Relating to the Flock 1 Timothy 5:1-8

Relating to the Flock 1st Timothy 5:1-8

I don’t know what the exact statistics are but it doesn’t take very much observation to notice that a lot of pastor/church relationships don’t work out very well.

This can be seen in the fact that the average stay of a pastor at a particular church is about 3½ years, depending on the statistics you read.

I’m not suggesting that every time a pastor leaves a church it’s because of problems because sometimes pastors leave on very good terms.

There aren’t always problems between the church and the pastor that results in the pastor leaving.

Sometimes there are other neutral factors but sometimes there is a breakdown in the relationship, which results in the pastor leaving.

This breakdown of relationship can be caused by either side.

On the one hand, there are churches that make it almost impossible for any pastor to stay very long, unless he just yields to the status quo and doesn’t “rock the boat.”

Many pastors begin their ministries in churches that are run by prominent families or an elder board or a deacon board with strong community and family ties.

Often, these churches don’t want to be pastored.

They want someone to come and preach and perform ministerial duties but they don’t want to be challenged or led into deeper Christianity.

A pastor who preaches a Gospel that confronts complacency, apathy, and other sins may find he is not welcome in that church.

A pastor might wind up in two or three of these types of churches within a ten-year period.

So that picture or scenario is not so much of a pastor who greedily hops from church to church, but a man of God who wants to do God’s work being chased out of churches that have no interest in serious Gospel ministry.

On the other hand, there are some pastors who end up leaving churches because their own actions and personalities result in so much tension in the church that it’s virtually impossible to stay.

This is the pastor who comes in and recklessly runs over people because he has to have things his way.

He sees himself as the boss or president or CEO, not as a shepherd.

The result is that he continually alienates people and hurts people to the point that the atmosphere in the church family gets to the point where people don’t respect him and trust him.

Thus, he ends up leaving to find another church but, sadly, he takes himself with him.

So, he usually repeats the same scenario more than once until he learns, if he learns, that you can’t treat people that way.

It is interesting to note that most pastors who get into problems in churches don’t do so because of doctrine.

Occasionally conflict arises because of doctrine but that issue is usually settled before the pastor even comes.

What I mean is, usually the pastor and the church have in depth discussions about each other’s doctrinal position before the pastor is hired.

So, neither side is surprised or should be surprise by doctrinal issues and that isn’t usually where most of the problems end up occurring.

Most of the problems end up surfacing in interpersonal relationships.

A lot of pastors who fail in ministry do not fail because they have bad doctrine but they fail because they don’t know how to handle people or relate to people or interact with people.

Interpersonal relationship skill is not something you can learn in Bible college or seminary.

You can learn theology and doctrine and hermeneutics and homiletics in Bible college or seminary but you can’t learn how to relate well with people and you can’t learn how to handle difficult or problem people.

And that’s where many pastors have problems.

So, it is not surprising that Paul would give Timothy some very specific instructions about relating to the flock of the church at Ephesus where Timothy was pastoring.

Let’s turn together to 1st Timothy chapter 5.

Please follow along as I read verses 1-8.

1 Timothy 5:1-8

There’s a sense in which we stopped reading in the middle of a section of thought because Paul continues to discuss the issue of the care of widows through verse 16.

However, I stopped reading at verse 8 because it’s the close of Paul’s specific instructions to Timothy about relating to 7 different groups of people in the church.

The 7 different groups Paul mentions in these 8 verses are: older men, younger men, older women, younger women, widows, the children of widows, and the grandchildren of widows.

That’s why I titled this message Relating to the Flock.

Here in these verses, Paul gives Timothy some very practical advice and input about how to relate to these 7 different groups of people.

This is another reminder to us that the church, the family of God, is composed of a wide variety of people.

We need to remember that.

Sadly, some churches choose not to be that way.

What I mean is, they determine that they are going to focus only on one group of people and they don’t care about any other demographic.

For example, some churches are composed almost exclusively of older people.

When you walk in to the corporate worship gathering, all you see is silver hair and that’s about it.

Now, it’s very important to have senior saints in the congregation but you don’t want to have your church ministry flavored in such a way that you only have senior saints.

The same thing could be said about a church that only has young people.

There are some churches that have determined they are going to do everything to appeal only to young people.

Therefore, the music is so loud that it drives away everyone who doesn’t like blaring music, except for the parents and grandparents who are willing to put up with it to be around their kids or grandkids.

