S.O.T.M. Marriage is sacred and binding [Matthew 5:31-32]

The next section we come to in the sermon on the mount is in verses 31-32 on the subject of divorce. Let me begin by pointing out that, when we come to a subject like this, we see the value of a systematic study of the teaching of Scripture. How often do you hear a sermon on this subject? I think it’s safe to say that preachers tend to avoid this topic, certainly I would if it were not the next subject in the sermon. Certainly this is wrong, it’s not for us to study some parts of scripture and avoid others, we shouldn’t shy away from difficult and touchy sections.

These verses that we are now considering are as much the Word of God as anything else which is to be found in the Scriptures. But because of our failure to expound the Bible systematically, because of our tendency to take texts out of their context and to choose what interests and pleases us, and to ignore and forget the rest, we become guilty of an unbalanced Christian life. That in turn leads to failure in actual practice. It is a very good thing that we should work our way through the Sermon on the Mount in this manner, and so find ourselves face to face with this statement.

For some reason even many commentators slide over this section and do not deal with it. One can easily understand why people avoid this subject but it’s no excuse to do so. Because the gospel of Jesus Christ concerns every part and portion of our life, and we have no right to say that any part of our life is outside its scope. Everything we need is here provided for us and we have clear teaching and instruction on every aspect of our lives. However many struggle to understand such instruction because of their own bias and opinion. Some here today may not like what I have to say about this subject, and that’s OK if you don’t like what I say, but let me tell you, I’m not giving you my opinion, I’m just going to relay, what the bible says about this and if you have a problem with it you take it up with God not me. I’d say most of our difficulties with this subject are man made and due to us having taken a certain position on divorce that may have no biblical basis at all. My purpose this morning is to lay down the biblical teaching and let you sort it out on your own.

Stand for the reading of the word of God [Matthew 5:31-32]

In 2018, studies showed that the marriage rate was 18 out of every 1,000 people were married…8 out of those marriages ended in divorce, nearly half. In the United States the percentage of divorce is 45% on first marriages, 60% for second marriages, and 73% on third marriages. And while those numbers are lower among Evangelicals they still are, according to Barna research group, at 30%.

I found an interesting study that in the last 8 months, during this COVID-19 pandemic, divorce rate has shot up 34%, and the longer this drags one can only assume those numbers will go up. Social Media is another cause of many marital problems, Facebook has been the cause of 25% of couples fighting and social media activity has caused 1 out of every 7 marriages to end in divorce. Those are startling numbers. My point in sharing these numbers is this, not paint a dark picture, but to point out that this is a big problem in our world today, so we need to discuss it and face it and not avoid this subject that not only affects a man and a women but often their families for generations to come.

As we approach these verses, let us once more remind ourselves of their background or context. This statement is one of six statements made by our Lord in which He introduces the subject by the formula ‘Ye have heard … but I say unto you’. It comes in the section of the Sermon on the Mount in which our Lord is showing the relationship of His kingdom and teaching to the law of God that was given through Moses to the children of Israel. He began by saying that He has not come to destroy but to fulfil; indeed He says, till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law till all be fulfilled. Then comes the following: ‘Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I say unto you, That except your righteousness shall exceed the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, ye shall in no case enter into the kingdom of heaven.’ He then proceeds to display His teaching in the light of this background.

Bearing all that in mind, let us also remember that in these six contrasts which our Lord draws, He is comparing not the law of Moses, as such, with His own teaching, but rather the false interpretation of this law by the Pharisees and scribes. Our Lord obviously does not say that He had come to correct the law of Moses, because it was God’s law, given by God Himself to Moses. No; our Lord’s purpose was to correct the perversion, the false interpretation of the law which was being taught to the people by the Pharisees and scribes. He is therefore honouring the law of Moses and displaying it in its great fullness and glory. That, of course, is precisely what He does with regard to the question of divorce. He is especially concerned to expose the false teaching of the Pharisees and scribes with regard to this important matter.

The best way to approach the subject is to consider it under three headings. First of all we must be clear in our minds as to what the law of Moses really did teach about this matter. Then we must be clear as to what the Pharisees and scribes taught. Lastly we must consider what our Lord Himself teaches

What did the law of Moses teach concerning divorce?

The answer is to be found in Deuteronomy 24, especially verses 1–4. In Matthew 19 our Lord again refers to that teaching and in a sense gives us a perfect summary of it, but it is important that we should look at the original statements. There is often a good deal of confusion about this. The first thing to notice is that in the old Mosaic dispensation the word adultery is not mentioned in the matter of divorce, for the good reason that under the law of Moses the punishment for adultery was death. Anybody under that old law who was found guilty of adultery was stoned to death, so there was no need to mention it. The marriage had come to an end; but it was not brought to an end by divorce but by punishment by death. That is a very important principle to have clearly in our minds.

