Conflict in the Home

The last couple of weeks we have considered how following Jesus leads to persecution from the world. Jesus has made it clear that it takes courage to follow Him because His message is not a message the world wants to hear. As He brings this section to a close, He reminds the disciples once again that conflict will occur even among those closest to them. In 10:21 He spoke of division between brothers and between fathers and children. In 10:35 that truth is repeated and even expanded.

As I studied this text, I thought of how heartbreaking it is that in many families Christ is not received by all. As a pastor I have witnessed the division that Jesus brings in the home. Sadly, for many there is a tension that exists in their home because of Christ.

I have seen tension in a marriage because one is attempting to serve Christ while the other is not.

I have seen tension between children and parents because the children are not interested in the things of God.

Almost always if that tension is not resolved by the salvation of those not interested in Christ devastating things occur.

Normally the believing spouse will grow less committed to the work of the church.

Often parents will try to appease the children by complaining about the children’s programs or the youth pastor/pastor. Sometimes they will attempt to find a church that meets their needs, so their children won’t give them a hard time about coming to church.

These types of responses don’t address the real problem. The real problem is there are people in the home who love Christ and there are others in the home who do not love Him. My aim this morning is to use these passages to give you instruction that will help you respond in the proper way if there is conflict in your home because of Christ.

1. There will be division in homes because of Christ (34-36).

A. Christ is the great divider.

He separates the sheep from the goats.

He separates the wheat from the tares.

He separates the righteous from the unrighteous.

Jesus wants to correct our thinking. He says we shouldn’t think that He has come to bring peace on the earth.

That’s a little confusing.

He’s the Prince of Peace.

He’s the one who said blessed are the peacemakers.

The Angels shouted “Peace on earth” when He was born.

It’s true that Christ will bring peace to this earth. But He will bring peace through conflict.

God has declared war on Satan. The coming of Christ shows that.

We see Jesus in conflict with the devil in the wilderness temptation.

We see Christ in conflict with the devil as He cast demons out of people.

The book of Revelation describes the final war Christ has with Satan.

The Bible says that Christians are presently in a battle against the god of this world.

As Christians we are wielding the sword of God’s Word in a battle against the enemies of god.

Conflict comes because the teachings of Christ will be violently rejected in this world. There is a war between the way of this world and the way of God. Only those who surrender to Christ will experience peace. Christ is the Prince of Peace but only for those who are reconciled to Him through the gospel.

The Bible says in Ephesians 2:14 that Christ is our peace. It only follows then if we do not have Christ, we do not have peace with God. The Bible says there is no peace for the wicked in Isaiah 48:22. We are born into this world at enmity with God. We are reconciled to God by the gospel.

There are two groups of people in this world:

Those who are at peace with God

Those who are at war with God.

The coming of Christ reveals that.

B. This division exists even in our own homes.

Jesus addresses the closest of relationships:

Son against father

Daughter against mother

Daughter in law against mother in law

In verse 36 He says that those who live with us will be our enemies. This is a quote from Micah 7:6, so this truth is nothing new.

This is difficult for us to understand because we love those in our home. It’s certainly hard for us to understand when it comes to our children. But please hear me.

Our children need to be saved. They are not born righteous. They are born with a sin nature that will naturally rebel against the things of God. Unless God intervenes, they will go the way of the world.

Historically Baptists have done well at emphasizing the need for individual faith. We want our children to know that they must be born again. This is illustrated through the ordinances.

We don’t baptize people who have not shown evidence of being born again. We make a division in our church through the ordinance.

We don’t allow people to take the Lord’s Supper who have not been born again. We are making a division in the church.

We want our children to know they are not at peace with God if they have not been born again.

Our children will always be our children, but they will never be our brothers and sisters until they are born again.

We have our sayings that if we are not careful will cause us to think in the wrong way about our family.

We say, “Family is forever”. That’s only true if the family is saved.

We say, “Blood is thicker than water.” That means our loyalty to our family is greater than our loyalty to anyone else. However, our loyalty to Christ should be greater than our loyalty to family.

