My Life

Introduction

These are interesting times that we are living in. Things are hard right now. We don’t know what or who to believe when reading the news. We are in the midst of a pandemic, social unrest, political uncertainty, and economic turmoil. This is all on top of the fact that life can be hard. When Tracy asked me to share with you about my journey, I knew that she wanted me to talk to you about what I learned through my recent kidney transplant. I do want to talk to you about that in just a moment.

We have often heard hard times described as being like a boat or ship on a storm tossed sea.

I’ve never been on a storm tossed sea, but I like to scuba dive. The thing about scuba diving is that you deal with reduced visibility because light does not travel as fast and far in water as it does through air. Also, you deal with the coolness of the water as well as the increased pressure. Breathing is a lot more serious 50’ below the surface of the water. You can quickly become disoriented and lost. So, you need to know where the anchor line is and be aware of where you have been. There are many dangers in the deep, but the beauty of a world that is hidden to most people makes it worth it. To be able to see fish in their natural environment and not in an aquarium, to hear the parrotfish scraping the coral with their mouths, to see the vibrant colors of the reef and the fish, makes all of the training and danger worth it.

For the believer, the hard times, the tragedies in our lives, and even the storms that we don’t know if we will survive, allow us to see things we would not have otherwise seen. We will see things about ourselves that are hard to take when we look inward, and if we keep our perspective where it needs to be, we will see the beauty of the One who takes us through the storm.

A few years after I was saved I experienced my first trial. It was the divorce of my parents. My father who grew up in a pastor’s home and in a wonderful family had turned his back on the Lord as well as his family. I knew something was off even in middle school, but around my Sophomore year of high school, I experienced the betrayal that came with your father leaving you behind. I remember weeping over my father and crying out to God to intervene. While my father and mother did not get back together, God did intervene. He intervened in my heart and drew me close to Him. It was out of that closeness that came through going through that hard time that brought me to the place where I could recognize His call on my life.

Fast forward a few years and I was a summer missionary after my freshman year of college. While that was a very enjoyable experience, I can remember the interpersonal conflicts between me and another person on our team. In fact, this person made it difficult on everyone on the team. Yet, God used this situation to knock off some rough edges in my life while teaching me to depend on Him even when working with others.

During my sophomore year, I worked in the theater department building sets. I can remember putting a riser together and knowing that I should have someone help me turn it over, but I turned it over anyway. I injured my back. I dealt with the constant back pain for months on end and ended up needing back surgery. Once again, God used a trial to speak to me. It was during the recovery from back surgery that God called me to be a Journeyman with the International Mission Board.

That was two years that was filled with hardship and adventure. There was the homesickness, culture stress, and different bouts of culture shock. I can remember one time getting very anxious when I realized that I was the only American that I knew in the country and I was living in a country that was listed as a state sponsor of terrorism. I’ve been broke down in the middle of the desert, dehydrated days away from a medical facility, stared down the wrong end of an AK-47, and was detained. Yet in the midst of all of these hardships and more, I experienced God’s blessings on a daily basis. One of the greatest blessings was meeting my wife.

I can remember the financial difficulties while finishing seminary while being Dean of Students over the undergrad. It was at a school in the middle of Chattanooga. It was difficult trying to work for a man who displayed more of what NOT to do in a leadership position than what to do. I had to take a second job to help make ends meet. It was a very, very difficult time trying to help the school make a turn around while providing for a family. Yet, the Lord allowed me to experience something that is not experienced much anymore. We had a spontaneous outpouring of the Holy Spirit in the church that I was interim pastor of. Several people were saved, people reconciled with each other, and God blessed in a mighty way even in the midst of adversity. While I was in this position, I applied for life insurance. My application was denied and I had to go to a doctor to find out why.

The first doctor that I saw referred me to a nephrologist and after three attempts of a kidney biopsy, I found out that I had an incurable kidney disease caused by uncontrolled high blood pressure. I was about 30 years old at the time. With medication and controlling my blood pressure, my kidney disease stabilized and did not progress.

There is much more that I could tell you about things I went through during my 30s with going back overseas with my family and pastoring a church in the delta. Suffice it to say, trials come like storms come, and it seems that the sunshine always follows the storm.

A little over five years ago my family and I moved to Adamsville. In our church is a General Practitioner and he is my primary care physician. I asked him if he felt that he could keep an eye on my kidney disease or if he wanted to help me find a nephrologist. Since my kidney disease was stable, he was confident that he could watch out for it. Over the next couple of years I did well.

