Goals - Week 2

VIDEO: Goals Bumper Video

INTRODUCTION

3 MINUTES

We’re in the second week of our series called Goals, where we’re looking at some of the goals we can have for our faith. But before we jump into what we’re going to talk about today, I want to share with you a quick story.

PERSONAL STORY

But just as an intro into the story… something you all might not know about me is that I struggle with being a people pleaser. I like to be liked—I know that sounds weird, afterall, who doesn’t want to be liked? Nobody sets out to be unliked, right? That’s why when people think of Chad, I want them to think… “you know what, that Chad, is a pretty awesome guy. I like him.” So I will tell you that I have struggled with that all of my life and there have been times that I have actually set goals to make sure that I make those in my life “happy” with me. I craved approval so much that I made goals to seek the approval of others. And as I look back on my life, I see this theme pop up a lot… especially in how I dressed.

There was my cowboy phase where I really wanted to fit in with some of the kids at my church. Everybody wore wranglers and boots, and so I thought that I had to… even though the boots I had hurt my feet and the wranglers were not cut right for me. I still did it. There was my athlete phase where I really wanted to fit in with the guys on my basketball team. I saved my money and got two Starter Jackets (they were super cool back then) for teams that I did not even like because they were on sale, Jordan 4’s, 5’s and 6’s and Nike and Jordan tracksuits. I covered it all, even the hats just to gain some approval. And then there was my… “I don’t even know what to call it” phase just so I could get a date with a girl.

The girl that I was into at the time as really into fashion. She always wore the best clothes and dressed like she was going “out on the town” at any moment. So I made it my goal to get her to notice me in hopes of getting a date. I changed everything. So I saved my money again and started wearing Cole-Hann leather slip-on shoes, with no socks, lucky brand jeans and t-shirts, long sleeve button-up shirts and I even had a couple of hound’s-tooth jacket. If you don’t know what that is, don’t worry it will be while before they come back into fashion. I looked amazing. I began to slowly get to know her and come to find out she was helping to lead a fashion show at the school for our DECA class. So I signed up… and I owned that runway.

So thinking that I had absolutely impressed her, I went to ask her out after the Fashion Show. I knew the answer would be yes, but instead it turned out to be a polite no… one of those, “I think of you as a really good friend and I don’t want to ruin that friendship” type answers. I found out a few days later from one of my other friends the real reason that she turned me down. Turns out those shoes that I told you about, the Cole-Hann leather slip-ons that I did not wear sock with, caused my feet to sweat really bad and evidently that sweat came with an intense odor that I was nose blind to and she caught a whiff of it when I asked her out after standing in the hot spot light of the fashion show. I was so embarrassed that I could not even say hi to her for like a month.

After that, I gave up and created a style that was all my own. I no longer dressed for the approval of others but just to be comfortable… and to be honest, that has not changed a whole bunch since the time I was your age.

TENSION

8 MINUTES

Maybe you can relate? Maybe your goal isn’t exactly the same as mine was, but you probably know what it feels like to work toward gaining the approval of someone in your life. I mean, who doesn’t like to be praised, affirmed, and supported? And who doesn’t like that feeling of pride we get when we gain the acceptance of others?

I think if we’re being honest, we’d all say that we want to gain the approval of others, especially in places like school or with our friends. So for just a moment answer this question: If I were to go to your school, what qualities would I need to have to fit in?

· What music would I need to listen to?

· And what about YouTube channels? Which ones should I watch regularly to fit in?

· And sports? What teams would I have to follow and root for?

· Video Games? What games should I play?

So in order to fit in and gain the approval of kids at your school, I’d need to do all of this. Bad news for me: I’d never fit in with you guys! I have no idea what half of this stuff even is!

But my point is this: All of us are seeking the acceptance of others. In some way or another, approval matters to all of us.

Maybe for you it’s your friends or other kids at school. [Point to the poster board.] You get caught up in wanting the kids around you to like you, so you change the way you act, or dress, or talk to fit in. You care about what they think of you, and you want their acceptance.

Or maybe it’s your parents. You try really hard to stay on your best behavior, make the best grades, do your best to help out around the house—all because you know it’s important to them, and you want their approval.

Maybe it’s your coaches or teachers. You work hard at practice or in the classroom because you want the people in charge to not only see how hard you’re working, but to also praise the work you’re doing.

Or maybe for you, it’s God. You really want God to approve of the way you’re living your life, so you do your best to show up at church every Sunday, pray a lot, or memorize as many Bible verses as you can. Why? Because you think that’s how you’ll gain God’s approval.

Honestly, the list could go on and on. In one way or another, we’re all working toward the approval of someone in our lives. And without even realizing it, we’ve made their approval, praise, and support our goal.

But the problem is that seeking that approval from so many different places is really, really exhausting. It’s kind of like the list we made a few minutes ago. [Motion to the poster board.] If I tried to be or do every single thing we listed here, it would be completely draining, frustrating, and impossible! When we work so hard to be praised, how do we feel at the end of the day? Well, in my experience, we don’t feel the pride and affirmation we’re looking for; we just feel exhausted.

