A PRODUCTIVE PARTNERSHIP

Genesis 12; Ephesians 5

Charles Swindoll in his book The Strong Family wrote, “Remember when men were men?  Remember when you could tell by looking?  Remember when men knew who they were, liked how they were and didn’t want to be anything but what they were?  Remember when it was men who boxed and wrestled and bragged about how much they could bench press?  Remember when it was the women who wore the make-up, the earrings, and the bikinis?

I think most of us would agree that women should have equal opportunity.  It’s certainly not right that women a few decades ago didn’t even have the right to vote, and its not right today that women don’t get equal pay for equal work or that they have more difficulty borrowing money than men. But the issue I want to address today is not about equal opportunity, but the intentional blurring of all distinctions between genders.  Gender blending assaults a very basic truth of God’s creation, that God created two distinct kinds of people, male and female.  God said to Adam, “I will make a helper suitable for you, a compliment to you.  She will not be exactly like you. She will have different abilities and a different function.”  And when we deny any difference between genders, we are not only being unrealistic, I think we are rebelling against God’s created order.  Today I want us to consider what the Bible has to say about the different genders’ role in marriage.  Few of us would take a new job today without a very clear job description and an understanding of the lines of accountability.  Yet, every day, people are entering in the marriage, which is supposed to be the highest human relationship, without any idea of what roles they are supposed to play.

If you have not submitted your life to the Lordship of Jesus Christ, and if the bible is not the authority in your life, then you are going to have a real problem with some of what I have to say this morning.  If you have bought into the wisdom of this age, then you will instinctively resist what I am teaching.  But the Bible says, as Christians, we are not to be conformed to this world; we are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds.  In other words, the Christian is to think counter-culturally.  So, before you dismiss everything that I say as chauvinistic or old-fashioned, would you please remember a statistic from last week’s message?  One in 3 marriages ends in divorce today. But in a marriage where the couple is married in the church building and they attend church regularly together, and they read the bible and pray together daily, it’s one divorce in 1,105 marriages.  So, it’s obvious that it works.  So let’s consider how it applies to your situation today.  And let’s look to the relationship between Abraham & Sarah as our role model.

I.                   THE HUSBAND’S ROLE

Abraham & Sarah are one of the first couples about whom much is written after Adam & Eve.  Let’s look first of all at the role of Abraham who was a godly leader in his home.  Genesis 12:1 reads, “The Lord said to Abram, ‘Leave your country, your people and your father’s household and go to the land I will show you.’”  In about a month my family will be moving next door to the church building.  Because the physical distance that we are moving is so minimal, we are presented with a dilemma.  Do we go to the trouble of packing everything up for a move across the parking lot on a certain day, or do we move it an armload at a time over the course of the next 60 days?  And we have a sentimental reservation in our hearts about moving.  We’ve lived in that house on Clinton Street for 8 years.  3 of our four children have known that as their only home.  But our difficulties and reservations about moving pale in comparison to those faced by Abraham.  Abraham was an old man, 75; he had his roots down deep in that land of Ur.  In addition, he was very wealthy: he had many cattle and many servants.  It’s difficult to transport all of that.  But the factor that made it most difficult for Abraham to move was the uncertainty of God’s call.  Hebrews 11:8 says, “By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.”  Can you imagine that?  He was going to move, but he didn’t even know what his forwarding address was going to be. 

Now the bible doesn’t say that “God said to Sarah,” or even “God said to Abraham and Sarah.”  It just says, “God said to Abraham, ‘I want you to move.’” because God had delegated Abraham to be the leader of his home. A leader is a person who knows where he is going and is able to persuade others to voluntarily come along.  Abraham didn’t know specifically where he was going, but he knew he was following God’s will, and he was able to persuade Sarah to go with him.  He was a spiritual leader.  Hebrews 11:10 says he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God. 

So, men, the first responsibility we have in marriage is to be the spiritual leader of the home.  Now I know that in many circles today the idea of the man as the leader in the home is not a very popular concept.  But God’s Word makes it very clear that’s what he’s supposed to be.  Ephesians 5:22,23 says, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church.”  Why did God design it that way?  Why didn’t he say it’s a 50/50 partnership?  Why didn’t he say take an IQ test and see who is smarter and let that one be the leader?   I don’t know exactly why God chose the order he did, but I can think of a one key reason that makes sense; Necessity

In order for marriage to be a permanent and happy relationship, it was essential that there be a designated leader.  A football coach designates one player on the field to be the quarterback in the huddle.  That is not discrimination; the coach knows if there is more than one person calling plays in the huddle, there is going to be chaos. When God created marriage as the basic building block of society, he wanted it to be permanent, so he appointed a designated leader.  Now, for this system to function as God intended, it is crucial that the man be a Christlike leader and not a dictator.  The husband is called to be the “head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church.”  What does that mean?  How does Christ lead the church? 

