Beautiful Wives, Gentle Husbands

Beautiful Wives, Gentle Husbands

Pray.

For the past couple weeks in our series, we have seen Peter discuss how our conduct should be in public, and how we should honor the authorities appointed over us.

Last week, he addressed the believing slaves in the Roman Empire, instructing them to submit to their masters.

He doesn’t approve of slavery,

he simply speaks to the Christian slaves and tells them how they can honor God and let their life be a testimony for Jesus Christ, even as a slave.

Today, he turns his attentions to how our conduct should be within the comfort of our own homes,

more specifically, within our marriage.

Now I am aware that we have people here today who aren’t married,

and you may be tempted to think that maybe you can zone out on this one because it doesn’t pertain to you.

But I hope to show you today that the topic of marriage is actually relevant for and should be understood by EVERY Christian,

regardless of your age or relationship status.

Now before we begin, let me just say that one of the hardest things about being a preacher is that you sometimes come across passages that you wish you could just skip over…

because by preaching on it, you’re almost guaranteed to have people get upset with you.

This is one of those passages.

But, I CAN’T do that.

I am dedicated to preaching the FULL counsel of God to you,

and I am not going to filter out the difficult passages just because it would make my job easier.

And Church, if I EVER do that, you should fire me!

We must always seek to study the ENTIRETY of Scripture, not just the easy parts.

So let’s get to it!

There are a lot of different ideas floating around of what marriage is and how each party should be conducting themself within that marriage.

As a result, addressing marriage is naturally a touchy topic this day and age.

But let us not forget that marriage was instituted by God Himself, and believe it or not,

He has a very specific and beautiful purpose for it.

And we would do well to hear what He has to say about it.

Therefore, before we get into the text, let’s first see what God’s plan and purpose for marriage is,

because with that context, our passage today will make a little bit more sense.

To talk about marriage, we first have to talk about the gospel.

The Old Testament Law was given from God to Israel during the time of Moses (Deuteronomy 5).

The Law can be thought of as a measuring stick.

It is a display of God’s perfect character.

And sin is anything that falls short of “perfect” according to God’s own standard.

The requirement of the Law is so stringent that no human being could possibly follow it perfectly.

We are all in the same boat—

we have sinned against God, and the due punishment for sinning against the Holy God is death and eternal judgment (Romans 3:23).

God is so perfectly holy that He can’t even be in the presence of sin.

In order for us to be saved and be able to dwell with God in His holy presence, sin must be somehow removed or paid for.

And the gospel is the good news of who Jesus is, and what He accomplished on our behalf.

He is God in the flesh who willingly died on the cross as the perfect offering for our sin.

And He rose again 3 days later, proving that He conquered sin and death.

And He shares that victory with all who have faith in Him.

All who do repent of their sin and have faith in Christ,

join the global body of believers from the past, the present, and the future, called the Church.

And all that make up the Church are collectively the bride of Christ, as reveled in Revelation 19.

That is the gospel.

And marriage… marriage is a beautiful picture of the relationship between Christ and His church.

The bond between a husband and a wife is a shadow of the Church’s bond with our Lord and Savior.

As the Bridegroom, Jesus gave His life for His bride, to make her holy, cleansing her with the shedding of His own blood.

And the Bridegroom will return.

At the second coming of Christ, the Church will be united with the Bridegroom, the official “wedding ceremony” will take place,

and with it the eternal union of Christ and His bride will be actualized, and we will live with Him forever. (Revelation 19 and 21).

Marriage glorifies God and reflects and proclaims the gospel to the world… or at least it should.

When God designed marriage, He had Christ in mind.

It wasn’t just invented by Him, it belongs to Him.

He has a unique claim over its design, its purpose, and its goals.

It actually exists for Him more than it exists for us.

And that proposes HUGE implications for how we should be conducting ourselves within our marriages, doesn’t it?

It’s not up to us to decide how we want our marriage to look.

God tells us that He already has a purpose and design for it.

This gives us a foundation through which we can interpret 1 Peter 3:1-7.

And we are going to walk through it verse by verse.

First, Peter addresses the wives, then he addresses the husbands.

The message in this passage often strikes the casual reader as chauvinistic or degrading.

