Marriage Covenant
THE STATEMENT OF MARRIAGE
You are about to pledge the most sacred vows that one person makes with another. As you stand before the witness of God and this company, it is important that you give careful consideration to that which you are promising. You are accountable to your precious mate and to God for that which you pledge. It is advisable that you soberly examine the vows you are about to make.
These vows, which you have selected to represent your commitment, are timeless in the deep qualities of promises they reflect. In these few moments, we will examine the things that you are vowing to do for your mate, regardless of life’s circumstances, for as long as you live.
Your first promise is to honor your mate. What does “to honor” mean? As Christians, we look to God’s Word for instruction on this and other important matters. In doing so, we find that honor is a biblical term for respect, esteem, high regard, and reward. In its various forms, it is found more than 222 times in the English Bible. Honor is used to represent respect paid to superiors, such as God, Christ, kings and presidents, church officers, the elderly, and parents. Honor can also be something bestowed as a reward for virtuous behavior, such as for honoring God or serving Christ, for manifesting wisdom, discipline, or righteousness.
To honor someone or something is to acknowledge and show respect for the authority or worthiness of the object of one’s honor. This is the connotation of “to honor” one’s mate. As you make your vows to each other, you are pledging to acknowledge and to show respect for the worthiness of your mate. Showing honor to your mate involves an affective side (that is, a feeling of respect for your mate) as well as outward manifestations (that is, your actions toward or regarding your mate). Tragically, there are too few marriage partners who consistently keep this vow. This lack of honoring one’s mate contributes significantly to troubled and failed marriages. Too often marriage partners fail to realize the value and worthiness of the one they profess to love above all others. Instead, they tend to elevate themselves or others to the demotion of their mate.
There is one other aspect of honoring your mate about which you should be aware. In the Bible the word love is sometimes used as a synonym for honor. This is seen when Paul tells the Romans to “show family affection to one another with brotherly love. Outdo one another in showing honor” (Rm 12:10).
If you truly love each other, you will desire to honor each other. We see also in Scripture the highest example of such honor. It is the example of Christ. In washing the disciples’ feet, He paid them the honor of service, of subjecting His own priorities to their interests. Do you really love each other enough to honor each other as Christ would have you do? Are you prepared to follow Christ’s example by subjecting your personal priorities to the other’s best interest and serving the other all the days of your life?
Next, you will promise to love and to cherish your mate. For two people like you, who are so deeply in love, these promises sound easy enough to keep. Yet there are many who start out “in love” when they marry, but who apparently no longer “cherish” their mate enough to stay married for a lifetime. We hear the statistics; we see the marital casualties of our day. Do not despair, however; you can build a stable and loving relationship that will withstand the storms of life. How is that possible?
You must look to your heavenly Father, not only for His wise counsel on marriage, but also for His being a role model of loving and cherishing this new family member. God’s Word, in 1 John, describes His role modeling: “Look at how great a love the Father has given us, that we should be called God’s children. And we are!” (3:1). It is amazing that God Almighty chose to adopt us as His children—not His servants—His family members! This lavish love is unconditional and blind to sinful shortcomings. As you are about to “adopt” this new family member, your mate, remember to lavish on your mate godly, unconditional love. This is much more than simply saying the words, I love you, everyday. First John continues by saying, “Little children, we must not love in word or speech, but in deed and truth; . . . Dear friends, let us love one another, because love is from God, . . . And we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and the one who remains in love remains in God, and God remains in him.” (3:18; 4:7a,16).
These verses explain to us that God is not only the source of love; He is love. If you are to live all your married days “in love,” then you must do as the verse says: “The one who remains in love remains in God, and God remains in him” (4:16c). It cannot be with just your words or even your well-intentioned vows that you proclaim your love to and for your mate. Your words must be clothed in action, day after day, from the little things to the big things of life. This involves a total commitment of your life—to live in God and allowing God to live in you—so that your relationship to Him and to your mate reflects His love. This means your focus cannot be on attaining the perfect house or the great job but rather, on maintaining the humble posture of a loving servant who is willing to serve his God and serve his mate . . . for life! Then—and only then—can you begin to understand what to cherish means.
In this insightful book of the Bible, we find: “This is how we have come to know love: He laid down His life for us. We should also lay down our lives for our [mate]” (1 John 3:16, paraphrased). ___________ (groom) and ___________ (bride), you must lay down your lives—your selfish desires, passions, ambition, and pride—for each other. You must cherish the other more than you cherish your own self. Your mate now comes first—before yourself, before your parents, before your friends, before your job, before your leisure activities, before your caring for your own exhaustion and needs at the end of a hard day. You must serve each other as Christ served. Then and only then will you truly fulfill your vow “to love and to cherish.” And all of this wonderfully ties into honoring your mate.
