3.18-21
Scripture reading: Colossian 3:18-21
Text: Colossians 3:18-21 - The authentic Christian family
Introduction: If you have ever traveled and spent the night in a motel the day before an important event you know the value of a wake up call. A couple of years ago Lisa and I headed to southern Kansas for a regional meeting with the IFCA. We had to stay about two hours from the place where we were supposed to meet. So we set the alarm clock for an early hour. As we got ready for bed a thought ran through my mind that the alarm clock was not going to ring. So I called the front desk and had them set to call me five minutes after the alarm was supposed to go off. Well at the appropriate time the alarm clock did indeed ring, but I shut it off and went back to sleep. However, five minutes later the phone rings and jolts me out of bed, my heart racing, there is no way to sleep after a wake up call.
Central Idea: The authentic Christian family described by Paul should serve as a wake up call in your own life.
Main Transition: For the past two weeks we have studied what it takes to become an authentic Christian. Obviously this journey begins with trusting Christ as your Savior. It then requires that we pursue godliness in our actions and in our life. So far nearly every thing that we have discussed deals with you individually before the Lord. This is a heart issue between you and you creator and Savior. Now, we change a little bit and deal with relationships, especially in the family system. In order for us to be authentic Christians we must bring our families and subsequent relationships into conformity with the Word of God. So we deal first the authentic Christian marriage, then we will begin to understand the role of children in the family system, and finally we will observe the instruction to parents who seek authentic Christian families.
- \\ I. The authentic Christian marriage (18-19)*
A. The actions of Christian wives (18)
1. Wives must be submissive to their own husbands
a. Unfortunately, because of our society we recoil or we put up our defenses one way or the other when we here this word submission.
b. As Paul uses this word to express ones actions to willfully put oneself under the authority of someone else.
c. The same term is used in Luke 2:51 – This passage speaks of Jesus submitting Himself to His parents. This does not mean that he was lesser than they, He is God, but He willfully placed Himself under their authority.
d. Paul also uses the same word in Romans 13:1, 5 – Here he is addressing our necessary submission to the governing authority, which is established by God
e. Each one of us not losing any value, submit to the rule of government over us.
f. Paul now pinpoints this submission, it is to your husband, in Eph 5:22, he adds the word “own.” Wives you are not to submit to some impersonal detached authority, instead you are submitting to a man who you have an intimate, personal, vital relationship. This is exclusive submission to your own husband.
2. Submission comes out of obedience to the Lord
a. First, this means that if the husband desires something from his wife that violates the Word of God she is to obey the Word of God.
b. However, besides this a wife should willingly place herself under the authority of her own husband, because this is how God designed and commands the family to operate.
c. Paul uses the example of Genesis 1 where Adam was created first and then Eve.
d. When we tamper with God’s design we really have chosen a difficult path.
B. The leadership of Christian husbands (19)
1. Husbands must love their wives
a. Eph 5:25, Paul adds a little more detail about this kind of Love, we are to love our wives like Christ loved the church.
b. Despite the failings of the church Christ has continually loved the church and nurtured that relationship.
c. The word of love is once again agape, but this time it is in the present tense which means that it is love with continuous action. This is not the love of passion or emotion, but the love of choice.
Illustration: On you wedding day you embarked on a covenant relationship, between you and your spouse and God. The love that you promised in sickness and in health is the love that should continue to be chosen every morning when you get out of bed.
d. This kind of love must be understood as a willing covenant made by you to your wife, this kind of covenant love is self-sacrificing. It is a deep affection that views your wife as a sister in the Lord and the object of a promise to be kept.
2. The absences of bitterness
a. it is this kind of love that prevents bitter feelings and eventual pushes for overbearing control. This word for bitter means to leave a bitter taste, in other words Paul is tell us as husbands not to call our wife “honey” and then act like vinegar.
b. This means that you are to exercise loving leadership in your home.
Transition: When the marriage relationship is failing in one of these issues there are problems in the marriage. So often in our culture women are told never submit to any man. This causes the husband to become bitter and conditionally loves his wife. Both responses are wrong and the mixture causes the marriage to crumble. Sadly many Christians buy into the same philosophy and suffer terribly as a result. Paul’s message requires that we refuse the world’s advice and take action in the wisdom from the one who established the marriage covenant in the first place. Now we must also understand the dynamic of the role of children in the family
II. The role of children in the family (20)
A. Obedience to your parents
Application: Before we continue on this morning I need to add a word of exhortation about this passage. Only on occasion do I ever have to say anything about the message. However, lest you right off this message as from one who is to young, you must know that this instruction does not come from me it is the Word of God inspired by God and profitable for teaching, reproof, correction, and for training in righteousness. This means that we each one must take a look at our own actions within our families and consider if we are obeying the teaching from the Lord. Each one of us is a son or daughter, and many of us have children that are the next generation, who have already or soon will be leading families of their own.
