God's Directions for Marital Status

Intro: The prayers of children are wonderful. Partially because they are so sweet and innocent; and partially cause you just never know what they are gonna say. Lately, with four different children to pick from, prayer time is especially fun at the Belson home. It’s neat to hear Marcus thank the Father for Jesus dying on the cross for our sins, then Evalette also chiming in with her prayer of thankfulness for Jesus dying for our sins and then going to the barn. hahaha. I think she was trying to connect the manager scene in the narrative of Jesus on the cross. But nonetheless, it’s great to hear their thoughts and concerns during prayer time. I’ll never really forget Evalette’s first prayer and the one she often reverts back to.

“Dear Jesus, thank you that mommy and daddy keep together amen.” Now I have no idea where that thought came from, and I can ensure you that there’s is nothing in my wife and I relationship that would merit a concern of separation. So it makes Evalette’s prayer even more interesting. What exactly made her praise God for that, I’m not sure. But it is certainly something to praise God for in these uncertain times.

In the United States today about every other marriage ends in divorce. That’s a true fact. There are nearly as many divorces as marriages each year. And that’s a sad truth. Love is sought after but is never truly evident in many relationships. Commitment and devotion are estranged words in today’s so society. But was that to be intended as part of God’s design. Most of us would say no to that, but how serious of an issue is it to God. Because of the world’s heavy and loud push of this issue, many Christians have been shaped not by what God’s word says but by what the world says.

I believe that is we are going to live as God’s people, His vessels, His ministers, His servants, His representatives, then we need to make sure that we understand His directions when it comes to Marital status. I initially didn’t use the word status, but I like what it conveys. Marital status on facebook let’s the person looking on know where that other person is in regards to relationships. Are they single, are they married, are they divorced, or it even adds, “complicated.” That’s a funny word to me probably because the Bible’s definitions on this are pretty black and white.

So today, I want to clear up the water on these important topics of marriage, divorce, remarriage, mixed marriages, and singles. God has added so much more to my understanding of these important relationships, and I’m excited to share them with you today.

So Let’s look at: God’s Directions for Marital Status

Found in 1 Corinthians 7:6-16

PRAYER

Intro:

We have been looking at Paul writings to the Corinthian church. Not alot good said, lots to be corrected on. Paul’s latest writings have been the immorality that has still been evident in this local church. Paul says that though they have been washed, sanctified, and justified, there still have been some that are not living that way but are making excuses for their sin. Lots of worldly influence has pulled them far off base and have them believing what they are doing is not that wrong. Obviously, Paul points out how literally ridiculous these thoughts are. Sexually immorality is wrong on so many levels. So as Paul continues in the flow of his writing, addressing the issue of sexuality. He comes to the point of chapter 7 and he recalls some of the questions they have been asking. Paul then continues his flow of thought by saying now would be a good time to address your questions, questions pertaining to marriage and the right perspective of sexuality. Starting in chapter 7, it becomes sort of a Q&A session. Righting wrong thinking. Last week, Paul wrote on the importance of marital duties. Acting like a celibate was not correct in marriage but was unhonorable.

1 Corinthians: The MacArthur New Testament Commentary Celibacy Is Tempting

Scripture gives numerous reasons for marriage. First, marriage is for procreation. God commanded Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and multiply” (Gen. 1:28). God intends for mankind to reproduce itself. Marriage is also for pleasure. Proverbs speaks of a man’s being “exhilarated always” with the wife of his youth (5:18–19), and the Song of Solomon centers around the physical attractions and pleasures of marital love. Marriage is a partnership. Woman was created for man to be “a helper suitable for him” (Gen. 2:18). Friendship between husband and wife is one of the key ingredients of a good marriage. Marriage is a picture of the church. Husbands are to have authority over and to love their wives as Christ has authority over and loves the church (Eph. 5:23–32). And marriage is for purity. It protects from sexual immorality by meeting the need for physical fulfillment.

This time Paul wishes to correct the thinking and answer the questions regarding marital status.

It would have been pretty confusing for them because marriage was certainly not straight forward in Corinth.