Some claim it lacks symmetry, since it has six parts of instruction for women, and only one part for men.

I completely understand how one could read this and jump to that conclusion.

But, that is the wrong conclusion.

And if we are going to have any hope of interpreting this correctly,

we MUST strive to lay aside our preconceptions so that we may hear Peter’s message.

Before we cry injustice and accuse the Bible of being sexist,

let us lay down our weapons for a second and listen to what it is really saying.

Because let me clue you in, Church, God’s Word is infallible and we are not.

If our Bible-reading never challenges us, we probably aren’t reading closely enough.

So, then, hear Peter as he begins in verses 1 and 2:

“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.”

The first thing we must address is, why is it that God calls wives to submit to their husbands and not the other way around?

Why is it the wives who have to submit??

Well, the simplest answer I can offer is, this is God’s design for His creation.

The issue with submission in a marriage is no different from ANY call to submission,

whether it be to our president, our governors, our bosses at work, or… our husband.

God is sovereign, is He not?

If He is, that must mean He has ordained EVERY leader in the world, including husbands.

And everybody must submit to someone, regardless of who you are.

So, every person is somewhere on this big chain of authority that God has ordained,

and some are higher on the chain than others.

And husbands are higher on this chain than wives are,

not because they’re smarter, not because they’re wiser,

but simply because that’s God’s design.

Now, something that must be said is that with ANY call to submission,

the call to submit is NOT a call for blind obedience.

A wife who submits to her husband’s guidance may still decide how to follow his direction.

If a husband were to commands his wife to do evil, she is to obey the Lord, not the man.

And tragically, a wife’s command to submit to the authority of her husband has OFTEN been abused by men.

To all the husbands out there, I’ve got news for you:

We are part of the reason this has become so controversial.

We haven’t held up our end of the bargain, but more on that later…

So Church, let me tell you what this is NOT saying.

This is NOT a “You’ll do whatever you’re told” kind of situation.

That is not the biblical concept of submission.

For a wife to biblically submit to her husband simply means that she accepts and honors her husband’s leadership.

She expects him to lead and does not chafe under the burden of following.

And Church, a wife’s submission does not undermine her dignity.

Instead, it actually expresses it! Let me explain.

To to the wives out there, consider for a moment the life of Christ.

Submitting to your husband’s leadership is your unique opportunity to model Jesus Christ,

who submitted to the Father in the plan of redemption, even though Jesus is indeed coequal and coeternal with the Father.

Just because Jesus submitted to the Father DOES NOT mean that He is less important than the Father.

And in the same way, submitting to your husband’s leadership DOES NOT mean that you aren’t coequal with your husband.

It just means that you are recognizing the authority that God gave Him.

And what’s interesting is that with this call for submission in verse 1,

Peter specifically singles out Christian women whose husbands “do not obey the word,”

which in this case means to not believe the gospel.

You see, this was important for Peter to address because in this time period and culture,

wives were expected to adopt their husbands’ religion.

And at the time and place this was written,

there would have been plenty of women who were new converts to Christianity, but their husbands were still unbelievers.

So it stands to reason that many of these women wanted to know what they should do.

They just became a Christian, so should they leave their non-believing husbands?

What do they do??

Peter says, “No, don’t leave your husband!”

In their particular situation, the command to submit comes with another purpose—

the winning of unbelieving husbands.

As we already covered, the command is not restricted to just wives who are married to unbelievers;

he encourages all wives submit to their husbands.

But some have a distinct circumstance and goal—

to win over an unbelieving husband.

And this principle can of course be applied to Christian husbands who are married to an unbelieving wife.

The believer should hope to convert an unbelieving spouse if he or she has one,

not by lecturing them, not by pushing them, but by living well.

There is a time to talk, yes.

There is a time to share the gospel with your unbelieving spouse.

But Peter is, in essence, saying, “Live so well that he is glad that you follow Jesus.”

Now where have we heard that message before, Church?

If you have listened to either of the two previous sermons in this series, you should be starting to detect a theme here.

The call to submission is a pretty prominent theme in 1 Peter,

which goes hand in hand with living well and strive to be obedient to God.

