God Honouring Relationships

“He is no fool who give what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose”

Those were the words of a young man who was single-minded about living his life in such a way as to be approved by God.

His name was Jim Elliot. In the year 1945, he went to Wheaton college in Illinois, he reflected in his journal about what he wanted to achieve in life, going into college.

Many people went to College thinking they will get an education, but consider the fact that many got an education without ever attending college. No, the kind of education that Jim was looking for is to graduate in life with what he called the Degree of A.U.G.

The degree of being Approved Unto God. Do you have a degree in life? Some of you might have a few degrees. And some, maybe not even one. Does it matter? Not really.

The most important degree in life is what Jim Elliot called “The degree of A.U.G - Approved Unto God”

I remembered the first time I read this distinctly because I had just finished my first year at Macquarie University, and I was wondering what my purpose in life was at that time.

I had also just broken up with a girl who dyed her hair orange when I first met her.

We both wanted to serve God full-time. We were both serving on campus in student ministries and we had gotten really close very quickly. And we both felt at the end of our first year in undergraduate Psychology that we needed to take some time off to cool things down, and decide if God wanted us to be in a relationship. Will this relationship be a distraction for us to serve God?

Apply it:

You know, the passage this morning is not about being married or single, or about parenting or slavery.

it doesn’t matter whether you are single or married, whether you are still studying or already in the workforce, the most important question to ask is about what is God’s will for you in your life? And are you living your life at the moment in a way that put God first?

And so, if you are in a relationship, either cohabitating with someone, or you are married, then what is God’s purpose and will for your relationship.

This is the foundational principle here in this passage.

Paul wrote to his young apprentice Timothy towards the end of his life, when he was in prison.

Prepare to present yourself as one approved by God.

2 Timothy 2:14–15 NIV

14 Keep reminding God’s people of these things. Warn them before God against quarreling about words; it is of no value, and only ruins those who listen. 15 Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.

I suspect Jim Elliot got his purpose from verse 15 of Paul’s words to Timothy.

You see, Jim Elliot grew up with his mind saturated by scripture. He also grew up convinced of the inequality of the resources in the world when it comes to the good news.

There are many gospel workers working in countries already reached by the gospel but there are countries which are gospel-poor. And so from a very early age, Jim made up his mind to be a missionary. At college he kept his mind active but he also keep his body active by joining the college wrestling team and competing in competitions.

So that he could present his whole life to be Approved unto God. He also got to know a girl called Elizabeth, also another person committed to mission. The questions he asked himself were rigorous too. Did they want to be in a relationship? What is God’s will for them in this relationship?

State it: Paul did not write, what scholars come to call the household code, because these are some prescriptive list of behaviours in the scripture to bestow happiness to us in all of our relationships if we follow them rigidly.

Read it:

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as to the Lord (5:22)

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church (5:25)

Children obey your parents in the Lord (6:1)

Fathers, do not exasperate your children, instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord (6:4)

Slaves obey your earthly masters…as you would obey Christ (6:5)

Masters treat your slaves in the same way you want to be treated by your master in heaven (6:9)

Question: Do you notice what is the underlying principle to follow all handling all our relationships?

Ultimately about seeking the Approval from God in Christ, not mankind.

Explain it:

It’s easy to forget that the Apostle Paul was in Prison when he wrote this letter to the Ephesians.

Paul was counting the cost and paying the price for teaching and preaching the gospel. His approval comes from God and not from his relationship.

Question:

And so, why would Paul write these instructions for the church to follow? Specifically, why did he choose to focus on three distinct areas? Husbands and wives, Parents and children, Masters and Slaves.

The answer is that the early followers of Jesus did not come up with these categorisations. They were already there.

Paul is not the only person who wrote about household relationships including masters and slaves.

These categories of relationship were already there, from the time of Aristotle. These relationships were intrinsic to the society that the early Christians found themselves in

These relationships were written into Greco-Roman law and tradition to ensure stability of society. The rule of the father figure, as the head of the Roman household is autocratic and absolute. He also makes all the decision for the family and the servants in that household.

What happened was that when the gospel came into a household, when an entire household, husband and wives, parents and children, master and slaves, received the gospel message, these relationships become redeemed, transformed and changed as a result of being in a relationship with Jesus.

Before Jesus, these relationships were impacted by a broken and sinful world. And so, while it was God’s will for the husband and father to be the head of the household, in our broken and sinful world, headship often became about authority and control. There is also a fear that these authority and control is fleeting and fragile and laws were written to protect that.

Christ has come to redeem these institutions as well.

Paul, a single man, not a father or a husband, a free Roman citizen, what gives him the right to tell us how to be a husband or wife, or slave?