1 Corinthians: The MacArthur New Testament Commentary Chapter 16: To Marry or Not to Marry (7:1–7)

Under Roman law and customs of that day, four types of marriage were practiced. Slaves generally were considered to be subhuman chattel. If a man and woman slave wanted to be married, they might be allowed to live together in what was called a contubernium, which means “tent companionship.” The arrangement lasted only as long as the owner permitted. He was perfectly free to separate them, to arrange for other partners, or to sell one or the other. Many of the early Christians were slaves, and some of them had lived—perhaps were still living—in this sort of marital relationship.

A second type of marriage was called usus, a form of common law marriage that recognized a couple to be husband and wife after they had lived together for a year. A third type was the coemptio in manum, in which a father would sell his daughter to a prospective husband.

The fourth type of marriage was much more elevated. The Patrician class, the nobility, were married in a service called the confarreatio, on which the modern Christian marriage ceremony is based. It was adopted by the Roman Catholic church and used with certain Christian modifications—coming, with little change, into Protestantism through the Reformation. The original ceremony involved participation by both families in the arrangements for the wedding, a matron to accompany the bride and a man to accompany the groom, exchanging of vows, the wearing of a veil by the bride, the giving of a ring (placed on the third finger of the left hand), a bridal bouquet, and a wedding cake.

In the Roman empire of Paul’s day divorce was common, even among those married under the confarreatio. It was not impossible for men and women to have been married 20 times or more. An active and vocal feminist movement had also developed. Some wives competed with their husbands in business and even in feats of physical strength. Many were not interested in being housewives and mothers, and by the end of the first century childless marriages were common. Both men and women were determined to live their own lives, regardless of marriage vows or commitments.

The early church had members that had lived together, and were still living together, under all four marriage arrangements. It also had those who had had multiple marriages and divorces. Not only that, but some believers had gotten the notion that being single and celibate was more spiritual than being married, and they disparaged marriage entirely.

We’ve talked some to that last point, in thus addressing that to be married is not any more or any less spiritual than being single. But to the rest of this information, you can see why Paul would need to set the record straight.

So let’s start at v.6 and look at what Pauls has to say. He is going to speak directly to 3 different people groups. As we read these verse aloud, see if you can identify them.

1 Corinthians 7:6–16 ESV

Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife. To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

…to the unmarried & the widows… v.8

… to the married… v.10

… to the rest… v.12

Initially, in my study, I was going to start in verse 10 today as you might have seen on facebook, because of the break in my Bible; but upon further study and thought, I noticed the phrase in verse 10, “and unto the married.” The word “and” usually refers to a continuing thought, then I noticed the 3 groups and thought that they should be addressed together,

so lets start with our first group.

I. God’s Intentional Desires for Singles & Widows (v.6-9)

In order to fully understand what God’s directions are here we must first understand who the people being addressed are. Who are the unmarried and the widows? At first glance, the answer would seem rather straight forward.

But I found this to be inaccurate and I want to share with you my findings.

In this passage, there are three words that the english uses to describe an unmarried person, but do they all describe the same thing.

3 things interesting facts that I want to share with you that will help determine who these people are...

(I) A. Greek language… three different words are used for unmarried

Widows- chērais= Single people former married but were severed from spouse by death (1 Tim. 5:9)

Virgins, Betrothed, Single- parthenoi= clearly refers to single people never been married (1 Cor. 7:25, 36-38)

Unmarried- agamos= derived from wedding or marriage with the negative prefix a. It literally means not married. But doesn’t define single by non marriage or single because of divorce.

In this passage in verse 8, it specifically calls out the Widows- chērais and the Unmarried- agamos. yet, we don’t yet know what agamos means and theirs not alot of clarity about this word found in most dictionaries.

(I) B. Use of this word Agamos in the context of Scripture

Only found four times in scripture, and all four of those times are found in this chapter of 1 Corinthians.

The first as we know is found in vs. 8 where we currently are.

1 Corinthians 7:8 ESV

To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.

Doesn’t give us much understanding there.

Second time is found in verse 32

1 Corinthians 7:32 ESV

I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.

This verse too gives us very little to its specific meaning: it simply refers to a person who is not married.

