Living a Pure Life in a Perverted World

Living a Pure Life in a Perverted World

Since I was a little girl the only things I ever wanted to be was a wife and a mom. As I have grown into those things, I find myself being solely identified by them. I introduce myself as Carsten’s wife, or Jacob’s mom. And I love that. But there is so much more to me than those two things. My identity cannot be based on my function in my home or in society. Through multiple identity crises, I have finally been able to see that if my identity is not set on Christ, it will always be shifting to the next thing that comes my way. There will always be something out there, tempting me to desire it, to want it more than the life God has given me. There will always be something out there tempting me to be discontent with the shaky identities I have created for myself. The tempter will always be out there saying, look over here, don’t you want this? It will give you the life you always dreamed of…

When I was a little boy, I wanted to be a racecar driver. Everything was a competition with those around me. I would ride my bike faster than my brother, finish my homework first, swath a straighter windrow than my dad. Yeah, I was a lot of fun to be around. In high school, I channeled that competitiveness into FFA and sports. I tried to be the best livestock judge, the best football player, hit the baseball farther than last year. Reality is the worst friend to a high schooler. I never became the best at any of the things I tried. My identity kept shifting from one thing to the next.

Our identities are often shaped from a very young age. And as humans, if we don’t identify with something anymore, we just change to something else. The only time we have ever seen people completely secure in their identities was in the Garden of Eden. After God created man and woman in His own image, they were released to be the people God wanted them to be. Fully accepted, fully loved, and fully unique. The man was created to be united with the woman, and the woman was created to be united with the man. And Adam and Eve were the first image bearers of God, whom they enjoyed perfect unity with.

Then the serpent came along and disrupted this pure union by planting the seeds of doubt. Tempting Eve to doubt God, doubt her relationship with God, and doubt her purpose on earth. He caused her to desire something she did not currently have, the knowledge of good and evil. The knowledge that God wanted to protect humankind from, knowing it had the power to eternally destroy their race. And that temptation lured Eve into committing the first sin, and thereby sending all of creation into chaos.

God established purity in the garden and sin perverted that purity. Eve lusted after what she couldn’t have. After giving the fruit to Adam, their eyes were opened, and they immediately felt shame. They hid from God and the finger pointing began. Then, God in all of His sovereignty, pronounced the curse that would be upon the earth. Men would painfully work the cursed ground in order to provide food for themselves and their families. Women would feel pain in childbirth. And worst of all, the relationship between man and woman would be broken. Women would desire their husbands, to be one with them, but their husbands would rule over them.

Brokenness. Shame. Enmity. Strife. Inequality. These would be the words to describe the relationship between man and woman after the fall. So, we tried to fix this brokenness with patriarchy. Men were in power and women became objects to own, use and abuse. This not only caused further damage and shame, but it also caused women to rise up and try to take a stand against this mindset. The rise of feminism was the countermove made by women to regain their dignity. But in doing so, we have seen that it has only caused the rift to widen between the genders. Neither one of these movements reestablished the purity, dignity and identity that was lost in the garden.

So often we see the pendulum swing based on what humans’ think is best. When we take control of the pendulum, it will never produce good fruit, fruit that lasts. So today, let’s invite God into the narrative and see what His desire is for the people He created.

1. God’s heart is to restore the purity that was lost in the garden.

God wants to reestablish the purity that allowed people to be in right relationship with Him and with each other. David wrote in Psalm 24,

“Who may ascend the mountain of the Lord?

Who may stand in his holy place?

4 The one who has clean hands and a pure heart,

who does not trust in an idol

or swear by a false god.

5 They will receive blessing from the Lord

and vindication from God their Savior.

6 Such is the generation of those who seek him,

who seek your face, God of Jacob.[1]”

God wants to purify us so we can come face to face before Him, with nothing hindering our relationship with Him. For so long, God’s people worked hard to keep the commandments and the laws, but they always fell short. They were holy people living on a cursed earth. Then God sent His Son, Jesus, to make things right. When Jesus came, He established His Kingdom and began the work of bringing His people back into right relationship with God. He reestablished purity, starting in the heart.

So, as Jesus teaches His followers in the Sermon on the Mount, He is calling them to a deeper place. A place of wholeness, of beauty and restoration. A place of finding our identity solely in Him.

2. He shows us how we can live pure lives in a perverted world.

If you thought last weeks message was confrontational, hang on, it’s about to get real.

Matthew 5:27-28

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ j 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.[2]”

Jesus is at it again. These people would have been very familiar with the commandment, “do not commit adultery,” but now Jesus was turning up the heat. He says that anyone who lusts after a woman has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Lust is a very serious heart issue that Jesus takes very seriously. Lust can dominate the heart, mind, and soul of a person.