C. The godly parent doesn’t ignore the reality of their children’s spiritual condition.

To me, one of the most heartbreaking verses in the Bible is 2 Samuel 18:33. David’s son Absalom was an ungodly man. He was trying to take the throne from his father. He was trying to kill his father. Absalom was killed in battle. The Scripture says,

“And the king was much moved, and went up to the chamber over the gate, and wept: and as he went, thus he said, O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! would God I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son!”

David was pitiful. He was heartbroken. He said he wished he could have died for his son. He knew couldn’t. Listen to me mama and daddy. You can’t die for your children’s sin. You can’t pay the price. They need Christ. Only His blood can atone for their sins. Until they are saved there will be a division in your home.

2. Love for Christ must be greater than love for family (37).

A. If you love your children more than you love Christ you don’t love your children very much.

We cannot love to the fullest until we are saved. When the love of Christ is poured in our hearts through salvation it is then that we can truly love (Romans 5:5). If we really love our children, then we will love Christ more. Christ teaches us how to love. Think of all Christ has done concerning your children:

He gave you your children.

He has sustained your children in this world.

If they are ever saved, He is the One who will save your children.

Eli is an example of a man who loved his children more than he loved God (1 Samuel 2). He was the High Priest in Israel. His two sons served in the priesthood. They were not believers. They were stealing food from the house of God. They were fornicating with ungodly. Eli knew all of this, but he allowed them to pretend. They kept serving in the ministry.

In the end the judgment of God fell upon Eli and his two sons. They were all killed. Eli didn’t discipline his sons properly and they died and went to a Christless eternity. Whatever love Eli had for his boys was weak. If he had loved God more than he loved his sons, he would have disciplined them and perhaps they would have repented of their sin.

B. Your love for Christ must be modeled in the home.

Your kids need to see how much you love Jesus. I can think of two ways you can model a love for Christ.

First, through your prayer life. Your kids should know you talk to God. They should know you speak to him personally. They should know you speak to Him about them.

Pray for the salvation of your children’s souls. Begin as soon as they are conceived. When they exit the womb keep praying. Pray privately for their salvation. Pray out loud for their salvation. When you pray with them, pray that God would save them.

Spurgeon said, “Fathers and mothers are the most natural agents for God to use in the salvation of their children.”

I have shared the story many times. It is one of my favorite stories about Spurgeon. He said on when he was small on Sunday evenings his mother would stay home with the children. They would have devotions at home. His mother read Scripture verse by verse and then explain it to them. Then came what he called “the time of pleading”. She would ask the children how long it would be before they sought the Lord about the salvation of their soul. He said on a particular occasion she prayed a prayer that he never forgot, even when he became an old man. He said she prayed,

“Now, Lord, if my children go on in their sins, it will not be from ignorance that they perish, and my soul must bear a swift witness against them at the day of judgment if they lay not hold of Christ.”

He said the thought of his own mother standing there with Christ as a witness against him on judgment day pierced his conscious and stirred his heart.

Does your love for Christ reveal itself in your prayers for your children?

Secondly, a love for Christ is modeled through personal holiness. Do you live by conviction? I’m not speaking of legalistic conviction. I’m speaking of godly conviction.

Is the Lord’s Day the Lord’s Day in your home? Do your children know it’s a holy day? Do they know nothing takes precedence over the Lord’s Day?

Is sin identified and shunned? In our personal lives? On the television? On the telephone? Is our home a holy place where sin is feared and resisted?

If you love Christ, you will hate sin because sin is what killed Christ.

Is Scripture honored in your home? Is the Word of God read? Does each person have a Bible they read personally? Is the Word of God in your heart and on the walls of your home?

Children must see genuine faith in their parents. Half-heartedness will not convince adolescents that Christ is who He claims to be. If you’re half hearted it’s likely your kids aren’t even convinced you believe the gospel. They’ll see Christianity as a hobby. They’ll see it as something you do because you’ve always done it. I hate to say it but the greatest hinderance for some young people in coming to Christ is the dead faith of their parents. A passionate and Biblical love for Christ is what our young people need to see.

3. We must be willing to suffer loss for Christ (38-39).

A. There is a burden in following Christ.

Jesus says we must be willing to bear our cross. That means that we must be willing to follow Christ despite any shame and suffering it might bring.

Jesus says we must be willing to lose our life. In other words, we must be willing to part with everything, even our life if we are called to do so for Christ. In losing everything in this life we find true life in Christ.

