Canceled Week 4

Last week we talked a little bit about social media, so I'm curious . . .

Do you follow any famous people online? Who?

Do any of you follow any famous people you "hate-follow"?

You know — someone you follow because they always make you cringe?

Every week, it seems like there's a new "villain of the week" trending online — 

It could be a famous person, politician, or organization everyone loves to hate, either for something silly or because they said something that someone found hurtful or offensive.

Because of these online “villains” on social media we have seen a phenomenon called "cancel culture" — 

Does anyone know what cancel culture is?

a big jumble of online behaviors (some helpful and justified, and some not) like calling out, shaming, boycotting, and holding people accountable for their actions. 

It happens when . . .

People troll and start online feuds for fun.

Some people use social media to embarrass or hurt each other for a laugh or for revenge.

And other people "call out" or "cancel" others for legitimate reasons — 

especially public figures who said or did something very harmful.

But today I don't want to talk about internet trolls or celebrity drama. 

I want to talk about what happens when we have legitimate reasons to "cancel" someone.

Can any of you think of a famous person that you love to hate? 

Why don't you like them?

Why do you think people sometimes love to hate each other?

Whether it's online, in our families, or in our circles of friends, 

there's never a shortage of people we love to hate — 

especially when we feel there's good reason for that hatred.

When someone hurts us, it's tempting to "cancel" them by . . .

Loving to hate them.

Talking poorly about them.

Dehumanizing them.

Taking revenge on them.

This is complicated, isn't it? 

When we're hurt, of course we want to stick up for ourselves and hold people accountable for their actions. 

But God also calls us to forgive and show grace rather than seeking revenge.

So, I want you to think about these next few questions.

How do we balance accountability with grace and forgiveness?

Does forgiving someone mean pretending like the hurt never happened?

When do we need to seek justice and when do we need to just let something go?

Do you think there is ever a legitimate reason to hate someone? Why or why not?

Think about a fight you got into recently. What caused it? What did you do or say to keep the fight going instead of resolving it?

Last week, we heard the story of David and King Saul, focusing mostly on Saul. 

This week, we're going to look at that same story but focus on David. 

In case you need a recap . . .

Saul was the king of Israel, but David had been chosen by God to be the next king.

Saul liked David at first, but he eventually became incredibly envious of David.

Because of his envy, Saul tried to kill David. 

Repeatedly. 

He even rallied his army of soldiers to help him hunt and kill David.

Can we all agree David had a valid reason to hate Saul? 

It would have been totally reasonable for David to want revenge, but here's what happened instead.

Read I Samuel 24:1-7.

24 [a]After Saul returned from fighting the Philistines, he was told that David had gone into the wilderness of En-gedi. 2 So Saul chose 3,000 elite troops from all Israel and went to search for David and his men near the rocks of the wild goats.

3 At the place where the road passes some sheepfolds, Saul went into a cave to relieve himself. But as it happened, David and his men were hiding farther back in that very cave!

4 “Now’s your opportunity!” David’s men whispered to him. “Today the Lord is telling you, ‘I will certainly put your enemy into your power, to do with as you wish.’” So David crept forward and cut off a piece of the hem of Saul’s robe.

5 But then David’s conscience began bothering him because he had cut Saul’s robe. 6 He said to his men, “The Lord forbid that I should do this to my lord the king. I shouldn’t attack the Lord’s anointed one, for the Lord himself has chosen him.” 7 So David restrained his men and did not let them kill Saul.

After Saul had left the cave and gone on his way, 8 David came out and shouted after him, “My lord the king!” And when Saul looked around, David bowed low before him.

Two things:

First, yes, the bathroom thing is funny.

Second, Not only did David not kill Saul, he didn't even hurt him! 

He cut off a piece of Saul's robe as evidence and let Saul leave in peace.

When David had the opportunity to take revenge and let hate guide him, he chose to let Saul go instead.

In this moment, David chose to love Saul in spite of his actions.

That doesn't mean David suddenly liked Saul or wanted to be his best friend. 

But David showed love instead of hate by showing mercy to Saul instead of revenge.

Like we mentioned last week, David and Saul didn't exactly kiss and make up. 

The best they could do was promise to stay away from each other, and they did.

For the rest of their lives, they never saw each other again.

DISCLAIMER

Keep in mind, the story we're reading is from a different time and culture. 

It's about two powerful men, and not people like you and me, who definitely don't rule nations or command armies. 

This is also the story of two adults — not teenagers. 

So before we go any further, let me make a few things clear. 

The moral of this story is not . . .

To be nice to someone who is abusive or dangerous.

To not ask for help when you're in danger.

To not seek justice when someone has harmed you.

If you are in a position now, or you have been in the past, where someone (especially an adult) is harming you or harming someone else, let someone know.

God doesn't tell us to put ourselves in harm's way or to endure abuse or violence. 

It doesn't honor God when you allow yourself to be hurt or mistreated.

God loves you, sees you, and has put the adults in your life to help protect you. 

So if that's not the lesson we should take from this story, what is? 

Like we said last week, it's helpful when reading Old Testament stories to look ahead to the words of Jesus and see what He had to say.