However, there came a time in late 2017 or early 2018 that I knew that I wasn’t feeling well. I didn’t go to the doctor because I did not want to know that my kidneys were getting worse. I suspected it, but I did not want to know it.

During the summer of 2018, my doctor referred me to Vanderbilt after seeing a sharp decrease in my kidney function. On August 20, 2018 I had my first appointment at Vanderbilt and I was told that I needed to be evaluated for a transplant. Even after all that I had already been through and God proved Himself to be faithful over and over again, it was like a punch to the gut. The typical wait time for a kidney with my blood type is 8 years.

The year would prove to be very difficult. There is so much that happens when you go into organ failure. One of the most noticeable is the tiredness and lack of energy. I couldn’t be there for my kids like I wanted to. It became difficult to do anything. We all know that the kidneys remove waste, but they do other things as well. They tell the bone marrow to make red blood cells. They metabolize the parathyroid hormone. They help with the production of Vitamin D. They regulate the amount of water that is in your body.

There were several very tough things I had to deal with. The first was the realization that I needed a handicap parking spot. It was too difficult for me to go in a store without a very close parking spot. I can remember taking my family to Dollywood and having to rent an electric wheel chair because I did not have the energy to walk. The motivation was there, but I just couldn’t do it. My chest would hurt at random times, but not really anything serious. I also began to smell ammonia at random times. It was because the toxins in my body was breaking down to ammonia in my blood stream.

My wife and I went to the SBC in 2019 and I pushed as much as I could, but ended up having the chest pains come and I made the decision to go up to Nashville to get checked out. I had about a three day stay and left with an appointment to come back in two weeks to start dialysis. By this time, I was feeling bad all day long, every day. Many nights I would start feeling good and having energy around 7:00pm. So, I would have to take Benadryl to help me sleep.

There was about 30 minutes each week that I could count on feeling good. It was when I was preaching on Sunday mornings. The Holy Spirit would take over and give me what was needed to make it through the sermon and as soon as the invitation was over, I felt awful again. I knew what suffering was like.

Dialysis took the edge off the suffering in that I did not have the chest pains or deal with smelling the ammonia anymore. However, it left me feeling tired as well. Some nights I would deal with leg pain on top of having my days and nights mixed up.

God showed His mercy over and over during that year. Over $50,000 was raised for my transplant expense. Many people volunteered to be evaluated to be a living donor. The first potential donor that was evaluated was disqualified from donating. He found out that his kidney function just wasn’t high enough. He will probably have no problems with two kidneys, but would have issues with just one.

My second donor was my wife’s first cousin’s wife. She is a lady that is half my weight and on August 29, 2019 she donated her left kidney to me. It truly is a remarkable story of how God spoke to her that she was to donate to me. I can remember waking up from surgery and feeling different. The kidney was already making me feel better. As the next few days and weeks progressed, I continually felt better.

One of the things I failed to mention is that in the evaluation process, they found a small kidney stone in Lisa’s left kidney. In a follow up visit, I asked if the kidney stone was still in the donated kidney. This was a shock to my doctor and he ordered an ultrasound and mri. There was no sign of the kidney stone. It was gone! However, my blood levels were not improving as my doctor had hoped. So, we get a biopsy done, which reassures everyone that everything is okay with the kidney.

A few months after that, I had another ultrasound. The kidney was not only healthy, but had grown!

While my kidney function is not in the “normal” range, it is closer to normal than it has been in years! I have learned that there is a difference between existing and living. I have been brought back from dying a slow death to being able to enjoy life.

With all of that being said, I want to share with you my anchor line...

Live with eternity in mind.

When we keep our focus on our temporary problems, whether it is dating relationships, family issues, disease, grades, finances, or just about anything, it leaves us open to spiral into despair. These are difficult days to live, but our God is working with eternity in mind and we must live with eternity in mind as well.

Let’s look at what God said through the apostle Paul:

Philippians 3:7–14 CSB

But everything that was a gain to me, I have considered to be a loss because of Christ. More than that, I also consider everything to be a loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. Because of him I have suffered the loss of all things and consider them as dung, so that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own from the law, but one that is through faith in Christ—the righteousness from God based on faith. My goal is to know him and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his sufferings, being conformed to his death, assuming that I will somehow reach the resurrection from among the dead. Not that I have already reached the goal or am already perfect, but I make every effort to take hold of it because I also have been taken hold of by Christ Jesus. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God’s heavenly call in Christ Jesus.