Verse 34 uses it a bit more definitively

1 Corinthians 7:34 KJV 1900

There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

1 Corinthians 7:10–11 ESV

To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

The term unmarried seems to indicate here those who were previously married, but are not widows; people who are now single, but are not virgins.

Even with this though, it’s difficult to know with certainly that we know what agamos is talking about. So I’d like to take you to one more thought in regards to who we are discussing.

(I) C. The application to Paul...

both unmarried & widows are addressed in verse 8. Paul’s spoken desire for these two groups is that they “remain single, as I am”. In order for that to really apply and to identify with Paul, both groups would have to have been like Paul.

What was Paul’s marital status. It’s pretty evident from this passage that Paul is unmarried. But many hold that he was former married.

1 Corinthians: The MacArthur New Testament Commentary Guidelines for Single Christians

His word to them is that it is good for them who are now free of marriage to remain even as I. By that statement Paul affirms that he was formerly married. Because marriage seems to have been required for membership in the Sanhedrin, to which Paul may once have belonged, because he had been so devoutly committed to Pharisaic tradition (Gal. 1:14), and because he refers to one who could have been his wife’s mother (Rom. 16:13), we may assume that he was once married.

So that being said, He does not and cannot identify with virgins or ones never married but with the unmarried by divorce and the widows.

I believe that based on these three thoughts, the use of the greek words chosen (paul didn’t use the word for virgins here but chose a different word), the way that word in used in the context, and by Paul’s affiliation with this group. I feel comfortable in my belief that he is referring to divorced singles and widows. It makes the most sense.

SO WHAT? might be your question… why know this. Well it’s gonna become very important as we discuss the rest of this chapter.

But let’s conclude this point with Paul’s desire. He desired them to stay single. We won’t devote really anytime to that thought this week. We briefly spoke on it last week. But my intentions are to address it much more when I speak again in February. Verses 25-38 talk about more explicitly the reasons one might consider remaining single like Paul, yet Paul does offer them another option. “Better to marry than to burn...” There is not wrong doing in remarry, is what Paul is saying. Look back to verse 6. This was not a command. Paul says you are not required to remain single. It’s a choice you are allowed.

Some might think, well this was just Paul’s desire, but is it God’s. I believe the answer is yes. Because as we know, every word recorded and allowed in the Word of God is “God-breathed”. God didn’t let anything in that He Himself would disagree with. So this is God’s desire as well, but not a command.

It’s interesting to note the amount of places in acts and the pastoral epistles where widows are talked about. There apparently were quite a few and God was pleased with what they were doing but had some words for the church in regards to how they handled those widows.

Now some of you are thinking this doesn’t sound right. Remarriage is ok? especially thinking about what verses we are going to read next. I’m glad you are thinking that way so hold on to that thought as we move to our next point.

1 Corinthians 7:10–11 ESV

To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

II. God’s Explicit Commandments for Christian Couples (v.10-11)

Let’s start by pointing out that there is something very different with the way this directive comes across… “I give this charge”, the kjv reads “unto the married, I COMMAND”. This is very different than who he spoke to the unmarried in verse 6. He gave them a concession but not a command. That is clearly different. This command to marriage couples is very explicit. In fact, in fact is so explicit that Jesus Himself taught on this during His earthly ministry (this is what Paul meant when he said “I give this charge, not I, but the Lord). Jesus was the one who originally taught on the subjects of divorce and remarriage. It should have been a well known discussion. So let’s discuss these together by looking back at what Jesus said of them. Let’s start by discussing Divorce

(II) A. Divorce

Matthew 5:31–32 ESV

“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Jesus says pretty clearly that everyone who divorces his wife makes her commit adultery. That is his words. Now there is a couple of conditions to consider first that Jesus brings out in this verse.

One is that “It was also said.” This is in reference to back to something in Moses day from Deuteronomy 24:1-4

Let’s look even further in ...

Matthew 19:3–8 ESV

And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.

