Building Better Relationships

BUILDING BETTER RELATIONSHIPS: BE LOYAL

I Corinthians 13:4-13

Loyalty is a vanishing virtue. It seems to me that years ago people were committed to each other and faithful to their commitment. But loyalty has given way to fickleness and self-interest.

The decline of loyalty is evident in the business world. Employers deceive or terminate workers who have been with the company for years. Customers purchase according to the bottom line only, disregarding years of faithful service. Many employees have little sense of commitment to the company. One study showed that the average worker today will change jobs at least 15 times in their lifetime.
Disloyalty is also evident in our citizenship. Patrick Henry said, “Give me liberty or give me death!” There used to e be an almost automatic loyalty to America and a willingness to defend our freedoms. But there are fewer and fewer who are willing to die for their country today than in generations past.
Disloyalty is apparent in the church, too. As soon as the slightest problem arises, some people flippantly say, “I don’t have to put up with this. I’ll just go somewhere else.” Loyalty to a particular fellowship of believers is replaced by a consumer mentality; “What’s in it for me? I’ll go as long as my needs are met, but when it gets boring or disagreeable, I’ll bail out.”
Maybe the decline in loyalty is most evident in family commitments. People used to enter marriage with the understanding that this was for a lifetime. But today, may regard marriage as a trial and error experiment. If my needs are not met, I’ll bail out and try against with someone else.

Several years ago I conducted a funeral for a family that was unrelated to the church where I was preaching. I had not met the family before, but they needed a Minister to conduct the funeral services for their mother. It was a small service. The only family member still living was an only daughter. But at the service I was introduced to a friend of the family. The daughter told me that she had met this gentleman in the nursing home where her mother had been pervious to her death. This gentleman’s wife was in a room next to her mother. Apparently, she had suffered a debilitating stroke several years earlier. And this husband of hers would come to the Nursing home 3 times a day to feed his wife. At the funeral I commended this man for setting such a positive example of what it means to be loyal to a wife in sickness and in health. He seemed surprised that I was so impressed. You know what he said? He said, “Well, young man, I made a promise to that woman 40 years ago when we got married and I meant every word of it.” I think that kind of loyalty and devotion is increasingly rare in our culture. Some young people getting married today want to change the vows to say, “For as long as we both shall live” to “for as long as we both shall love.”

This morning I want to share wit you the final message in this series on Building Better Relationships. We’ve been examining the various characteristics of love as they are listed in I Corinthians 13. Verse 7 of that passage adds these 4 qualities of love: “love always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres.” Note the repetition of the word “always.” The Living Bible paraphrases it like this, “If you love someone, you will be loyal to them no mater what the cost.” Here are 4 qualities that are essential to lasting meaningful relationships. They are also the qualities that describe Jesus’ relationship to us.

LOVE ALWAYS PROTECTS

First, love always protects. Love defends that which is loved against harm. It seeks to safeguard the objects of love, even tat the expense of self. Now, we know there is such a thing as being overly protective. We’ve all witnessed parents who attempt to guard their children against any kind of struggle or difficulty and they deprive their children of the challenge necessary to grow. Loyalty doesn’t mean that you hover over and you’re obsessively protective. But it does mean than you are alert to the realistic threats to the well-being of the one that you love and you seek to protect them form harm.

How many times have we heard that ad, “Friends don’t let friends drive drunk.”? You know, if a friend is intoxicated and they get behind the wheel of a car they will endanger themselves and other around them. So, you may take away their keys, and in doing so, you may make them angry at you temporarily. But even so, love always seeks to protect. Or, maybe you have a single friend who has become infatuated with another person than you know is absolutely the wrong person for them. They begin to date and you can see that it’s going to end in spiritual and emotional disaster. What do you do? Love always protects. You tactfully try to intervene, even at the risk of ruining your friendship. That's not being a busybody. That’s being loyal. Proverbs 17:6 reads, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” If you see someone you care about becoming involved in an activity that is spiritually threatening, loyalty demands that you protect them. Maybe they begin to consult a psychic, or every day they are spending their non-discretionary money on lottery tickets. Love doesn’t sit back and allow the one who is loved to be spiritually destroyed. Love always protects. Love has the courage to warn against spiritual danger. Love is loyal, even when it is uncomfortable and risky to intervene. Jude 23 reads, “Snatch others from the fire and save them, to others show mercy mixed with fear hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh.”

Jonathan and David were best friends. Jonathan learned that his father, King Saul, was trying to kill David. So, he warned David, “Don’t come to the banquet tonight because he King is going to try to take your life. You have to flee.” David and Jonathan wept and they embraced because they realized that their friendship was going to be severed, and it probably would never again be as strong as it was at that moment. But love was loyal. It told the truth. It was protective.

