Friends: How to choose them

Friends

Review of last week. We discussed two things that we need to do in order to be a good friend. Does anyone remember either of those things? First we need to love our friends like we love ourselves. Does anybody have a good story they can tell me about how they did this this week? *Share the story of Angelo texting the dgroup if no one else shares*

What was the other? Knowing Jesus is essential to being a good friend.

Tonight we are going to talk about somethings we should look for in friends. But know as we are talking about what to look for we can pile these things on to our list of how to be good friends.

David and Jonathan

Last week we began a story about David and Jonathan and how their friendship is a good one for us to model. This is part two of their story.

Recap, David killed Goliath then became a hero. All of the women were going around praising David’s name and that made Jonathan’s dad, King Saul jealous. Remember Saul tried to throw a spear at David’s head and kill him. Well it gets worse.

So Saul made David go away and put him in charge of a huge army, about 10,000 men strong. What did David do? He succeeded. He was very successful and this made Saul even more made. In verse 16 it says that Saul dreaded David.

So then Saul tried to marry off his daughter to him if David would lead more battles thinking that he wouldn’t have to kill him, the enemy would. That didn’t work. Saul continued in his anger and kept trying to kill David but nothing would work.

Finally Saul told Jonathan to kill him. Lets read starting in Chapter 19 verse 1.

Saul ordered his son Jonathan and all his servants to kill David. But Saul’s son Jonathan liked David very much, 2 so he told him, “My father, Saul, intends to kill you. Be on your guard in the morning and hide in a secret place and stay there. 3 I’ll go out and stand beside my father in the field where you are and talk to him about you. When I see what he says, I’ll tell you.”

4 Jonathan spoke well of David to his father, Saul. He said to him, “The king should not sin against his servant David. He hasn’t sinned against you; in fact, his actions have been a great advantage to you. 5 He took his life in his hands when he struck down the Philistine, and the Lord brought about a great victory for all Israel. You saw it and rejoiced, so why would you sin against innocent blood by killing David for no reason?”

Choose friends who are loyal

Number one, David is looking out for David’s best interest. He is loyal to David. Look he immediately tells David of his father’s plan to kill him. He then promises to tell David everything his father says during their conversation.

Who has ever had a friend talk about them behind their back? When I was in high school one of my best friends text me a message saying mean things about me. He obviously meant to send it to another person but that hurt. I know some of the meanest things that we can do to one another and we can do to others is to act one way in front of them and another behind their back.

When choosing friends its important to choose friends who are going to be loyal to us.

Proverbs 18:24 says this

24 One with many friends may be harmed,

but there is a friend who stays closer than a brother.

When we choose to have many fairweathered friends it can hurt us. But God says there are friends who are closer than brothers. Those are the friends we should choose and who we should be.

Saul listens to Jonathan and makes a promise to not kill David. David kept fighting and winning battles with the help of God. Saul then breaks his promise and tries to kill him again by throwing a spear at him and trying to pin him against the wall. But he missed and David escaped. Saul didn’t let up he kept continuing to try to kill David.

So Jonathan and David came up with a plan. Jonathan was going to tell Saul that David went away for a few days. If Saul got angry that meant that he was still going to pursue killing David but if he remained calm then David was good he was going to live. They found a secret way to communicate. David went out in the field and after Saul and Jonathan’s conversation Jonathan was going to shoot arrows in the field. If the arrows go to the side of you you are safe to come back but if the go past you, run away, you are in danger.

Just so happens Saul does get angry and Jonathan shoots the arrows past David and David escapes.

What does this tell us about how to choose friends? Choose friends who will not hurt you.

Choose Friends who will not hurt you

We’ve already discussed choosing friends who are loyal and won’t act one way in front of us and different behind are backs but how else can friends hurt us?

One way they can hurt is is that they can harm our relationship with God.

2 Corinthians tells us this

14 Do not be yoked together with those who do not believe. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness?

Toked meaning two ox would be tied together to pull things. Now Paul is talking about marriage here but we can put it in terms of friendships to. Our closest friends need to point us towards Jesus not away.

It is good to be friendly and to have relationships with people who don’t believe. I think this is a good way to evangelize. However, if our closest friends are non believers here’s what can happen.

Two People in a Chair Illustration.

It is way easier to pull someone down than for you to pull them up.

Choosing Friends

Being a good friend and choosing good friends is so important in life. I want to take the next few minutes to think about what we have talked about the past two weeks. On one side of your note card I want you to write down what you can do to be a better friend. One the other I want you to write down a list of your friends and think about those friends. Ask yourself two questions, is this friend loyal, are they pointing me towards Jesus. If the answer is no to either or both of those questions, I don’t want you to stop being friends with them but maybe create a conversation with them about what you have thought about.