What we must remember is this is what Christ has done for us.

He took up His cross, which was far heavier than ours!

He gave His own life, which was far more precious than our own, so that we could have life.

There is a burden in following Christ, but our burden is nowhere near the burden Christ has borne for us.

B. The burdens we bear are for the glory of God and the salvation of the world.

Jesus isn’t trying to destroy families. Jesus intention is to save families. Salvation comes as we recognize our sin and come to Christ. This is where it gets difficult. Generally, conflict comes in a family because a Christian has convictions. Division doesn’t occur because we say we love Jesus. Division comes because we share the message of Jesus.

Listen friend, the ways of Christ will be violently rejected in this world. The Words of Christ will be violently rejected in this world. There may come a day when you have to tell a family member that they are living in sin. When you do that, they may hate you for it. That’s a burden we may have to bear.

Our own children may adopt ungodly lifestyles and they may expect us to accept that lifestyle or at least be quiet. We can choose neither of those things. You can love your children and still tell them they are living in sin. God does it every day.

Perhaps your child moves in with a boyfriend or girlfriend. You should warn them they are in sin.

Perhaps your child adopts the homosexual lifestyle. You should warn them they are in sin.

Perhaps your child begins engaging in drunkenness and immoral behavior. You should warn them they are in sin.

If you remain quiet about sin, you’ll never be in conflict with your children. But you will be in conflict with God. We have to choose one or the other.

When we lovingly speak to our children about sin a couple of things could happen:

1) They could repent. That would be wonderful.

2) They could get angry and even stop speaking to us.

If they refuse to speak to us that’s a burden we must be willing to bear.

I think about the rich young ruler. He came to Jesus seeking salvation. Jesus told him something he didn’t want to hear. He said he had to get rid of his idol, his money. The man never said another thing to Jesus. He walked away. But there is a part in that story that always speaks to me. It says Jesus looked at that man as He was speaking to him and Jesus loved him. It says that (Mark 10:21). The point is Jesus was looking at that guy in such a way that everyone knew Jesus loved the man. Jesus love didn’t keep Him from tell the truth.

The Bible says when that man left, he was very sad. I can only guess that he kept thinking about that. Perhaps he repented later. I don’t know. But I know Jesus communicated love to him through a look and I know that man was sad.

If you’re kids know you love them, if you communicate your concern for them in humility they may not listen immediately. But perhaps after a while your words will sink in. Even if they don’t you have done your job as a parent and as a follower of Christ.

When you follow Christ, you may lose relationships with people you are close to. We have to be willing to suffer the loss of such things for the glory of God and the salvation of souls.

4. To receive God’s message is to receive God’s reward (40-42).

A. The messenger is connected to the Master.

Jesus says if people receive our message, they receive Christ. If they receive Christ, they receive the Father. The reason is because Christ’s message is the Father’s message and our message is Christ’s message.

Those who receive a prophet, a righteous man or give a drink to a little one all receive the same reward. Jesus is encouraging us here. He’s telling us we will be blessed by God if we take the message of Christ to the world.

We may be in conflict with the world but we will be in unity with God. We may be cursed by the world but we will be blessed by God.

B. It’s important for us to share the message with our children so we will know how they are responding to God.

Jesus says if they receive the message, they receive Christ. I know it’s not easy to talk to our children, especially as they become young adults. But we are there parents. We have an obligation to raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. How will we know where they stand with God if we never speak to them about the Lord?

If our children are living in rebellion to God, we should speak to them personally. We should speak to them with a broken heart. We should reason with them from the Scriptures. We should plead with them to forsake their sin.

You have to be a hard-hearted human to reject the tears of a father. You have to be a selfish person to neglect the prayerful pleadings of a mother. Our children need to know that in rejecting our message they are not rejecting us. They are rejecting Christ. To reject Christ is the most dangerous thing anyone could ever do.

It’s our prayer that our children would come to Christ. It’s our hope that in our case, family would be forever. It is my prayer that each of us would have the same Father, the same Savior and we would all be brothers and sister in Christ. Every home is a mission field. There will be conflict until every soul in every home is saved. Let us give attention to our own. Let us win the souls in our home for the glory of God.