My Life's Worth Nothing to Me

Acts 20:17–38 ESV

Now from Miletus he sent to Ephesus and called the elders of the church to come to him. And when they came to him, he said to them: “You yourselves know how I lived among you the whole time from the first day that I set foot in Asia, serving the Lord with all humility and with tears and with trials that happened to me through the plots of the Jews; how I did not shrink from declaring to you anything that was profitable, and teaching you in public and from house to house, testifying both to Jews and to Greeks of repentance toward God and of faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. And now, behold, I am going to Jerusalem, constrained by the Spirit, not knowing what will happen to me there, except that the Holy Spirit testifies to me in every city that imprisonment and afflictions await me. But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God. And now, behold, I know that none of you among whom I have gone about proclaiming the kingdom will see my face again. Therefore I testify to you this day that I am innocent of the blood of all, for I did not shrink from declaring to you the whole counsel of God. Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God, which he obtained with his own blood. I know that after my departure fierce wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock; and from among your own selves will arise men speaking twisted things, to draw away the disciples after them. Therefore be alert, remembering that for three years I did not cease night or day to admonish every one with tears. And now I commend you to God and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up and to give you the inheritance among all those who are sanctified. I coveted no one’s silver or gold or apparel. You yourselves know that these hands ministered to my necessities and to those who were with me. In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ” And when he had said these things, he knelt down and prayed with them all. And there was much weeping on the part of all; they embraced Paul and kissed him, being sorrowful most of all because of the word he had spoken, that they would not see his face again. And they accompanied him to the ship.

           There’s not much of an introduction needed today. As we heard last time, Paul was on his way back to Jerusalem, the red star in the bottom right corner. But first, he stopped in Miletus, the blue star, where he waited for and then spoke to the elders of the Ephesian church, the green star just north of there. We’ll notice, though, a turn in content. We’re no longer just hearing evangelistic messages for the conversion of people. We’re no longer just hearing threats of persecution. From here on out, Acts feels heavier, as Paul, it seems, knew that the end of his life was coming.

Brothers and sisters in Christ, the musical “Hamilton” loosely follows the life of one of America’s founding fathers, Alexander Hamilton, and the events around the founding years of our country. “Hamilton” premiered on stage in New York City back in 2015, and over the last five years has been incredibly successful, and has been performed around the world. I’m not much of a theater person, but I got hooked watching it on Disney+, and I’ve now watched and listened to the soundtrack many more times than I’d like to admit. The story and how it’s told is catchy to me, and it’s caused me to study more about what details are true and where was some liberty taken. If you’re thinking you had better watch it, I will warn you that the language is strong at parts.

           One of the songs in the musical is “One Last Time,” which tells how President George Washington decided after 8 years in office to step down and not run again for president. Alexander Hamilton had been his aide, off-and-on, from the days of the Revolutionary War, and Washington wanted him to help draft the speech that will “teach [America] how to say goodbye.” He desired that American citizens would learn to “move on,” unlike how things were under a monarchy.

The musical presents Washington, from his days as a military general, as being venerated, an icon. When people thought of America, they thought of him. After years of that, Washington just wanted to go home back to Mount Vernon. Whether that’s fact or fiction, the story shared is that he wished to disappear into normalcy, out of the spotlight, un-needed. Other capable people could take his place and make their own decisions for the country going forward. But they needed to hear from him “one last time” before that began.

When we read the account of Paul calling the Ephesian elders together in Miletus, that theme of “one last time…” is what sticks in my mind. These were the people who he had recently spent two, maybe three, years with. Ephesus was the place from which we read, “…All the Jews and Greeks who lived in the province of Asia heard the word of the Lord. God did extraordinary miracles through Paul,” and the things he touched there. “…The name of the Lord Jesus was held in high honor” by the Ephesians. That wasn’t long ago, but now he was telling them, “I don’t know what’s going to happen to me, but “none of you…will ever see me again.”

That’s quite a way to break the news. As we read at the end of our passage—“They all wept as they embraced him and kissed him.” Paul was still alive, but they grieved. If you have a Bible open, you can see chapter 21 begins, “After we had torn ourselves away from them.” The Ephesians, and maybe Paul’s side too, didn’t want to let the other go. When I think back over all the good-byes I’ve had to say after knowing people for two or more years, it usually has more of a so-long attached to it. It’s sad, but we’ll keep in touch. Hopefully, there will be visits in the future. Even when we left Corsica to come here, and I know it’s true for Pastor Anson, too, as difficult as it can be to say goodbye to a congregation and ministry location, if we have strong relationships and ties, we’re more likely to visit or see each other down the road. For Paul, though, it wasn’t just that he might not see them again. This was it.

