I Corinthians 7:10-16 Divorce
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I Corinthians 7:10-16 Rough Draft
Pastoral address - Today 1st Corinthians leads us into a difficult and in some cases painful topic.
Divorce.
This is not only a difficult message to preach, but a difficult one to hear.
All of us have been touched by divorce if not personally, we’ve have friends and family who have experienced divorce.
I have friends in this church body who have been through very painful divorces. Today as I approach this message my heart grieves for the struggle this subject will bring to my friends in our church family.
I know my words today will till up emotions that the Lord has helped you put to rest.
So, we approach this subject with the truth of scripture, but also in humility, love and grace.
Lastly before we pray. This is just an introduction to divorce and marriage. There is so much that we won’t get to cover today. When you have questions, please ask.
Pray
1. Why does divorce take place?
The answer is this. Divorce takes place because of Hardness of heart.
Either 1 or both of the spouses has hardened their heart. This hardening of the heart by 1 or both has caused the marriage to fail.
Jesus says this in Mark 10:5
4 They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” 5 And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment.
Jesus says in Mathew 19:8
8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
You say, I’ve heard a lot of reasons for people getting divorced, but never heard that divorce happens due to hardness of heart.
We don’t often couch our spiritual condition using this term hard heartedness.
When the heart is hardened, it becomes prideful, it doesn’t admit wrong, it rationalizes sin, it becomes unloving, it protects self at all cost, it lies, it does not take responsibility, it does not submit itself to God.
-This is why a Christ follower must at all cost protect their heart.
23 Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.
A person with a hard heart,
-Can scream and curse at the person they once felt deep love for, and not feel any remorse.
-A person with a hard heart, can cheat on their spouse by looking at pornography or being intimate with someone else and rationalize that it’s ok.
-Heard heartedness can rationalize that “not being happy anymore” is a good enough reason to break a marriage covenant that they made before God.
-A hard hearted person can be abusive in word or in action and think that the other person just deserved it, or made them do it.
-A person with a hard heart, can lie, be an addict, empty bank accounts and come to the belief that it was O.K. considering the circumstances.
-Probably the most common heart hardened symptom is getting to the place where you just don’t care anymore.
You are indifferent to the relationship.
You are emotionally numb to your spouse.
and let’s be perfectly honest.
When you place 2 sinful people in a house together and tell them to get along , - there is bound to be problems.
-If you are married and have not experienced divorce it is by God’s kind grace that your relationship has not imploded.
-The only reason I am still married is that my wife is a professional forgiver.
Ultimately, Divorce happens because of hardness of heart.
What is the take away?
What is the take away?
-That I must be daily evaluating the condition of my heart.
-My heart is not just critical to having a successful marriage, but a successful relationship with Jesus.
-I must daily be asking God to help me to honestly evaluate my intentions, motives and desires.
-This is true for the married and non-married alike.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
24 And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
-Why do we have to ask God to search us and lead us?
-In our humanity we are such self deceivers that God must search us and lead us.
Without God’s help we are are incapable of honestly searching and leading ourselves.
-This verse shows us the love of God.
He can be gone to for help.
He does not leave us to our own broken abilities,
but he is there to help us evaluate our heart and walk closely with Him.
Transition - this leads us to our next big question
2. What does God think about divorce?
Malachi 2:13-16 (Open your Bible and read this)
God says that by divorcing our wife we do her violence.
-This may not be physical, but the divorce is so painful to the soul - that it is equated to an outward beating.
What is the answer? Look at the end of verse 16.
(If seems like a repeat of something you heard already - you are listening.)
-Guard yourself in your spirit.
-Keep your heart from becoming hard.
Why does God have a hard time with divorce?
To understand divorce you have to understand what a covenant is.
Illustration - Covenant
There is a term used many years ago for the closest of friendships, called blood brothers.
Blood Brothers - When two men are best friends and they swears loyalty & allegiance to each other. They will have each others back and protect each other no matter what. In the most difficult times, wartime and in peace - complete loyalty.
-In one tradition the covenant would be confirmed by each man cutting his wrist, the wrists were tied together with a leather strap, until their blood was mixed together.
-This is were the term blood brother came from.
-They would even be willing to die for each others.
-A biblical covenant with your spouse is even more serious than a blood brother covenant. In the covenant of marriage you have “become one”.
-Besides your commitment to God at your salvation, the marriage covenant is the most serious promise one can ever make.
-God takes the covenant of marriage very seriously.
-In the Kingdom of God, Covenants are never made to be broken, but always to be fulfilled.
-God is a God of Covenants.
-He invented Covenants.
-He had Covenants with Adam, Noah, Abraham, Moses, David, Israel. Covenants are part of God’s plan.
-Jesus made a covenant with his own blood.
-Christ follower - The blood of God, was shed for you.
-When you became saved The Spirit of God entered your soul as a promise of salvation.
-Instead of God’s blood in you, God Himself placed His Spirit is in you.
-God is the greatest Covenant keeper.
-The greatest covenant you make is the covenant you have with God, when you are saved.
-If you are a person listening today and are not a Christ follower. God is inviting you into a great relationship and covenant with Him. Pause
-There is a second covenant that most of us make in our lifetime and that is with our spouse.
-When you get married, if you have married another Christ follower, you make a covenant with God and with your spouse.
-Being a covenant keeper is part of God’s character.
-God fully expects his people to be like Him. God expects you to be a covenant keeper.
Transition - Our 3rd question is this.
