Sticks and Stones Chapter 10 - Pulling Out the Knife

Introduction

We all love a story of an underdog don’t we? I think one of the greatest sports movies of all time is Rocky. He is the epitome of the underdog.

But it’s more than just a story of an underdog, and unexpected winner. It’s also a story of a person who overcomes all odds, as is with most underdog stories.

Rocky had to train harder, he had to take a worse beating in the ring, and had to overcome his size disadvantage in order to win.

In the end he does, and it makes for a fantastic story that we love to relate to because it gives us hope. It shows us that the small guy can overcome.

But the interesting thing about it, if you remember… we know all these things about Rocky — but Rocky didn’t win! He lost by split decision to Creed in the end.

What do we see though? A man who was able to weather the storm. And for it, he earned respect. Beyond that, watching the next movies, we see that Rocky became stronger. In the long run we see that something that could have defeated him, demoralized him, and destroyed his career ended up defining him and helping him to push forward stronger than ever.

Rocky is not a story of character assassination. But it is a great illustration when you take it as a whole of the old saying “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.”

What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger

The Human body lives by this statement when you think about it. Though obviously, we know it isn’t always true physically, it is true for our immune system. The way the human immune system works, as I understand it, is that when we are exposed to things that are potentially harmful or deadly, the body becomes better at defending against those things.

If you get a virus for example, and you get sick, but your body defeats it, you’re immune system is often, though not always, more capable against defending against it.

Today, COVID is one of those struggles. It’s dangerous to many people. But if you beat it, I think they say you have several months of being in the clear after where you cannot get it again. They aren’t sure about the longevity of that.

Even so, we recognize the mental fortitude that comes from going through things. So even if the body may be weaker, the individual becomes stronger.

James 1:2-8

James 1:2–8 NKJV

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

So there is life after Character assassination. But you have to make it through the process to survive.

Psalm 109 - A Psalm of David

David was a man who took a lot of ridicule and praise. From the time he was young to his ruling the kingdom he dealt with quite a bit of haters and people who lauded him. A very polarizing figure over the course of his life.

He was overall a good man I think we could say, after all he was a man the bible says was “after God’s own heart.” But he was also a very flawed individual.

He certainly was worthy of criticism — and received it.

Consider some of the things David did:

1. Fibbing to Ahimelech: David lied to the priest in Nob when he fled from Saul claiming he was on a secret mission for the king—1 Sam. 21:1-9. 2. Fleeing to Gath: To escape Saul’s wrath, David fled to Gath, the hometown of Goliath, (carrying the slain giant’s sword, not a good idea). When he was recognized, he faked insanity to avoid capture, torture and death—1 Sam. 21:10-15. 3. Fighting for the Philistines: For 16 months, David was a mercenary for Israel’s enemy. Strangely, he wrote no Psalms during this period as the well of inspiration dried up. 4. Flubbing the transport of the Ark: The Ark was handled carelessly and carried on a cart, instead of on the priest’s shoulders, resulting in Uzzah’s death—2 Sam. 6:1-10. 5. Falling into adultery: His most famous failure was his scandalous affair with Bathsheba. 6. Finishing off Uriah: Worse, was the subsequent cover up — the murder of her husband, Uriah the Hittite — 2 Sam. 11:1-27. 7. Failing as a Father: David failed to discipline his son, Amnon, for raping Tamar, his half-sister. This led to Absalom’s rebellion who murdered Amnon in revenge and then tried to steal David’s throne. 8. Focusing on numbers instead of God: Late in life, against Joab’s advice, David insisted on counting his army (his 1.3 million troops were a source of pride and false security). This displeased God who sent a plague and slew 70,000 men — 2 Sam. 24:1-25.

(Source: https://mountaineagle.com/stories/was-david-really-a-man-after-gods-own-heart,24231)

Let’s keep all that in mind about David, and why people may have not liked him. Regardless… David was God’s annointed. He was king.

READ Psalm 109

So within this we can see the process of greivance that David has with those who would seek to assassinate his character. He has a knife set squarely in his back… What does this process look like?

Stages of Grief

The famous author Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, does anybody know who she was? (she died back in ‘04)

She wrote the famous book “On Death and Dying.” You may have heard of that. If you haven’t, you have probably heard of one of the more famous models she is know for: The Stages of Grief.

1. Denial: avoidance, confusion, elation, shock, fear

2. Anger: frustration, irritation, anxiety

3. Bargaining: struggling to find meaning, reaching out to others, telling one’s story

4. Depression: overwhelmed, helplessness, hostility, flight

5. Acceptance: exploring options, new plan in place, moving on

It is my belief, that you may very well go through similar stages in any “Loss” including “loss of reputation.”

But the author gives a similar model that I want to discuss that I also think is pretty good. This is the...

Stages of Transformation

I don’t like to read to you, but I want to look at these in the book together.

Awareness

Disbelief

Anger

Grief

Counter-attack

Acceptance

Resurrection

When I was in undergraduate studies, I was actually a Psychology minor. I wanted to beef up my understanding in that field because I feel its beneficial to ministers dealing with folks. It’s helpful to counseling and just understanding people in general, how they think, and even knowing your limits in what you think you know about the human mind.

One thing I learned from Developmental Psychology is that there are stages in everything in life that we all pass through. But its different for everyone. Obviously, some are the same no matter what. But sometimes stages are skipped, sometimes there are added stages for people going through different things, and sometimes it just get’s weird. So let’s keep that in mind.

What do you think about this list?

Are there any you would add or remove?

David’s Transformation as seen in Psalm 109

Awareness - Psalm 109:2

Disbelief - Psalm 109:3-5

Anger - Psalm 109:8,10,11

Grief - Psalm 109:22-24

Counter-attack - Psalm 109:6-7

Acceptance - Psalm 109:21,26-27

Resurrection - Psalm 109:30

Remember — EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT.

Your path may not follow David’s, it may not manifest in the same way. Just like with grief, it will be different because every situation is unique and we are all unique individuals.

ALSO, we must understand, that often with problems such as these: the situation can change mid-process.

When we come to a place like David, where we trust in the Lord’s guidance and provision, perhaps we will end up like James says (going back to James 1:2-5, 12, 19-20 Read these together without stopping)

James 1:2–5 NKJV

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

James 1:12 NKJV

Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.

James 1:19–20 NKJV

So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

If we can accomplish these things, we will be not victim’s but victors!

Moving From Victim to Victor

Let’s talk about doing this in some discussion as we bring the class to a close:

Ultimately, how do we move on from an attack? What advice do you have?

What things help or hinder this process of moving on?

What aspects of the moving on are the most difficult to deal with, or what aspects of the 7 stages are the most difficult to make it through for you?

How can talking about the problem you are dealing with hurt? How can it help?

How important are good friends in life to help with the healing process? What do they do for you?