Real World Parenting

Ephesians 6:1-3. "Real World Parenting" Safe Haven Worship Centre. Sunday, October 4th, 2020. Ephesians 6:1-3 [6:1] Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. [2]"Honor your father and mother" (this is the first commandment with a promise), [3]"that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land." (ESV) We live in an age where millions of serious assaults are made each year by children on their parents. In recent years, a number of children have been convicted of murdering or hiring the killing of their parents-usually for no greater reason than resentment of parental control or discipline. Children who are incessantly told they can do whatever they wish and can have their own way are children who will soon mock their parents, teachers, moral standards, the law, and society in general. All human relationships obviously grow out of those of children with parents. Children who respect and obey their parents will build a society that is ordered, harmonious, and productive. A generation of undisciplined, disobedient children will produce a society that is chaotic and destructive. In God's Word, parents have every truth and every guideline necessary for raising their children in righteousness and godliness. And what a child needs to know about how he or she should relate and respond to their parents is there also. The Bible was completed two thousand years ago, but people have not changed since then and neither has God. What Scripture has to say is timeless and up-to-date. No human discovery, philosophy, or attitude is new or surprising to God or outside the scope and judgment of His revealed Word. Following from the impact of Godly leadership in the home through Lydia in Acts 16, it is obvious from these exhortations here in Ephesians, that the apostle thinks of local congregations as consisting of whole families who come together not only to praise God but also to hear his word addressed to them. As the household tables are read out, children, too, would learn of their own Christian duties as well as those of other family members (O'Brien, P. T. (1999). The letter to the Ephesians. The Pillar New Testament Commentary (440). Grand Rapids, MI: W.B. Eerdmans Publishing Co.) Ephesians 6:1-3 continues the Apostle Paul's teaching on the mutual submission of believers (Eph. 5:21) by moving to the family. Children are to obey and honor their parents because: 1) It Comes from a Command (Ephesians 6:1), 2) It Comes from the Covenant (Ephesians 6:2), and 3) It Comes with Continuance (Ephesians 6:3). First, children are to obey and honor their parents because: 1) It Comes from a Command (Ephesians 6:1) Ephesians 6:1 [6:1] Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. (ESV) The reference here to children (Tekna) does not refer particularly to young children but to all offspring. The term 'children (τέκνα.) primarily denotes relationship rather than age, and could on occasion include adult sons and daughters, who were expected to honour their parents, especially fathers, who could maintain authority in the family even until death. Here the text has in view children who are in the process of learning and growing up (cf. v. 4). Presumably, they were old enough to understand their relationship to their Lord and the commitments that followed from it. Although children's duty to obey their parents was taken for granted in the ancient world, disobedience to parents, according to the apostle, was indicative of Gentile depravity (Rom. 1:30), or a sign of the evil of the last days (2 Tim. 3:2) (O'Brien, P. T. (1999). The letter to the Ephesians. The Pillar New Testament Commentary (440-441). Grand Rapids, MI: W.B. Eerdmans Publishing Co.) Sons and daughters still under their parents' roof are to obey and honor them. Obey has to do with action, and honor has to do with attitude. Although, as Paul has just mentioned, men and women are no longer under the authority of their parents once they themselves marry (5:31), special respect and concern for their parents should continue as long as they live. The child who is brought up to obey and honor his or her parents will always be sensitive to their wisdom, counsel, and welfare. Obey (Hupakouō) literally means "to hear under," that is, to listen with attentiveness and to respond positively to what is heard. Children are to put themselves under the words and authority of their parents. The obligation is not merely on the side of the child, who must obey, but also on the side of the parent, who must enforce the obedience. This is because the parent stands as God in relationship to the child. To teach the child to obey the parent is to teach the child to obey God. To allow the child to defy and disobey the parent is to teach the child to defy and disobey God with all the obvious consequences (Boice, J. M. (1988). Ephesians: An expositional commentary (212). Grand Rapids, MI: Ministry Resources Library.). They are to do this: In the Lord which refers to the sphere of pleasing the Lord, in obeying parents for the Lord's sake. Children obey their parents as reflective of their obedience to the Lord. The context makes it clear that in the Lord applies to honor as well as to obey. The phrase in the Lord does not mean that children are to obey parents only if their parents are believers (Hoehner, H. W. (1985). Ephesians. In J. F. Walvoord & R. B. Zuck (Eds.), . Vol. 2: The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures (J. F. Walvoord & R. B. Zuck, Ed.) (641). Wheaton, IL: Victor Books.). Parents are to be obeyed and honored because to do so is to obey and honor the Lord. This