God's Design for Sexuality Part 2

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Intro:
Welcome back everyone to part 2 of our important topic of sexuality. Why is it so important to talk about this topic? Because it is biblical (the bible has alot to say on it), it is right, and it is honorable before God in His way, but it is largely under attack today. It’s out of control, and will continue to be so in this world and in the world to come. 2 Timothy 3 tells us this in predicting the future. Not only that, but it will continue destroying marriages, destroying individuals, and destroying the church. It’s influence in the christianity and in the church is vast. As if we (the church in general- the universal church) continue to address it like we have been the last many decades, it will continue it’s vast destruction.
The church’s response has been one of mostly silence and disdain. But is disdaining sexuality and sex right? Is that God honoring. Is not speaking of sex and sexuality God honoring. Not it is not because we are keeping quiet and turning away from something that God created as good. And as we continue to remain quite about this the world continues to speak louder and louder about it. Pushing it’s false agenda on us and on our children.
It is time christian, for you and I to stand for truth in times of falsehood and to reclaim God’s truth about sexuality. This topic will be uncomfortable and will require a mature audience. I recognize that some things said in here might be confussing or weird or what we might have used to deem “inappropriate” for teens. These things might be uncomfortable because we have wandered so far away from the truth in this subject and have been afraid now to talk about it. But the truth must be told. Paul doesn’t skirt around it, God certainly doesn’t but wants us to talk and think and be taught correctly about it and enjoy it as He designed it. So I will do my best to speak the truth as He has instructed me to. These things may be blunt, but take it that it is from God.
Parents if you feel uncomfortable that your teens hear this, then I admonish you to speak frankly with them on your own time about this point. It’s so important that we speak the truth on this matter because Satan has won alot of ground in this area and we need to be prepared to fight it.
So let’s dive into 1 Corinthians 6-7 and see God’s design for sexuality.
Last week we say that God’s design for sexuality does not include fornication. That is mankind’s rip off of God’s good gift and it destroys intimacy both with God and with our spouse and with people in general.
And we looked at these four truths about fornication and sexual wickedness.

1. Fornication is Mankind’s Destruction of Intimacy (v.13-20)

It Divides the Union we have with Christ (v.13-17)
It Devastates our own Bodies & Minds (v. 18)
It Denies the Work Christ has done to Purchase Us (v. 19-20)
It Diminishes the Fact that Christ is Sufficient & Satisfying (7:7-9)
Tonight we are gonna look at the possitive side of sexuality and reorient ourselves to what what intended it to be and the hurdles that we must overcome to follow God’s design.

2. Marriage is God’s Direction for Vibrant Intimacy (v. 7:1-9)

1 Corinthians 7 1-9
1 Corinthians 7:1–9 ESV
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
God created marriage as a place to meet our sexual desires (v.1-2)
Who gave us these sexual desires?
God did and it is a good gift. So when is sexual desire wrong? When it becomes lust and sin. Sexual desire is not wrong in and of itself, but it is wrong when we act on it in the wrong way.
Sexual attraction is natural. When a good-looking female walks by and a man notices (something that happens pretty regularly), it’s not necessarily the same thing as lusting after her.
Lust involves a choice and an act of the will. To a certain extent it’s a conscious decision to pursue a desirable object instead of simply allowing it to pass on by. It’s a willingness to give in to natural impulse.
That’s what happened when David, after seeing Bathsheba bathing on the rooftop, went the next step by sending messengers to bring her to his palace (2 Samuel 11:3-4).
Where did David err, was it when he say her. No, it wasn’t it was the second glance, the controlling glance. Was it wrong for him to find her attractive, again no it was not in fact that should be natural, it was wrong though for him to put away self-control and act upon it. To continue to view and then pursue.
It is ok to marry just for this purpose?

Let them marry in the Greek is in the aorist imperative, indicating a strong command. “Get married,” Paul says, for it is better to marry than to burn. The term means “to be inflamed,” and is best understood as referring to strong passion (cf. Rom. 1:27). A person cannot live a happy life, much less serve the Lord, if he is continually burning with sexual desire—even if the desire never results in actual immorality. And in a society such as Corinth’s, or ours, in which immorality is so prevalent and accepted, it is especially difficult not to succumb to temptation.