1. As Paul changes categories we need to be mindful that the effects of the marriage will affect the way that the children live out this command
2. This word for obedience means continuous obedience. The word for children refers to any age child that is still under the rule and authority of the parents.
3. Once again the only limit that is placed on the obedience of children is the test of God’s Word. This means that as parents we must understand where the truth of Scripture reaches and where it does not. We will discuss this more in a moment.
B. The results of continuous obedience
1. As with the relationship of the husband and wife, this kind of obedience from children is motivated by their desire to be well-pleasing to the Lord.
2. This means that we must be instilling the things of the Lord into our families, helping our children to understand that they should be striving to please the Lord.
Illustration: One of the first lessons that I learned as a Child was that my actions either pleased the Lord or angered the Lord. I still remember my parents teaching me that they were consequences to my actions. This is a vital quality that comes from the first relationship being right before God.
Transition: The truth of obedient children is almost foreign in many families today. Many times because the first relationship is messed up. However, if you are a child, just because you may not be under the authority of your parents, we should still seek to honor them and serve them. Now the instruction gets a little more in depth as we seek to understand the instruction to parents who seek authentic Christian families.
III. Instruction to parents who seek authentic Christian families (21)
A. Authentic Christian Parents
1. Paul once again turns his attention to another area of the family, parents, the word translated here as father really is directed at both parents, but specifically the father’s responsibility in training the children. Hebrews 11:23
2. The duty in the relationship of parents and children is not one sided the parents are responsible for instruction and direction in the life of their children.
B. Build an arena for godly discipline
1. As parents we must not exasperate our children, literally these means that we are to quit “nagging our kids.”
Illustration: If you notice your notes, you have numbers 1-10, John MacArthur gives 10 ways that parents can exasperate their children so that they will lose heart 1) Parents can exasperate their children by overprotection. Overprotective parents never allow their children any liberty. They have strict rules about everything. No matter what their children do, overprotective parents do not trust them. Because nothing they do earns their parent’s trust. 2) parents exasperate their children by showing favoritism. 3) Parents exasperate their children by depreciating their worth. Many children have been convinced that they are not significant. 4) Parents exasperate their children by setting unrealistic goals. Nothing is enough, so the children never get full approval. 5) Parents exasperate their children by failing to show affection. 6) parents exasperate their children by not providing for their needs. Children need things like privacy, a place to play, clean clothes, their own possessions, and good meals. 7) Parents exasperate their children by a lack of standards. This is the flip side of overprotection. When parents fail to discipline, or discipline inconsistently, children are left on their own. 8) Parents exasperate their children by criticism. 9) Parents exasperate their children by neglect. The classic biblical example is Absalom. David was indifferent to him, and the result was rebellion, civil war, and Absalom’s death. 10) Parents exasperate their children by excessive discipline. This is the parent that abuses the children either emotionally, verbally, or physically.
2. If we fail by exasperating our children we run the risk of them losing heart. This means that they will be “without courage, or spirit.” It is the idea that our kids will become sullen, discouraged, or even despairing.
3. Parents do not take the heart out of your kids, of any age.
C. Encourage godly growth in your kids
1. As parents we must train up our children in the discipline of the Lord Eph. 6:4
2. We do that first by not exasperating our children.
Conclusion: The simple truth about this passage is that you can be a godly parent, child, and spouse by following the plan established by God, or you can reject it. Our world is full of those that reject the guidance of the Lord, the result is destroyed homes, lives, marriages, and future generations of inherited problems. You must ask yourselves, are you involved and doing your part in an authentic Christian family? If you are a husband and you do not love your wife and lead out of that love, you are not living the life of an authentic Christian husband. Wife, if you are not submitting to your own husband you are not living the life of an authentic Christian wife. If you are a child which, we all are of someone, are you living out a life of godly obedience? Practically speaking, we should have been given a wake up call this morning. Most of the time we are so far from an authentic Christian family that it is no wonder we struggle with the issues we face.