Marriages are Tricky Business

There are most likely 4 different kinds of people here today.

Those who are single and are still waiting for a husband or wife.

Those who have experienced the heartbreak of divorce

Those who are married where both the husband and the wife are followers of Christ.

Those who are married who either entered marriage with an unbelieving spouse, or you became a believer after marriage and your spouse is still not a believer. (possibility that both spouses came to faith after marriage)

Why is this important to know? Your journey to faith will often determine how you view the marriage relationship.

Problems addressed in 1 Peter 3:1-7

Problem with wives not submitting to their husbands.

Problem with glorifying the external appearance over the internal.

Problem with husbands lack of honor for their wives as the weaker vessels.

Problem with husbands lack of regard for their wives as join heirs to the promise.

How does 1 Peter 3:1-6 fit into the broader context of our theology on married relationships? (we are not going to try and resolve the complimentary and egalitarian debate here.)

1 Peter 2:13-17 definitely has bearing on this text where the call is to submit for the Lord’s sake to others in various relationships. If this is the case than the bigger picture is the manifestation of ones growth i n sanctification in regard to submission in marriage. We must see this in the broader context of scripture. Does this mean that women are to remain silent? No I think the bigger picture here is that women are to let their actions speak for themselves. This possibly leads to the idea of winning her husband over even after verbal communication of the gospel has failed.

Peter is not intending for the Christian wife to submit to a command to sin - for example, to worship the family gods or to commit immorality.

What about the danger that this passage could be used to justify abuse? We must address the possible misrepresentation of such a passage leading to spousal abuse.

God is not glorified by the abuse of those in vulnerable positions; the entire testimony of scripture stands against such a possibility.

1)Laws exist in most civilized nations against spousal abuse.

2)God has provided a community as a sanctuary for those who are being mis-treated of abused.

3)Clearly 1 Peter 3:7 prohibits spousal abuse of any kind by a Christian husband.

Words or phrases to address in 1 Peter 3:1-7

LEXICAL ANALYSIS

Likewise: the CSB and NASB use “in the same way.” Identical, and unchanged, referring to the person or thing just mentioned. Therefore, homoios is linked directly to the discussion of household slaves, through he points out that Peter used homoisos rather than kathos “in the same way”

Subject: To be, or be inclined or willing to submit to orders of wishes of others.

Submissive: Submit or yield to a superior force. Submission in marriage does not merely include “obeying commands,” but also the “numerous words and actions each day which reflect deference to leadership and an acknowledgement of his final responsibility after discussion has occured.

Conduct: relates to the way one behaves as a way of life.

Pure Conduct: not mixed or adulterated with any other substance or metal. Innocent or morally good.

Adorning: order of something to ornament, root of the word kosmos, referencing worldly; earthly. 1 Timothy 2:9 “Likewise women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness with good works.” A form of ornamentation, using especially jewels and precious metals, to enhance beauty of buildings or people.

Clothing and outer garments: a cloke or toga, referring to a piece of dress.

Inward: Covered or concealed; the secret character something, related to secret service, used by the Athenians in the subject-states.

Heart: internal feature of a persons thoughts (mind), emotions, and knowledge of right from wrong (conscience).

Imperishable: uncorrupted, undecaying; 1 Peter 1:4 “To an inheritance that is imperishable, undeflied, and unfading, kept in heaven for you,” 1 Peter 1:23 “since you have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable.

Gentle quiet: related to the word for meed. Mt 5:5 “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. This is a noun characterized by being humble, gentle, and mild. Gentleness is also, part of the nine fold fruits of the spirit.

Quiet Spirit: well ordered rest, and peace.

Live with: Dwell together, to cohabit together; to conduct oneself in relation to a person with whom one lives.

Understanding Way: The ability to understand something; the power of abstract thought or intellect; an individuals perception; seeking how to know or understand something; understanding as an ability to experience and learn...’to come to an understanding. Way: meaning facts become known and he re-evaluates his public path and goals, and purpose, as they become revealed. Way is used general when speaking of a man’s conduct good or bad.

Weaker: Without strength or authority, used as a collective group of people.

Vessel: Object, thing, jar, possessions, instrument, container, carrying or storing something. The body as a vessel is an object used as a container.

Fellow Heir: Root of the world lot; portion; share. Ephesians 3:6 “This mystery is that the Gentiles are fellow heirs, members of the same body, and partakers.

