1 Peter 3:1-7 Dealing with Difficult People

I love PCs and smart phones. They accomplish so much. I don’t have to hand write stuff. I can communicate quickly and shortly via text or email. I am ultimately smart, as a vast encyclopedia of knowledge is in my pocket – we know that stuff on the internet is always true. Smile.

But when that technology goes wrong --- what frustration it brings. It sometimes doesn’t do what we want. The broadcast goes fuzzy / and sideways. The sudden delayed response seems to slow life to a crawl. And if it does really wonky stuff, it makes you want to throw that device against the wall.

When good things go bad, we become incensed with justice and the way we expect it to be. Especially, is this true when the thing that is acting up is people.

The people who we expect to be our help suddenly are our major problem in life.

That’s what Peter has been talking about. The world was intended to be a friend. People were intended to be a support. But now it is twisted and they cause us pain and frustration. And when this happens, we easily lose control.

But Christ is our example – responding with grace / humility/ honor to those who brought trouble into His life. An unexpected but radically impacting response.

So Peter says yield to unjust government with grace / humility /honor unless they direct us to sin

So yield to unjust bosses with grace/ humility /honor regardless of whether they are worthy

The goal is to reflect a Christ-like attitude --- this will impact lives

Now Peter moves on to a more difficult situation. The most emotion driven relationship we experience. The most intimate of all relationships. The one that was intended for our greatest help. Peter turns his attention to difficult spouses.

Marriage was / is intended to be the most fulfilling of all human relationships. It was instituted to provide a partnership for ministry / to create a complement for living / to fill in the parts that we are missing as individuals.

And so it began. But this good thing has gone bad. And of all the difficult people that we encounter, our spouse at times becomes the most difficult.

So what do I do when I have a difficult spouse? Peter tells us. Get ready. It may not be what we want to hear. It may be a radical response.

Let’s continue talking about

Dealing with Difficult People

Let’s look at the marriage relationship

A good thing gone bad 1 Peter 3:1-7

Before we engage 1 Peter, lets look to see what has happened / why are we where we are today.

I. A good thing gone bad: The journey back

A. Intended for intimate partnership

1. Both in the image of God – partnering to represent Him

(ESV) Genesis 1 26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion … over all the earth …” 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

2. An ordered partnership

(ESV) Genesis 2 18 Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

(ESV) Genesis 2 22 … brought her to the man. …

3. An intimate oneness

(ESV) Genesis 2 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

B. It got all twisted up

1. Sin destroyed their intimacy with God and each other

(ESV) Genesis 3 6 … she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. 7 Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. 8 … hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God …

a) Reversal of intended order

b) Sin by all

c) Intimacy ruined with God and each other (now detachment)

2. Now a twisted relationship

(ESV) Genesis 3 16 To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”

a) Wife seek to take control of the relationship

b) Husband will forcefully domineer the relationship

C. Restoring the relationship in Christ

1. Christ the foundation and model

(ESV) Ephesians 5 25 … Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, …

2. A reestablished order – rather than manipulating control

(ESV) Ephesians 5 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

3. Driven by self-giving love – rather than domineering

(ESV) Ephesians 5 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

II. Dealing with a good thing gone bad: To Wives with difficult husbands

A. Yield to your husband

(ESV) 1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, …

1. There is a role hierarchy in marriage

2. Yield to it rather than fight it

B. Don’t manipulate

(ESV) 1 Peter 3:3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—

1. Don’t try to manipulate husband through the physical

2. More going on here than the physical or control in the relationship

C. Influence with a godly spirit

(ESV) 1 Peter 3:4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

1. It is about inner transformation

2. Gentleness / quiet spirit is what is precious

3. It always has been

D. Impacts whether your husband changes

(ESV) 1 Peter 3:1 … so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a thing word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

1. Nagging or browbeating won’t

2. The right inner character can produce change in the husband

III. Dealing with a good thing gone bad: To husbands with difficult wives

A. Yield to your wife

(ESV) 1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives… showing honor …

1. An unexpected flip

2. Though in the lead position, you are responsible to yield

3. Servant leadership

B. Don’t flaunt your strength

7 … showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

1. Physically stronger – don’t use that to your advantage

2. Role Position is stronger – don’t use that to your advantage

C. Seek understanding

(ESV) 1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, …

1. Honor her even though she may be difficult

2. Seek to understand her even when you don’t

3. Take the initiative

4. Your responsibility as the ‘stronger’ one in the relationship

D. Impacts your spiritual life

7 … showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

1. Your response impacts your relationship to God