No, this is not Paul or the NT telling us a prescriptive list of behaviours to follow, this is the gospel coming into a society and redeeming it.

Households with parents and servants were being saved. How are they now to relate to one another in a Christ-centred and Christ honouring way?

Apply it:

This is what it means. And I hope my application is acceptable to you.

Just as the gospel entered the Hindu world and believers in Christ from an Hindu background has to seriously consider how the message of Jesus should change the caste system, in the same way, Paul is here helping the Ephesians to live as Christians in their household, now that they want to live their lives seeking God’s Approval and not Man’s.

And so, I think it comes down to this, in applying today’s sermon for us.

Whereas, previously it was mandated by the Greco Roman law or tradition, Paul tells the Ephesians believers now that they have a choice and they must choose to behave in a God Honouring way in these various categories of relationship.

Choice

Choice means that there must be mutuality. It cannot be coerced by force or threat. These verses are not meant to be used as demands.

The husband cannot use these verses as demands to coerce submission. Nor the wives use these verses to get the husband to take responsibility for the spiritual headship of the family.

Each of the parties must choose, out of a desire to be presented as workmen who are worthy of handling well God’s word, who are deemed as approved by God.

And so, here are some principles that are relevant for our modern context, for things have changed a lot since the time of Paul and Peter.

Remember, even here, this is not a list of prescriptive behaviours or attitudes that promise success in your marriage, parenting or career. This is so that we seek to be Approved Unto God in all areas of our relationship, even singleness.

And I am speaking generally in these cases. I’m sure there are always exceptions and so be discerning in how you see application in today’s sermon.

(1) Wives make the choice to submit willingly to your own husbands. Not because it is demanded by the law but because this is God’s design for his world that the husband is the spiritual head of the household. Give him your respect and honour.

In our context, it’s almost the other way round. Choose to submit to your husband even though the law and tradition prefer that you don’t. It’s a choice.

Because it is a choice, you will have to decide if your husband is acting in line with God’s design and purpose for your marriage.

You don’t need to submit to him if he is acting out of line with God and Christ.

Also, watch what you feed your mind when it comes to this space. It might be one thing to fantasy about a romantic character in a novel or movie, but the person whom you marry is not that character. You might fantasy about a perfect husband who is the spiritual head of the house but in reality, we are all imperfect. Focus on the real husband instead of the one in the romantic novels.

(2) Husbands, choose to love your wife.

In our modern language, love means time and your attention. So put away whatever gadgets or toys or tools or articles or screens and turn towards your wife and study her, just like you did when you first got married.

Speaking in general terms, man tends to have more of a seek and conquer mindset when it comes to the marriage. Many women report that their husbands no longer pay attention to them after a few years in the marriage.

Just as one shouldn’t neglect the care of his own physical body, so one shouldn’t neglect to care for the marriage. Choose to pay attention to your wife again.

Be interested in her mind and growth. Think about how you can feed her mind and her soul, as Paul says here in verse 25 - cleansing her by the washing with water through the word.

There is a quote from a book about marriage and sex that says to husband “You have no right to touch her body until you touch her mind”. That is so right. I want to add that you have no right to touch her body until you touch her mind and her soul.

Husband, put away pornography. Pornography hurts your own body. That is not taking care of your own mind and body. Pray and ask God to help you to desire your wife.

This is serious. Paul writes elsewhere that whoever commits adultery with a prostitute unites the body of Christ with a prostitute.

There is a profound connection between the relationship between Christ and the Church and a husband and a wife.

(2) Children choose to obey and honour your parents. It’s a choice.

Do not conform to the pattern on the world.

Many of you know that I love to read YA fiction.

The most basic plot line in any YA novel is that parents are idiot or incapacitated or unavailable.

And there might be some truth about this in reality. Some parents are unavailable or unhelpful, or emotionally distant.

But make a choice to obey and honour them in the Lord, even when they are not the best parents in the world.

By the way, there is no such thing as a perfect parent in this world, and not even in the bible.

Jesus was not married and not a parent. He is the only perfect person in the bible. I can’t think of any perfect parental example in the bible. Even Mary and Joseph lost Jesus for three days in the temple.

Make the choice to honour your parents, but only when it doesn’t contradict your walk with Jesus. That takes priority.

It requires special wisdom and patience if your parents are non-believers. Love them and honour them because you honour the Lord. Explain to them that you are making a choice because of Jesus.

Fathers, and it’s addressed to Fathers only here because of the culture in Paul’s days, but the instruction here applies to both parents. Do not exasperate your children.

Make a choice to think long term with your children.

