2020-08-09 1 Timothy 3:2 PORTRAIT OF AN ELDER (2): A ONE-WOMAN MAN

PORTRAIT OF AN ELDER (2): A ONE-WOMAN MAN (I Tim 3:2) August 9, 2020 Read I Tim 3:1-2 – Someone described the ideal pastor this way. He labors from 8:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m. in everything from preaching to custodial work. He makes $100 a week, wears good clothes, buys good books, has a nice family, drives a good car and gives $50 a week to the church. He’s 26 years old and has 30 years of experience, handsome, yet average looking. He has one brown eye and one blue eye; parts his hair in the middle with one side dark and straight and the other side blond and wavy. He has a burning desire to work with teens and spends all his time with the elderly. He smiles all the time with a straight face, makes 15 calls a day and is never out of the office. What a portrait! But not very realistic, is it? So, from God’s perspective, what would a pastor/elder/overseer look like? What qualifies a man for this office? I’ve read dozens of books on leadership, each with it’ own list of leadership qualities. Most churches are guided by some such list. We pick those who are successful in business, charismatic or have good standing in the community. But the question isn’t how someone stands in business or community, but how they stand with God. When it comes to His church, God has His own qualifications which we ignore it at our own peril. It’s a detailed list consisting of 14 different elements, and we’ll examine them in detail. But before delving in, I’d like to make some general comments to give context to God’s portrait. First, these are character traits aren’t developed overnight. One of the reasons God uses the word “elder” to define His leaders is that it takes time to develop and demonstrate the necessary qualifications. God doesn’t change in 5 minutes the habits of a lifetime. It takes time to grow a man of God. Second, while these qualifications apply to elders specifically, they are the goal of every believer! Yes, this is a description of a pastor/elder, but this is also a portrait of a mature believer, whether in a position of leadership or not. Peter says pastors are to be “examples to the flock.” Thus what they are is what we must all be striving for. A leader is one who wields influence, and since we all influence someone, these are So, these are for all of us. Third, it’s interesting that when God paints a portrait of an elder, He doesn’t start by listing spiritual gifts? Those matter, but God is far more interested in 1 the character of a person than in their giftedness. In selecting an elder, we must first look at his life before we look at his gifts. And in our own lives, we must first look at who we are becoming before we worry about what to do. Finally, by way of introduction, at first glance, any rational person would say, “I can never meet these qualifications, and I’m not sure I know anyone else who could?” And we’d be right. None of us are perfect. But we must not let that take us down the road of “it doesn’t matter.” God wouldn’t have put these here if they did not matter. They do not demand sinless perfection. God is quite aware that’s only happened once in history. But we must pursue them with vigor – in our own lives and the lives of our leaders. So with that, let’s take a look at the five aspects of life God portrays – Overall Life, Moral Life, Family Life, Spiritual Life and the Social Life of these servant leaders. I. Overall Life God starts his list of qualifications with a zinger: 2) Therefore an overseer must be above reproach” – literally “not able to be laid hold of” – not able to be charged. Of course, anyone could bring false charges. But in a fair hearing, they’d never stick. So, every elder is to be blameless with regard to the list that follows. Wow! That would seem to let everyone out right at the get-go! But there is hope. “Therefore an overseer must be (present tense) above reproach.” It’s not a forever requirement. It’s a present tense requirement. God well knows we’re all flawed individuals. Someone may have a pretty rocky past – even a sordid one. But two things make the difference. First, true repentance. Second, a period of time to demonstrate the repentance is real and the sin left behind. Depending on the offense, that recovery period might be months or even years. Who would determine that? A group of Godly leaders, seeking God’s will in the matter – not the will of the individual. Far too often, elders who sin are restored to ministry with little or no time for reflection and demonstration of victory over the moral failing. But with true repentance and sufficient time, a man could be truly said to be in the present state of above reproach. Paul was a murderer and blasphemer. But by God’s grace his past did not disqualify him from being an apostle. “Above reproach” defines the quality of life now and over time enough to show it’s real. This is not sinless perfection; only Christ had that. but it’s a Christlike quality of life. John Mark went with Paul and Barnabas on the 1st missionary journey. But Mark got cold feet when persecution hit. He hightailed it back home. So when 2 Barnabas wanted Mark on the 2nd journey, Acts 15:38: “Paul thought best not to.” It caused a breach. But Paul later wrote from his last prison: II Tim 4:11: “Luke alone is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is very useful to me for ministry.” Mark’s failure wasn’t permanent. He again proved himself and Paul highly valued him. God once promised Israel: Joel 2:15: “I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten.” It’s never over. But a life being lived above reproach is the overall qualification. II. Moral Life That’s general. Now follow 11 qualifications related to one’s moral character. A. One-Woman Man – Paul starts with sex and marriage – “the husband of one wife.” Clearly that precludes polygamy, but more than that must be intended. Some contend this is a man who is never married to more than one wife. Thus, if the wife of a pastor/elder dies, he may not marry again without giving up his office. But other Scripture mitigates against this view. Paul tells widows in I Tim 5:14, “So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander.” So, if the opportunity is there, marry again. Elsewhere Paul plainly teaches that death dissolves the marriage bond. Rom 7:2: “For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage.” Since Jesus taught that those in heaven “neither marry nor are given in marriage” (Lu 20:35b), it makes sense that physical death would dissolve the marriage bond. I Cor 7:39: “A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord (a Xn).” The Bible never says this is true for all believers except elders. If it were a sign of weakness to marry again, the same could be said of the first time. A pastor/elder is free to marry again after his wife dies, if it’s to a believer. A Others