Why? I think constantly making our lives about the approval of others is exhausting because . . .

· Working for approval never works. There are just some people in your life who will never make you feel like you’re enough. You’ll never be able to do enough, say enough, or be enough of what they want you to be. No matter how hard you work to gain their approval, they aren’t going to give it, and that’s just plain exhausting.

· Approval is easy to lose. Approval is funny that way! One day you may have it from someone, and the next day, it’s gone! There’s no rhyme or reason for it, but when that praise and affirmation is suddenly gone, you’re back to square one and starting all over again to try and get it back.

· Approval feels like pressure. There are some people in your life who are really, really needy. That’s just the truth! They want you to want their approval, and they put pressure on you to try and earn it.

· It’s hard to know when we have that approval that we seek. Think about it! How do we ever really know we have the full approval from someone else? Our parents? Our coaches? Even God? How can we ever be sure we’re fully accepted and supported? Because we can’t, we just keep working and working toward it until we’re worn down and exhausted!

When you look at it this way, this search for praise and acceptance feels like a never-ending cycle. So how do we break it? How do we stop making the approval of others our goal?

TRUTH

3 MINUTES

In this series we’re looking at a book in the Bible called Galatians. What’s cool about Galatians is that it’s actually a letter written by a guy named Paul to new believers in a place called Galatia.

Paul actually started the church in Galatia, but shortly after he left the Galatians to go on to a new place, false teachers showed up behind him. And these guys started telling the new Christians in Galatia that in order to actually be a Christian, they had to follow all of these Jewish laws.

But in reality, that wasn’t true at all. And the new believers needed a reminder that having faith in Jesus was all Christianity required of them. Their faith in Jesus made them right before God. They didn’t have to earn God’s approval by following all of the rules like these people were telling them to do. Because of Jesus, they already had it.

And Paul wrote this letter to remind them of that.

Now the false teachers weren’t big fans of Paul. In fact, they were busy telling the Galatians not to listen to him. They were saying things like, “The reason Paul is telling you that you don’t have to follow all of those laws is because he’s just trying to please people. He’s just trying to make it easier on you.”

Paul responded to the things those false teachers were saying about him in his letter. And what he said can help us in our struggle with approval. Here’s what he wrote:

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ (Galatians 1:10 NIV).

So basically, Paul said that there are two options when it comes to approval: other people or God. And we can either spend our time people-pleasing and trying to earn other people’s acceptance and praise, or we can choose to please God.

But Paul didn’t stop there. He followed that statement up by saying that when we choose to please others—when we choose to make the approval of others our goal—we aren’t living the way God calls us to live.

Paul himself was a great example of this! He wasn’t afraid to say this hard truth to the Galatians. Why? Because he wasn’t looking for their approval. He didn't feel pressured to act a certain way, talk a certain way, or live a certain way for the sake of those around him. The only approval that mattered to Paul was God’s. And because of Jesus, Paul knew he already had that approval for eternity. So even though Paul knew his words might be hard for the Galatians to hear, he still said them.

Now let me stop here and say this: Paul wasn’t giving us permission to say whatever we want to anyone at any time just because we think it’s right. Notice how Paul spoke to the Galatians. It wasn’t rude, or harsh, or without kindness. He was straightforward, but not without love. He spoke truth with love.

The only filter Paul used to judge his own life, and words, and actions was God’s. He wasn’t controlled by the opinions of others, and he didn’t want us to be either.

You see, there’s really only one place you ultimately need approval from, and you know what? You already have it! Because of Jesus, you already have God’s approval for who you are, just as you are. There’s nothing you can do to earn it, change it, or even lose it. You just have to live it. That’s the goal.

The goal is to live from approval, not for approval.

APPLICATION

1 MINUTE

Listen, I know you all are under so much pressure to perform well. Between your teachers, and parents, and friends, and coaches, and even your Small Group Leaders, there are tons of people in your life who you may be seeking approval from. That’s a lot to deal with, and honestly, a lot of stress!

That’s why this truth from Paul is so important. The goal is to live from approval, not for approval. And when you remember that, you’re free from the pressure, and stress, and exhaustion of trying to earn approval from anyone or anywhere else.

So start by asking yourself this: Who are the people you’re looking for acceptance from? Who are you constantly performing for? Who are the people you feel like you need to change something about yourself for? Whose approval are you making your goal? An easy way to answer this is, do I act this way when that person is not around? Right?

Think about what it would feel like to be completely free from those pressures. What would it take for you to feel the freedom from living for their approval? Maybe you need to spend less time with that group of friends or give up trying out for that team. Or maybe you need to look up a verse to remind yourself who God says you are or talk to your Small Group Leader for guidance about making a change in your life. Whatever it is, try to take one step away from the acceptance and praise of others so you can take one step toward living in the freedom that comes from God’s approval.

LANDING

1 MINUTE

Remember, the goal is to live from approval, not for approval. So as we close, I want you think about this question: What is one area of my life where I’m living for the approval of others? Let’s pray.