Consider everything to be a loss

The correct attitude regarding this world is imperative. If I try to pursue Christ part of the time and pursue the world at other times, I will be miserable chasing after two different directions.

I must die to myself. I must realize that all of this is passing away. Death and destruction is coming to this world and everything that is in it. Eventually it will all be burned up and the Lord will bring a new heaven and a new earth.

Yet we hold on to worldliness and worldly pursuits as if they are all that we have.

Understand the surpassing value

We need to understand the surpassing value of knowing Christ. The value of knowing Christ is priceless. Knowing Him is greater than anything this world can offer. In fact knowing Christ is worth more than health. I can say that without reservation. Until we recognize that there is nothing more valuable than knowing Christ, we will be tied to bouts of hopelessness and despair.

Have a goal!

Don’t have just any goal, but have a goal with eternity in mind.

Philippians 3:10–11 CSB

My goal is to know him and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his sufferings, being conformed to his death, assuming that I will somehow reach the resurrection from among the dead.

Our goal should be to know Christ, not know about Him. While I would like to share with you about the power of his resurrection, I need to share with you about the phrase, “Fellowship of His sufferings”.

The Fellowship of His Sufferings

Many commentators explain that this is in relation to suffering persecution for the sake and cause of Christ. No doubt that they are correct, but I believe that they fail to recognize the full scope of what is included in the fellowship of His sufferings.

We should suffer under the weight of our own sin and the exposure to sin after we have been born again. When we are born again, we are made spiritually alive and there is the battle between the flesh and the Spirit. So, we suffer under the weight of sin until the Lord delivers us from this flesh. The apostle Paul spoke of this in Romans 7.

Romans 7:21–25 CSB

So I discover this law: When I want to do what is good, evil is present with me. For in my inner self I delight in God’s law, but I see a different law in the parts of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and taking me prisoner to the law of sin in the parts of my body. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, with my mind I myself am serving the law of God, but with my flesh, the law of sin.

Until the Lord delivers us from the flesh, there will be the war between the flesh and the spirit. This suffering not only includes suffering under the battle with the flesh, but it could include suffering under difficult relationships, sickness, and other circumstances.

This fellowship of sufferings can be found in whatever difficulty brings you closer to Christ!

Before I explain this a little more, I want you to understand that it is your response to the suffering that determines how much you experience the fellowship.

We can not blame God for our suffering and expect to have fellowship with Him through them.

We must understand and trust that if the Lord brought us to a season of suffering, it is for our good. It is to teach us about ourselves, and most importantly - HIM!

Romans 8:28 CSB

We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.

A few of the things I have noticed as I have suffered with kidney failure:

The fellowship of His sufferings brings a special recognition of His presence.

The word fellowship indicates a close mutual relationship or partnership.

There is a closeness to the Lord that comes through suffering. Suffering teaches us to depend upon the LORD.

The fellowship of His sufferings brings His strength to the situation.

2 Cor 12:7-10

2 Corinthians 12:7–10 CSB

especially because of the extraordinary revelations. Therefore, so that I would not exalt myself, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to torment me so that I would not exalt myself. Concerning this, I pleaded with the Lord three times that it would leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and in difficulties, for the sake of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I found myself like the apostle Paul. I took pleasure in my infirmity. I have been brought closer to the Lord through this journey. I would not change my situation at all.

I would not change the situation because of the peace that surpasses all understanding.

This peace comes from understanding the promises of scripture and experiencing their fulfillment in the fellowship of suffering.

I have found that when I am most dependent on the Lord, He is most glorified.

There were many times when I felt awful until I stepped into the pulpit and the Lord manifested His strength in my weakness.

There is much more that I could say about what I have learned and what I am learning and maybe one day I can express it, but I have found that there is a closeness to God that is experienced in suffering.

Suffering is in no way appealing, but its benefits far outweigh its costs.

It is important to always keep your focus on the end.

Philippians 3:13–14 CSB

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God’s heavenly call in Christ Jesus.

Questions:

Thinking about hardships in your own life, What has God brought you through or what is He carrying you through now?

Sometimes trials or hardships don’t turn out like we had hoped, like my parents divorce. Yet, God still uses them. Have you had a time when things did not turn out quiet like you had hoped?

Why is it so hard to recognize the surpassing value of knowing Christ? Before you say that it is not hard to recognize the surpassing value of knowing Christ, understand that our attitudes and actions say that it is very difficult.

What is keeping you from considering all things loss for the sake of knowing Christ? Leave it here today.