Now, it’s very important to have young people in the congregation but you don’t want to have your church ministry flavored in such a way that you only have young people.

The family of God is composed of a wide variety of people.

The church isn’t a para-church.

Para-church ministries often target one specific group of people and everything they do centers around that demographic.

The church of the Lord Jesus Christ doesn’t have that luxury or option.

We are a family and a family is composed of people at different stages of life and maturity.

As a result, we need to make sure that what we do can minister to people in all the stages of life.

In addition, people in the family of God need to learn to get along with one another and appreciate one another, rather then choosing to identify only with your group of preference.

This is one of the reasons why, years ago, we determined that we would not have 2 separate worship services to cater to people’s likes and preferences.

In other words, we’re not going to have a traditional worship service, in which we sing hymns, and a contemporary worship service, in which we sing praise choruses.

That’s counterproductive because you’re just teaching people that they don’t need to work at appreciating what others in the body of Christ appreciate.

How are you helping people grow spiritually and in maturity when you just give them what they want, instead of causing them to relate to others in the family of God?

The church, the family of God, is composed of people from many different age groups and many different backgrounds and many different perspectives.

This is why, in the 1st century, there was potential for the church be divided over issues like meat offered to idols and whether or not you honor the Sabbath day.

Today the issues can be the same or they can be different.

Today, the church has the potential be divided over musical preferences and other ministry preferences.

Regardless of the issue, people in the family of God need to learn to understand each other and appreciate each other and relate to each other.

And it all starts in leadership.

Spiritual leaders must set the tone in the church and lead by example.

That is why someone who is in leadership in the church, as Timothy was, has to be able to relate to a wide diversity of people.

That’s what we see in these opening verses of chapter 5.

v. 1

This opening verse has two parts to it.

Paul tells Timothy how to interact with men in the church who were older than he was and then he tells Timothy how to interact with guys in the church who were younger then he was.

The first thing he says is, “Do not rebuke an older man...”

Some of your versions says “sharply” or “harshly” because this is a strong Greek word.

If there was an older man in the congregation who was out of line or needed correction of some kind, Timothy was not to rebuke him harshly or sharply.

That’s not appropriate.

Timothy, as we saw in the last message, was probably in his 30s and it would have been inappropriate for him to use his pastoral position to berate an older man or humiliate an older men.

Even if the older man needed to be corrected, it had to be done respectfully and courteously.

Many times throughout Hebrew Scripture God emphasizes the importance of honoring older men and women.

So, this concept would not have been something new and unknown to Timothy but it was something worth repeating because the sad fact is that some pastors assume that their position gives them the right to “lord it over” others in the congregation.

When Peter wrote to a group of elders in 1st Peter 5 and told them not to lord it over the flock, he wasn’t addressing something that is a non-issue.

The unfortunate reality is that there have always been and always will be elders and pastors who lord it over and are domineering over the people of God.

They think their position gives them the right to be the boss and boss people around.

That’s never acceptable but it’s especially reprehensible when a young pastor is disrespectful to older men in the congregation.

Please notice that Paul doesn’t say it’s wrong to correct an older man; he just says there is a right way and a wrong way to do it.

This is so practical and so helpful and it shows the brilliant wisdom of God.

The reason I say that is because there have been countless scenarios down through the ages where a young man of God, like Timothy, is in a position of leadership and in the congregation there are older men who think they have the right to be the church boss.

You see, this problem of being a church boss can go both ways.

There are pastors who take it upon themselves to be the church boss over everyone and everything but there are also men in the church, and even ladies, who sometimes think that their longevity in the congregation or the money they’ve contributed or their years of service in some capacity gives them the right to be the church boss.

So, there are times when a young man of God needs to correct or exhort or appeal to an older man to change but it always has to be done with respect.

Paul tells Timothy that is has to be done as if he’s your father.

You appeal to him as you would your father.

You exhort him or encourage him as you would your father. -------------- I alluded to this story a few weeks ago but I’ll mention it again.

Back in the mid 90s there was a gentleman on our elder board who, for some reason, began to dominate our elder meetings.

Not only did he do most of the talking in the meetings, he even called special meetings to give himself more time to say what he wanted.

He even called an elders’ meeting to his house.

