What causes quarrels and fights among you?
Notes
Transcript
What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”? But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.
Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?
What many popular “counselors” would say our relationship problems are today...
Unmet Needs
Maslow - Hierarchy of Needs
Your willingness to resolve conflict and live in harmony is directly correlated to you finding self actualization through fulfilling all of your lower needs.
Emerson Eggerichs - Love and Respect
Gary Chapman - Love Languages
Unsuccessful Communication
You didn’t say it the right way
You both need to understand
If you understand you can feel heard
Underperforming Attempts
You need to be more attentive to what the other needs
You need to say things a certain way so that the need is met
You need to try harder to understand
What does the Bible say our problem is?
Idolatrous Pride
Idolatrous Pride
Manifested in 3 ways.
Instead of unmet needs… We have...
Sinful Desires
Sinful Desires
What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.
Instead of unsuccessful communication… We have the...
Wrong Communication Trajectory
Wrong Communication Trajectory
We naturally communicate with the wrong person. But when we communicate with the right person we communicate with the wrong motives.
You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.
Think of it like a bow and arrow.
You have the bow pointed at the wrong target. But when you correct your aim, your goal wasn’t actually the hit the target, but it was just to shoot the arrow.
What I mean is that the wrong target is the person you’re in conflict with.
And then when you seek to communicate with God, your goal was never to actually connect with Him about what you should do with your arrow. Your goal was to fire the arrow even if he wanted you to lay the arrow at his feet.
Instead of underperforming attempts… We are have...
Faithless Commitment
Faithless Commitment
You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”?
When James calls us adulterous he points out the fact that we have deeper desires and affections for things that are not God. We have proven that we aren’t actually committed to our relationship with him.
Then James says, “do you not know...”
“Do you not know...”
Hasn’t what is about to be said to us been told to us before?
Haven’t we been warned about the futility of loving anything more than loving God?
Did we actually believe it?
Do we even have faith in God?
God is jealous like a husband. He’s deposited His Spirit into us as a guarantee and symbol of his commitment to us.
What is James’ solution to our problem of Idolatrous Pride?
First, James says the foundation of our solution is...
God’s Grace
God’s Grace
But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
The most important thing he communicates next is that with this sinful idolatrous Pride, God is willing to give us what we do not deserve. He wants us to return to Him. He wants to be kind to us.
This is only possible because of the cross of Jesus. He has died for our sinful idolatrous pride. He has paid the penalty for it. Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection are our doorway to the grace of God.
Second, James says the receiving of our solution of grace requires...
Repentant Humble Submission To God
Repentant Humble Submission To God
But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
More grace is available, therefore…
The therefore is the pathway to reception of grace...
Repent of your pride.
Turn from pride and turn towards God. Then move in that direction.
Humble yourself before God.
Admit your idolatry.
“God, my desires have ruled my heart and ruled my relationships. I’m sorry. I admit that you are better than all that I could desire on this earth.”
Embrace the fact that your unmet desires are destroying your soul and your relationships.
This means you need to admit it to yourself (believe it), to God, and sometimes to the people you’ve been in conflict with.
If the anger has already won the moment, then admit it to the person who received your anger, identify the item you were loving more than God and them, and ask for their forgiveness.
Hand over your desires to God and be willing to accept what he decides to give you.
You need to be okay with the fact that God may not give you what you want. What, in the past, you were willing to destroy relationships over.
The devil is the one who tempts you to desire other things more than God.
Satan tempts you to think that what you desire is being withheld from you.
Either from God
Or from the person your in conflict with
Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made.
He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’ ” But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate.
Satan tempted Eve to think that God was withholding something good.
Satan’s tempting sparks a desire within Eve. A desire to be wise and without God.
When you repent of your pride and your desires by humbling yourself before God, you are resisting the devil. You are choosing to believe God and distrust Satan.
Resisting the devil is not something you do in your own strength, with your own voice against him, or with you own rebuking.
Resisting the devil means walking away from him and humbly walking toward God in submission.
Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.
Third, part of our humble submission to God requires we...
Tame Our Tongue
Tame Our Tongue
Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?
We are tempted to communicate all that we want and think is owed to us to the person we are in conflict with. We are tempted to make sure they understand just how much they have grieved us and what we feel and think about them.
But James says...
If you are tempted to speak evil because of your evil desires, shut your mouth.
You are being tempted to consciously devalue the Law of God.
You think you are the one who’s laws should be revered and respected. You think you are the one who’s wrath must be propitiated. You think you are God, the lawgiver and judge.
No, God is.