Speaking as a parent myself, I’m pretty sure I’ve exasperated my children before.

Like the time, both Val and I decided that our children will not a mobile phone in the school, then it was when they would not be allowed on social media. These were difficult decisions and I was pretty sure my children must have felt, at one point or another, that they were the only children in the whole school who were still living in the dark ages.

But these are decisions made with a conscious choice on our part.

Do not be unthinking in your parenting. It’s not about exercising your right as a parent. The “do it because i am your father, or because I told you so”, is not going to work forever. That will create frustration after a while.

Take time to explain the why, even when they roll their eyes and give you attitudes.

Teach them how you are trying to do your best to present yourself as Approved by God. Accept that you are going to make mistakes and own the mistakes by pointing to the forgiveness that is in Christ.

You see, children grow up eventually to become brothers and sisters in Christ, which is a really good thing to look forward to.

And finally - masters and slaves.

•The kingdom of Christ is not political but it has political implications. Jesus said to Pilate, my kingdom is not of this world.

•Christ did not come to abolish slavery or racism but to save people from sin

•People saved and transformed by Christ abolish slavery and fight against inequality. Think of William Wilberforce and Martin Luther King.

When Paul ask slaves to obey their masters, it’s a choice they now make. Not because it was mandated by the law, but by a greater law. The law of love for Jesus Christ and wanting Jesus’ name to be honoured.

In Paul’s time, slaves were part of the household, indentured servants. In our present day context, some times this is still the case. Lived in servants and maids.

But for most people living in Australia, this is not the case. Rather, we can think of the relationship here as between employers and employees.

And here, Paul is saying, rather than the relationship being one that is purely mandated by the law, we need to make the choice because of our love for God.

If you are employed, than do your job well, wholeheartedly as if you were serving the Lord, not people.

Jim Elliot was a great example in this. He gave his best to his learning and his training and exercise even when they were unrelated to mission and his Christian faith.

Seek the reward that is more than monetary or career advance. Seek to please God with your service because it is God’s purpose for mankind to work. We see this in the early chapters of Genesis, the first book of the bible.

Does your employer see you tackle your task with joy and willingness? Do you contribute willingly to the staff meeting, even though to be honest, you really do not want to be there?

Try this. The next time you are in a meeting which you know it’s meaningless and a waste of time, redeem the time. Ask, how can I contribute so that it’s not a waste of time. Be the change.

My experience is that when I have this mindset to serve, most of the meeting becomes meaningful, rather than a waste of time.

That Paul tells salves to obey, did not mean that he condone slavery. That he ask you to obey your boss, doesn’t mean they have a right to exploit you sexually, or abuse your welfare by asking you to work beyond your ability or requirement. It’s a relationship of mutuality again.

In fact, coming over to the other side of the fence, to the employers’ side.

If you want greater productivity and loyalty from your employees, then make the decision to love them, like someone from your own family.

Millenials

A lot of ink have been spilled discussing the new cohort of workers entering the workforce. People are divided about this.

One thing is helpful. If you want to retain your younger employees, love them almost as people who are in the same family because many of them no longer respond to the carrot and stick method.

Rather, take them on and be prepared to mentor them, spend time with them. As in marriage, parenting and now in the workplace, time means love.

This is a generation looking for more than just a steady income. They are looking for managers who treat them as individuals and care for them individually, not as a piece in the production line.

And finally, be clear about the mission and purpose of your workplace. The younger generation is no longer interested in just a paycheck. They want to change the world.

And so in conclusion, this is what it comes to.

In all that we do, we need to be clear about our why.

Paul is here doing that. It’s not just about a set of rules here. it’s about a choice that is informed by a greater desire to live our lives being approved unto God.

Let me finish with the story of John Allen Chau. On 17 Nov 2018, he found dead, speared to death when he tried to reach a remote tribe of Indians.

Unreached tribe of North Sentinel. My first thought was, wow, I thought all tribe has already been reached by the gospel or by modernity at least. Not true.

But there was a lot of articles, some even from Christians that say John Allen Chau was foolish.

Only time will time whether it was bravery or foolish.

It’s a very familiar story to Jim Elliot’s Story. Jim lost his life when he and a team of missionaries tried to reach an unreached tribe - the Auca indians. The Auca indians were eventually reached.

He is no fool who give what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.

You can’t keep your marriage forever. In the new heaven and earth, there is no more marriage, no more parent and child, no more mean bosses and workers who feel like slaves. But only brothers and sisters in Christ. If the purpose of your life is a happy marriage, successful children and a great career, then you are being a fool.

He is no fool who give what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose

let me pray.