It’s sounds as if Paul is undercutting the married couple. “Is marriage just for the weak, the ones that don’t love God enough, aren’t satisfied by him enough?
Going back to our final point of last week, does that mean we are married christians are inferior in any way spiritually to the single christians, because we can’t control our sexual desires?

Doesn’t advising that it “is better to marry than to burn with passion” (v. 9) give us a sub-Christian view of marriage? My New Testament professor during seminary days had a wonderful marriage of many years and delightful children whom he dearly loved. In the process of leading us to an understanding of a certain passage he often used illustrations either out of the wonderful Christian home in which he had been reared or from the experiences within his own family. When he came to this chapter in 1 Corinthians, he upset some of the students by saying rather critically of Paul, “There are a lot better things which can be said about marriage than that it’s not a sin.” All that we know from the Scriptures, beginning in Genesis and going through the Bible, tells us that the professor was right. Then how do we deal with what Paul wrote in this chapter?

Remember God used men to write scripture with their own unique thoughts and feelings but were guided by the Holy Spirit. Paul says in verse 6 “Now as a concession but not as a command I say this, I wish that you were like me unmarried.” That’s how he say it but he also certainly saw the importance of marriage to God as well because he knew the scriptures, he just couldn’t relate with this part. So everything he says for here down is just trusting God to direct his words.

God Himself declared at creation that “it is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him” (Gen. 2:18). All people need companionship and God ordained marriage to be, among other things, the most fulfilling and common means of companionship. God allowed for singleness and did not require marriage for everyone under the Old Covenant, but Jewish tradition not only looked on marriage as the ideal state but looked on singleness as disobedience of God’s command to “be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth” (Gen. 1:28).

So this is where some of the confussion might have been for the Gentile believer living in Corinth.

It is possible that, as a result of this, some of the Jewish Christians in Corinth were pressuring single Gentile believers to become married. Some of the Gentiles, on the other hand, perhaps because of past experiences they had had, were inclined to remain single. As the Jews had done with marriage, those Gentiles, reacting to the sexual sin of their past, came to look on celibacy not only as the ideal state but the only truly godly state. Paul acknowledges that singleness is good, honorable, and excellent, but he does not support the claim that it is a more spiritual state or that it is more acceptable to God than marriage.

God created marriage as a place to meet our God-given sexual desires (v.1-2)
Marriage is about submissively giving ourselves to each other (v.3-4)
Why would Paul need to write this. Possible answers.
a. Christians saw all sexual things as evil and as referring back to there statement in verse 1, they thought it best to act like a spiritual zealots and act like celebet even in their marriage.
1 Corinthians: The MacArthur New Testament Commentary Celibacy Is Wrong for Married Persons

That celibacy is wrong for those who are married should be an obvious truth, but it was not obvious to some of the Corinthian believers. Because of their erroneous belief in the spiritual superiority of total sexual abstinence, some members in the church practiced it even within marriage. Some overzealous husbands apparently had decided to set themselves apart wholly for God. In doing so, however, they neglected or even denied their responsibilities to their wives, especially in the area of sexual relations.

b. Sex, like everything else, was ruined by the curse of living in a broken, sinful world. It too was tainted and now falling apart.
To this point, like I said last week, 50% of christian marriages that end in divorce, separate because they have fallen short in God’s intentional design for sex. But not just divorcee’s struggle with this, most if not all christian married couples struggle with this in some way or another. How can I make this statement? Because marriage is the union of an ever-changing and ever-growing pair of fallen people, we can expect that sexual intimacy to have both sweet and sour days and seasons.
One christian counselor, I believe that Dr. Wayne Mack was who it was, stated an interesting fact. That alot of the complaints and heartaches that have had to be addressed with this area come from young couples that have only been married a few years. He states that there a good amount of young couples that said the honeymoon was far from good in that way. And he makes an interesting connection with this fact and the reason young couples struggle. Part of it is the abundance of sexual related content available and throw in our face from our culture. And everything makes it look and sound so “quick and easy” so to speak. But sex as does anything in any relationship takes work. So this culture has done a big disservice to our young people and the church. Because the realities of what actually happens in marriage doesn’t line up with their expectations. And so the problem exists. This could have been the issue and reason Paul must write this section of verses.
c. Another quick thought for why Paul writes this because the problem of unsatisfied husbands seeking fulfillment from local prostitutes. That was occuring alot then and still occurs now even in christian relationships. With one couple I counseled this was the very reason that he had an extra marital relationship with someone else because he felt he wasn’t being met his need. Was it right for him to act on this in the way he did, no it was not. But it is one of the reasons wifes and husbands should be there to meet this need.
1 Corinthians: The MacArthur New Testament Commentary Celibacy Is Wrong for Married Persons