What then was the object and purpose of the Mosaic legislation with regard to divorce? You see the answer at once, not only as you read Deuteronomy 24, but especially when you read our Lord’s pronouncement upon, and exposition of, that legislation in Matthew 19. The whole object of the Mosaic legislation in this matter was simply to control divorce. The position had become entirely chaotic. This is what was happening. In those days, you remember, the men generally held a very low and poor view of women, and they had come to believe that they had a right to divorce their wives for almost any and every kind of frivolous and unworthy reason.

If a man, for any reason whatsoever, wanted to get rid of his wife, he did so. He brought forward some trumpery excuse and on the basis of that he divorced her. Of course the ultimate cause of it all was nothing but lust and passion. It is interesting to observe how, in this Sermon on the Mount, our Lord introduces this subject in immediate connection with the subject that went before it, namely, the whole question of lust. The Mosaic legislation, therefore, was introduced in order to regularize and control a situation that had not only become chaotic, but was grossly unfair to the women, and which, in addition, led to untold and endless suffering on the part of both the women and the children.

The legislation laid down three great principles. The first was that it limited divorce to certain causes. It was only to be permitted when there was some natural, moral or physical defect discovered in the wife. All the various excuses which men had been using and bringing forward were now prohibited. Before he could obtain a divorce a man had to establish that there was some very special cause, described under the title of uncleanness. He not only had to prove that, he had also to establish it in the sight of two witnesses. Therefore the Mosaic legislation, far from giving a number of excuses for divorce, greatly limited it. It dismissed all the frivolous, superficial and unjust reasons, restricting it to one particular matter. Which before had not been the case.

The second thing it enforced was that any man who divorced his wife must give her a bill of divorcement. Before the Mosaic law, a man could say he no longer wanted his wife, and could turn her out of the house; and there she was, at the mercy of the whole world. She might be charged with unfaithfulness or adultery and so be liable to being stoned to death. Therefore, in order to protect the woman, this legislation provided that she should be given a bill of divorcement in which a statement was made that she had been dismissed, not because of unfaithfulness, but because of one of these reasons which had been discovered. It was to protect her, and the bill of divorcement was handed to her in the presence of two witnesses whom she could always call in any case of need and necessity. Divorce was made something formal, something serious, the idea being to impress upon the minds of those people that it was a solemn step and not something to be undertaken lightly in a moment of passion when a man suddenly felt he disliked his wife and wanted to get rid of her. In this way the seriousness of marriage was emphasized.

Then the third step in the Mosaic legislation was a very significant one, namely, that a man who divorces his wife and gives her a bill of divorcement is not allowed to marry her again. The case was put like this. Here is a man who has divorced his wife, and given her a bill of divorcement. With that in her hand she is entitled to marry somebody else. Now the second husband may also give her a bill of divorcement. Yes, says the law of Moses, but if that does happen and she is free to get married once more, she must not marry the first husband. The whole force of that enactment is again exactly the same; it is to make these people see that marriage is not something you can walk in and out of at will. It tells the first husband that, if he gives his wife a bill of divorcement, it is a permanent enactment. In short, the Mosaic legislation on divorce brought some order to what was otherwise chaos.

What did the Pharisees and scribes teach about divorce?

They said that the law of Moses commanded, indeed urged, a man to divorce his wife under certain conditions. Now, of course, it never said anything of the kind. The law of Moses never commanded anybody to divorce his wife; all it did was to say to a man: If you do want to divorce your wife you should do so only under these conditions. But the Pharisees and scribes, as our Lord makes particularly plain in Matthew 19 when He was speaking on this same subject, were teaching that Moses commanded divorce. And, of course, the next step was that they were again demanding divorce and insisting upon their right to it, for all kinds of inadequate reasons.

They took that old Mosaic legislation with regard to this question of uncleanness and had their own interpretation as to what was meant by it. They actually taught that, if a man ceased to like his wife, or for any reason found her to be unsatisfactory to him, that, in a sense, was ‘uncleanness’. How typical this is of the teaching of the Pharisees and scribes, and their method of interpreting the law! But in reality they were avoiding the law in principle as well as in letter. The result was that at the time of our Lord terrible injustices were again being done to many women who were being divorced for most unworthy and frivolous reasons.

While they were very careful to pay attention to the legal details, they however missed and failed to see the binding and sacredness of marriage. They failed to look at divorce in light of the sacred bond that God instituted, therefore they didn’t look at it in the right way, only focusing on themselves and their own selfish ideas and avoided and misinterpreted the real meaning of marriage. I’m afraid many today are not far from where the religious leaders of Jesus day were. When it comes to divorce more concerned about themselves and justifying it or seeking their own personal satisfaction rather than putting someone else before themselves. So before we judge these guys to harshly we should take a good look at our own ideas about this subject. So then...

What did Jesus say about divorce?

Verse 32 is the statement on divorce from our Lord. Matthew 19:3-9 is helpful in properly interpreting this teaching, because it’s a fuller exposition of this statement that our Lord puts in summarized form here in the sermon. [remember the best commentary on the bible is the bible itself] In Matthew 19, the religious leaders were trying to trap Jesus by asking, “can a man divorce his wife for every reason?” They were really asking for themselves and trying to justify their own false teaching, but there our Lord answers and the first principle he lays down is His emphasis on the sanctity of marriage.

