get more people involved to do a couple things. Number one, you test the grievance, right? Like my friend my colleague who haven't approached by the parishioner who was upset by where they chose to live, right? Hopefully if they didn't believe the pastor they would go to their friends and said this is what I'm upset about.

You need to let that go. That's not that's not actually a grievance. You need to relax. So number one is you test the grievance with the community. Hopefully trusted people who are going to be honest and truthful and able to give you perspective in that grievance number two. You go and get more people because you are you're protecting the person you're protecting the victim the person who has been acted upon by the person who did the the deed of of abuse in any way shape or form you protect them from any additional abuse, right? You create a circle around that person you create more more eyes more Hearts around that person and finally you provide the perpetrator with more evidence and perspective on their own. So you go to someone that you're just being overly sensitive. That's not a big deal. No, no, no, no no Jack and Jill agree that this is a problem and we want to try to handle this in healthy faithful ways. And so you have more evidence piled in that conversation again. This is not gossip. This is not, you know, creating a network of of dialogue in narrative about a person to shame them or harm them or or or make them in a fault. But in attempt to create a healthy dialogue and help them understanding and grow wiser. Now what this is this this going and getting more people what this is and is not this is very very key. This is a sincere attempt at healing the relationship. That's number one. Cuz what is sin it is right, but it's it's not living in right relationship. It's a fracturing a relationship and his disciples of Christ. Is this new Humanity of this new upside down kingdom. Our goal is always not honor but relationships right? It's one of our values here at Saint Stephen life-giving relationships. It is a sincere attempt to live out. The teachings of Jesus sincere attempt regardless of how we feel about someone we had chosen as Disciples of Christ as followers of his way. But this is how we are going to act regardless of our feelings about someone. It is a sincere attempt to resolve the conflict that that my goal here is to resolve the conflict with the purpose of restoring the relationship. I finally it is is a way to create healthy boundaries. I'm going to double back to that one just in a moment. Now what it is not very clear up what this is not. Going and getting additional people involved as Jesus instruct is this is not for the purposes of ambushed by we've all had that moment. Maybe you were those people wear. If you have a surprise party you feel ambushed not this not the same thing, but this is not an ambush. This is not attempted to to encircle the person and make them feel very very scared uncomfortable. You know, I pressed or anything like that. It is not a way to spread gossip talked about that earlier. It is not an attempt. The band the person to your will and desire right? I get enough people on my side and it just becomes a numbers game then then they'll have to do what I want. Right? That's not what this is either for me. It's not a way to get revenge write out a way to get revenge. So that is what step 2 is and is not number 3. If two step two doesn't work step three is you widen the circle you widen the circle.

I want to pause and I want unpack this this this this critical boundaries on top this issue of protecting the victim from additional abuse. Now the church is a place of Grace unless that's what it should be. It's what Jesus teaches us. It should be. But it is also meant to be a community of strong boundaries and let me help you unpack that. So so Jesus is words to his disciples are if someone sends against you go to that person if that doesn't work going get to two or three others and if that doesn't work get more people involved.

In this scenario would say that the person who is has the grievance is being verbally emotionally physically financially whatever abused manipulated coerced and and that person is told by Jesus to go to that the perpetrator and tell them the grievance, right? And then what happens if that doesn't work then you get more people. So how is that person who has had that act done to them but Act of aggression or or anger or attack done to them after that first step, are they ever alone with that perpetrator again? No, they're not. They're never alone with them again. Jesus says pray for those who persecute you does. He say stay with them know and this is this is one of the greatest grievances of the church that that we have prioritize this this sentiment in this narrative that Jesus wants us to love everybody and if someone abuses you you should love them still and just take it. And that is not the narrative that Jesus gives that is not the truth that scripture reveals. I mean the biggest Contender with that narrative is the Bible Jesus and he tells us when someone is hurting or harming you you should not be alone with that person anymore. But that the relationship is fractured to a level where you can forgive and we're going to talk about forgetting this next week next week our text today and the text on forgiveness. It's coming next week tartar yoke and it's tripping complete and we're going to talk about that next week, but but Jesus makes it very clear. But you are not to be alone with that person again, right because they make twist your words. Right? What what is the purpose of go back to scripture? It's always a great place to be what is the purpose of having those additional people verse 16 But if you were not listen to take one or two others along along with you so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses that there's clearly a relationship fracture where truth is not able to manifest in Liv and so when that happens procedure takes over and so we put more people in the room with you because it's not safe for you to be alone with them and that's really really critical. So if you are being harmed or abused or manipulated, of course, Jesus is not instructing you to stay with them. You need to get away from that you need you need to put distance and boundaries between you and that person and there may come a time when reconciliation happens and forgiveness is possible other forgiveness is from you to the person where is reconciliation is two people agreeing together to continue. The relationship reconciliation may not be possible. They may not want to reconcile with you. They may want to just hurt you. And so Jesus makes it very clear zanden in a faithful loving way that you've got to put boundaries and borders between you and that person and the community of the kingdom here at Stephen at any church the upside down kingdom makes it clear that you do that through loving compassionate ways, but very clear very clear about not allowing yourself to be walked on. Number for step 4. If none of that works. If you go to the person doesn't work you bring a couple others doesn't work. You get more people involved doesn't work. What are you do you says you treat them as a gentile or tax collector? Why does he say that?