Jesus was protective of the disciples He loved. He spent 3 years fortifying them, preparing them for the rough-and-tumble experiences they were going to have in the world. And over and over again He would say to them, “Now beware of the yeast of the Pharisees, they’ll seek to destroy you. Watch out for greed. Beware of false prophets. Don’t let anyone deceive you.” And, then, just before he died, in the Garden of Gethsemane He prayed, “My prayer is not that you take them out of the world, but that you protect the from the evil one. Holy Father, protect them by the power of your Name.” And then he went to the cross to protect them and us from the consequences of sin.

One of the most effective ads on television in recent years is the one that pictures cuddly baby in a tire. And the slogan I, “because so much is riding on your tires.” Michelin know stat love instinctively protects. Christian parents, you have a responsibility not just to protect your child physically, but you have a responsibility to protect your child against the very real spiritual dangers o this world. II Thessalonians 3:3 says, “The Lord is faithful and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one.” And if you’re a faithful parent, you will seek to protect your children from their spiritual adversary. Satan is going to attack your child with all kinds of threatening temptations and false philosophies, and if you love your child, you cannot send them out into the world with out the proper spiritual armor to protect them from the fiery darts of the devil. If you allow them to watch MTV when they are 10, or roam the mall lat at night when they are 12, or go to parties where there will be alcoholic beverages available when they are 14, or stay in a motel room unsupervised after the prom when they are 16, you’re not being loyal. You do not love your child in the same manner in which God loves you. You need to establish some reasonable boundaries to protect your children from spiritual dangers. See to it that you set a positive example. Take them to church every weekend. Let them know your priorities. Saturate them with the troth of God’s Word. Let them hear you pray and sing. Psalm 32:7 says, “You are my hiding place. You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.” Love always protects.

LOVE ALWAYS TRUSTS

The KJV reads, “Love believeth all things.” Now, this is not a naïve trust. Paul is not suggesting that if you love someone that you’re gullible and easily conned. It is sometimes the wisest and most loving thing you can do at times, to be a little skeptical of those you love. I know a preacher who said that when he was growing up his mom and ad had a rule that if they were not home, he was not allowed to bring his girlfriend into the house. And he asked them one day, “Mom and dad, what’s the matter? Don’t you trust me?” And they answered, “No!” He said, “I wish I would’ve known more Scripture at the time because I could have said, ‘Well, I Corinthians 13 says that love always trusts.’ I’m sure his parents would have said, “That’s true, but love always protects, too.”

Now, his parents were not being unloving. They were being realistic. If you have a mate who comes in at 3 a.m. frequently and says, “Oh, I was just out with the boys watching TVC and I fell asleep.”, I don’t think you’re being unloving if you say, “I’m not so sure I believe you.” If you have a friend who shows signs of chemical abuse; glazed eyes, staggered steps, slurred speech, it’s not unloving to challenge some of their excuses.

Four students came into a classroom one-half hour late for a test. The teacher asked, “Where have you four been?” And all four boys said they had a flat tire on the car they were in and they got there as fast as they could. The teacher aids that was understandable, but it was too late for them to take the test with the rest of the class. But, the teacher said, I’ll give the four of you a test anyway. Just one question. Each of you go to one of the four corners of the room and wrote down on a piece of paper which tire was flat.”

You see, wisdom recognizes that man is basically sinful, he’s not inherently good. And love is not naïve. But love is loyal. It believes the best possible. It gives the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise. Love stretches as much as possible to believe. It bends over backwards to accommodate. And that kind of loyalty inspires confidence. It motivates achievement. Steven Spielberg said he got a movie camera as a gift from his parents when he was in grade school. His mother was so trusting and encouraging of his creative leanings that he talked her into putting mashed potatoes into a pressure cooker and letting it overheat until it exploded so he could capture it on film. Today, Steven Spielberg is one of America’s most popular special effects moves producers. You see, we need somebody who trusts us. We all need someone who believes we can do it when everyone else thinks we can’t.

One of the surest ways to build better relationships with others is to trust them. Think about that for a moment. We usually gravitate towards those people who believe in us, don’t we? We love those people in our lives who inspire us to confidence. That’s how Jesus was with his disciples. Just before His ascension to heaven He said to those unschooled and sometime unfaithful men, “I want you guys to take My Gospel to the whole world.”, and then he left. Can you imagine when Jesus retuned to heaven and the angels asked him, “What’s your alternate plan? What if those guys fail you? Remember, Lord, those guys fell asleep on you. They forsook you and fled. They were pretty dense sometimes. What’ your backup plan if the event they fail to carry your Gospel to the whole world?” And Jesus answers, “I have no alternate plan. I’m counting on them.” Love always trusts.

LOVE ALWAYS HOPES

The Living Bible paraphrases it, “Love always expects the best.” Love is always hoping for the best in other people. Love wants others to do well. If you love someone, you don't rejoice when bad things happen to them. In I Corinthians 13, Paul sys, “love does not rejoice in evil.” If you genuinely care about others, you want the best for them. And one of the surest ways to build better relationships is to always hope that others will do well. That eliminates envy and cuts back on criticism. If you always hope for the best, you automatically become an encourager. And we all need that! Hebrews 3:13 says, “Encourage one another daily, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” And let me tell you something, a genuine encourager seldom lacks friends. But a constant critic is often a lonely person.

