Becoming Whole Sermon Week 6

Intro/Welcome

Do you know how you know if you need to forgive someone?

You Feel It

When we are wronged, when we are sinned against we experience a sensation called: hurt.

immediately following hurt are feelings of either anger or sadness, usually a combination of both.

God gave us emotions for a reason, they help us see spiritual truths

Dan Allender, a prominent Christian Psychologists calls them “the cry of the soul.”

They are like warning lights on our dashboard the tells us something is off in our souls.

Anger and sadness are the good and right response to sin.

But it is what we do with that anger and sadness that matters

There are two paths before us:

Forgiveness or Unforgiveness

To Forgive or not to forgive, that is the question

Today we talk about Forgiveness

In many ways it is the heart of the gospel.

God’s forgiveness is variously described as justification, salvation, and reconciliation. It is associated with the celebration of the Lord’s Supper (Matt. 26:28) and in some passages Jesus himself forgives sins (Mark 2:5–6; Acts 5:31).

Matthew 26:28 CSB 28 For this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.

[Paul]

Acts 13:38 CSB 38 Therefore, let it be known to you, brothers and sisters, that through this man forgiveness of sins is being proclaimed to you.

Forgiveness is at the heart of the gospel.

It is our greatest need from God and one of the most powerful ways we can live out the gospel.

We are told in many places that we must forgive others

Colossians 3:13 CSB 13 bearing with one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a grievance against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive.

But what is true forgiveness?

Why is it so important?

How do we practice it?

This is what we are going to look at today.

Becoming Whole Series

We are in a series called Becoming Whole

Today we will see that we cannot be become whole unless we both give and receive forgiveness

it will either hinder us or free us.

— or —

Forgiveness is our greatest need and one of the greatest deeds we can do for one another.

Welcome

We’ll be in Matt 18:21-35

Go there in your Bibles

My name is, Glad you are here, wherever you find yourself.

Gathering in person next week!

Pray

Pray

grant us hearts of forgiveness

Forgiveness

Let’s look at Matt 18:21

Matthew 18:21 CSB 21 Then Peter approached him [Jesus] and asked, “Lord, how many times must I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? As many as seven times?”

Why is Peter asking this question?

Commentators have long noted that the Gospel of Matthew is organized around 5 major teaching discourses of Jesus.

This section of Matthew is part of the 4th major discourse as Jesus is heading to Jerusalem.

It begins in Matthew 18:1

Let me trace the flow for you.

Matt 18:1-20 is about restoration in the church and not causing others to stumble.

In response to the question: “Who is greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?” (Matt 18:1)

Jesus teaches the church that we must become like children dependent upon God to enter to kingdom of heaven (Matt 18:3-5)

He then warns against those who cause others to stumble (Matt 18:6-7)

He then turns and warns against the parts of you that cause you to stumble or sin (Matt 18:8-9)

He then talks about God rescuing the straying and lost sheep, leaving the 99 to rescue the one, such is God’s heart for these ‘little ones’ — those young in faith. (Matt 18:10-14)

Then he talks about sin and conflict between believers:

Matthew 18:15 CSB15 “If your brother sins against you, go tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won your brother.

He then unpacks what the restoration process looks like of the offender is not responsive

Then Peter asks his question:

This is all in the context of restoration within the believing community as a witness to the power of the gospel.

That is, when we don’t live out the power of the gospel in our relationships it causes others to stumble, particularly those young in faith.

Isn’t this the truth? Divisive churches?

Forgiveness is important because it demonstrates in a very practical way the power of the gospel in the life of the church.

Jesus underscores this.

Peter acknowledges the process of restoration and reconciliation

Within Judaism, three times was sufficient to show a forgiving spirit (based on Job 33:29, 30; Amos 1:3; 2:6), thus Peter (seven) believes he has shown generosity. But true disciples of Jesus are to forgive without keeping count (seventy times seven).

Peter goes beyond that to say how about 7 times! The Hebrews notion of 7 means completeness

Jesus response is startling and underscores the importance of forgiveness in the life of the believer.

Matthew 18:22 CSB22 “I tell you, not as many as seven,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven.

For Jesus, forgiveness is so important that we shouldn’t even keep count of the number of times we forgive one another.

that’s what 70x7 means. Beyond count.

What is biblical Forgiveness?

But what is Biblical Forgiveness?

Let’s see what Jesus has to say.

Matthew 18:23–27 CSB23 “For this reason, the kingdom of heaven can be compared to a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 When he began to settle accounts, one who owed ten thousand talents (20 years wages) was brought before him. 25 Since he did not have the money to pay it back, his master commanded that he, his wife, his children, and everything he had be sold to pay the debt. 26 “At this, the servant fell facedown before him and said, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you everything.’ 27 Then the master of that servant had compassion, released him, and forgave him the loan.

Jesus is telling a parable, and the parable has a point which we will get to.

But in the first half here we see that:

It is between two or more persons

Forgiveness involves a debt, in fact a rather large debt.

and involved to release from the debt.