1 Corinthians: The MacArthur New Testament Commentary Guidelines for Christians Married to Other Christians

Quoting Genesis 2:24, Jesus said, “For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh,” and then added, “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate” (Matt. 19:5–6). In answer to the disciples’ question, Jesus explained that God allowed Moses to permit divorce only because of His peoples’ “hardness of heart” (vv. 7–8), and that it was permissible only in the case of adultery (Matt. 5:31–32). “I hate divorce,” God declared through Malachi (Mal. 2:16)

Malachi 2:16 ESV

“For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”

The rabbis had taken liberty with what Scripture actually said. They referred to Deut. 24:1-4 as if it were given merely to regulate the paperwork when one sought divorce. Thus, they had wrongly concluded that men could divorce their wives for anything that displeased them, as long as they gave “a certificate of divorce.” but Moses provided this as a concession to protect the woman who was divorced, not to justify or legalize divorce under all circumstances.

It was not a “command” for divorce, but a limitation on remarriage in the event of a divorce. While recognizing the legitimacy of divorce when a man “has some indecency” in his wife (Deut.24:1)

Jesus further interpreted that to mean sexual sins which you can see in Matt 19 and in Matt 5

Jesus’ only condition for which a divorce would be acceptable is within the thoughts of sexual sins taking place. PERIOD!

Now don’t let that exception be taken wrongly either. The phrase “because of the hardness of your heart” underscores another important truth. That divorce is only a last-resort response to hard-hearted sexual immorality. We should always always pursue restoration. To be like Christ is to pursue to the uttermost. The illustration in the old testament helps us clearly understand this idea as God instructs Hosea to marry an unfaithful prostitute who he would have to go deep into the nasty underbelly of a wicked city to again buy back his own wife. Yet, this perfectly describes Christ’s unfailing love for us. And we should display this kind of love. But at some point, if they never give up their unrepentant sexual sin, God allows that person to divorce with confidence knowing that they have been a faithful partner and are not committing sin before God.

Likewise it follows pretty clearly with remarriage

(II)B. Remarriage

v. 11 “but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband”. The thought here is that some may have divorced already, not knowing these instructions, or were perhaps divorced before salvation so they were to by Paul’s divine commands remain single or restore that relationship. “Because what God has joined together, let no man separate.” Faithfulness and committedness in marriage is a huge deal to God.

So when is remarriage possible?

So to do this, we are going to have to jump ahead of ourselves alittle to understand this.

The first one and easiest of these is...

Widowers

1 Corinthians 7:39 ESV

A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

Romans 7:2–3 ESV

For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress.

I wanna take you to another verse that will explain the next 2 , will get to it in more detail in a minute but let’s consider it here for the moment.

1 Corinthians 7:15 ESV

But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.

The bond of marriage is broken only by death (Romans 7:2), sexual immorality (Matt. 19:9) an unbeliever’s leaving as the phrase goes “not under bondage or not enslaved.” When the bond is broken in any of those ways, when the two flesh become one but are then torn apart again by either death or the defilement of sexuality, then a Christian is free to marry another believer. But “Only in the Lord” v.39.

Ok so now here is the big question that we still have not addressed. Why they does Paul give the unmarried “agamos” of verse 8 an option to remarry, but here in verse 11 says it is wrong to remarry?

Let’s consider who we are talking about in verses 10-11. Married couples right. But what kind of married couples. Not unsaved married couples cause they likely wouldn’t be reading this or listening to this, they are of the flesh. And Paul is going to address the marriage of a christian person, with an unsaved person in verses 12-16. So here we are talking about Christian married couples. From this point forward, Christians should not seek divorce or remarriage unless explicitly given exception based on these truths.

So what about the ummaried’s in verse 8. Why does Paul allow them to remarry. Here’s the overall thought. Paul allows them to remarry because they likely married an unsaved man or woman. Their previous marriages were before they knew Christ. Remember that there first hearing of the Gospel wasnt that long ago so it’s likely they were coming from unsaved homes to which the principles of verses 12-16 would apply to them not the principles of vs. 10-11.

So now that we’ve made clear God’s Directions for Christian Couples let’s wrap up with

III. God’s Further Guidelines for Mixed Marriages (v.12-16)

1 Corinthians 7:12–16 ESV

To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

What were Christians to do who were already married to unbelievers, possibly even to immoral and idolatrous pagans? Were they free to divorce the one to whom they were unequally yoked and then free either to live singly or marry a believer?

