Celebrate Recovery: AMENDS

AMENDS

Principle 6: Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others, except when to do so would harm them or others.

7 “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. (Matt 5:7, ESV)

9 “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. (Matt 5:9, ESV)

Step 8: We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

31 And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. (Luke 6:31, ESV)

Introduction

This week, we are going to focus on Principle 6....the next few weeks. That’s how important it is to our recovery. We will use some of the time for teaching and we will celebrate the Lord’s Supper next week to help us really understand the true meaning of forgiveness.

GOSPEL

God wants to connect with you & have a relationship

God is love: 1 JN 4:7-9, ESV

Sin

All Fall short Rom 3:23, ESV

Wages of sin = death

No not one Rom 3:10, ESV

Hell, Matt 13:42, ESV....hell is real & it’s really not a place you want to go

40 Just as the weeds are gathered and burned with fire, so will it be at the end of the age. 41 The Son of Man will send his angels, and they will gather out of his kingdom all causes of sin and all law-breakers, 42 and throw them into the fiery furnace. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. 43 Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father. He who has ears, let him hear. (Mt 13:40–43, ESV)

Christ (Jesus, John 3:16-17, ESV)

16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. (Jn 3:16-17)

Salvation

Through FAITH by GRACE Eph 2:8-10, ESV....NO ONE can boast

putting all other things aside and saying that Christ is my HOPE

AMENDS

Tonight, we are going to give an overview of Principle 6, which is all about making amends. “Forgive me as I learn to forgive” sums it up pretty well.

We started months ago:

personal side of our lives earlier in our recovery by admitting our powerlessness, turning our lives and wills over to God’s care,

doing our moral inventory,

sharing our sins or wrongs with another,

admitting our shortcomings and asking God to remove them.

NOW: repair work on the relational side of our lives. Making your amends is the beginning of the end of your isolation from God and others.

Some may fall into the trap of: “If God has forgiven me, isn’t that enough? Why should I drag up the past? After all, making amends doesn’t sound natural.”

Amends requires “clean out GUILT/SHAME/PAIN- focus on the FUTURE of RELATIONSHIPS

APOLOGY vs. SEEK FORGIVENESS

1. Make list of people that were harmed by our actions and become willing to make amends to them all” - Step 8.

Focus tonight: talking about Willingness

Luke 6:31 “treat others the way that you want to be treated”

Difficult: been hurt badly, or abused, church has been weaponized against you

Often: you had nothing do with the cause of these wrongs.

Some say: “I can never forgive…I’ll never forgive”

child molestation, sexual abuse, or adultery. deep violations = painful wounds = root of dysfunction that bring many people into recovery.

Willing vs. Blamer vs. Attendee

This can seem impossible…but with Christ, nothing is Impossible = GOOD NEWS

For now, listen to the way Celebrate Recovery rewords this step for those in the sexual/physical abuse groups:

Make a list of all persons who have harmed us and become willing to seek God’s help in forgiving our perpetrators, as well as forgiving ourselves. Realize we’ve also harmed others and become willing to make amends to them.

Let’s look at the second part of Principle 6: “ . . . make amends for harm I’ve done to others, except when to do so would harm them or others.”

Listen as I read Matthew 5:23–24: “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”

Part 6:

first is to be willing to consider forgiveness

calls us to action as we make our amends and offer forgiveness

pluck out the old weeks to clear out a spot for new relationships…need to fill that void with Christ-centered relationships

Participant Guide 3, page 43 - Amends List

Column 1 = people to make AMENDS with

Column 2 = People you need to FORGIVE

God may prompt you to add others…just write the names down for now

AMENDS - Acrostic: “How do I make AMENDS?”

Admit the hurt and the harm

Make a list

Encourage one another

Not for them

Do it at the right time

Start living the promises of recovery

A = ADMIT the hurt and the harm.

Principle 4 : important it is to open up to God and to others. Your feelings have been bottled up too long = interfere with relationships.

Again: we need to face HURTS, RESENTMENTS, WRONGS

(OTHERS caused YOU - YOU caused OTHERS)

Holding on to resentments not only blocks your recovery, it blocks God’s forgiveness in your life.

37 j“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; 38 give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” (Lk 6:37-38, ESV)

Judge = CREE-KNOW - “to condemn”

Jesus is saying that we do not have the right to take God’s place as the judge and condemn others. We have nothing to boast about Eph 2, ESV

M = MAKE a list.