I could see that the other elders were getting weary of the situation and I didn’t want them to get so tired of it that they would step off the elder team.

So, I knew I had to do something about it.

Therefore, I invited this elder to lunch so I could appeal to him as a father.

I gently told him that he may not have been aware of it but that he was dominating our elder discussions and that it was getting somewhat discouraging to the other guys.

We had a very pleasant conversation over lunch but, unfortunately, he didn’t respond as I had hoped he would respond by choosing to be more considerate of others and thoughtful of his other teammates.

Instead, he simply resigned from elder board.

That’s not what I wanted but, at least, I had a clear conscience that I had done what God says here and had done it in the way that God says it is to be done.

Paul told Timothy to relate to older men as to a father and then he says, “younger men as brothers.”

Once again, I believe Paul is giving Timothy a good caution.

Even if a pastor doesn’t have the tendency to lord it over older men in the church, he still may have the tendency to be that way toward younger men in the church.

So, Paul basically says, “Rather than treat younger men as your subjects, treat them as brothers.” --------- Those of you men who have a good relationship with a brother, as I do, can understand exactly what Paul is saying here.

You appreciate your brother and you’re willing to do whatever you can do to be a support and an encouragement to your brother.

That’s the way Timothy was supposed to relate to the younger men in the congregation.

Then Paul turns to the women in the congregation.

v. 2

The first thing that Paul says in this verse is to relate to the “older women as mothers.”

That means that you show them respect and appreciation.

As you probably know, there are many churches that have a lot of older women in them.

This is the case for a couple of reasons: #1) Women often outlive men and, as a result, there tend to be more widows in church than widowers.

#2) Women are often more open to the gospel, which results in scenarios where a wife is a believer but the husband is not.

As a result of these two dynamics, it is not uncommon for a church to have a number of older women in the congregation.

This was something that really stood out to me that first couple times I traveled to Ukraine and Russia and Africa.

There are a lot of places around the world where a huge portion of the church is composed of older women.

And just to give you a warning: they all want to kiss you on both cheeks when you come there to preach and teach:-)

In all seriousness, there really are many churches that have a large segment of older women and that was likely even true in the 1st century.

So, Paul told Timothy to relate to the older women in the congregation as mothers. ------ As I look back over the years here in this church, I thank God for the many older women and widows who have expressed the fact that they prayed for me regularly.

I have no idea how many times I’ve heard that and it never ceases to be extremely meaningful to me.

Older godly women are often the spiritual backbone of a church and Paul wanted to make sure that Timothy always treated the older women with respect and appreciation. --------- Then he says, “younger women as sisters, with all purity.”

Paul didn’t hesitate to “shoot straight” with Timothy.

It is always extremely important that a spiritual leader exercise the utmost care in how he relates to younger women in the church.

Paul told Timothy to view them as sisters and that, among other things, would be a protection against any kind of impurity.

The word “purity” in this verse is the same word used back in chapter 4 verse 12 and it’s primarily a word describing sexual purity.

Few things are more heinous than a man using his spiritual position to take advantage of women sexually.

Tragically, it has happened time and time again through the years, which is why the Holy Spirit put this verse in the Bible.

Paul wasn’t writing about things that didn’t need to be addressed.

This is something that is all too common.

So, Timothy is given the instruction to treat the “younger women as sisters, with all purity.” ------ That’s 4 groups of people Paul has mentioned so far: older men, younger men, older women, younger women.

Now he turns to the issue of widows.

This section on the care of widows begins in verse 3 and goes all the way through verse 16.

The reason why Paul gave so much space and attention to this subject is because widows in the 1st century often had no means of support.

There was no such thing as Social Security.

Widows usually didn’t have husbands who left them a retirement account and they didn’t have their own IRA.

There weren’t any “safety nets” in society.

Therefore, older widows had no means of support and could easily become destitute.

You may remember that this was a big issue in the early church in the book of Acts and it had the potential to become a major rift in the church.

Back up to Acts 6 and I’ll show you what I mean.

v. 1 a - about 25 thousand to 30 thousand believers in the church.

v. 1 b

Up until this point the church has taken everything Satan has thrown at them but now the church faces a serious problem.

At this time in Jerusalem there were 2 groups of Jews.

There were the Hebrew Jews and these Jews were sort of like natives of Jerusalem.

The Hebrew Jews were those who spoke Aramaic.