CULTURAL CONTEXT

Christ should have the defining affect on our relationships to the unbeliever. So, if our new life in Christ is a change of our role now as a citizen of the kingdom of God then our position within the society we live here on earth has radically changed. Maybe at one time we were resentful and down right ugly towards our spouse. Now that we have a new citizenship we are now respectful, submissive, inwardly changed towards the eternal perspective. The end goal of our life other than bringing glory to God is bringing people to Jesus, even with the cost of difficulties. If you are married to someone who does not know Jesus, do what it takes to bring them to Christ. What if you could win someone over to Jesus without speaking a single word? What if a person simply witnessed Christ at work in you and desired to know the God who has transformed you?

Not only does Peter speak to the cultural issue of the unequally yoked relationship, but, to the external beauty of a woman, and how she is to be spiritually intelligent about how she presents her body to the world. Peter describes as an example to his audience: He notes that Sarah called Abraham “lord,” a form of polite address like “sir” an appropriate and applicable term in his culture. Peter takes the conversation another direction by admonishing husbands that they should not rule over their wives, but rather should be understanding, showing their wives honor. Peter speaks to the sheer physical difference of men and women, which, by the way is another thing that humanity has tried to skew and change. Despite the cultural norms of his time women are heirs along with men. All social relationships are transformed by following Jesus Christ. Notice that the submission that Christian servants give is presented as a privilege, the privilege of glorifying God by submitting willingly to an unjust situation (2:19-20).

1 Peter 3:1–7 ESV

1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. 7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

1. Wives who submit to their husbands show a fundamental identity change of attitude.

Christian women who submit to their husbands, and particularly their non-Christian husbands, not because they are in some way inferior, for they are God’s elect. Rather, they submit for the Lords sake, with the continued motivation of winning their husbands to the Lord by their unselfish example.

The fundamental attitude as a servant of God

The way that you submit to your husband shows how you really feel about Jesus Christ. We learned last week that when we submit to whatever authority is over us we are bearing witness to the authority of God himself. So, whatever authority is over us we are bearing witness to that authority when we submit.

Each time a wife models godliness, that’s another moment her husband is not being influenced by the godless desires that lay claim to his soul.

1 Corinthians 7:13–14 ESV

13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

As difficult as this is for us to conceive by choosing to stay in the marriage it provides an opportunity for ministry for the believing spouse. We cannot change the person we are married to even when we want to; we can work to become the person that God has called us to be.

Cultural Context: Women who are in some cases married to an unbelieving husband: are to be submissive allowing their actions to lead them to the Lord.

Ephesians 5:22–24 ESV

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Principle of Headship: In creation God made Adam to be head over Eve, yet this is where the issue gets murky. Some men say that since marital submission is a creation ordinance and not a cultural custom, it must mean that wives are inferior in some way. That is wrong. We are join heirs with Christ. God creates us male and female.

The position of headship or leadership is a division of labor, and in a division of labor, being subordinate does not mean inferiority. This means the women are equal in dignity and honor to men. The expression here is co-dignity and co-eternality of both husband and wife.

Marriage is a union where the two become one flesh. This is a union that God himself performs the surgery to take the rib from Adam to make a helper fit for him. Remember it was God who said that it was not good for man to be alone. It was God who created woman for man. It was God who brought her to man in the garden performing the first wedding. It was God who performed the one flesh union in Genesis 2:24.

It should be the joy of every wife to submit to their husband which flows from their deep love for Jesus Christ.

Illustration

If you are single, Maybe you are wondering what this has means in your world. Ladies you should desire to have a husband who wants to lead you well for the Glory of God. (Speak about Chris asking to date Hannah again)My daughter does not date to date, she is looking for the man who will lead her well, and take the headship role as her future husband.

The fundamental attitude to serve your husband for the sake of Christ.

YOUR UNPARALLELED LOVE FOR THE WORD OF GOD NEEDS TO BE DELIBERATELY COUPLED WITH A GENTLE SPIRIT.

NOTE: Ladies, the way you treat and view your husband is a clear reflection on how you feel about your relationships to Christ. Single ladies, the things you are looking for in a husband is a clear reflection of the way you feel about your relationship to Christ.

All social relationships are transformed by following Jesus Christ. The kind of submission that Peter is talking about here is presented as a privilege, the privilege of glorifying God by submitting willingly to an unjust situation.

Peter presents this submission as an adornment of the Christian woman, the beauty of a meek and quiet spirit that is pleasing to God.

NOTE: The Christian life is a daily struggle with beauty. We are always and forever appraising, valuing, and attaching to things. The truth is that Christ is to be that ultimate treasure that gives shape, meaning, and understanding to all other things. Everything is to be subordinated through and by the glory of Christ.

The fundamental attitude of your marriage to Christ

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively.

But God, to the Christian says, “No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone, with giving yourself totally and unreserved to Me, with having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone; discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you.”