Forgiveness was motivated by compassion

that is compassion for the other person

Defining Forgiveness

Forgiveness shows up 75 times in the NT

Two main words:

aphemei/aphesis (as in this passage) — to release from debt, to let go

charizomai — to deal graciously with, to bestow a favor unconditionally, to graciously or freely give

Forgiveness is to graciously release your offender from a debt owed

Why a debt?

Forgiveness connected to justice.

Why Justice?

When someone is wronged (sinned against) it is an injustice

this sin, or injustice, then has created a debt.

Ever been cut off? ! We feel wronged! We demand justice in some part of us.

Justice is the cry of the soul “to right the wrong, to hold people accountable, to ensure an equity of treatment”

and it is a thoroughly biblical term

It is rooted in the very character or God

And thus as image bearers of God it is engrained in our DNA

My kids know about justice. One of their favorite terms is “that’s not fair.” If one gets something, the other must have it as well.

Therefore justice demands retribution, and evening of the scales.

The Cost

In our parable, it was the master who forgave the debt.

But there was a cost.

In Biblical Forgiveness there is always a cost.

The Master absorbed the debt.

I was borrowing my friends care one time and put a nice dent in it. That was a fun conversation. But he forgave me, literally the debt. He absorbed the cost of that repair.

That’s what forgiveness is like, it will cost you something.

When we forgive we are absorbing the debt, at least temporarily.

It is not a material debt, but a spiritual one.

But the cost of unforgiveness is actually greater.

Forgivers are forgiven

Matthew 18:28–35 CSB28 “That servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii (a day’s wage). He grabbed him, started choking him, and said, ‘Pay what you owe!’ 29 “At this, his fellow servant fell down and began begging him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’ 30 But he wasn’t willing. Instead, he went and threw him into prison until he could pay what was owed. 31 When the other servants saw what had taken place, they were deeply distressed and went and reported to their master everything that had happened. 32 Then, after he had summoned him, his master said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. 33 Shouldn’t you also have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ 34 And because he was angry, his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured until he could pay everything that was owed. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to you unless every one of you forgives his brother or sister from your heart.”

Is the cost of unforgiveness that you will lost your salvation?

No, that is Jesus’ point here.

Rather it is that:

Forgiven people forgive.

Your ability and willingness to forgive others is the evidence that you have experienced God’s forgiveness in your life.

we have to forgive from ‘our heart’

The center/core of who we are.

We can forgive because we have been given a new heart, becuase our sins have been forgiven.

That doesn’t mean forgiveness is easy

But if we are struggling to forgive others we need to examine our hearts.

Why we struggle to forgive?

1. We misunderstand what forgiveness is and is not

1. It’s not saying it was ok

It is not saying what happened is ok, in fact it is exactly the opposite. Because what happened was not ok, there needs to be forgiveness.

2. It’s not forgetting

It is also not forgetting what happened, its actually honoring what happened and the dignity of the offender and offended.

3. It’s not trusting that person again

It is not trusting that person again and may involved restitution, discipline and consequences

You can forgive someone and still call the cops on them.

4. It’s not waiting until you feel like it.

often the process of forgiveness will begin before we ‘feel’ like forgiving someone.

It is in the act of choosing to forgive that progress will be made and feelings will likely come after.

5. It’s not contingent on their repentance

Forgiveness is not contingent on their repentance

But we can forgive even if they never repent.

Mark 11:25 CSB 25 And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven will also forgive you your wrongdoing.”

Jesus doesn’t say here to wait for them to repent, but rather says to forgiven anyone you have something against.

of course, if they do repent we should be ready to forgive.

Luke 17:3–4 CSB3 Be on your guard. If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. 4 And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and comes back to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

Now of course, forgiveness will be experienced in the fullest sense when there is repentance.

2. We don’t experience the power of our own forgiveness

This is Jesus’ point in the parable.

If we had been forgiven such a great debt, how could we not forgive others their minor offenses.

We don’t experience the power of God’s forgiveness, b/c we don’t experience the weight of our sin against such A Good God.

Let me try to capture this:

[Video of Mountain/steps]

We have been forgiven a mountain of debt

We can take the ‘steps’ to forgive one another.

This is large part due to the deceptiveness of sin.

None of us think we are as bad as the bible says we are.

myself included.

It’s profitable to study the doctrines of sin

It’s why it’s so important to be in God’s Word

It reads us, we don’t read it (Heb 4:12)

When we experience God’s love, we in turn love much.

Luke 7:47 CSB47 Therefore I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven; that’s why she loved much. But the one who is forgiven little, loves little.”

3. We think we can forgive on our own power.

But we cannot.

True forgiveness always goes through the cross

Let’s unpack this because it’s really important.

Only God can truly forgive sins

because all sins are ultimately against God.

Psalm 51:1–4 CSB 1 Be gracious to me, God, according to your faithful love; according to your abundant compassion, blot out my rebellion...4 Against you—you alone—I have sinned and done this evil in your sight.

God is the only true, sinless and perfect being.

He is our creator. He is worthy of all praise.

When we sin against one another, we are sinning against his creation and his intention for that creation.