Managing expectations is important. Managing expectations is important if I'm approaching someone and trying to talk to them about a conflict that we're having and telling them from my perspective as a follower of Jesus hears. What is broken and here's how we fix it and they refuse to do it to keep refusing to do it. What I have to acknowledge is that they're not looking at this situation from the angle that I am that they're not looking at it from the same angle of Jesus and that I need to change the relationship Dynamic fundamentally away from we're not having the same story when we're actually talking past each other because I'm I'm telling you how Jesus instructs us to do this and you're giving me in a procedure in and other things like that. So my relationship fundamental changes with you and it changes from a reconciling relationship and attempted sincere forgiveness and compassion to a teaching relationship where if if they don't have The teachings of the training in the end the idea and the concept of perspective of the Kingdom. Why would I expect them to handle it from the perspective of the kingdom? And so Beat the freeze here of treating them as a gentile and tax collector is not to say you cut them off right you treat them as a sinner and you cast them out right into the into the fires of Hell, although sometimes it's how we feel we want to do but what Jesus even when failure occurs, there is Grace and there is a desire for the wellness of the other person. So so we need to shift the conversation away from the purpose of reconciliation to teaching you don't know what you don't know and clean. This person does not know the teachings of Jesus and so you change that and transition that that conversation into a fundamentally teaching relationship. This new Humanity that Jesus teaching his disciples is complex and is challenging and is difficult and for you and I in our world today in our modern world. Our relationship has a more complex. And if you have social media, we have cell phones. We have text message and we have so many demands on our time and and the the complexities of human relationship have have grown astronomically. But the the way in which resolve our differences and conflicts has not. And so if you are in conflict with someone today, Jesus instructs us to go to them and to follow this prescribed process, but but this is not something that God is asking us to do that. He himself is not done. Who was it that came to us? When we were in conflict with God. Jesus God incarnate manual God With Us. God came to us in the person of Jesus. He came near to us. He spoke or grieving his grievances against as he told us what was wrong and what did we do? We killed him and even then he came back to us. That is love. Jesus did not let us off the hook so to speak but he did provide for us Grace that we did not deserve holding us accountable and teaching us how to hold one another accountable in loving ways. We serve a God, who knows with healthy conflict looks like and what it should be and among the church. It should look this way as well. And so as we move next week into the conversation on forgiveness, I want to invite you to consider these words of Jesus on how to handle conflict and how to reconcile with your enemy how to give Grace to those who you don't think really deserve it and then next week we're going to talk about forgiveness and that's more of a from the heart issue rather than a procedural issue. But these are the words of Christ today on conflict resolution and I pray that today you find peace within yourself and in your relationships through this masterful teaching by Jesus, let's pray. Precious. Thank you for the day. Thank you for conflict. And for its ability to provide us new possibilities and new Practices New Perspectives and New Life. God help us to embrace conflict in all of its forms and help us God to fight well and to fight in ways that creates life and not death. Are you are the god of life? We ask this in the name of your son Jesus Christ Our Lord who came with us who fought with us for the sake of love and pray this in your nut in your name?