First of all, Christ leads by positive involvement.  He didn’t sit in heaven and bark out commands to us on earth.  Neither did he sit passively in heaven and do nothing.  Christ took the initiative, came to visit us, and he said, “Follow Me.”  Husbands, we have a God-given responsibility to set a positive example to be involved, demonstrating compassion, integrity, ambition, and spirituality in the home.

One of the biggest complaints from wives today is that their husbands are so passive.  Most men come home from work at the end of a day and don’t want any more responsibility.  It's the easiest thing to put your mind in neutral and force the wife to handle everything in the home.  I confess that is a failure of mine many times.  I have to lead the church every day, and I deal with all kinds of problems and personal issues in other peoples' lives so that when I come home, I am mentally exhausted.  On the other hand, I have a very capable wife.  She is a great organizer, she is strong-willed, and she is quite capable of running our home without any input from me.  And the temptation for me is to be uninvolved.  Kevin Costner had a huge movie a few years ago in which he played a soldier who was given a new name by the Indians.  They call him “Dances With Wolves.”  My wife could give me some new names: “Sits With Newspaper,” or “Sleeps On Couch,” or “Fiddles on Computer”.  But I have a responsibility from God to be personally involved in the life of my family.  I need to take the initiative, help deal with the children, plan our family activities, handle the finances, attend church, and develop the skills of my children God has entrusted to me. 

Guys, Christ also led by self-sacrifice.  “Husbands,” the Bible says, “love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”  Christ didn’t demand his own way.  He gave himself up on the cross.  If a husband wants to be a Christlike leader, he looks for ways to sacrifice himself for his wife.  That means he may have to give up a night of watching sports, or he gives up some of his money without grumbling, or he gives up a nap to sit at the table and talk with his wife.

And Christ leads the church by unconditional love.  Ephesians 5:25 reads, “Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”  Christ does not love us only if we are perfect.  His love cleanses us of our sin and he sees us as without blemish.  Likewise, husbands are to love their wives just as they are. Even if you think maybe she is too talkative, or too overweight, or too inhibited, your role, husband, is to love your wife without criticism, without comparing, and without abuse.

Gordon Clinard tells us stopping at a truck stop where he was served by a rather rough-looking waitress who had a tattoo on her arm that read, “Charlie.” 

So he struck up a conversation and said, “How’s Charlie?”

She said, “Pardon?”

 “How’s Charlie?”, he said,  pointing to the tattoo.

“Oh,” she said “That.  Well, that was years ago and I was drunk and it was late at night…  Well . . . you know.  I haven’t seen Charlie since that night.”  But then she went on to say, “But you know, I am married to a wonderful man named Richard, and we have been married for 19 years, and he is great.”

Clinard said, “What does Richard think about Charlie?”

She said, “Oh, you know, from the first time I explained it, he has never mentioned it again.  I don’t think he even sees it anymore.”

That’s the way Christ loves the church.  He doesn’t see our sin anymore.  His love covers our sin.  And, husbands, our wives’ faults have to be covered over and forgotten by love.  God has called husbands to be godly leaders in the home.  Most men like the idea of being a leader, but Christ calls us not to a leadership of power, but to a leadership of love.  And guys, there’s a big difference!

II.                THE WIFE’S ROLE

So in order for the marriage relationship to become a productive partnership, the husband must be a Christlike leader. But what about the woman? What is her responsibility according to the Scriptures?  Well, in the marriage of Sarah and Abraham, Sarah was a Christlike responder. 

I think it’s interesting that the bible never reveals to us what Sarah’s exact words were to Abraham after he informed her that they were going to move but he had no idea where they were going to wind up.  It just says that she eventually went with him.  But the New Testament does tell us about her attitude.  Look at I Peter 3 beginning with verse 3.  Talking to women, Peter wrote, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment.  Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy woman of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful;.  They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master.”

Now, just like we men don’t like to be told we are supposed to be sacrificial because that goes against our nature.  Women don’t like the idea of being told they are supposed to be submissive, because that goes against their carnal nature.  But it’s important that we understand what it means to be submissive.  It does not mean being a doormat.  Sarah is cited as an example of submissiveness, but Sarah was no doormat.  She was a strong, capable woman who stood up to Abraham and persuaded him to do differently on occasion.

Genesis 21 is a good example of that.  Sarah got irritated because Ishmael, the son of her servant, began to mock her son, Isaac.  She said, in Genesis 21:10, “Get rid of that slave woman and her son, for that slave woman’s son will never share in the inheritance with my son Isaac.”  Now I ask you, does that sound like one who “called Abraham her master”?  That’s who it is.  The next verse reads, “The matter distressed Abraham greatly because it concerned his son.”  (The servant’s son was his son, too) “Then God came to Abraham and said, You listen to your wife; she is telling the truth.  Hagar and Ishmael need to go.”