The other group mentioned in verse 1 is the Hellenists or Grecians.

These were Jews from other parts of the Greek world and, as a result, they spoke Greek.

So both groups mentioned in verse 1 are Jews, one group is native, Aramaic speaking Jews and the other group is foreign, Greek speaking Jews.

You see, the problem in verse 1 is a problem of favoritism.

vv. 2-5

It's interesting to me that all 7 of these men had Greek names.

That's tremendous wisdom.

They chose people who would have a heart for this ministry.

They didn't push people into this area of ministry.

Instead, they chose those who would have a heart for this area of service.

vv. 6-7

The early church “dodged a bullet” by solving this problem of the neglect of widows, which shows us how big this issue was in the 1st century.

So it’s not surprising that Paul addresses it in 1st Timothy 5 (let’s go back there).

v. 3

When Paul uses the word “honor” here in this verse, he’s not merely using it to refer to showing respect and admiration.

He is using the word the same way Jesus used it in Matthew 15 to refer to financial support.

That’s clear in the context and that is why the NIV translates it by saying, “those widows who are really in need.”

Paul is giving Timothy instructions on the financial support of widows by the church and not all widows were in the category of being “really in need.”

Some widows have other possible resources and wouldn’t have been dependent on the church.

v. 4

So, the first line of responsibility to care for widows is the family, not the church.

If a widow has children (even grandchildren) who are believers and are able to assist financially, that responsibility should not be placed on the church budget first.

The children and even grandchildren need to embrace that responsibility as an opportunity to demonstrate genuine godliness.

Godliness isn’t some show we put on in society; it’s something that should manifest itself within the home and within the family structure.

That’s why the end of the verse says that this kind of loving action toward your widowed mom or grandmother “is pleasing to God.”

To turn it around the other way, those who are in a position to help their widowed mom or grandmother and don’t do it are acting in a way that is not “acceptable before God.”

But before he goes any further, Paul wants to make it clear that not all widows are the same in need or in character.

v. 5

The first thing that Paul says here about widows being supported by the church is that he has in mind widows who are “left alone.”

In other words, they don’t have any other means of support or any other resources.

They don’t have family members who could care for them.

So, their need is legitimate.

But it’s not only a matter of need, character is also an issue.

That’s why the last part of the verse describes the widow as someone who “trusts in God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day.”

That is a way of saying that the widow is a genuinely godly woman and she’s not just trying to “milk the system” or “play the system” or take advantage of the fact that the church would have a soft heart toward her.

Genuine need and genuine character are to be an integral part of the decision making process for the church in its ministry to widows.

v. 6

This is the “flip side of the coin.

A widow who lives an ungodly or immoral life should not be supported because, in all likelihood, she will waste and squander the support that would be provided from the church.

Paul describes her as someone who “is dead while she lives.”

What a picture, not only of widows but, of anyone who lives a life of self-indulgent pleasure seeking instead of seeking after the God who gives real life.

Widows who live that way aren’t the ones Paul has in mind as he is instructing Timothy about the church’s responsibility to support widows who have genuine need and genuine character.

v. 7

Timothy was to teach these things, especially the part about the responsibility of family members caring for their own widows, so that “they may be blameless” or “above reproach.”

A family member who refuses to care for his widowed mom brings stinging reproach to the name of Christ as the world watches such a blatant contradiction of a central aspect of Christianity, namely love.

This thought prompts Paul to write one of his strongest statements in all of his letters.

v. 8

This statement has specific reference to the responsibility of the children of widows and even the grandchildren of widows.

God expects them, if they are able, to financially support their mom or grandmother if she is need as a result of being a widow.

Since this is the case, can you imagine how strongly God feels about the responsibility of a husband and father to provide for his family?

The reason why I say that is because there are married men in the body of Christ who seem to believe that it’s optional whether they work or not.

They don’t work at all or they work intermittently or they rely on the fact that their wife works, etc.

God’s language and wording is very strong here.

He says that the person who doesn’t provide for his household “has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

Wow!

I don’t know how God could say it any stronger.

This is a serious issue to God, beloved.

Our Christianity isn’t best seen in our religious activities or our pious words; it’s seen in our practical actions of love as we give of ourselves sacrificially to whoever the Lord has in our path.

Our Christianity is seen in how we related to one another with love and care and sacrifice.

That’s why the Lord put such practical sections like this in His word.