Submission to authority is one way in which we do good and “silence the ignorance of foolish people,” as Peter says in 2:15.

When we submit to all of our authorities in life,

and we do so freely, actively, and willingly,

it is much harder for them to slander the faith.

So to the wives who are married to unbelievers, Peter says, “No, don’t leave him.

Stay with him and be a living testimony for the gospel to him.”

Simply staying with him and living for Christ with love, humility, and respect for your unbelieving husband will at the very least glorify God,

but it may also win him over as he observes your pure conduct.

Church, we’ve already covered that marriage is all about the gospel.

And lo and behold, the call for wives to be subject to their husbands,

especially an unbelieving husband, again goes back to the gospel.

Even the way you live is a testimony for the gospel to unbelievers.

And then, Peter gives some specifics about this “pure conduct” mentioned at the end of verse 2.

Look at verses 3-6:

3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

Now let me get one thing out of the way right now—

I’ve had conversations with women who read this passage and asked me if it was sinful for them to braid their hair, wear nice jewelry, or wear nice clothing.

The answer is no, that is NOT what it’s saying.

Peter is simply drawing a contrast between outward beauty and inward beauty.

Peter urges women to pursue the highest form of beauty,

which is not something that comes from a pretty hairdo, expensive jewelry, or fancy clothing.

Instead, it comes from your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s eyes.

For this is the way the godly women that have come before us made themself beautiful in God’s eyes.

They put their hope and trust solely in the Lord, and they strived to live a life for Him.

Of course there’s nothing wrong with wanting to dress your best and make yourself look nice.

It’s not wrong to do that— in fact, I’m sure your husband appreciates it!

But inner beauty is what counts the most.

As a test of Peter’s principle, we may ask ourselves how much time we spend on our physical looks,

and how much time we spend on our mental and spiritual strength each day.

If we give more attention to hair and clothes than to mind and heart, something might be wrong.

Your priorities may be a little mixed up.

Because as Peter exemplifies women to cultivate inner beauty, and he assures them that this is the proven path to be a godly woman.

Verses 5 and 6:

5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

Peter uses Sarah, Abraham’s wife, as an example.

She adorned herself with faith, humility, and good deeds.

But then there is that last part of verse 6 that reads,

you follow in Sarah’s footsteps if you “do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.”

Now what does Peter mean by that?

Well, he is referring to being afraid of something that a lot of women are afraid of:

submitting to their husbands.

This troubles non-Christian women and even many Christian woman today.

Perhaps her husband, or another man, has acted sinfully or foolishly,

and she therefore hesitates to trust him.

I get it.

I truly do.

But maybe I can offer you a little encouragement here.

Calling your husband “lord” as it says in verse 6 seems pretty heavy-handed,

but that’s lord with a SMALL L.

This is not Lord with a capital L, a title that should be reserved for God.

In their culture, a wife viewing her husband as “lord” simply meant that she respects her husband’s leadership.

It’s also important to note that even though Sarah recognized and respected Abraham’s leadership,

it did not keep her from speaking her mind to Abraham.

And boy, there were times when she did!

Sarah was a strong woman.

She wasn’t a push-over.

Peter is arguing that if Sarah, a forceful woman, obeyed Abraham and called him “lord,” then you can, too.

Look to her example.

A few weeks ago in chapter 2 verse 12, we discussed how Christians are called to live honorably, literally, “beautiful lives” for the Lord’s sake.

And now, Peter is telling wives to live a beautiful life as well.

If the Church is indeed the bride of Christ, is it a mere coincidence that Peter calls both the Church and wives to be beautiful?

Nope!

Not at all!

Then, Peter turns the attention toward the husbands.

It’s only one verse, but to all you husbands out there,

don’t think you’re getting off easy.

You’re not!

Verse 7:

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

There are 4 important points that emerge from this statement.

First, husbands are to “live with” their wives.

Now this goes far beyond just living under the same roof.

The Greek verb that was translated as “live with” is “sunoikeō” (soon-we-ke-o),

and this word speaks of something very specific—mainly, physical intimacy.

And when physical intimacy occurs in the way God designed it to occur,

it is a display of the highest form of love and affection between a man and a woman.