1 Corinthians: The MacArthur New Testament Commentary Guidelines for Christians Married to Unbelievers Who Want to Stay Married

Jesus had not taught directly about that problem, and so Paul says, to the rest say I, not the Lord. That is not a denial of inspiration or an indication that Paul is only giving his own human opinion. It is only to say that God had not given any previous revelation on the subject, but Paul was now setting it forth.

Having already discussed verse 15 and God’s allowance of divorce in mixed marriages what else was Paul writing here.

Defilement was majorly on their minds

1 Corinthians: The MacArthur New Testament Commentary Guidelines for Christians Married to Unbelievers Who Want to Stay Married

In light of Paul’s teaching that their bodies were members of Christ and were temples of the Holy Spirit (6:15–20), the Corinthian Christians were justifiably concerned about whether or not to maintain marital union with an unbeliever. Some may have thought that such a union joined Christ to Satan, defiling the believer and the children and dishonoring the Lord. The desire for a Christian partner would be very strong.

Paul’s overarching statement for them would be to remain together. Remain married. He gives 2 reasons for such. 1) Sanctified spouse and 2) sanctified children.

1 Corinthians: The MacArthur New Testament Commentary Guidelines for Christians Married to Unbelievers Who Want to Stay Married

Christians married to unbelievers were not to worry that they themselves, their marriage, or their children would be defiled by the unbelieving spouse. On the contrary, the very opposite was the case. Both the children and the unbelieving spouse would be sanctified through the believing wife or husband.

I don’t want anyone to walk out of here and think that my unsaved spouse is actually saved because I’m saved. That’s not what sanctified means here, otherwise why would the passage continually call them unsaved.

This word and Holy actually refer more to being set apart. In this thought, it basically means that he unsaved partner is set apart for temporal blessing because the other belongs to God. One Christian in marriage brings grace that spills over on to the other spouse- possibly even leading to salvation.

In the other case of the child or chrildren. The christian need not separate from an unbeliever because of fear that the unbelieving spouse may defile the children. God promises here the opposite. They would be unclean if both parents were unsaved, but the presence of one believing parent exposes the children to God and His word, bringing them possible blessing and protection.

Moving on...

Though we have already talked about divorce in an unequal marriage is acceptable, it should be added that it should not be pursued by the saved person especially if the other is consenting meaning it is a reasonable and safe marriage.

But if the unsaved partner wants to depart, let it be… God’s reasoning is peace. “God has called us to peace.” To maintain peace in the family and keep your testimony among the kids and relatives.

1 Corinthians: The MacArthur New Testament Commentary Guidelines for Christians Married to Unbelievers Who Want to Leave

If the unbelieving husband or wife cannot tolerate the spouse’s faith and desires to be free from the union, it is better that the marriage be dissolved in order to preserve the peace of His child. Fighting, turmoil, bickering, criticism, and frustration disrupt the harmony and peace that God wants His children to have. Again, it is a concession.

Romans 12:18 ESV

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

Let him leave is not a opinion/or option but a command.

We should be careful not to instruct christians too heavily in mixed marriages to fight too hard to save a marriage. We might think that this there only shot at the gospel and receiving Christ.

A wife has no assurance that she will save her husband, and a husband has no assurance that he will save his wife. Verse 16 is a question for those who are clinging onto the unsaved marriage. You don’t have that certainty is what Paul is saying!

Regardless of a Christian’s motives and hopes, the likelihood of leading a partner to Christ when the unbelieving spouse desires to leave is minimal. If he stays reluctantly or unwillingly, disruption of family and peace are almost certain, and the chances of them receiving Christ are even slimmer.

1 Corinthians: The MacArthur New Testament Commentary Guidelines for Christians Married to Unbelievers Who Want to Leave

Evangelism is not cause enough to maintain a marriage, especially if the unbelieving partner wants to leave. The believer should let God follow that spouse’s soul with the message of salvation, and use whomever He will to take up the call to faith.

Conclusion:

I. God’s Intentional Desires for Singles & Widow

II. God’s Explicit Commandments for Christian Couples

III. God’s Further Guidelines for Mixed Marriages

Matthew 5:33 ESV

“Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.’