In Matthew 19 he takes them back beyond the law of Moses to the very beginning when God created woman to be a suitable helper for man and made that wonderful pronouncement that the ‘two shall become one flesh.” ‘and what God has joined together let not man put asunder.” Marriage is not a civil contract, or a sacrament; marriage is something in which these two persons become one flesh. There is a permanence principle there. When God made woman for man that was His intention, that was what He indicated, and that was what He ordained. The law which God laid down was that a man should leave father and mother and be joined to his wife and that they should become one flesh. Something new and distinct has taken place, certain other ties are broken and this new one is formed. The principle of ‘one flesh’ is important and runs throughout scripture.

If that is God’s own view of marriage why did He allow divorce to take place on the conditions which we have just considered?’ Our Lord again answered that question by saying that, because of the hardness of their hearts, God made a concession, as it were. He did not abrogate His original law with regard to marriage. No, He introduced a temporary legislation because of the conditions then prevailing. God controlled it. It was exactly the same as we have seen with regard to ‘an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth’. It was a tremendous innovation at that time; but in reality it was God leading the people back in the direction of His original pronouncement. ‘Because of the hardness of your hearts’, says our Lord, ‘Moses gave you this concession.’ It was not God advocating divorce, or commanding anybody to divorce his wife; it was God just reducing the chaos to a certain amount of order, regularizing what had become utterly irregular. We must keep in the forefront of our minds in these matters God’s original object and intention with regard to this whole estate of marriage: the one flesh, the permanence, and the coming together in that way.

The final principle taught by our Lord concerning divorce is there is only one legitimate reason for divorce ‘fornication’. This is an important principle because we live in a country and a time in which divorce is gotten in a sense chaotic again. It is very easy to get a divorce in our day and most people have just accepted it as the norm, even in the church. But if we look at the teaching of our Lord He says there is only one legitimate reason for divorce, and that is the unfaithfulness of one party. The term “fornication” really means unfaithfulness on the part of one party to a marriage.

This was a problem, even in the early church read 1 Corinthians 7 and you’ll see Paul addressing this issue. The issue there was, imagine a husband and wife and all of a sudden one of them converted to Christianity and the other did not and stayed a pagan, they taught in the Corinthian church the separation of a Christian from the world and sin… so the converted spouse had to put away or divorce their unconverted spouse if they would not convert. Paul addressed them that was not a legitimate reason to divorce. Many divorce today because they were incompatible, can you think of anything more incompatible than a Christian and a non-Christian? But the plain teaching of scripture is not even that is grounds for divorce.

Nothing is a legitimate cause for divorce except unfaithfulness. It does not matter how difficult it may be, it does not matter what the stress or the strain, or whatever can be said about the incompatibility of temperament. Nothing is to dissolve this indissoluble bond save this one thing. But even though that is the one legitimate cause, it is not commanded. God would rather see reconciliation.

Read the book of Hosea where God tells Hosea to marry Gomer the prostitute who continues to be unfaithful to Hosea, yet Hosea continues to forgive Gomer and accept her back. Now the point of the story is to show Israels unfaithfulness to God and how God’s unconditional love keeps allowing Israel to return to Him. It’s a beautiful story of trust broken, relationship broken and trust restored, relationship restored and God’s unconditional love. But it’s also a beautiful picture of what the Christian marriage is supposed to look like…forgiving no matter what the offense. You say, but Hosea was nuts to allow that women back. In our day, make one wrong move and you’re out. But what God wants from His people is unconditional love and forgiveness.

And at this point you say, pastor you’ve lost it, if someone is unfaithful they deserve to be thrown out. Perhaps, perhaps…but aren’t you glad God doesn’t through us out when we’re unfaithful to Him? Have you ever been unfaithful to God? Have you ever committed spiritual adultery against God by putting yourself, or your job, or even you family before Him? Hasn’t, at times, our own pride and our own personal preferences our wants and desires come before God Himself? If you have answered yes to any of those you’ve been unfaithful to God. Friend, I’ve been unfaithful to God, and you have too. Aren’t you glad God doesn’t divorce us when we’re unfaithful to him but gives us second, third, fourth, and so own number of chances?

Friends I know this subject is a difficult one to tackle, and I know people here who have gone through divorce. But I say this reverently, even when we are outside of God’s will, He offers His mercy, His grace and His pardon for sin. But that does not mean we need to not avoid difficult topics like divorce or play fast and loose with God’s clear teaching either. We see the state of the world today on this vital matter. How can we expect the world to keep their bonds and vows if we as Christians don’t even have it right?

Marriage is not a fairy tale, it’s hard work. But it’s a worthwhile work. It is a work that needs a husband and a wife to say from the beginning, ‘divorce is not allowed.’ It’s not an option for us. We will stay true and faithful. We will stay committed to work through the tough times. This is what God asks of us. And in light of what Christ has done for us how could we ever consider saying no to him?