So when Peter instructs husbands to “live with” their wives,

what he is actually saying is,

“Have intimate affection for your wife. Love her deeply.”

Second, husbands live with, or intimately love, their wives “in an understanding way.”

This Greek phrase this was translated from literally reads, “according to knowledge.”

Peter expects husbands to know their wives.

How many times have you heard men say something like this:

“I don’t understand women.”

Or, when referring to their wife,

“I don’t understand her. I just don’t get her.”

Men, we OFTEN try to excuse our careless leadership by saying things like that.

But, a man doesn’t need to understand women (plural);

he only needs to understand one woman— his wife.

Husbands, you should be like scientists who have a very narrow field of study and devote their entire careers to this single subject.

A man should know the preferences, moods, and needs of his wife,

so that he can love and care for her in the way that she needs him to.

And that is extremely important because, third, “the woman is the weaker vessel.”

The Greek word translated “vessel” (skeuos) is usually used for a jar, something that is easily broken.

Peter simply means that women are, generally, physically weaker than men.

There are exceptions, sure, but in general, men are larger and stronger than women.

A Christian husband must honor all women, but especially his wife.

Physically, she is probably weaker, but spiritually, Peter says she is a joint heir of grace.

At a minimum, husbands must never bully, threaten, or strike their wives, nor should they demean their wives for any reason.

Because in the end, marriage is a union of two weak and sinful people,

even if we are weak and sinful in different ways.

Fourth, married believers are joint heirs of the life-giving grace of Jesus Christ.

In a Christian marriage, you are partners in the gospel.

You can love and support one another, helping one another to grow in Christlikeness, and you glorify God though your union.

Remember, marriage is a metaphor for the gospel.

The wife submits to her husband in a similar way the Church submits to Christ,

and the husband loves his wife in a similar way that Christ loves His church, put her needs first,

and gave Himself up for her.

And Peter concludes by telling husbands to do all this so that their prayers may not be hindered.

Now what does he mean by that?

Well, consider this:

How can anyone pray well if they are not doing so with an attitude of humility and repentance,

knowing fully well that we are all sinners in need of grace?

In a similar way, how can a husband and wife have a beautiful relationship that proclaims the gospel if they don’t understand that they are sinners in need of grace?

How can a harsh husband pray with his wife, and pray for his wife well?

He can’t.

When husband and wife both know and love their Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, prayers flow freely.

Each is humble over his or her sin, and each gives thanks for God’s grace.

And despite the fact that each of them are weak and struggle in different ways,

they can tap into an endless supply of love, mercy, and grace for each other,

because that’s exactly what God shows toward us each and every day as well.

If your marriage isn’t built upon the gospel as its foundation, then your marriage will not be what marriage was designed to be.

When the difficult times comes, and any married person here knows that they will,

it can be difficult to love your spouse during those times.

We start to entertain thoughts like, “I just can’t love them anymore because they have so many flaws.

They have said too many hurtful things.

I just can’t love them anymore.”

Well, if thoughts like that ever creep in, I want you to remember this question:

I want you to ask yourself, “Do I deserve to be loved by God?”

If you are being honest with yourself, then you HAVE to answer that question with,

“No, I do not deserve to be loved by God, whom sin against daily.

But, He loves me anyway.

Before the foundations of the universe were laid, God knew me, and loved me.

He loved me so much that He was willing to send His own Son to come and suffer and die to redeem me from my sin.

SURELY, if God loves me in that way, then I can love my spouse, because I am a sinner just like them.”

Church, marriage can either be an amazing thing, or a horrible thing.

Despite what our culture tells us, there’s no such thing as the perfect someone whom you are completely compatible with.

The reason I know this is because regardless of who you marry, you’re going to be married to a sinner.

And when you marry a sinner, there’s going to be struggle and conflict.

And when we decide to veer away from God’s design for marriage,

things start to get miserable, perhaps even unbearable.

But when we keep Christ at the center of our marriage, make it always about Him,

you will find an endless supply of grace, mercy, and love for your spouse, and your marriage can be beautiful and fulfilling.

Christ needs to be at the center because we are all sinners who all need grace.

Pray.

Benediction:

Romans 15:5-6

5 May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, 6 that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.