Read Matthew 5:38-45.

38 “You have heard the law that says the punishment must match the injury: ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’[a] 39 But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also. 40 If you are sued in court and your shirt is taken from you, give your coat, too. 41 If a soldier demands that you carry his gear for a mile,[b] carry it two miles. 42 Give to those who ask, and don’t turn away from those who want to borrow.

43 “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’[c] and hate your enemy. 44 But I say, love your enemies![d] Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.

Jesus flipped the script on the world's wisdom about love and hate. 

Instead of telling his audience to love those who love them and hate those who hate them, Jesus challenged them (and us) to try something new: to love our enemies.

Although David lived many years before Jesus spoke these words, David understood God wouldn't want him to return Saul’s hatred with more hatred. 

His decision to show Saul love instead of vengeance points to what Jesus challenges us to do: 

**Love the people we want to hate.**

None of us are currently being chased by a jealous king, but who might some of our "enemies" be?

* David and Saul eventually decided to never see each other again. When do you think that's the wise thing to do with our "enemies" and when is it not?

* When someone hurts you, do you think it's possible to forgive them and hold them accountable for their actions at the same time? Give an example.

OBJECT LESSON | Turn the Other Cheek

Let's talk about this phrase "turn the other cheek," because it's often misunderstood.

When Jesus said this, He didn't mean, "Never stand up for yourself or others. Let people walk all over you!"

Jesus had no problem verbally defending Himself.

Jesus often got angry at people who were cruel and hurtful.

But Jesus never sought revenge, or was cruel to others, or escalated a conflict because His pride was wounded.

Here's what I think Jesus did mean when He said "turn the other cheek." 

When someone attacks or hurts you . . .

Don't be overcome by anger.

Don't plot your revenge.

Don't escalate the situation.

Don't react without thinking — respond wisely instead.

Now I'll let you in on a secret about Jesus. 

Many people think of Jesus only as a kind, gentle, peace-loving man, but Jesus was also a revolutionary.

Jesus upset both religious and political leaders of his day. 

They all wanted Him dead!

Jesus' enemies would often try to provoke or trap Him so they could have an excuse to arrest Him, but Jesus knew better.

Imagine for a moment that you're angry with someone. 

You punch them in the face, looking for a fight.

But then something strange happens. 

They don't hit back.

Instead, they take a breath, raise their hands, look you straight in the eyes, and turn their head, giving you the perfect shot to punch them again.

Here's what I hope you would do in that moment:

Stop and consider what you've just done.

Realize you can't hit them again because you'd clearly become the bad guy.

Calm down.

Feel ashamed.

Walk away.

That's the power of love over hate, and of self-control instead of revenge. 

When we react in anger or seek revenge, we escalate conflicts, 

which makes it much more difficult for the person who has hurt us to come to terms with what they did. 

After all, if you punch them back, they'll have a reason to hit you again, and might even think their first punch was justified.

When Jesus said to "turn the other cheek," He wasn't telling us to just "get over it." 

He was telling us to strategically choose love instead of hatred, because love changes things.

So who are your "enemies"?

Who are you tempted to hate because of the way they've hurt or treated you?

Who have you hurt out of a desire for revenge, and how can you make it right?

How can you stop the back-and-forth exchange of hatred and retaliation?

How can you strategically choose to love someone you want to hate?

When someone hurts us, it's natural to want to "cancel" them and make them pay. 

But it's possible to hold someone accountable for their actions without adding to the hatred in the world.

The world needs us to model a new way forward — the way of love, not hate. 

It will be challenging, but most important things are. 

This change can start with us when we decide to . . .

FORGIVE:

Forgiveness isn't something we do for the person who hurt us. 

It's something we do for ourselves and God. 

Whether they've asked for our forgiveness or not, we can choose to let go of bitterness toward the people who have hurt us. 

You may not be ready to fully forgive that person today, and that's okay.

Forgiveness is often a journey.

NOTICE:

We all need people to model for us what compassion and love look like, 

but the good news is that these examples are everywhere! 

We just have to pay attention.

DEFEND: 

We've talked a lot about what to do when we've been hurt, 

but don't forget that other people are being hurt all the time. 

You might notice someone being bullied at school, 

or you might begin to explore deep and systemic problems like injustice, racism, and inequality. 

If you were David, being hunted by the king, you would've wanted someone to defend you, right? 

We can do that for others.

PRAY:

The things we've talked about today are difficult. 

If we want to choose love instead of hate, we're going to need a lot of help. 

We have to learn to pray for those who've hurt us or who are hurting others, just like Jesus said.

It's hard to hate someone you're consistently praying for. 

As we close, I want to challenge you to pray for the person you're most tempted to hate right now. 

Ask God to help you choose love instead of revenge.

If we choose to hate our enemies, hate will only grow. 

But if we choose to love our enemies with God's help, that love will grow, spread, and even change our culture. 

It's not going to be easy. 

But it's worth it.

Like Jesus said (and like David did), 

God's challenging you to love the people you want to hate, 

and see how it changes you, changes them, and changes the world.