THE VOWS
_________ (groom) and ____________ (bride), you have listened to this sobering explanation of the meaning of the vows you are about to make. These vows are as binding in adversity as they are in prosperity. They should be broken only by death. If you are prepared to make such a serious commitment, will you now turn, face one another, and join hands.
_________ (groom), in taking ____________ (bride) to be your wife, do you so promise to honor, to love, and to cherish her in sickness as in health, in poverty as in wealth, in hardship as in blessing, until death alone shall part you?
Groom responds: “I do.”
__________ (bride), in taking ____________ (groom) to be your husband, do you so promise to honor, to love, and to cherish him in sickness as in health, in poverty as in wealth, in hardship as in blessing, until death alone shall part you?
Bride responds: “I do.”
THE EXCHANGE OF RINGS
You will now seal your vows, “to honor, to love, to cherish,” by the giving and receiving of rings. The unbroken circles of these rings symbolize a union between husband and wife with God that cannot be broken. This is in accord with God’s creation plan, and it brings honor to the One who created you to glorify Him. The precious glistening gold of these rings symbolizes all that is pure and holy in the marital bond. As these metals were refined to fashion these beautiful rings, may God ever refine and purify you both as new creations in Christ Jesus. As you wear these rings, may they ever remind you of your love and of the commitment you have made this day.
__________ (groom), place this ring on __________’s (bride’s) finger and repeat after me:
Groom: “I, _________ (groom), take you, ____________ (bride), to be my wedded wife to have and to hold, from this day forward. I pledge before God and these witnesses to place your good above mine, now and always, no matter the circumstances. I promise to honor you, to love you, and to cherish you until death do us part. Joyfully and willingly, I commit myself to you, and to you alone.”
_________ (bride), place this ring on __________’s (groom’s) finger and repeat after me:
Bride: “I, ___________ (bride), take you, ____________ (groom), to be my wedded husband to have and to hold, from this day forward. I pledge before God and these witnesses to place your good above mine, now and always, no matter the circumstances. I promise to honor you, to love you, and to cherish you until death do us part. Joyfully and willingly, I commit myself to you, and to you alone.”
HUSBANDS
My precious and honored wife,
This day I renew before God my covenant with you.
I covenant today, sacrificially to love you as Jesus loves His church.
I covenant to bestow always upon you abundant honor.
I will seek to know your needs and to provide for them materially, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
I will seek your well-being, happiness and success above my own.
Above all, I covenant to be the spiritual leader of our union, to provide spiritual example through my walk with Christ, to teach the Bible, and to pray for my family, to lead family worship.
I will be faithful to you with my body, with my mind, with my will and with my emotions and to avoid all that is pornographic, impure, or unholy.
I will not be angry or bitter against you nor allow the sun to go down on my anger.
I will not keep books on evil.
I will cultivate tender affection for you both in private and in public.
I will compassionately give to you my body and spirit in the union which we alone enjoy together.
I covenant this day to accept the role of servant leader.
And to be to my children and grandchildren, should God grant a compassionate, encouraging, and guiding father.
This day, I seal this covenant for as long as we both shall live.
WIVES
My precious and honored husband,
This day, I renew before God my covenant with you.
I covenant this day to love and respect you with all the fervency of my being.
I covenant to make our home a place of rest and comfort.
I will honor you as the spiritual leader of our home.
I will devote myself to you and the children God may give above all others.
I will graciously submit to your servant leadership never allowing the sun to go down on my anger.
I will not keep books on evil.
I will regard my responsibilities as wife and mother as priority above all else except God.
I will seek your well-being, happiness, and success rather than my own.
I will compassionately give to you my body and spirit in the union which we alone enjoy together.
This day, I seal this covenant for as long as we both shall live.
CLOSE: The idea of this type of commitment can be best be symbolized by the ring married people have on their fingers. The Christian custom of placing a wedding ring on the 3rd finger began with the Greeks. The early Greeks (not Christians) believed that a certain vein, the "vein of love," ran from the 3rd finger directly to the heart. Why they tho’t that no one knows… but when you put those rings on each other’s ring finger part of you are symbolically saying that you wanted to be tied right into their hearts. You want to be committed to each other. Now, when the early Christians exchanged rings, they worked their way across the hand beginning with the index finger and ending with the ring finger. The groom first
placed the ring on the tip of the bride’s index finger, praying "in the name of the Father," moved it to her middle finger saying, "in the name of the Son," and finally, with the words "and of the Holy Spirit, Amen," he slipped the ring on the to the third finger. In the giving of the ring, the early Christian was saying his marriage would begin with his commitment to God.