3. Does God allow Divorce or is it sinful?
The answer is “yes”.
-To be honest, it gets a little complicated.
-It depends on the circumstances, which we will look at.
-We know this...
-It is a sin against God when we break our covenant with our believing spouse.
4. When does God allow divorce?
In 2 instances:
A. When immorality takes place.
31 “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
-Look at the word “Except”. This is the exception.
“Except on the grounds of sexual immorality.”
Your Bible may use the phrase “fornication”, “unchastity” or adultery.
-This term “Sexual Immorality” - greek is Porneia - it is a broad word for sexual sin that includes any sexual touch including pictures & pornography.
What is the take away?
-Divorce is allowed (the spiritual covenant may be broken), if your spouse is sexually immoral.
The 2nd instance when God allows for divorce is...
B. If your spouse is a non-Christian and he/she asks for a divorce.
Look in our passage today. I Corinthians 7:12-15
-An believer cannot make a spiritual covenant with an unbeliever.
-So, if the unbeliever desires a divorce, it is ok, vs. “you are not enslaved.” Meaning that you are not held to a spiritual covenant.
Why does God desire for the believer to stay with the unbeliever if he will wants you to stay?
-Your Gospel witness may impact the life of your spouse and children.
Transition - So God allows divorce in the case of immorality and if the other spouse is an unbeliever.
5. When does God not allow divorce?
-When you don’t meet the exceptions of immorality or a non-Christian spouse asks to divorce.
-You have made a covenant with your believing spouse and God. You have made a lifelong commitment. God calls you to be a covenant keeper. Pause
Illustration - Return Policy
Maybe this illustration will help.
We live in a consumer world where there is a very generous return policy at almost every place we shop.
-Just about anywhere you shop, if buy an item and you don’t like it, you can bring it back no questions asked.
My friend, That is the exact opposite of how a spiritual covenant works.
A spiritual covenant is meant to last and not be broken.
Aren’t you glad that isn’t how Jesus works with his covenant with us.
Can I tell you, you’ve given Jesus many reasons to visit customer service and “return you”. But He will never return you. Once you are His, you are his forever.
When we make a covenant in marriage - God has a very narrow and specific return policy.
Question - Jonathan, I can think of a lot of “Good Reason” for divorce you’ve not mentioned.
I understand the thought.
This is where I need you to really pay attention.
God does allow for separation in marriage. (x2)
-You need to consider immediate separation:
If you are in an abusive situation,
If your spouse is doing illegal activity,
If your spouse is threatening you or - endangering you or your children.
If this is your situation, you need to do 3 things:
1st, Call the police
2nd, Call your family
3rd, Call your Church
You need help and support.
-If things have gotten so toxic in your relationship that reconciliation will best happen by getting separation for a specific amount of time.
Question - That’s all fine and good, but what does separation have to do with divorce?
Here is the part that is tricky. Listen carefully.
-If you are in a bad situation.
Go to the church. Go to your pastors. If there is abuse taking place or other evidences that your spouse is not a Christ Follower, Your Elders (your Pastors) will most likely determine that your spouse is not a Christ follower and just religious.
If your spouse is not a Christ follower, the door opens up for divorce.
-You say… -This seems like an extra step during a difficult time.
Here is the response
-When we are married most of us want a pastor to marry us. We want God’s blessing.
-If divorce is considered, we skip our spiritual leaders all together, and run to the courts.
-God desires to help and support you through your church.
What is the take away? *******
-Some situations God allows divorce. Immorality and when married to a non-christian.
In other situations divorce is sinful.
Some situations need immediate separation.
Transition - our 6th question is this.
6. Does God allow re-marriage after divorce?
-For the 2 exemptions, yes
-Otherwise, no
32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
IN many situations, those who have divorced, and have remarried have committed adultery.
Let’s be honest, no one wants to hear that.
For some in this room, you may feel anger or shame.
Transition…That leads us to our 7th and final question
7. What if I have divorced and re-married and according to scripture I wasn’t supposed to remarry?
What do I do now?
Let me give you 3 simple steps.
A. Confess your sin to God.
-God, I didn’t do this perfectly. I committed adultery by remarrying, I didn’t know. OR I went my own way.
Confess the sin.
9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
B. Love your current spouse now, like you have never loved them before.
-Even though your marriage may not have started perfectly. Your marriage is now God’s will for your life.
-As a Christ follower make it the best marriage it can be.
-Your marriage is not a 2nd rate marriage.
-Your marriage is still a picture of how Christ loves His church.
-Your marriage is a place that reflects God’s glory to a lost and dying world.
C. Make your marriage an example of a great marriage.
Illustration - I look at some marriages in our church. People who I know who have divorced and maybe even for unallowable reasons.
-I’ve been married for 25 years. I get encouraged and challenged by some of the godly examples set before me.
-There are younger people, whether you got it perfect or not, who are looking up to you.
-Who see how you treat your spouse and your attitude toward your marriage and are either encouraged or discouraged.
-Your life and your marriage is an example to others.
Transition - As we bring this message to a close I want to remind you of God’s Covenant with you.
Hebrews 13:5 says this “…I will never leave you or forsake you.”
God’s covenant with the Christ follower is sure as granite.
If you are not a Christ follower, this Covenant God is inviting you right now to say YES to Him.
He wants to make a covenant with you, that He will never break.
It is a Covenant of love and forgiveness.
God desires to right now forgive you sin.
He wants to change your life and give you a new identity.
Will you except the free gift of salvation by faith and give your life to Jesus now?
Pray