The apostle made no exception to the instruction that the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. God holds all marriage to be sacred and He holds sexual relations between husband and wife not only to be sacred but proper and even obligatory. Paul makes it clear that physical relations within marriage are not simply a privilege and a pleasure but a responsibility. Husbands and wives have a duty to give sexual satisfaction to each other. There is no distinction between men and women. The husband has no more rights in this regard than the wife.

One scholar puts it this way:
The marked mutuality of Paul’s comments (the husband has authority over his wife’s body and she has authority over his) was, revolutionary in the ancient world where patriarchy was the norm. For the husband to have authority over his wife’s body was nothing special.... Paul’s following statement affirming the verse, that “the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does,” clearly pointed to a radical and unprecedented restriction on the husband’s sexual freedom. It communicates, negatively, his obligation to refrain from engaging in sexual relations with anyone other than his wife (because his body is hers) and positively, his obligation to fulfill his marital duty to provide her with sexual pleasure and satisfaction.
Far from the demanding sexual norms of the culture then stood the difference of true sexual relationships should be according to the Bible. It taught that sex within a marriage should be free, generous, and reciprocal. That truth was at odds then as much as it is at odds today with Christians today. Many christian couples are told you should only have sex when both parties desire it, however, the Bible says that sex should be given in a marriage when either party desires it.
But don’t let that truth be confused with acting in the wrong way. God has further things to say about intimacy and marriage found elsewhere in scripture.
Philippians 2:3–4 ESV
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Ephesians 5 25
Ephesians 5:25 ESV
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
Ephesians 5:28–29 ESV
In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
It is an amazing concept. That God created marriage to satisfy our own sexual desires, yet, when go even greater lengths to be like Christ, to do things God’s way in our own marriages. When we selflessly put aside our own interests and our own desires, it not only pleases God & those we are giving towards, but it abundantly satisfies and pleases our own selves. It greatly increases the enjoyment we find in our intimacy with our spouse.
And this is what is missing in many marriages; Why many fall apart in this department. It has become more about me and less about them. I have in my training to become a Biblical neuthetic counselor (for marriages, and all sorts difficulties christians face, watched and listen to many marriage counseling where when sexual intimacy is brought up, the couples will argue about having intimacy and the frequency it happens. The man will say she is depriving me, the woman will say he doesn’t really show me love. In both these responses, there is truth that the other is supposed to show love, the other is not to deprive yet in those responses there is also a selfish attitude, a me first. But when we put aside those things and think of others especially our spouse, how we can please them, how we can make them happy, it often times leads to them to reciprocating the feelings of love towards you and restoring that intimacy. It is important to note that we work hard towards pleasing each other. Not simply little things, but really go out of our way.
Romans 12 10
Romans 12:10 ESV
Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.
God-honoring marriages should often take part in intimacy (v.5)
1 Corinthians 7:5 ESV
Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Two thoughts here...
frequency is truth…
look at the phrases scripture uses ...“for a limited time...” “come together again...”
"As in the Old Testament, so in the New, frequent marital intercourse is prescribed as a guard against a wandering eye and a lustful heart. The assumption is that if we drink deeply from our own cisterns we will be less tempted to draw from our neighbour’s well. (Proverbs 5:15) There is great wisdom – and great joy – in following this inspired instruction.”
Pastor Paul Carter, Gospel Coalition
Christians are told that there really should only be for one reason to stop the frequency of our intimacy.
Prayer & Spiritual Observance
Why
1 Corinthians: The MacArthur New Testament Commentary Celibacy Is Wrong for Married Persons

God may give us a strong burden about a person or a ministry, a burden that requires our undivided attention and concentrated prayer. Grief or serious illness, for example, may lead to this. Or we may fall into a particularly harmful sin and need to withdraw for awhile to get straightened out with the Lord.