“Amends List” worksheet in Participant’s Guide 3, you can also use the “Celebrate Recovery Inventory” on pages 30 and 31 of Participant’s Guide 2 to help you with the list

column 1, on your inventory, you FORGIVE others that hurt you

column 5: you owe AMENDS to those YOU HURT

Inventory…it’s been a while, but it’s important to start with your AMENDS list

Start making your list - don’t worry about “How tos....How do I ever forgive ____”

START THE LIST

LK 6:31, ESV: And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.

E = ENCOURAGE one another.

Heard: "encouragement is oxygen to the soul.”

Best in community/sounding board/encouragement/guidance

SPONSOR/Accountability Partner - to focus on the right motives + CHRIST first

“Lead with Love” - Eph 4:15, ESV

Hebrews 10:24 "stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as in the habit of some, but encouraging one another”

Sponsors/Accountability Partners: be honored/humble to serve them if asked.

"you can’t hold a torch to light another’s path without brightening your own.”

it will help you too

N = NOT FOR THEM

Prepare your heart before you approach those you’ve hurt

Be: Humble, honest, sincere & willing - no excuses; do not attempt to justify you acts

"Do not expect anything back!” - not a reward, rather this is FREEDOM from 3 x H

Principle 6 says that I am responsible to “make amends for harm I’ve done to others.”

35 But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. 36 Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful. (Lk 6:35-36, ESV)

God loves us unconditionally....

6  We have all become like one who is unclean,

and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment. (Is 64:6)

DO NOT become addicted to bitterness, hatred, revenge - it kills your soul.

“Three Ds”:

Depression

Despair

Discouragement

DO NOT develop an unforgiving heart -

11  May the Lord give strength to his people!

May the Lord bless his people with peace! (Ps 29:11, ESV)

D= DO IT AT THE RIGHT TIME

AMENDS = courage, good judgment, and willingness, but a careful sense of timing!

Ecclesiastes 3:1 (ESV) tells us,

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

There is a time to let things happen and a time to make things happen. There is a right time and a wrong time to offer forgiveness or to make amends.

Vacation: something bothered me deeply - don’t intervene - prayer

Before making amends, you need to pray, asking Jesus Christ for His guidance, His direction, and His perfect timing.

Principle 6 goes on to say, “ . . . except when to do so would harm them or others.”

Listen to Philippians 2:4 (ESV)

4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Don’t wait until you feel like it - LEAD with SCRIPTURE & HOLY SPIRIT

Be obedient to Scripture and Holy Spirit

S = START living the promises of recovery.

Don’t dwell in the past but rather - SOLUTION FOCUSED & EMBRACE God’s peace and His purpose for our lives.

PAIN into PURPOSE

God Promises & Care Night motto, Isa 61:1-2, ESV

61 The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,

because the Lord has anointed me

to bring good news to the poor;

he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim liberty to the captives,

and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;

2  to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor,

and the day of vengeance of our God;

to comfort all who mourn;

Start living in the light of eternity:

Finance lesson / message - MBA w/ Finance

This world will be forgotten and it will go away...

invest in things that are temporary = foolish

invest in things that are eternal

21 Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. (Re 21:1, ESV)

35 Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away. (Mt 24:35, ESV)

17  “For behold, I create new heavens

and a new earth,

and the former things shall not be remembered

or come into mind. (Is 65:17, ESV)

Make the most of every opportunity because we are not dealing only with the short amount of time on Earth, but the brief time that others have as well. Charles Spurgeon said, “Life is short. Eternity is long. It is only reasonable that this life be lived in light of eternity.”

Wrap-up

Principle 6 offers you freedom—

freedom - chains of resentment, anger, and hurt;

freedom - to look them in the eye, knowing that you are working (following Christ) to restore

Small Group leaders:

Those complete with Step 6 - share your freedoms/blessing you have received.

Let’s pray.

Dear God, I pray for willingness—willingness to evaluate all my past and current relationships. Please show me the people who I have hurt, and help me become willing to offer my amends to them. Also, God, give me Your strength to become willing to offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me. I pray for Your perfect timing for taking the action that Principle 6 calls for. I ask all these things in Your Son’s name, Amen.

Baker, J. (2009). Celebrate recovery updated leader’s guide. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.