Did you ever notice how Jesus hoped for the best in His followers. He said to the vacillating Peter, “You’re going to be a Rock in my kingdom. I’m going to entrust the keys to the kingdom to you.” He said to a women caught in the act of adultery, “I forgive you. Go, and sin no more. I expect better things from you.” He said to a centurion who came to request the healing of his servant. The centurion said, “Lord, you don’t even have to come to my house. You just say the word and I know it will happen.” And Jesus said, “Wow! I haven’t seen that much faith in all of Israel.”

I want to tell you about couple of encouragers in my life. Fresh out of Bible College and serving my first full-time ministry in Greencastle, Indiana is where I first met an older couple by the name of Harry & Betty Powell. Harry was a retired preacher who had a mobile home on a lake near that church I served in Indiana. Every summer when they would spend their weekends at the lake, they would worship with us. The Powells were always encouraging me. We developed a good friendship over the years. When we moved to North Carolina, Harry and Betty stayed in touch with us. When we moved back to central Indiana, the Powells tracked us down. In fact, not long after we moved to Frankfort, Harry and Betty surprised us by driving more than an hour to worship with us. When Harry met me at the door after that service he said, “Andy, that sermon was the best yet!” Now, although Harry had been a preacher himself, he never attended Seminary. Harry didn’t have a Bible college degree. But I’ll tell you one thing about Harry Powell . . . he knew good preaching when he heard it! I was honored a few years ago when Betty asked me to conduct the funeral services for Harry. I shared with the friends and family gathered there what an impact Harry had mad e on my life because he was such an encourager. I’ll never forget the last time Harry came to hear me preach, he said to me as he left that day, “Andy, if we would have had a son, we would have wanted him to be just like you.”

We all need friend who continue to encourage and hope for the best for us, regardless of our age. The Prodigal son didn’t think much of his dad. He wanted out of the house, and he went to the far country, wasted his dad’s money,. Embarrassed his father’s integrity, and lived a wild life. But when the prodigal son came back, the father saw him coming. You know why? Because love hopes for the best. And the father ran to greet the son with open arms. He didn’t demand a detailed explanation, or a painful apology. He just said, “Welcome home, son.” Love always hopes.

LOVE ALWAYS PERSEVERES

Love always trusts. Love always protects. Love always hopes, and love always perseveres. Love lasts. Love stays though the difficult times. And if you’re ever going to build better relationships with other people, be they friend or family members, your love will ultimately need to display this characteristic. There has to be a perseverance to your love. You have to say though the difficulty times, you have to endure the hurt and the disappointment. You have to stay through even when the relationship is just a little tense. Love doesn’t easily give up on others. It says with the wife when she has a stroke. It stays with the father who is struggling with the alcohol problem. It stays with the son who’s gone into the far country. It stands on the porch and waits. Paul said, “Love perseveres. Love never fails.”

Hen he added, there are other qualities that are not going to last.

Where there are prophecies, they will cease. There will come a time in the history of the church, Paul was predicting, when God is not going to give this supernatural ability to foresee the future.

He said, “Tongues are going to be stilled.” There’s going to come a time in church history when this supernatural ability to speak in foreign languages that you have never studied is not going to be necessary to advance the gospel.

And “where there is knowledge, it will vanish away.” This supernatural revelation form God is going to fade away, soothe Scriptures were written, I take it.

He’s implying that those gifts were temporary. They were sort of like vitamins for the infant church. And he said, “When I was like a child, I thought, reasoned and acted like a child. But when I become a man, I put childish things behind me. But these three things remain; faith, hope and love. And you know what? The greatest of these is love.”

The love of Christ was a persevering love. Even though Thomas doubted, Peter denied, Judas betrayed, and the rest of his disciples deserted him the love of Christ stayed through. He endured the cross, scorning its shame, the Bible says. And Paul said, “I am convinced that neither death nor life, angels or demons, the present or the future, height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation is going to be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” His love perseveres.

Just think with me for a moment of how God loves you.

God’s love for you is a trusting love. He never infringes on your freedom to choose. He loves you enough to let you make your own decision to accept or reject his love for you.
His love always protects. He’s promised that He will never allow his children to be tempted beyond what they can bear.
His love is full of hope. He desires that no one would perish, but that all would come to repentance.
And His love always perseveres. He said, “I will never leave you or forsake you.”

Even though we don’t fully measure up to what he intends for our lives, His love keeps coming. His love won’t let us go. His love came to earth and died on a cross for our sins. And if you’ve never responded to the love of God revealed to you in the person of Jesus Christ, the invitation hymn today may be your opportunity to be adopted into the family to God and to call God your father. And you’ll discover, if you respond, that he is faithful to forgive your sins and to give you eternal life.