obedience, moreover, should flow not only from the feeling of love, gratitude, and esteem for their parents, though these motivations are very important, but also and especially from reverence for the Lord Jesus Christ (Hendriksen, W., & Kistemaker, S. J. (1953-2001). Vol. 7: Exposition of Ephesians. New Testament Commentary (258). Grand Rapids: Baker Book House.) Please turn to Colossians 3 Parents stand in the gap, so to speak, between children and God while the children are too young to have a full and mature relationship with Him themselves. Parents are God's stewards, His proxy authority, for their children, who are simply loaned to them in trust by their own heavenly Father. Repeating the same themes as Ephesians, Paul in speaking to the Colossians puts the picture together: Colossians 3:18-4:1 [18] Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. [19] Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. [20] Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. [21] Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. [22] Slaves, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. [23] Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, [24] knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. [25] For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality. [4:1] Masters, treat your slaves justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven. (ESV) The only exception to that obedience is in the matter of doing what is wrong. Every believer should refuse to do anything that is clearly against God's will as taught in Scripture. He should say with Peter and John, "Whether it is right in the sight of God to give heed to you rather than to God, you be the judge; for we cannot stop speaking what we have seen and heard" (Acts 4:19-20). Otherwise, however, a child is to obey his or her parents "in all things." The basic reason for children to obey and honor their parents is simply that it is right (dikaios). The rightness is not based on psychological case studies or other human evidence or theory, but on God's standard of right. God's declaration makes it right. Dikaios (right) refers to that which is correct, just, righteous-to that which is exactly as it should be. For children to obey and honor their parents is dikaios, exactly as it should be, because everything God commands is right (dikaios). Ezra declared of God, "Then Thou didst come down on Mount Sinai, and didst speak with them from heaven; Thou didst give to them just [or right] ordinances and true laws, good statutes and commandments" (Neh. 9:13). "The precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart," David said; "the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes" (Ps. 19:8). Another psalmist wrote, "I know, O Lord, that Thy judgments are righteous," and "I esteem right all Thy precepts" (Ps. 119:75, 128). Hosea closed his message with these beautiful words: "Whoever is wise, let him understand these things; whoever is discerning, let him know them. For the ways of the Lord are right, and the righteous will walk in them, but transgressors will stumble in them" (Hos. 14:9). Jesus himself set the standard by submitting to his parents even though He was wiser than they. His parents were not perfect, but He returned with them from Jerusalem to Nazareth and "was obedient to them" (Luke 2:41-51.) He obeyed simply because it was the right thing to do. (Boles, K. L. (1993). Galatians & Ephesians (Eph 6:1). Joplin, MO: College Press.) Illustration: 3926 Faithful In Menial Task There was a man who had walked the streets of Philadelphia searching for employment. One day he happened to go into the office of a well-known businessman by the name of Girard. When he asked for a job, Mr. Girard answered, "Yes, I can give you work. See that pile of bricks out there? Carry them over to the other end of the yard and stack them up." By nightfall the man reported that the project was completed and received his pay. When asked if there would be more work the next day, his employer said, "Yes, come in tomorrow and carry those same bricks back to where you found them." The following morning he came in early and got busy without a word. For more than a week he was instructed to carry bricks back and forth until it was evident that he could be trusted to do exactly what he was told. Then he was given a new and bigger responsibility-to go downtown and bid on a large quantity of sugar. Not recognizing him, the people at the auction were surprised by the bid of this total stranger. When it was accepted, the auctioneer asked who would pay the bill. "Mr. Girard," the man replied. "I am his agent." He had earned this position by being faithful in a menial task. (Our Daily Bread, as recorded in Tan, P. L. (1996). Encyclopedia of 7700 Illustrations: Signs of the Times. Garland, TX: Bible Communications, Inc.) * It is often difficult to get obedience from children without a full explanation, but as with God, often the understanding of a task only occurs after its completion. Children are to obey and honor their parents because: 2) It Comes from the Covenant (Ephesians 6:2) Ephesians 6:2 [2]"Honor your father and mother" (this is the first commandment with a promise), (ESV) The right attitude behind the right act of obedience is honor (timaō), which means to value highly, to hold in the highest regard and respect. In both its verb and noun forms the word is often used as a term of reverence, preciousness, and honor regarding God the Father and Christ (1 Tim. 1:17; 1 Pet. 2:17; Rev. 4:9, 11; 5:12-13; etc.). It is also used by the Father in reference to the Son (Heb. 2:9; 2 Pet. 1:17). The first lesson