You see, to submit does not mean to be a doormat.  It doesn’t mean that you are a wimp or a whipped puppy.  Submission simply means that you acknowledge and respect God’s delegated line of authority.  If I rebel against the law of my country, I am rebelling against the authority that has been delegated by God.  I am free to express my disagreement from time to time.  I can try to change the laws that I don’t like.  But I have a responsibility to be submissive to the law of the land because the law has been appointed by God.  The only time I have a right to resist the government is when the government asks me to do something that is contrary to what God’s Word says.

In the same way, if a wife rebels against her husband’s leadership in the home, she is rebelling against God’s delegated line of authority.  She has a right to express her disagreement and seek to persuade change, but if the husband is insistent, then the wife has a responsibility, like Sarah, to be cooperative.  The only time she has a right to resist is when the husband asks her to do something that is contrary to God’s Word.  For example, if he’s beating the children and asks her not to interfere, or if he forbids her to give spiritual training to the children, or if he asks her to do something that is perverse.  Obviously, it is much easier for the wife to submit if the husband is a Christlike leader, but I Peter 3 says a wife should be submissive even if the husband is not a believer – so he will be won over by the demonstration of her life.

Now, just as a husband should love his wife like Christ loved the church, the wife should respond to her husband like Christ responded to the church.  How did Christ respond?  Turn with me to Philippians 2. Beginning with verse 5 we read, “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who being in very nature, God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but he made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death – even death on a cross!”

How did Christ respond?  He responded voluntarily.  He was equal with God. But he humbled himself to God’s will and became obedient to the Father’s wishes, even to the point of dying on the cross.  He took that subservient role temporarily so that the human race could be saved.  For a wife to be submissive does not imply in any way that she is inferior.  Instead, like Jesus Christ, she voluntarily accepts the assignment for the potential salvation of the family. Jesus submitted himself voluntarily.

He also submitted himself joyfully.  Hebrews 12:2 says, “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus . . . who for the joy set before him endured the cross.”  Jesus didn’t grumble and complain about going to the cross.  He went joyfully, knowing that he was being obedient to the Father’s will.  Sometimes a Christian woman will be submissive, but she will do so grudgingly, and with a bitter spirit.  But if we are going to follow the example of Jesus, there should be a spirit of joy.

Finally, Jesus submitted with honor.  “Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name.”  Many women think of submission as a degrading concept.  Let me ask you something. 

¨      Do you think less of Jesus Christ or more of him because he was willing to wash the feet of his disciples? 

¨      Are you turned off by a man who was willing to spend time with the least, the last and the lost, or does the humble spirit of Jesus attract you to him all the more? 

You see, it’s not degrading for a wife to have a compliant spirit.  It is to her honor.

Almost all Americans know the name of General Norman Schwarzkopf, the commander of the multi-national forces in Operation Desert Storm.  Schwarzkopf came home a hero because of his accomplishments in the Persian Gulf, and he had the media’s attention for weeks after the Coalition’s victory.  Disappointed that Iraq’s president Sadaam Hussein had not been ousted by his people after his stunning defeat, Schwarzkopf made a comment that maybe we should have stayed a couple of days longer in Iraq.  The media picked that up and left the impression that there was a rift between the President and the General.  So Schwarzkopf sent a memo to President Bush saying, “I apologize if I said anything that would bring an embarrassment to the Presidency.” 

Now, Norman Schwarzkopf may have been right, and he was probably in a more strategic position than the President to make that call, and he may have even been a more intelligent man than President Bush, but none of that matters!  He acknowledged the line of military authority.  He knew the President was his Commander in Chief.  Personally, that fact that he made an apology only enhances my respect for him.  He could have become defensive; he could have taken advantage of his popularity.  Instead he acknowledged where the line of authority was, and he submitted himself to his Commander in Chief.

Far from being degrading, a compliant, submissive spirit to God’s delegated authority is a tribute to your understanding that Jesus Christ is your Commander in Chief.  You see, God made us very different when he created us male and female.  We have even been assigned differing roles.  But I have observed when a man is a Christlike leader and the woman is a Christlike responder, the issue of who has the authority is hardly ever discussed.  It’s not important.  Both are submitting and both are being unselfish to the other. When they don’t acknowledge that role, and they dig in their heels, the marriage is a constant tug of war to see who is really in charge.  But God knew what he was doing when He designed marriage.  It’s just a matter of our being submissive to His delegated authority and confessing Jesus Christ above all.

This morning if you have never made a personal confession of your faith in Christ. And if you have never made Jesus the Lord of your life, we’re going to sing a hymn of invitation to give you the opportunity before we leave today to make that decision. If you will come in your faith, your repentance, and submit to your baptism into him, you can walk out of here today a new person; walking in obedience to the new authority in your life, the Lord Jesus Christ. If you are already an immersed believer and you would like to bring your membership to our church family, we invite you to do that as we stand and as we sing. . .