We dishonor Him when we sin.

Jesus forgives sin

In Mark 2, this is exactly what the religious leaders say when Jesus forgives the paralytics sins.

Mark 2:7 CSB7 “Why does he speak like this? He’s blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?”

Jesus proves his point, by healing the man.

Mark 2:10–12 CSB10 But so that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins”—he told the paralytic—11 “I tell you: get up, take your mat, and go home.” 12 Immediately he got up, took the mat, and went out in front of everyone. As a result, they were all astounded and gave glory to God, saying, “We have never seen anything like this!”

Don’t you think it is strange that Jesus forgave this man’s sins?

I mean, that’s like...

If your spouse, or someone you are in a relationship betrays you and I come along and forgive them of that sin.

You would say ‘you can’t forgive them, their sin was against me’

Yet this is what Jesus does,

Why? b/c Jesus is God

And all sin is against him.

Jesus died for all sin

furthermore, Jesus took all sins upon himself.

That means Jesus died not just for your sins, but for the sins done against you.

This means that Jesus has the only true right to forgive sin, being God and having died for them himself.

This means then you and I can forgive, precisely becuase Jesus has died for all sin, yours and theirs.

This means when you forgive, you do absorb the cost, but it doesn’t stop their

We don’t just absorb sin, it is actually transferred over to Jesus

it passes through you and is absorbed by Christ on the Cross.

That is what he died for, the sins of the world.

This means that true forgiveness always goes through the Cross, can only go through the cross.

This is how we can forgive as God forgave us.

Gal 2:20 “It is not I who forgive, but Christ who forgives in me”

4. Forgiveness is not ultimately for you, but for them

Only the forgiven can forgive

There is this idea that the ultimate aim of forgiveness is for your own emotional and mental health.

“Forgiveness,” says the immensely popular Dr Phil on Oprah’s website, “is a choice you make to release yourself from anger, hatred and resentment.

Now, of course these are benefits of true forgiveness

But it is not their biblical aim.

Biblical forgiveness is about the other person’s transformation.

It is a desire for their restoration and repentance

it is about them becoming whole

This is perhaps the hardest to accept

the most difficult to swallow.

But it is everywhere in the NT

It is the heart of the self giving love of Christ.

He died for us, so that we might become righteous

He died for our sake! not his own.

So to, to practice biblical forgiveness

that is to forgive as he forgave us

is to do so for the good of the other.

Let me illustrate this with a powerful story:

From Dan Allendar’s book Bold Love

I counseled a woman who had been barbarously and ritualistically abused by her father and mother. After many months of work, she began to explore her feelings toward her father. At one point, she asserted that she would, and could, never forgive her father for his evil cruelty. I asked her this question: "What would you do if God gave you the choice between pushing a button on your left, which when touched would utterly destroy your father at this minute, or a button on your right, which would lead to radical, deep repentance and the kind of change that would make him the father God intended him to be?"

She sat stunned for a long time. Her shock turned to silent, teary rage. She glared at me for almost“twenty minutes . After what felt like an eternity, she said, "You have put me in a terrible bind." I agreed. Her next words were startling. She said, "If I push the button on the left, then I am saying I am as evil as he is. But if I push the button on the right, then I am admitting I really want him to be my father. And I am far more afraid of allowing my heart to feel desire and longing than I am of being evil." She had spent most of her life killing the desire for her dad to be a true father.

The idea of pushing the button on the right, with its implications, was far more terrifying than pushing the button on the left.”

This is the ultimate choice we are left with.

Some of you have very hard stories, have endured difficulty.

What I want you to hear first is that more than commands to forgive what you need is to be covered by the grace of God and cared for by his loving and healing presence.

But in the end forgiveness is also a part of out transformation.

We cannot become whole unless we both give and receive forgiveness

In the end forgiveness is letting God be God.

Romans 12:17–21 CSB17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Give careful thought to do what is honorable in everyone’s eyes. 18 If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Friends, do not avenge yourselves; instead, leave room for God’s wrath, because it is written, Vengeance belongs to me; I will repay, says the Lord. 20 But If your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink. For in so doing you will be heaping fiery coals on his head. 21 Do not be conquered by evil, but conquer evil with good.

Application

With all this in mind we are going to move towards biblical forgiveness as a key component in our becoming whole.

We cannot become whole unless we both give and receive forgiveness from the heart.

With it will come freedom, joy, wholeness.

How do you know you need to forgive?

Is there anger in your heart?

Bitterness? Resentment.

making cutting remarks and dragging out past injuries repeatedly staying actively hostile toward the person

being far more demanding and controlling with the person than you are with others, all because you feel deep down that they still owe you

avoiding them or being cold toward them

vilify or demonize the offender in your imagination.

These things should not be so in the church. These are the ways of the world.

The church was made for more.

And because of the Cross we can practice forgiveness

Forgiveness is both our greatest need and one of our greatest deeds for one another.

We are going to unpack what this looks like in more detail in both True Repentance and True Healing in the coming week.

Next week, unforgiveness and the work of the enemy

Let’s Pray