that a soldier must learn is obedience to those in authority. A Soldier must follow orders. After the soldier has learned to obey, then they are in a position to be promoted to the rank of an officer where one gives commands to others. To know how to give orders depends largely on how the soldier learned to obey. This basic training is found in the home with the parent-child relationship, .... The victories of the Christian life start in the home... (McGee, J. V. (1997). Vol. 5: Thru the Bible commentary (electronic ed.) (272). Nashville: Thomas Nelson.) Children are to honor both their father and mother, to hold them in the highest possible respect. When God first introduced His written law in the form of the Ten Commandments, the first law relating to human relationships was, "Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you" (Ex. 20:12)-and that is the law Paul reiterates in this text. It is the only commandment of the ten that relates to the family, because that one principle alone, when obeyed, is enough to secure the right relationship of children to their parents. Not only that, but it is the key principle behind all right human relationships in society. A person who grows up with a sense of respect for and obedience to his parents will have the foundation for respecting the authority of other leaders and the rights of other people in general. Honor is the form love assumes toward those who are placed above us by God. God rightly put the word "honor" into this commandment and not merely "love," for it is "love" plus respect, reverence, and corresponding obedience. God places father and mother on the same plane as far as the child is concerned, and Christian ethics is right in extending this commandment so as to include all persons who rightfully assume any part of the parental relation to a child, all the different kinds of parents, teachers, and pastors, even governors and rulers (Scripture at times refers to "fathers" of their people) (Lenski, R. C. H. (1937). The interpretation of St. Paul's Epistles to the Galatians, to the Ephesians and to the Philippians (p. 647). Columbus, O.: Lutheran Book Concern.). Please turn to Matthew 15 Respect for parents is of such grave importance to God that Moses instructed: "He who strikes his father or his mother shall surely be put to death," and "He who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death" (Ex. 21:15, 17; cf Lev. 20:9). Either to physically or verbally abuse a parent was a capital offense in ancient Israel. When some Pharisees and scribes reprimanded Jesus for allowing His disciples to eat without first ceremonially washing their hands: Matthew 15:3-6 [3] He answered them, "And why do you break the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition? [4] For God commanded, 'Honor your father and your mother,' and, 'Whoever reviles father or mother must surely die.' [5]But you say, 'If anyone tells his father or his mother, "What you would have gained from me is given to God," [6]he need not honor his father.' So for the sake of your tradition you have made void the word of God. (ESV) We are to honor our fathers and mothers: to esteem and value them as precious-to respect and reverence them. Tragically, this is a dwindling trait today. Too often a child's response to their parent is that of ...talking back, ignoring the parent, grumbling, speaking disrespectfully, not listening, acting like a know it all, calling the parent a cute but disrespectful name, disregarding instructions or putting off instructions...and the list could go on and on. And when it comes to adult children with aged parents, there is the dishonor of neglect, the ignoring of their needs and the shuffling of them to the side and failing to adequately care for them. ( Leadership Ministries Worldwide. (1996). Galatians-Colossians (p. 214). Chattanooga, TN: Leadership Ministries Worldwide.) * Jesus made it clear that honor of parents includes financial support of them when needed, when they can no longer provide for themselves. Just as parents spend twenty or so years taking care of and providing for their children, their children are to spend whatever time and money is necessary to care and provide for their parents should the parents be no longer able to do so for themselves. The result of obedience and honor is the promise that "it may go well with you". This is why this is the first commandment with a promise. The "promise" which accompanies this commandment is the promise of prosperity and long life; no such promise is attached to any of the four preceding commandments. But in what sense is Exodus 20:12 the first commandment with a promise? It has been claimed that the second commandment, which speaks of not making and worshipping idols (Exod. 20:4-6), includes a promise about God showing mercy to those who love him and keep his commandments. Accordingly, the exhortation to honour one's parents has been taken as the first with a promise in relation to other humans... Paul regards the ten words of Exodus 20:1-17 as the beginning of many commandments in the Torah (O'Brien, P. T. (1999). The letter to the Ephesians. The Pillar New Testament Commentary (443). Grand Rapids, MI: W.B. Eerdmans Publishing Co.). Illustration: (3918 Blame Me Not) How is it that we would see results linked to obedience? As one author wrote: Ye call me Master and obey me not, Ye call me Light and see me not; Ye call me Way and walk not; Ye call me Life and desire me not; Ye call me Wise and follow me not; Ye call me Fair and love me not; Ye call me Rich and ask me not; Ye call me Eternal and seek me not; Ye call me Gracious and trust me