In looking at Paul’s message to the elders, there are two essential parts that will guide our first two points. First, the example and sacrifice of Paul’s ministry. What had Paul done? What had he brought to the people of Ephesus that they didn’t have before? Verses 19 through 21, “‘I served the Lord with great humility and with tears…I have not hesitated to preach anything that would be helpful to you but have taught you publicly and from house to house. I have declared to both Jews and Greeks that they must turn to God in repentance and have faith in our Lord Jesus.’” That was his example—what he did and what he showed them. He had served God and them.

The sacrifice follows, 23 and 24, “‘I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me.’” Pastor Derek Thomas comments, “Drawing attention to our own humility can quickly become self-congratulatory [patting yourself on the back] and a matter of pride. What Paul has in mind here is that his life was worth nothing to him—not in the sense that he did not value what God had made, but in the sense that he was not afraid to be persecuted, even to die, for the cause of the gospel…The ministry was not about Paul. He was not in the business of building a great name for himself.”  

If we go back to the early years of Paul’s ministry, Christians, including most of the apostles, feared him. They didn’t trust his conversion. They didn’t trust his presence to be anything more than a trap to end the ministry that Jesus had sent them to do. Yet here we are some 20-plus years later, and Christians everywhere wanted Paul to come visit them, to spend time with them, to stay in their vicinity. He went from the one threatening believers’ lives to being threatened himself, and yet Paul wasn’t worried about his life. If anything, he was worried that people from all over the ancient world needed to hear the gospel, the message of salvation in Jesus, the only thing that would save their lives and that continues to be true.

What we see coming through in this passage as well as Paul’s letters, was the desire to nurture Christians and encourage them to persevere.         Whatever he could do, whatever he could offer, according to the will of God, he would put himself out there for others. We have to understand—Paul was secure in his faith, secure in his salvation. He didn’t worry that he was going to lose either of those things. He knew what Jesus had done for sinners, and he knew Jesus’ sacrifice was more than enough to redeem his past. Yet he was doing this to be famous then or today. He was doing this for wealth or as a show. God’s gifts to him and the Holy Spirit compelling him to go and preach required him to accept his life would be difficult. If there was any thought that he was doing this for himself or for his glory, for pride—the answer was no.

No, Paul was setting an example, an example for the church, but especially for those called and led by God into ministry as a life’s work. If you’re involved in ministry, there may be hardships. There should be hardships that we face. We can’t avoid all pain, all tiredness, all trouble, and fear of people being offended by the messages of Scripture—not that we desire to offend people, but we recognize God’s word battles with our sinful nature. We recognize there is a spiritual kingdom of darkness that doesn’t want Christ’s kingdom to succeed and will fight against it. Paul knew and we can know—Christ holds the victory, but until he returns, the devil’s kingdom wars against the church. We must be willing to follow God’s leading, even at great expense.  

Now onto our second point: the model and charge for the Ephesians’ ministry. Paul tells this group of leaders, verses 28 and 29, “‘Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of God, which he bought with his own blood. I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock.’” Verse 31, “‘So be on your guard!’” What he had been doing for them and was now handing over the reins to do was the task of shepherding—watching over, defending against external and internal attacks. If the Ephesian elders were confused and wondering what to do or how to do it, the model was in a shepherd. That was their task, a task which began with themselves.

The charge picks up in verse 32, “‘Now I commit you to God and to the word of his grace, which can build you up and give you an inheritance among all those who are sanctified…We must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: “It is more blessed to give than to receive.”’” Maybe you thought when we first read this passage, or maybe you’re thinking it now, this was a lot to pile on them. Who knows if these leaders came to Miletus with any clue of what they were in for. Yet Paul’s charge reminds them that they weren’t on their own. If they would follow in the example he had put before them, if they would practice the model of a shepherd in all its facets over the church, if they would continue to preach the gospel, God would be with them. The same God that had been with Paul. The same God that had given him the precise words to say and directed him where he needed to go, that God wasn’t about to disappear.