At its core,

3. Lust is the unmet desire for an intimate connection.

And lust can seep into our hearts and our thoughts when we become insecure about our identity. If our identity is on shaky ground, then we will go looking for something that will meet that desire for an intimate connection.

As a man I have been told my whole life that I need to have a high sexual drive, that women should meet that need whenever it arises, and that my manliness depends on how many times a week I am getting it. If, as a man, I believe that I am not having sex enough in my marriage, then my identity as a “man” is being attacked and I feel like I deserve more. So, I go to the computer screen to meet that need. In the background I can hear someone telling me, your wife must not really love you if she doesn’t want to have sex with you. You are a man and you deserve a few moments of pleasure for how hard you work. It’s not like you are really committing adultery, you’re just looking at a few images.

And women, we’re not off the hook either. We may not struggle quite as much as men when it comes to lusting after someone else physically, but I know we have issues with lust all the same. You don’t feel like your husband is meeting your emotional or spiritual needs, so your identity as a wife is shaken because you don’t feel loved. You hear a little voice saying, “look at that guy, he prays with his wife.” Or, that guy is always so kind and he really listens to me, I can’t get my husband to do that. I wonder what it would be like to be in a marriage with a guy like that instead of my husband who doesn’t ever show me he loves me. And that slippery slope of lust causes us to commit adultery in our hearts just as fast or faster than our male counterparts.

Jesus knows that lust will destroy a person from the inside out. And Satan knows that lust can drive a person to do unthinkable things. If unchecked, lust will lead to destruction. Either the destruction of your reputation or relationships. 1 John 2:16-18 says,

“For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.[3][4]”

4. Lust is a poor substitute for love.

When I was teaching I remember being so afraid to let a substitute take my class for a day because I didn’t think they were capable of loving my students the way I loved them. My first year teaching third grade in Colorado, I had a rough class. I had some students who were really really hard to love. I didn’t feel like a substitute would be qualified to handle what they would throw at him/her. I got extremely sick that year but I kept working because I couldn’t let a substitute into my classroom with my kids. I loved that group of kids fiercely and I knew what made them tick and what set them off. You can’t teach a substitute that kind of love for a day.

When we use lust as a substitute for love we will never be satisfied. We will always want more, we will always search for more. The kind of love our hearts truly desire is the love that only Jesus can give. Any other substitute we use for Christ’s love will always come up short.

Whenever we see lust take over, we should be asking ourselves this question: Am I trying to substitute a momentary thrill for the deep love my heart longs for?

Jesus took lust seriously because oftentimes it is a secret sin that is hidden. It’s something that is uncomfortable to talk about, but it needs to be brought to light. Often, the only person who knows you have a lust problem is you. And lust can cause very serious issues between men and women. Jesus goes on to say in Matthew 5, “ If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell. [5]”

Now, Jesus did not mean this literally, if he had we would all be walking around without eyeballs and limbs. The point He was driving home was that lust is a serious problem. And we need to take it seriously because if untreated, it can cause so much harm and destruction to those we love most.

One of the best ways for us to be guarded against lust and adultery is to establish our identity in Christ alone.

Colossians 3:1-4, “Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.[6]”

Christ is now your life. He offers the love your heart deeply desires. He is the only thing that will ever satisfy your thirsty soul.

As I grew up with the deep desire to be a wife and mom, it changed from being a desire to becoming my identity. I wanted it so badly that I would enter into every relationship with the thought that the young man I was dating could possibly be my husband. This put a lot of pressure on my relationships, but it also opened up the possibility to let lust get the best of me. When a girl feels incomplete without a boy in the picture, it is obvious that her identity is on shaky ground and her decisions will not lead to anything good. Once I understood that my identity was in Jesus and that He would meet every deep desire of my heart, I stopped looking for boys to do that for me. Jesus became my life and redeemed that broken girl.