not; Ye call me Noble and serve me not; Ye call me Mighty and honor me not; Ye call me Just and fear me not; If I condemn you BLAME ME not! (Tan, P. L. (1996). Encyclopedia of 7700 Illustrations: Signs of the Times. Garland, TX: Bible Communications, Inc.) Finally, Children are to obey and honor their parents because: 3) It Comes with Continuance (Ephesians 6:3) Ephesians 6:3 [3]"that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land." (ESV) In much of modern society growing up is about getting away from authority and parents. In biblical terms there is a sense in which this is true as husband and wife leave father and mother (Gen. 2:24), but this is never meant to leave parents uncared for, or dishonoured, or unrespected. The household relationships continue and do not suddenly come to an end simply because children have married and left home. While in most modern societies families do not all continue to live under the same roof, Christians do need to take note of the continuing obligation of children to their parents as they grow older (Gardner, P. (2007). Ephesians: Grace and Joy in Christ. Focus on the Bible Commentary (156). Ross-shire, Great Britain: Christian Focus Publications.). Please turn to Deuteronomy 5 The command honor your father and mother is two-fold. That it may go/ be well with you relates to the quality of life, and that you may live long in the land/on the earth relates to the quantity of life promised. The original promise was to Israel and involved many tangible, physical, earthly blessings. In the original form of the commandment (both in Exod. 20:12 and in Deut. 5:16) the long life is to be enjoyed "in the land which the Lord your God gives you," that is, in the land of Israel; such a limitation would be inappropriate in a Gentile-Christian context, so the final adjective clause is omitted and "in the land" understood as "on the earth." (Bruce, F. F. (1984). The Epistles to the Colossians, to Philemon, and to the Ephesians. The New International Commentary on the New Testament (398). Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co.) Paul wished to emphasize that in obedience to their parents, children will live to prove that their true welfare ("That it may go/ be well with you") depends on God. We see this concept explained in Deuteronomy 5 Deuteronomy 5:6-16 [6]"'I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. [7]"'You shall have no other gods before me. [8]"'You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. [9]You shall not bow down to them or serve them; for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, [10]but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments. [11]"'You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain, for the LORD will not hold him guiltless who takes his name in vain. [12]"'Observe the Sabbath day, to keep it holy, as the LORD your God commanded you. [13] Six days you shall labor and do all your work, [14] but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, you or your son or your daughter or your male servant or your female servant, or your ox or your donkey or any of your livestock, or the sojourner who is within your gates, that your male servant and your female servant may rest as well as you. [15] You shall remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, and the LORD your God brought you out from there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm. Therefore, the LORD your God commanded you to keep the Sabbath day. [16]"'Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the LORD your God is giving you. (ESV) Paul's reference to it here in Ephesians 6:3 shows that it also extends to believers today. Though its blessings may not always be tangible, a family where children and parents live in mutual love and submission will have rich, God-given harmony and satisfaction that other families can never know. As for the promise of living long in the land/on the earth, the believer who honors his parents can know that his lifetime will be the full measure God intends. Samson and Absalom are two examples in Scripture of boys who did not follow this commandment, and their lives were short. Samson, a judge, died when he was a young man. Absalom rebelled against his father David, and he was killed when he was a young man (McGee, J. V. (1997). Vol. 5: Thru the Bible commentary (electronic ed.) (273). Nashville: Thomas Nelson.) With the promise of living long in the land/on the earth, this does not mean that everyone who died young dishonored his parents. Paul here is stating a principle: when children obey their parents in the Lord, they will escape a good deal of sin and danger and thus avoid the things that could threaten or shorten their lives. But life is not measured only by quantity of time. It is also measured by quality of experience. God enriches the life of the obedient child no matter how long he may live on the earth. Sin always robs us; obedience always enriches us. So, the child must learn early to obey father and mother, not only because they are his parents, but also because God has commanded it to be so. Disobedience to parents is rebellion against God. The sad situation in homes today is the result of rejecting God's Word (Rom. 1:28-30; 2 Tim. 3:1-5). By nature, a child is selfish, but in the power of the Holy Spirit, a child can learn to obey their parents and glorify God. (Wiersbe, W. W. (1996). The Bible exposition commentary (Vol. 2, p. 53). Wheaton, IL: Victor Books.) (Format note: Some base commentary from MacArthur, J. F., Jr. (1986). Ephesians. MacArthur New Testament Commentary (307-315). Chicago: Moody Press.) 1