But that doesn’t mean ministry would be easy. Brothers and sisters, the task of a pastor, of elders in the church, of others who teach or preach or offer spiritual counsel is weighty. At times, it’s not exactly clear where our work or our calling begins or ends or what it can or must include. Those of us who lead, whether we’re paid or volunteering, may often wonder what the expectations that those we serve have of us. As I’ve learned, and I think many pastors, elders, and deacons do as well, expectations can differ from person to person, family to family, situation to situation. In serving the church of Jesus Christ, we always have a sense of learning, a sense that there’s more to do, more people to be reached, more visits or calling to be made. We are called to care for those who we shepherd—but we also must care for ourselves.

Here's the important thing for all of us to keep in mind. What leaders in the church and of the faith are called to do is minister to God’s truth. God’s truth must be sunk deep within us that we do not waver. It must be our motivation for why we say what we say, what kind of topics we get into, but it also must lead us to call out things that seem to be infecting God’s people. Ministry doesn’t only call for encouragement and comfort; there’s also the task Paul mentioned at the end of verse 31 of warning God’s people. We take up the task of shepherding as a good and necessary work, but it is difficult, and it is one we can only properly do with God’s help.

We come to our third and final point, are we faithful to the most worthy task? I’m referring back to what we find in verse 24. Again, Paul said, “‘…I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace.’” Paul’s purpose, his mission, his vision was not stats—he wasn’t looking for success numbers or percentages or how many people would show up to hear him speak or want to be healed by him. As we think back to his work as a Pharisee, what he could accomplish may have driven him back then. But what God had called him to do was to testify to the gospel of Jesus Christ—that was it. Week to week teaching, day to day being with the people, traveling by land or sea to towns and cities—“preaching the kingdom” as he says in verse 25.

If that was an essential part of the mission of the early church, it ought to be essential still today. Are we faithful to that? Am I, are you? Is our mission as a body of believers and as individual believers, is our mission in the programs we offer and the things we involve ourselves in this community and area: to share Christ and his kingdom with others and be in Christ ourselves?

The Heidelberg Catechism Questions and Answers 20 and 84 help us dive into this. I invite you to join in the answers after I read the questions. “Are all people then saved through Christ just as they were lost through Adam? No. Only those are saved who through true faith are grafted into Christ and accept all his benefits.” “How does preaching the holy gospel open and close the kingdom of heaven? According to the command of Christ: The kingdom of heaven is opened by proclaiming and publicly declaring to all believers, each and every one, that, as often as they accept the gospel promise in true faith, God, because of Christ’s merit, truly forgives all their sins. The kingdom of heaven is closed, however, by proclaiming and publicly declaring to unbelievers and hypocrites that, as long as they do not repent, the wrath of God and eternal condemnation rest on them. God’s judgment, both in this life and in the life to come, is based on this gospel testimony.”

           Is this our understanding of what we’re called to do? We cannot assume everyone, period, is saved, is going to heaven, is experiencing God’s saving grace regardless of faith. Scripture is clear that faith, being born again in Christ, is necessary. If our calling is to “open the kingdom of heaven by preaching,” are we being sure not to exclude anyone from hearing the message or from being shown love? It’s not up to us to decide if they’re worth it or whether or not God may include them in his plan of salvation. Maybe we think, “They haven’t repented yet, but they’ve probably heard. The ball is in their court.” Yet the Catechism says, “The kingdom…is closed…as long as they do not repent.” Maybe that length of time, according to God’s will and pleasure is complete, maybe he’s using us to invite someone in who will now accept and believe in Christ.

           Are we able to say our lives, our reputations, what we know or think people think about us—all of that is worth nothing to us so long as we are continuing to serve God’s plan. By testifying in word and deed to Jesus Christ, the one who can save anyone from their sins, give them a renewed heart, and provide them with eternal life, will we give everything? Would we be willing to say goodbye to something we greatly enjoy so that we could be faithful to God? Loving others despite the cost it may have on us is to be part of our identity. That is the model that Christ set before us, being willing to associate and eat with the socially unacceptable, being willing to suffer and die despite his true innocence. He has shown us what his grace and love look like. Having been saved by him, by his grace, will we faithfully extend that to others until we must say goodbye? Amen.