Timothy Lane and Paul Tripp, “How people Change”

What does it mean to be married to Christ? Christ has made us the recipients of his affection and, in turn, we are to make him the ultimate object of ours. Paul speaks to the Corinthians as a jealous father who wants nothing to supplant or compromise this relationship. He urges the Corinthians to shun false saviors and false gospels and to place their hopes and affections solely on Christ.

What false lovers entice you to forget your true husband and the  faithfulness he deserves? Why do we worship other things in place of Christ? Quite simply, we worship what we find attractive. We allow many things to eclipse the beauty of Christ. We devote our hearts to our jobs, other people, a state of mind (comfort, security), success, power, peace, or money. We have many options before us, but we cannot get our identity from these things.

I am easily enticed by comfort. After a hard day at work, I am ready for some “down time.” I tell myself that I deserve it! Comfort and leisure are good things, but when my personal comfort becomes more important to me than Christ, it impacts my behavior sinfully. If I arrive home to a house full of children who get in the way of my comfort, I rapidly turn into a very harsh person. I have placed myself in arms of a false lover: my personal comfort.

The False lover of personal comfort leads us down the road of thinking our spouse is in our life merely to meet our needs and demands, when in reality if we are loving our spouse the Christ loves us, it is a self-sacrificial kind of Love.

We give up our want’s and desires for the good of our spouse and the marriage that He has given us to enjoy.

“THIS IS THE JOYFUL SUBMISSION OF MARRIAGE”

1-2 Peter Peter’s Word to Wives

Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God (vv. 3–4). This biblical text is not commanding ugliness so that a woman’s outward appearance cannot possibly disguise evil in her soul. Rather, Peter is telling women not to be caught up in an ostentatious display of beauty, because the most beautiful thing about them is their soul. What will win a man to the things of God is the hidden person of the heart.

2. The most beautiful thing about a woman is the incorruptible nature of her soul.

ILLUSTRATION

So, here you go all you single guys out there, here’s a free pick up line for you try out this week. You see a young lady you think you might want to garner a date with sometime, here’s what you do. Walk up to them and say, “Hey beautiful, I think I might want to have a date with you sometime, but, first, can you show me the incorruptible nature of your soul.” That’s the kind of beauty that I’m looking for in a woman.

NOTE: Peter is speaking of an incorruptible beauty, an adjective that he has already used in the epistle thus far: 1:4 “To an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, unfading.....” 1:23 “Since you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but imperishable.

According to Peter an incorruptible beauty is pictured in a gentle and quiet spirit, but it does not mean that a wife is prohibited from giving her opinion.

Historical Note

The Message of 1 Peter a. Submission of Wives to Husbands (3:1–6)

In the Roman world it was assumed that wives would conform to the religious practices of their husbands. This became an issue in Roman history when many women were attracted to the cult of Bacchus or to the worship of the Egyptian goddess Isis. The rituals of Bacchus had been banned by the Roman Senate; the senators saw a threat to the state in the participation of women in bacchanalian revelries at night in the mountains.5 These suspicions were later directed against Christians. In the eyes of imperial Romans, here was another subversive Eastern religion threatening the stability of the home and of the state.

The deep growing beauty of a woman who trusts in the Lord will have its affect on her husband, but, above all, her spiritual beauty will be precious in the sight of God.

Peter’s teaching has been misunderstood in several directions:

1) Later Church fathers interpreted this passage as a call to ban all aesthetics in women’s dress, attributing such things such as desires to the works of fallen angels. If the literal force of Peter’s warning is taken out of context, he could be made to say that the wearing of clothing is prohibited as outward adornment. The point is not legalistic ban on beauty of attire. (The father in the prodigal son story welcomed his son back with the best robe and a ring!) The point is placing a vastly superior value on the inward beauty and the danger of extravagant and sensual fashions in dress.

2) The vastly more popular view today is that Peter’s warning can be brushed aside; it was conventional for the times but is not relevant today. We must not discount Peter’s warnings. The contrast that Peter makes is real. Enslavement to fashion by men or women runs counter to growth in spiritual holiness.

NOTE: There was something apparently very seductive and sexual about hairstyles.

The Message of 1 Peter a. Submission of Wives to Husbands (3:1–6)

Curl climbs on top of curl and over the forehead there arose something which at its best looked like the chef d’oeuvre of a master pastry cook and, at its worst, like a dry sponge. At the back the hair was plaited, and the braids arranged in a coil which looks like basketwork.

Modesty and restraint should be the mark of the Christians woman’s lifestyle.

Anything that would detract from the incorruptible inner beauty of a woman should be restrained.

