For Such a Time as This: How to Live Biblically in a Culture of Confusion and Chaos (part 2)

Message Introduction

Sound doctrine

Sound thinking

Sound living

The downward spiral of emotional hijacking, flooding, and relational failure

Definitions Hijacking occurs when our emotions (in the amygdala) overpower rational thinking (in the neocortex). Flooding is the sense of feeling repeatedly swamped by our own or others’ emotions

Triggers and Downward Spiral

Triggers: poor communication, misunderstanding, conflicting agendas Defensive reaction to criticism (sarcasm, anger, silence, flight) We begin to see ourselves as innocent or unappreciated victims. We develop a critical spirit, assuming the worst about everything others do. We grab evidence that supports our view and ignore evidence that doesn’t. This puts the other person into a no-win (lose/lose) situation. We experience prolonged physical distress (pulse, adrenaline, respiration).

If Intense Emotions Continue

We feel increasingly confused, frustrated and out-of-control. As emotions intensify, our limbic system pulls oxygen away from our neocortex so we have less capacity for rational thinking. It becomes increasingly difficult to recover from feeling hurt or angry. We lose hope for a positive resolution. We develop a hard, uncaring heart, partly as protection and partly as punishment. We avoid the other person, spending more and more time apart. We eventually give up on our friendships, relatives, churches, jobs or marriages.

Common Tendencies of Men and Women (sometimes reversed)

Men tend to avoid conflict, often because they are afraid of emotional flooding. Women generally want to engage: “We need to talk”. Fear of flooding often compels men to “stonewall” (withdraw into silence or leave). The more a woman presses to discuss, the more most men will pull away. Prov. 21:9 This results in further frustration and flooding in the woman, which prolongs the spiral.

The Three-Fold Pattern of Emotional and Relational Failure

Failure to understand and faithfully obey God’s instructions Failure to understand and consistently control the emotions and interests that are driving us Failure to understand and wisely engage the emotions and interests of others

Getting to the Root of Critical Judgments

A key step in breaking free from the habit of making critical judgments is to trace them to their source and cut them off at the root. To do this you must deal with your heart. James 4:1-12 describes two of the most common sources of critical judgments. The first is selfishness. When others stand in the way of what we want, we strive to remove their opposition by tearing them down and diminishing their credibility and influence in any way we can (vv. 1-3).Pride is another source of critical judgments. Thinking that we are better than others, we set ourselves up as their judges and begin to catalog their failings and condemn their actions. As we saw earlier, when we do this we are imitating Satan by trying to play God (vv. 7, 12). Pride can also reveal itself in the inclination to believe that “I alone understand the truth about things.” I think that my beliefs, convictions, theology, and doctrines are true, and I look down on anyone who disagrees with me (cf. Gal. 5:26).Matthew 7:3-5 shows that self-righteousness is another root of critical judgments. When we have done something wrong but we do not want to admit it, one of the most natural things we do is to draw attention to and even magnify the failures of others.Insecurity, which is a form of the fear of man, is a related root of this problem. When we lack confidence in our own beliefs and positions, and fear that they might be disproved, we often conclude that the best defense is a good offense. Therefore, we attack others’ views and judge them before they can judge us.Jealousy can also lead to critical judgments. As we see in Genesis 37:11, Joseph’s brothers were jealous of his close relationship with God and his father, and they repeatedly interpreted his motives and actions in the worst possible way. As their jealousy grew, it culminated in their selling him into slavery.Another cause is self-pity. On occasion, many of us find a perverse pleasure in feeling sorry for ourselves. Therefore, we tend to interpret situations in a way that hurts us the most. One of the best ways to do this is to interpret others’ actions as a form of betrayal.Prejudice is frequently a cause of critical judgments. When we have preconceived, unfavorable opinions about others simply because of their race, religion, gender, or status in life, we will consistently seek to validate our views by interpreting their beliefs and actions negatively.Unforgiveness can also lead us to look for the worst in others. If someone has hurt us, and we do not forgive him, we will look for ways to justify our unforgiveness. Finding more faults in the person who hurt us is a convenient way to conceal the hardness of our own heart.Of course, the ultimate source of critical judgments is a lack of love. Where love is deficient, critical judgments will be the norm. Conversely, where love abounds, charitable judgments should abound (1 Cor. 13:4-7).

Message Exposition