After the covenant at Sinai had been given, the Lord planned to come down and manifest Himself before Israel “in a thick cloud, in order that the people may hear when I speak with [Moses].” In preparation for His coming, the people were to consecrate themselves by washing their clothes and by abstaining from sexual intercourse for three days (Ex. 19:9–15).

God-honoring marriages should often take part in intimacy (v.5)
Sex is a wonderful gift for mankind to experience & to enjoy.
1 Corinthians: The MacArthur New Testament Commentary Celibacy Is Wrong for Married Persons

Sexual expression within marriage is not an option or an extra. It is certainly not, as it has sometimes been considered, a necessary evil in which spiritual Christians engage only to procreate children. It is far more than a physical act. God created it to be the expression and experience of love on the deepest human level and to be a beautiful and powerful bond between husband and wife.

Matthew 19:5 ESV
and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?
Hebrews 13:4 ESV
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
Ecclesiastes 9:9 ESV
Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun.
Song of Solomon 7:6–12 ESV
How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights! Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine. It goes down smoothly for my beloved, gliding over lips and teeth. I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me. Come, my beloved, let us go out into the fields and lodge in the villages; let us go out early to the vineyards and see whether the vines have budded, whether the grape blossoms have opened and the pomegranates are in bloom. There I will give you my love.
In all this truth here, I don’t want us to miss what the rest of Scripture shares. Sex is not just a task to complete, a weakness to pacify, a desire to fulfill, a duty to do. It is a gift that God has established for mankind to enjoy and to create an intimacy like no other. To better understand the closeness that God desires with us. Love making is more than just erotic pleasure; it is a soul-knitting intimacy that deepens with time. God designed this soul-level intimacy to reflect the deep, intimate, committed, faithful, servant hearted commitment between Jesus and his bride, the church.
Conclusion:
We have allowed Satan to seize far too much real estate in the bedroom. Knowing God not only arms us against the Devil as we talked about last week, but it also lights the marriage bed on holy fire. After God made the first man and woman, his words to the couple were “be fruitful and multiply.” In other words, enjoy one another. Have sex like you know God. Fill the earth with the fruit of your love for each other.
If we gladly obey all that God has said about sex, within the promises of a covenant before God (that’s crucial), he gives sex a depth the word has never known. In any given marriage, there may still be major challenges to overcome, because sex, life everything else, is part of the fabric of a sin-broken world. But if we have sex like we know God, sex is about so much more than the mechanics of intercourse. It’s about God. As we count each other more significant than ourselves in marriage, outdoing each other in showing honor, we discover an intimacy and story so much more satisfying than all the other ways we’re tempted to use sex. We experience something better than what pornography or impurity ever promised us. Sex between a husband and wife who know God experience true intimacy in a way that very few things can.
Application to the Married
Trust God when intimacy is absent
Communication/work make intimacy more satisfying and intimate
Contentment in sex comes from delighting in God
Application to the Unmarried
Don’t buy counterfeit pleasures
Protect your future marriage
Find contentment in God today. (v.8)
What does that mean? Will talk about it more in another 3 months when my next cycle of speaking comes, but for now, for starters if you will, it means that sex is natural for human beings, but not necessary. A person can live a full, blessed, rich, useful, meaningful, God-glorifying life without ever having sex with anyone.
Sex is good but it’s not ultimate.
To many people in our culture, that would be the most surprising thing the Bible says about anything.
Despite all of what the Scriptures say in support and celebration of human sexuality, the Bible makes it very clear that you can be fully and entirely what God wants you to be without ever having it. Look at Jesus. He never had it. Nor did Jeremiah, or John the Baptist, or Elijah, or the Apostle Paul- at least for the better part of his life.
God is enough. He is ultimate!
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