say this is requiring that a pastor/elder must be married – not single. But by that interpretation, Jesus Himself would be eliminated, as would Paul. Paul actually encouraged the unmarried to consider not marrying, if they had the gift of singleness, so they could give “undivided devotion to the Lord” (I Cor 7:35c). So “husband of one wife” doesn’t mean must be married. That leaves the interpretation most take, that an elder cannot be divorced, the implication being that if divorced and remarried, he could not be said to be “the husband of one wife.” Divorce is devastating to all involved. Mal 2:16: 3 “For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence.” We might say, “makes his life a living hell.” Anyone who has been through divorce can vouch for that. God does allow for divorce without guilt for infidelity (Mt 19:9) and abandonment (I Cor 7:15). But even then, Jesus says it’s a concession to “hardness of heart” (Mt 19:8). Some question whether divorce for other reasons actually dissolves the marriage. But the Bible seems clear that it does. In Deut 24:1 divorce is allowed “if then she finds no favor in his eyes bc he has found some indecency in her,” and that divorce is binding enough that the husband is forbidden from taking her to wife again (Deut 24:4). And when the woman at the well in Jn 4:17b tells Jesus she has no hus, he says, “You are right in saying, ‘I have no husband’; 18) for you have had five husbands and the one you now have is not your hus.” “Have had”, not “now have.” Divorce broke the marriage. But divorce is always messy, greatly damaging, and almost never betters one’s life. The fact is divorced people who remarry are more likely to divorce again. Patterns that led to the problem in the first place only increase in intensity with time, unless a true submission to the Lord happens. Divorce has devastating, long-term consequences. But is it an automatic disqualification? I think God’s qualification goes deeper than that. The phrase “husband of one wife” literally reads “a one-woman man.” That moves it from the realm of a legal requirement to the realm of a heart attitude. It deepens the requirement. A “one-woman man” is a man who is committed in both action and attitude to one woman. He’s not oblivious to the beauty of others, but he long ago committed his life to this woman. You’d never find him casting eyes elsewhere, joining flirtatious interactions, or talking up the charms of some other woman to the detriment of his own wife. His commitment is total. You might have a man who has never been divorced, yet he is always ogling others, hugging them a little too fondly and quick to put his own wife down. Outwardly he meets the requirement, but inwardly he is disqualified by his own roaming heart. On the other hand, you might have a man who has been divorced but is now remarried, and every inward and outward sign exudes devotion to his wife alone. He’s a one-woman man, and it shows. That’s God’s requirement through Paul -- not a legal requirement that is negated by the attitude of the heart. God isn’t fooled; we must not be either. 4 This interpretation is further indicated bc the “overseer must be [pres tense]” a one-woman man. He may not always have been, but he’s repented and been forgiven. I Cor 6:9b-11: “Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, 10) nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11) And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” God loves to refurbish and grace lost lives. So a man may have a rough past. But if he is now “a one-woman man” thru devoted behavior for long enough (years) to show his devotion to his wife is genuine, he qualifies. His heart may have wandered in the distant past, but at present, and for long enough to suggest it’s permanent, his heart belongs to one woman. He knows it, and by the way, she knows it. She is absolutely secure in his love. If his wife does not feel surrounded by his love, he’s not a one-woman man, regardless of marital status. This phraseology was particularly appropriate to the ancient Roman culture where women were very 2nd class. Will Durant in Life in Greece, quotes Demosthenes: “We have courtesans for the sake of pleasure, concubines for the daily health of our bodies, and wives to bear us lawful offspring and be the faithful guardians of our homes.” That was the reality Paul wrote into. To require a man be “the husband of one wife” outwardly would have left a lot of room for immoral behavior. But to require he be “a one-woman man” addresses the heart. That requires faithful devotion to one woman – for the sake of moral purity, and to show the priceless love of Christ for His church. I knew a talented business man during seminary days – great presenter, warm, outgoing. Often gave his testimony – even on TV. Married to one woman. Met the qualification if it means “never divorced.” But he could not handle himself around women. Too many long hugs and unwelcome kisses. A friend of mine saw him once carrying on in a car in a very unXn manner. Confronted, he admitted he had a problem, but said, “At least I’ve never committed adultery.” In fact, he had, by Jesus’ definition. Qualified for leadership? Not as a one-woman man. Thankfully, he repented of this problem, went to work on it and in time became a true one-woman man – a man his wife could trust fully. That’s the requirement – a qualification of the heart. Conc – So, in a sex-saturated society, Paul starts with the need for God’s leaders to be sexually pure – in fact, all of God’s people. It’s a requirement of the heart. Not merely the legality of being married to one woman – but the 5 spiritual requirement to be a “one-woman man.” This man desires God more than personal gratification, not as duty, but out of true love – for God and for his wife. He’s the man of Job 31:1: “I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?” Sexual purity is required of God’s leaders. In fact, it’s required of all of us. When Jesus described what it really means to be right before God: Mt 5:27-29: “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28) But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29) If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell.” Jesus didn’t pull any punches, did He? He’s saying here, “Your wandering eyes and hands could keep you out of heaven. Better to take out your eye than lose heaven.” That’s pretty straight talk! Of course, none of us can keep this standard completely. That’s why Jesus died for our sins, so we wouldn’t have to. That’s why grace. That’s why faith in Him. But while we all fail, leaders must be those whose overall lifestyle reflects devotion to one woman. He doesn’t flirt with others. He doesn’t feed his male ego by seeking the attentions of others. Inwardly and outwardly he is devoted to her and she is secure is his love. That’s what an elder looks like. That’s what any godly man looks like. Let’s pray. 6