The submission of a Christian wife must always be first to God. Worldly husbands may wish to flaunt the beauty of or even the sexuality of their wives. Peter highlights that thing to which God places a higher price tag and value which is the unfading beauty of the heart.

1-2 Peter Peter’s Word to Wives

For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves (v. 5). Peter instructs his readers to consider the examples that God has given from history, those holy women in the past who were adorned with these qualities. There was Ruth, Esther, and Mary the mother of Jesus. These holy women trusted in God. They adorned themselves in the manner in which Peter has just spoken, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror (vv. 5–6).

Peter names the wife of Abraham Sarah as an example of a class of godly women who cultivated the beauty of the spirit he has been describing.

Notice that Peter starts with the privilege we have and then moves on to the behavior we show in light of that privilege.

3. Husbands who know their wives honor their wives as a container of God’s grace.

Understanding way means to “have knowledge of or know.”

When you know your wife you are going to want only the best for her physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

1 Peter: An Introduction and Commentary 2. Husbands: Live Considerately with Your Wives (3:7)

Live considerately with your wives is literally, ‘living together according to knowledge’ (for the use of the participle as imperative see the note at 1:14). Peter does not specify what kind of knowledge he means by ‘according to knowledge’, so some general phrase like ‘in an understanding way’ (NASB) is a good translation

This is a knowledge of your wife’s desires, goals, and frustrations; knowledge of their strengths and weakness in the physical, emotional and spiritual realms.

Ephesians 5:25 ESV

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

Woman might grumble at the idea of submitting to their husbands, but I would exchange that responsibility for the mans’ any day of the week. I believe it is a lot easier for a woman to submit to her husband than it is for a man to love his wife the same way that Christ loves the church. There is no selfishness in the love that Jesus has for His Church.

Jesus has never abused, tyrannized, exploited, or belittled His bride. When my wife submits to me I am preparing to give her my life.

The Bible does not tell husbands to love their wife if and when the wife submits to him, and it does not tell wives to submit to their husband when that husband loves them as Christ loves the church. Husbands are called to love their wives whether she submits to him or not. He is to be prepared to give his life for his wife even if she never displays a quiet and gentle spirit.

Husbands honor their wives best through considerate understanding

The husband is to live with his wife considerately, literally according to knowledge. Of all human relationships the most intimate one you will ever have is found in the marriage of a husband and wife. Peter is saying that to dwell with your spouse as bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh means to know your wife and their needs.

Peter describes the wife as the weaker partner.

“The weaker vessel”

Peter is not referring to the weaker vessel as being “weak-minded.” Peter clearly is speaking of physical strength. It is no secret that God has created men and women physically different. Unfortunately those in our culture today who are not happy with being created male and female we have begun to try and change this dynamic instead of of embrace it.

This means that you recognize the delicacy of her nature and feelings. On the other hand, Peter has warned against ‘the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. (1:14)

Husbands honor their wives best when they are growing in the knowledge of God.

Why? The knowledge of God distinguishes the difference between Christian love and the love of the pagan world. Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 13 that love is patient, kind, does not envy or boast, is not arrogant or rude, does not seek it’s own way.

The saving knowledge we have enables the husband to love his wife as Christ loved the Church.

Husbands honor their wives best when they view them a partners in the gracious gift of life.

Cultural Context #1: Peter is stressing the mutual relationship that the husband and wife have together that goes beyond just the physical. This is why, single guys and ladies. You do not want to be unequally yoked with someone who is not a follower of Christ.

Why? Because the precious gift of life that you now have is meant to be shared within the confines of the marriage relationship. You cannot share in something with someone who does not have it.

Cultural Context #2: This is also why you should not live or engage in cohabitation before you are married.

Why? Because you are sharing in the life you have with Christ, according to Paul in

1 Corinthians 6:15–19 ESV

15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! 16 Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” 17 But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. 18 Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. 19 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own,

The one flesh union is both physical and spiritual, the two cannot be separated. Paul say’s it is like joining Christ with a prostitute.

The word for honor literally means, ‘preciousness’. The honor or preciousness that a husband must bestow on his wife is not only the recognition of her place in God’s ordinance of marriage; it is the honor that is hers as one of God’s precious and holy people.

“so that their prayers will not be hindered.”

NOTE: This means that God does not want to hear your prayers or pleas for help until we come to Him as humbly submissive people.

ILLUSTRATION

Share experience with the young couple who was going through marriage problem’s and desired some pastoral counseling. The husband sat fuming as I was going through what he is called to do as a husband first, he finally burst out and said, “Pastor Mark, tell her about that first where she is to submit to me as her husband.”