According to Voddie Bauchman, the culture measures manhood by the three B’s: Billfold. Ballfield, and Bedroom. All three of those areas can become a trap for us men in our earthly relationships and most importantly our relationship with God. All of us desire to make a decent living and provide for our loved ones, yet the overwhelming pursuit of money and success that it may bring can become a barrier between us and our loved ones. Worst of all, our monetary success can become our identity if we do not check it. Now, I am not saying that we must avoid money or live as monks, what I am saying is that we must have a firm identity in Christ to avoid the trap. Same goes for our athletic prowess, yes I love competition and I am not as in shape as I used to be. But I have moved on from trying to have athletic success define who I am. None of us want to be like Uncle Rico from the movie Napolean Dynamite, years later loathing over just “never getting my chance” to throw the football. The billfold and the ballfield are easier to overcome for most men since they are outward expression of our desires. The bedroom is the one area where men can hide and where lust can manifest itself in the ugliest of ways. In my opinion pornography is the biggest threat to authentic manhood and the most toxic element to your relationship with your significant other and ultimately God. Now I am not here to shame or browbeat, what’s done in the past is in the past, can’t change it. I am here to tell you that now is the time to take a stand and change the trajectory of your life as men who pursue God and godly living.

We have to be aware of ways we let lust creep into our lives. It can come in as quickly and as sneakily as the serpent in the garden. Guarding our hearts and our marriages is paramount. Note to single people. Learn to guard your heart and your minds so that Christ is the center of your life. Lust doesn’t just hurt your spouse, it hurts the heart of God. It is taking the desires God gave us and looking for their fulfillment in something or someone else besides God alone.

Once we are secure in our identity as Christ’s beloved creation, we must put to death things that come in between us and God.

Colossians 1: 5-7, “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. 7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived.[7]

5. Jesus wants to reverse the curse.

He wants men and women to live in unity as they did in the garden. He gives dignity to both genders. Men and women followed Jesus throughout His life on earth. They worked together to expand the Kingdom once He ascended to heaven. We are placed in Body of Christ and we must function together in order to see His Kingdom come. In His Kingdom He wants marriages to thrive and be the evidence of the Gospel at work in our lives. He calls husbands and wives to love selflessly, to honor each other, and encourage each other to fulfill the purposes God has for each of us. God wants marriages to be marked by purity, both in and out of the bedroom. This seems impossible in our day and age, but with Christ all things are possible.

While we were dating, Carsten said, “divorce is not in my vocabulary.” This was one of the greatest things he did for our marriage. He made it known that he was fully devoted to me, there wasn’t another option. That built a deep sense of trust and security in our relationship.

As we honor the covenant we have made to be husband and wife, there will be a lot of temptations that come our way. We will see the enemy attack our union as hard and as heavy as he can because he is threatened by the witness of a healthy, Christ-centered marriage. Both husband and wife need to focus on building their identity on Christ alone. Trusting that we are in process and offering grace to each other as we grow and mature in our faith journey. Jesus discusses divorce in the next segment of the Sermon on the Mount. “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ n 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.[8]” Jesus further explains the heart of God regarding divorce in Matthew 19:4-9, “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ v 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” 7 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” 8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”[9]

God created sex to build a strong bond between a man and a woman. It is a beautiful thing that Satan has perverted in so many ways. To guard against adultery husbands and wives need to be praying for each other, building each other up, communicating with each other regularly, and spurring each other on to be fulfilled in Christ alone.

We want you all to know that we love you. We know that we live in a broken world, that we have a real enemy who has stolen your innocence, who has tempted you in many ways, and who has devoured marriages. There is no shame in the family of Christ, only healing and redemption. We want you all to know that there is hope, today is a new day, and today God is ready to set you free from the past pain you have experienced, from the lust that has dominated your thoughts, and from the sexual immorality you’ve been participating in.

Sara: I don’t believe that God created men to be so filled with testosterone that they are simply animal driven by their sexual fantasies. I believe that God created men to be in relationship with Him. To be warriors for the Greater Kingdom. To use their strength to protect and build women up in this world. To be secure in their identity in Christ that they don’t allow Satan a stronghold in their lives that will bring them harm and destruction. Men who are called by God to show the world the heart of Christ.

Carsten: I don’t believe that God created women to be objects of lust, to be used up and thrown out. I believe that women have been given inherent dignity as image bearers of God. I believe that God created women to be whole, healed, and secure in Him. I believe that women have a voice in the Kingdom that is powerful and necessary. I believe that women can show the heart of Christ to a broken world.

We choose to champion each other on to be the men and women God has created us to be for His glory alone.

[1] The New International Version. (2011). (Ps 24:3–6). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

[2] The New International Version. (2011). (Mt 5:27–28). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

[3] The New International Version. (2011). (1 Jn 2:17). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

[4] The New International Version. (2011). (1 Jn 2:16). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

[5] The New International Version. (2011). (Mt 5:29–30). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

[6] The New International Version. (2011). (Col 3:1–4). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

[7] The New International Version. (2011). (Col 3:5–7). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

[8] The New International Version. (2011). (Mt 5:31–32). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

[9] The New International Version. (2011). (Mt 19:4–9). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.